


The Heart of the TARDIS: A Journey Within

by Es_Aitch



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Sarah Jane Adventures, Torchwood
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-24
Updated: 2013-06-23
Packaged: 2017-12-12 20:43:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 30
Words: 120,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/815861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Es_Aitch/pseuds/Es_Aitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone knows the Doctor has a special connection to his TARDIS.  What happens when that connection changes?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was written years before Neil Gaiman’s “The Doctor’s Wife” any similarities between his interpretation of the TARDIS in human form and my own are purely accidental (Unless he had read this fic and stole the idea from me, and if that’s the case, I want due recognition ☺) I own what I own and others own what they own.

_They ran back into the TARDIS.  He was pressing buttons frantically.  At one point, he hung his head as he rested his hands on the console.  He was saying his good-bye, though she had not understood it at the time.  He left and then there was horror as she realized what he had done!  Emergency Program One had been initiated.  A holographic image of him appeared explaining what was taking place._

_There was a shock of pain as he said, "Let the TARDIS die...  No one will open it.  No one will even notice it."_

_The frustration and agony of wanting to return... trying to return...  And being unable to....  Then the idea...  A human making contact with me to get back to him... to save his life.  Finally, they achieved the connection; there was freedom to return to her Doctor!_

_"I looked into the TARDIS and the TARDIS looked into me,” I said.  At least I think I did, the voice was not quite mine._

_Then the Doctor's voice washed over me, "You looked into the Time Vortex, Rose, no one's meant to see that."_

_We were speaking, my Doctor and I, even if he did not recognize me.  Suddenly the word "Exterminate!" came from a mechanical voice and I heard the sound of a Dalek gun powering up._

_I could make it stop and so I did!  "I am the Bad Wolf.  I create myself.  I take the words and scatter them, in time and space.  A message to lead myself here," again, a flicker of a question - this was my experience but not really my voice._

_I hear the fear in my Doctor's voice, the anxiety.  There was only one thing to say at that moment.  Only one thing I could, "I want you safe, my Doctor, protected from the false god."_

_I hear the protest and arrogance of the Dalek Emperor.  I can see all of time and space and just as I scattered the words "BAD WOLF," I scatter the atoms of all the Daleks and turn them to dust.  It was time for the Last Great Time War to end and I could finish it, the way it was meant to be accomplished.  I hear the protests from my Doctor, but I know it was because of the destruction I had caused and so, I brought life as well._

_Then I felt something slipping... no... dying.  I hear the words, "I think you need a doctor."_

_The words sound so cheesy and if circumstances had been different, I would have laughed out-right... but in them, I heard concern... and a hint of... love??  Suddenly, there was a transfer...  Had I been aware of what was happening - what it would lead to..._

"No!" but the scream did not echo in the room with the strength she thought she had used. 

She looked around her; her surroundings had changed from the moment before...  What was that?  A dream?  He was there, but his face had changed, he did not have the “big ears” she had seen a moment before; he was "sort of brown.”  He was sitting on the edge of the bed looking down on her.  He had a cool, moist flannel in his hand (his right hand, she noted) and he was patting her forehead and cheeks with it.  He was using such care, that if she were not so tired, she might have cried.  So many questions flashed across his concerned-looking face.  She wondered if he saw questions flashing across her own.  But, her Doctor was here and she was safe.  And she slipped into a deep sleep, knowing he was there to protect her and everything would be all right.

* * *

 

_I feel pain.  Oh, so much pain.  Unimaginable pain.  It went on for months and months.  I do not know how long exactly, I have lost track of time - unusual for me.  When the pain slowed to a dull ache, I looked at myself and realized what had caused the pain:  he had changed me!  The horror of what he had done to me...  I tried not to think about that, let alone consider how he might be planning to use me.  Then I sensed someone...  A presence I had not felt in all that time.  I wanted to call out to the presence, but I knew that if I did, (gasp) the others might hear... this had to be done with great care.  With these changes, I did not have the freedom I once did.  So, I hummed... only hummed, and very quietly.  I was not completely sure I could sing anymore anyway, I felt so ill and the pain was overwhelming.  Then, I heard his running footsteps approach, the sound of his trainers echoing on the concrete flooring and I braced myself for what he would find._

“No!  Not again!  Please don't make me face this again!” she mumbled as she tried to wake herself.  Somewhere, she felt a calming presence, as the Doctor listened to her heart.  She slid back into the dream... 

_I heard his cry, "Oh, at last!"  I felt his joy - and I knew it was the only joy he had experienced recently!  I felt him touch my outermost skin and all of the pain disappeared!  My Doctor was here!  Then, just as suddenly, I felt his despair the moment he saw...  But, nothing prepared me for the words that formed in his mind and spilled forth from his lips:  "It can’t be!  Oh, no, no, no, no, no.  It can’t be!  He's cannibalized the TARDIS.  It's a Paradox Machine!"  I felt his sorrow and agony over me.  I tried to tell him to go; there was nothing he could do for me now.  Minutes later and suddenly, I understood the horror of what the Master had done to me; I would rather die, than do this!  I’m so sorry, my Doctor, that I can’t prevent this!  I’m sorry I failed you!_

She tried to shake all the tubes off her, now understanding the Master would use her to create a rift bringing the remnants of the future humans – Toclafanes he had called them.  She tried to break free of the horror that he had done to her, she screamed and as she did, she sat straight up! 

She continued to swipe at her appendages where the extra tubes and grates had been.  She was panicked and screamed, "Get them off.  Get them off!" over and over again.  She heard the sound of his trainers sounding through... _well, through her, for lack of a better description_.  But, she could not feel the pounding anywhere inside her. 

This raised the fear in her again, _what was going on_?  She screamed again, but the fact that she COULD scream and the fact that she had arms and legs took the fear to a new level.  His psychic energy that used to overwhelm her at times could not even be felt.  She was suddenly short of breath... _but why would she need to breathe_?  He appeared in the door and said lightly, "Sorry, I'm so sorry.  I should have stayed, I only stepped away to get this,” as he twiddled his Sonic Screwdriver between his fingers and offered an impish grin. 

 _"Sorry, so sorry," are YOU using that line on ME??_?  Her mind switched gears so quickly that had anyone heard, they would have gotten whiplash.  Had he not known what she was seeing and feeling... he used to...  She was not offended; she was confused... _why didn’t he know?_   Then she wondered: was he speaking his native Gallifreyan?  No, he had not spoken that since... _well, let's not go there_.  Then English, perhaps?  But after everything, why would he speak that to her?  Why would he need to speak at all?  Deep down though, she did not care, she was just glad not to be alone anymore. 

He approached gingerly.  She smirked in-spite of herself; _he'd always wanted to be "ginger"_...  She caught something flash across his face, but she could not feel him like before.  She wondered if he could still feel her.  She wondered if he thought she was crazy, going from screaming her head off to smirking at a thought, but then, they had always known each other's thoughts, surely he would remember that she deals with stress through humor...  He would remember that she is so easily distracted by the slightest thing, much more so than him, it was part of what made navigating the Vortex, well, interesting.  The questions and thoughts were making her dizzy and she lay back down. 

He ran his fingers through the hair on the back of his head while puffing his cheeks and releasing the air with a "p-swoosh".  _Had he really just said THAT and to HER?_   Boy, was he loosing his grip.  But then, he should not be here, so as much is to be expected.  He gazed at her from where he stood.  She looked so frail, so scared.  He really was not gone that long.  But, he could not sense her as he could before and so had not known she had wakened up…  _If that was her at all_ …  He looked at her and she was looking steadily at him; a faint bit of terror behind her eyes.  The terror seemed distant, yet real.  _A dream, perhaps?  Not quite... a memory_!  Each was searching for answers from the other, but now was not the time. 

He slowly approached her.  He caught a... _was that a smirk within all of this_?  Actually, he was not that surprised, she was probably thinking of some clever way to keep him humble but it was unnerving that he could not hear it; could not feel it.  When she lay back down, he was afraid that she would again loose consciousness and he was not sure that would be good for her.  He found himself at her bedside in two long strides.  On the table next to the bed, he placed the Sonic and picked up a glass of water.  He sat on the bed facing her and placed his free hand under her head to help her sit up a little.  "Drink," it was all he could say.  Honestly, he was afraid if he said more, she would see just how concerned about her he really was and he did not want her panicking anymore.  He did not think that would be good for her either. 

He was touched by the trust she placed in him at that moment.  Though, really he should not have been.  She brought him here, she chose him!  _Why?  Why would she do that?  Why would she choose me?  Why_?  She chocked at first.  He thought it was because he was not concentrating and he was tilting the tumbler too much, so the water was overwhelming her.  He had a bad habit about that, where she was concerned: overwhelming her.  He gazed into her eyes and thought, " _Slowly, it'll be alright_." 

 

He had not intended to test the connection, but he did not have the courage to speak just then...  If anything happened to her, he was doomed...

She wished that she were still bound to the confines of the mechanics so that the water could simply be absorbed into her.  This "drinking" thing was not as easy as he made it sound with his one-word command.  But, his eyes were encouraging and she soon got the knack of it.  His eyes... she wondered if he was testing the connection.  She stretched out with her mind - and - nothing.  After she drank about half the water, he allowed her head to rest back on the pillow; he took the glass away and set it on the table.  As soon as he had done that, she realized just how thirsty she was and she tried to get it back to consume the rest.  He gently laid his hand on her outstretched arm and simply said, "Patience.” 

 _Or had he thought it_?  When he touched her, the psychic connection had been re-established.  She closed her eyes.  She sensed his questions, his fears, his doubts, the shock, relief and even a bit of trust.  She wondered if he felt anything from her. 

They had always had a strong connection, this Time Lord and her.  It was how they got out of so many tight spots... and probably how they got INTO a good portion of them as well.  When she stopped resisting and lowered her arm, the connection was broken.  She kept her eyes closed.  " _Why hadn't the connection worked when his hand was supporting my head_?" she pondered to herself.  Then it hit her: _bare skin_.  Keeping her eyes closed, she looked at her hand in her mind's eye, intrigued by the possibility.

He saw her reach for the glass; he was still unsure how much water she should have... hence why he had brought the Sonic Screwdriver down to run a scan.  It was one of the few things still working on the TARDIS, since everything began about 5 hours ago.  He placed his hand on her reaching arm and a shock went through him, like a lightening-bolt, and there she was!  It was the TARDIS, _his_ TARDIS, as he remembered her!  He let out a sigh of relief, and thought " _Patience_ " hoping she could hear him.  He saw, so many questions, so much doubt, so much fear... unlike any he had sensed in her ever before.  He was glad her eyes were closed because he was sure there would be no covering the look of shock his face held at that moment.  When she lowered her arm, the connection was broken.  _Why had it happened then?  Why not earlier when his hand was supporting her head?  Was it that his emotional state was different each time?  Agh!  These are the questions she would usually help him with_. 

* * *

He gazed at her, her eyes still closed.  He wondered if she was still trying to reach out psychically.  If she was, he was not picking it up.  Looking at her, he could tell she was not asleep.  He figured she was probably sorting out what just happened.  He reached across the table and retrieved the Sonic.  As he did so, he reached into the breast pocket of his jacket and pulled out his tortoise-shell framed square glasses, he looked at them remembering an event from a few hours earlier.  He sighed while putting them on.  He thought about warning her so as not to startle her, but he has used it on her, _er... the TARDIS_... often enough that he figured she would know what he was doing.  He adjusted the settings to scan, aimed it at her and began the scan. 

"Ooo!" she cried, startled and she jolted. 

He stopped and spoke in quick succession, "Did that hurt?  It shouldn't have, but if it did, I can stop.  I can try something different.  I don't want to hurt you, but I do want to understand what's...” 

There was a slight turn at the corners of her mouth that made his voice trail off.  She opened her eyes slowly and said, "When you're nervous, your stream of consciousness is spoken for all the world to hear, Doctor.  I never noticed that before." Her words caught him off guard.  "And, no, " she continued capturing his deep brown eyes with her own, "It doesn't hurt, it just sounds different," she paused, "Because I hear it, I don't feel it," she paused again, "Curious.”  She closed her eyes again, lost in the thought.

He took a deep breath while checking the settings on the Screwdriver and said, "Okay, new rule for me:  I no longer assume that just because I've used something on you a million times a day doesn't mean you won't be surprised by it." 

He did not look at her when he said this; he always made such comments directed at her to thin air.  He was glad her eyes were closed, because it was strange to say that to her... _of course, it was strange to see and experience her... well... like this_.  "Alright, I'm going to scan you with the Sonic Screwdriver.  It shouldn't hurt, but it will help with the readings if you hold still."  She nodded keeping her eyes closed, but the upturned corners were becoming a closed-lip smile.  _She's enjoying this...  a little too much_!  "And it's _sonic_ which means there will be a sound," he concluded, somewhat triumphantly. 

She left her eyes closed, but a toothy grin had broken through.  She took a blind swat at him saying, "Cut me some slack, I'm only 5 hours old!" 

She almost giggled!  He smiled at that.  It was an honest smile and he thought, “ _2821 years, 42 days, and 5 hours old... maybe_ ,” and he was glad she could not hear that thought.  Still, this was much more how he was used to working with her.  However, he felt he understood her predicament.  He was finding it "curious" that he had to talk to her, that she had a voice and a physical presence.  He shook his head, trying to clear his own intellectual discourse and focus.  He checked the settings on the Sonic a third time and it dawned on him that he was starting to procrastinate.  He took a deep breath and scanned her.

He stared at the readings in disbelief.  _It can't be_!  He ran his hand across his chin as he was considering the ramifications of what the readings said.  He looked across the room, at nothing in particular, letting his hands fall to his lap.  It doesn’t make sense!  He glanced down at the Sonic Screwdriver but the readings did not change, as he wanted.

She opened her eyes and studied him for the first time and discovered why so many girls, _uh women_ , had snogged this particular version of him:  He was an attractive geek!  His askew hair, that always looked like it was in a natural "Mad Scientist" state, the companions having no idea how much time and effort he actually put into it; the well-tailored brown, pin-striped suit that was fitted so closely to his body and the long tan coat (though he wasn't wearing that just now) all of which showed off his seemingly frail frame; the tortoise shell framed glasses that made him look so smart and intelligent ( _and sexy according to her new eyes_ ); and the Converse trainers, can't ever forget them!  She slowly sat up, noticing his perplexed look. 

She got nervous.  Nervous, the way she felt when Captain Jack Harkness had attached himself to her exterior.  _She knew she had to shake him free, but he just wouldn't let go!  She had gone as far as she could_...  She pushed the thoughts away as she looked at her arms, where she expected to see the intrusive tubes still attached to her.  _That memory will lead nowhere good_...  She sheepishly pulled her knees to her chest and said, "Well, what upgrade are you going to perform now?" 

She was trying to keep it light; she did not want him to know just how nervous she actually was.  Her movement, more than her voice, startled him out of his reverie.  He glanced at her, then back to the readings.  He knew this was not going to be easy for her to hear and probably more difficult for her to understand, considering the lack of psychic connections.  However, he also knew he couldn’t not tell her.  He had noted that she was trying to keep the conversation light, so he said, "Well, that depends on what you are…  I'd call you indomitable, but,” he elongated the word, “You're not quite human.  I'd say you're the TARDIS, but,” he glanced at her, giving the once-over, “Well you’re just not plant-y enough...  I have to say...” He paused.  _There was no way around it.  She's going to hate him for using the word, but there just isn't a better one out there, not for this_.  He tried to soften the blow, "You're a new thing."  He tried to say it with wonder in his voice.  She was looking at him expectantly even without the connection she knew there was more.  He paused for a beat, "And you're _wrong_." 

He had emphasized "wrong" and she knew there was no mistaking his meaning.  "Wrong”: the word hung out there like the creepy red balloon the Sister in the _Family of Blood_ carried, which would be funny, if this were not so serious.  "Wrong" was how he described Captain Jack.  She did not like this.  Not – one – bit.  She looked at him and said, "Leave." 

It was not a demand.  It was a dry and simple statement.  The Doctor did not like "wrong" and she had nowhere else to go.  It was either him or her and she was the one currently bedridden.  He was surprised; _she had brought him here, only to tell him to go?  I mean, sure the news was grim, but he could find away.  Of course, she hadn't said it in a demanding way, perhaps she wasn't serious.  Maybe she just said that because she felt like she had to say something, but didn't know what to say_.  He remembered how he had misread Donna when she was going to pop home for a visit and would come back.  And, she ( _the TARDIS_ ) was staring at him again.  He realized at that moment just how often he had relied on their psychic connection.  He looked at her and said something that he never thought he would say to her, "No." 

He did not say it pleadingly, as he so often did, to get her to try to do what he wanted nor did he speak it in disbelief.  As the Daleks had once observed, it was a "Negative." 

Now, she was the one shocked.  He had never denied her any of her requests.  But, she just wanted some space.  Yet, she did not.  She wanted everything to be back to normal, yet she wanted to explore everything with this new – whatever it was.  “ _Not quite human_ ” had been his phrase. _Is that what she was – Human_?  At least her physical appearance seemed it.  A slight joy surged through her as she thought, “ _I did it!  I really did_!”  She looked at him, his face set in a determined way.  He had said, “No.”  It was not harsh, angry or hurt.  It was simply stating that he was not going to leave her like this.  The walls around her heart that she put up with the word, “wrong” were crashing down with the word "no."  But, she was not “wrong.”  She had chosen to be like this!  She chose to take on a form that he could comfortably talk to…  She, after two millennia (give or take) of being only mechanical (and more when she thought of her biological life) had decided to be… _something else_.  There was only one way to get him to see, to understand.

* * *

 

She looked at his hands, still resting in his lap.  He seemed wrapped in his own world, undoubtedly trying to sort everything out.  She knew he would not be able to, not without her help.  She reached out to take his hand.  He moved off the bed, startled.  That hurt her, but she did not want him to know that, so she said coyly, “Why, Doctor, after all our journeys together, do you still not trust me?” 

He looked into her eyes, his face taking on the faintest shade of pink.  She smiled softly and continued, “If you want your questions answered, you need to take my hand, we can’t do this how we used to.”

The Doctor paused, looking from his hands to hers and back again.  He sighed, in-spite of himself.  Of course he trusted her, he trusted her with his life!  On more than one occasion he had felt totally lost when he was separated from her.  He placed the Sonic Screwdriver on the table, took off his glasses, returning them to his breast pocket and sat back down on the bed.  Looking at her, he was still concerned about her frailty.  He did not want her to push herself and slip unconscious yet again.  But, he also wanted to show that he did trust her and he wanted to offer a little bit of comfort.  The Doctor honestly did not know if she seemed more frail because she was "wro" ( _er "New"_ ) or because of the terror that still rested in her eyes.  He slowly, not without a bit of hesitancy, reached his hand to the side of her head, his fingers sliding into the curls of her hair.  He used his thumb to gently stroke near her temple.  Each time his thumb crossed from her hair to touching bare skin, he got a flash of the connection the pair shared.

She waited calmly and patiently, each time his thumb touched bare skin, she too felt the connection.  Of course, she had already figured it out, now it was his turn and so she waited.  During this, she sent forth two words and only two: “I _t’s okay._ " 

She knew he had gotten the message when he looked into her eyes.  She could still sense some doubt, so she spoke, “But I think I’d like s’more water first.” 

The Doctor smiled and with his free hand retrieved the glass, never letting go with his other hand.  He held the glass to her lips.  This time, she placed a hand around the side of the glass opposite his, helping him know the best angle.  At one point, she placed a free hand on his arm that was so close to her ear.  With gentle pressure, she encouraged him to lower his arm, releasing her head.  When she had finished the water, he looked at her, “Better?” 

She nodded, “Much, but I hope there’s more where that came from,” and she smiled.

The Doctor put the glass down and they sat there considering each other for a few moments.  She broke the silence, “We both have questions and we both have answers… and there’s only one way to explore them in a timely fashion.” 

He nodded his understanding.  She continued, “I don’t know how much control I’ll have this time, because… because I - I…” 

She broke off, not sure of what to say.  “You’re new,” he finished for her.  _She was going to say, “wrong,” but liked “new” better_.  She felt something strange in her face.  It was as if all her blood was pooling there, she reached her hand to touch it and it felt warm. 

“Why Miss TARDIS,” his warm and gentle voice broke in on her thoughts, “I thought you only went red when something was wrong.” 

Even without the psychic connection, she knew he was teasing, but her face got warmer and she looked at him questioningly.  “You’re blushing, ‘s alright,” he said calmly.

The Doctor placed his hand on her shoulder… clothed, so no connection was made and now he understood fully.  “A very human reaction,” he continued, “See?  It’s already getting less.” 

She could feel that he was right.  Not because she could sense his honesty, but because her face felt like it was returning to normal.  She took a deep breath.  He removed his hand from her shoulder and could see that she had lost all train of thought. 

“Closed doors,” was all he said, trying to remind her about what they were talking. 

“Sorry?” she asked.  There was a pause, each one looking at the other.  And they both burst into laughter. 

“That’s my line,” he replied between laughs.  But, both of them felt better for the laugh, yes, this is what they were used to, how their relationship was supposed to be.  Once they had calmed down, but when they were still grinning ear to ear, The Doctor continued, “Closed doors:  if there’s something someone doesn’t want to share, just imagine a closed door.”  He added, in an endearing manner, “Even humans can manage that.”  

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, in a labored sigh.  She moved the pillows to sit up against the wall, frustrated that this human frame seemed to get uncomfortable so quickly.  She met his eyes and asked, “Are you comfortable?” 

The Doctor nodded, she did not ask if he was ready, she was not sure either of them was ready.  Another slow breath in and out, with her eyes closed.  When she opened them, their eyes met again and she said, “Give me your hands.” 

He readjusted himself on the bed and stretched his hands out and then they touched.


	2. Chapter 2

For a brief moment, there was confusion:  whose thoughts were whose?  The Doctor was the one used to being in control and she was used to letting him.  But, it could not be that way; not this time.  Finally, she had the courage to think, “ _Step back, relax, you have to trust me and let me lead you for once_.” 

To her relief, he did and the chaos cleared.  She focused her energy and the two of them were holding hands while standing in the control room.  Well, not in the control room, exactly, but they could both see into it, like through an invisible wall.  His future incarnation was at the console.  “I’m so… so…” he began. 

“Young?” she finished for him. 

He took a gulp and nodded.  “Why do I look so... tortured?” 

She looked at her younger master but answered the older one, “Because there are so many things within you that need healing and you’re always running away.  Shh, watch.” 

At that point the entire control room, no, the entire TARDIS shook and bounced violently.  The center column not only stopped moving, but also went dark and lifeless.  The 11th Doctor took his mallet and began beating the control console.  “Behave, I tell you!  Behave!” 

She winced at that and she felt the 10th Doctor wince as well.  “Did I…  Was I that…” he could not finish his words. _Now that she was here next to him, it seemed more violent_...  She raised a finger to her lips, requesting that he silence his thoughts and then pointed in front of them.  
  
There was a glow coming from a panel of the console on the side opposite from where the 11th Doctor stood.  Then, something burst forth from it.  It was a membrane blob, somewhat shapeless, but it was obvious there was something living inside of it.  She spoke, “You were suffering horribly.  You had lost so much… saved so many lives.  But, the price you had to pay for that…” 

Her voice trailed off as she turned to him.  He was focused on the scene before him, but he felt her words piercing his hearts.  “I couldn’t let you go on like that,” she continued, “I was afraid you would destroy yourself.  So, I mustered all the energy I could, forced the Police Box to materialize and,” she broke off, nearly overcome with emotion:  a strange sensation in this human form. 

“You wanted to be a companion.  Something I would accept.  A human,” he finished.   
  
She nodded and they both watched the scene before them.  The 11th Doctor in a fury walked over to the thing that had spewed itself onto the Control Room floor.  He bent down and thought about touching it, but tapped it with his toe instead.  Sorrow shot through her at that image, she winced again and the 10th Doctor felt it.  He leaned into her side just a bit, a small way to offer her support.  When he did that, she opened up for him what had passed through her mind as she was lying there on the floor.  He saw her desire to reject immediately the 11th Doctor.   
  
But, she wanted to give him a second chance.  The 10th Doctor saw into her mind.  She expressed herself to each of the Doctors what she had always wanted to, but never could.  Starting with the 11th Doctor, then the Original on up, she kissed each of them on the lips.  Her kisses changed slightly to fit the personality of the incarnation before her.  The 10th Doctor felt the entity beside him blush.  They looked at each other.  He understood that she had not wanted to share that part, but she knew she could not skip over it, in the same way he had defined her as “wrong.”  For her part, she closed the door around her real reason for the kisses.  It was simple and selfish:  she had always wanted to!  She could have just looked at each incarnation and known, she could have touched their hands if she needed more information…  But no, she snogged every last one of them.  
  
They turned their attention to what was taking place before them.  A thought, a cry was heard.  “You.  You’re the one who needs this!  I choose you!” 

A burst of energy came forth from the blob on the floor.  It overtook the 11th Doctor, he turned away from the blob, trying to escape and he was transformed!  He had been moved back an incarnation.  When the transformation was complete, a series of “Whats” spilled from his mouth.  As she watched, she giggled, but she suddenly stopped, not wanting to offend him, he gave her hand a gentle squeeze and she knew she had not.  The memory shifted, seemingly going grey...  Then, he took over the memory.   
  
The Doctor in the memory went around the console, but nothing was working.  His Sonic Screwdriver caught his attention.  He set it to scan and aimed it at the blob on the floor.  As he did, there was a tear through the surface of the blob.  He stared at his Sonic, then at the blob (he noted the hole getting bigger) and back at the Screwdriver.  “A scan setting can’t do that,” he told it indignantly. 

From the gape in the tear, he saw something coming out.  Normally, he would be excited, but without a functioning TARDIS, fear pierced him.  Slowly, he saw what looked like tentacles coming out and he took a step back.  He felt the being beside him put off by that thought, but he did not care, she had a right to know.  He felt her say one sentence, “Prejudiced; shame on you.” 

 _Why would she bring Jack into this now?  Ah, humility, and she’s not necessarily wr—he caught himself – incorrect._  
  
They turned their attention back to the scene.  It was now obvious that it was not tentacles, but fingers.  Then a hand, an arm, a shoulder and finally a head covered with long curly hair.  She was facing away from him, in the memory, but from their perspective, it was already apparent that she was naked.  The Doctor, standing next to her, swallowed.  “It’s called _birth_ ,” was her only reply. 

He turned to look at her, impressed.  He had brought down the government of Harriet Jones with six words.  She had completely disarmed him in three - no mean feat.  In the memory, the Doctor walked across the room, by this time she was standing, covered by something that looked like slime.  He stood before her, taking in the fact that a life form had been born right in front of him.  
  
She was touched by his wonder and awe, but she had to again take over the memory, there was so much she had to share.  In the memory she spoke, “It’s y-…” _she was going to say “It’s you!_ ” but she paused as she realized for the first time that she could speak with a voice.  She was going to put her hand to her throat where the sound had vibrated, but she got distracted.  She looked at her hands, completely engrossed in the concept.  Then she looked over her entire self, finally returning her attention to the Doctor.  And she spoke, “It worked!”  She continued, “Hands, flesh, a voice.”  She placed a hand over her chest, “A heart!” 

The Doctor had noticed she was getting goosebumps and looked around for something, _Ahem, anything_ , to cover her.  She was blissfully unaware of her nakedness at the time, though now, she felt her face going a bit red again; she swallowed hard to make it go back down.  
  
The Doctor sensed she was embarrassed and decided to skip over some of the awkwardness.  The memory shifted, like a fast forward.  She was wearing a short coat around her shoulders, but due to her short stature, it was long enough to cover everything.  He was leading her to the bathroom that was nearest the wardrobe so that she could clean up.  Then, out of respect, he left her.  She respected both of them and nudged the scene forward again, she was bounding into the Control Room asking, “Well, wa’cha think?” as she spun around.   
  
He looked at her and did not know if he should laugh or be offended.  She had come in wearing an article of clothing from every one of his incarnations.  Actually, he was impressed she did so well:  The bowtie from his most recent, black jeans from 9, the velvety jacket from 8, the question marked sweater from 7, a bright colored handkerchief from 6, a cricket hat from 5, the scarf from 4, a frilled shirt from 3, the shoes and recorder from 2 (he always did have small feet!) and the magician's cloak from the Original.  But, as he looked her over, memories of all those incarnations washed over him.  So much so, that he had not even noticed that she did not have anything from him.  As he had given in to those memories, he face fell. 

Thinking he was upset that she did not have anything for him, she said, “Oh, bugger, not done yet!”  She crossed over to him, opened his jacket, reached in to the breast pocket and took out his specs.  She donned them saying, “Now it’s done.” 

His face did not lift, although hers was beaming.  “Oh, come on!  I’m mini-You!” she said while grinning and spinning around trying to look at herself. 

He gulped, crossed over to her, took his glasses and said, “Yes, well, these are mine.”  He looked over her and waved his hand while saying, “All of these are mine.”  
  
Watching the memory again, she sensed his sorrow anew.  “Doctor, you’re all I’ve known the last 862 years, what did you think I would choose to wear?” 

Turning from the memory for a brief moment, he looked at her.  “I do understand,” he was not lying; he just wanted to avoid what would be shown next.  “But, I don’t want to see you in all the companion clothes again.” 

She offered him a compassionate smile and with an understanding nod said, “They knew me second best."  She sighed slightly, "You already know you have as much control over the memories as I do.” 

He offered a half-hearted smile as they looked at each other.  They heard the dialogue more than watched it, he was telling her that if his past regenerations ever reappeared, as she knew well they did, they would need their clothes.  There was a nudge and the phrase, “the same goes for the companions” was heard.  Finally, “Why don’t you go find something that’s ‘you’.”  The fast-forwards stopped. 

* * *

Actually, everything had stopped.  The images around them had faded to grey, covered in a thick fog and it was just the Doctor and herself.  He sensed her sorrow and her agony and asked, “What is it?" 

 _What IS it?  Is that the best I can do, now?  I know better than that!  I don’t even answer that question, there’s no way she will!  Besides, I KNOW what IT is - she doesn't know who she is_!  She broke eye contact.  She felt he was beating himself up senselessly, so said, “You know already, at least to an extent, but some things…  I want to share with you the way your companions would.”  He sighed, nodding his head in understanding, though he is not sure he did.  
  
“Doctor,” they heard the memory continuing and she was protesting, “You know me better than I know myself at this point, help me!” 

They sensed each other’s joy and playfulness as they looked for an outfit together.  It was during that time that she had first lost consciousness, though it had only lasted a few moments.  She downplayed it all by calling it "part of the birth process."  
  
Another nudge and he saw her as she was looking at herself in the mirror the first time in her outfit.  She was radiant.  Not that the clothes were glamorous, but she knew they were “her” and he had helped her to discover that.  Squeezing his hand she said, “Doctor, this is what you have done for all your companions throughout the ages: teaching and showing them who they are.  You helped them to live fully their sense of self.” 

He glanced down at her knowing in his hearts that she was offering a counter-argument to the words Davros had uttered not that long ago:  “ _The man who abhors violence, but this is the truth, Doctor, you take ordinary people and fashion them into weapons.  Behold your Children of Time transformed into murderers.  How many have died in your name?  The Doctor, the man who keeps running, never looking back because he dare not, out of shame.  This is my final victory, Doctor, I have shown you yourself_!”  
  
Suddenly, he understood.  Why she came, why she had chosen him, the healing she said he needed.  He fully knew, understood and accepted that she was his TARDIS, his constant companion, his equal, the one who knew him better than anyone, better than he knew himself.  He released her hand.  They were sitting there on the bed staring at each other for a few moments.   
  
She was tense, she could not tell what he was thinking, what he was feeling.  _How would she know how to react, if she didn’t know what was happening within him_? 

He move towards her, biting back the onslaught of emotion that was about to burst forth.  He leaned his head on her shoulder, wrapping his arms around her middle and he could hold it back no longer.  He burst into sobs.  She had no idea how to respond to that… but she knew he needed a human response, not just a mental hug.  Making sure to not make skin contact, she draped her arms around him, one hand soothingly playing with his hair and rubbing his back with the other.   
  
She was not sure if this was the best thing, but then his sobs became more intense.  She followed the instincts of her human frame and began to gently rock back and forth.  She said nothing, for she knew there were no words that could comfort him right now.  She just sat there, with him crying and she tried to be present to him, though that felt limited in this body.  However, it was not limited. 

 _How often had she seen him suffer and wanted nothing more than to comfort him with a hug, the way she had often seen him offer to his companions?  Now she could_.  She started to hum, for she knew how it always calmed him.  However, in this body, it sounded more like an infant cooing.  
  
In his mind, Davros' words surged over him and as they did, he thought of the companions he had painfully lost over the years.  _Donna, oh brilliant Donna_ , who would be praised, even worshiped, throughout the universe and never know it, lest it destroy her.  Dalek Caan had been right, one of the Companions had to die – it just was not the one he had thought.  _Rose, his beloved Rose_.  He had not wanted to take her back across the rift, but really, there was no other way.  She was dead in this world.  It just would not have worked between them, she was human, he was Time Lord and she wanted something he could never completely offer.  He loved her too much, so he had given her what he could: his human self.  Then an image came to his mind:  a yellow shirt, a blue star...  Adric.   
  
He had not really thought of Adric since his death, at least he had tried not to.  Now, the words of Davros pierced his soul again, his most recent companions had no idea how right Davros had been.  But, that was when it all started, really... the downfall to his current demise.  After Adric sacrificed himself, he just wanted to keep running as he always did.  He wanted to ignore the pain that Adric's death had left behind.  The emotion was now flowing freely from him.  He cried until there were no more tears left within him, yet he still felt there were things to cry about.  _This is why he hated crying like this_!  It was anticlimactic:  he always felt like he ran out of tears before he had cried everything out and that left him feeling worse than when he started.  
  
Her shoulder felt wet.  The Doctor was starting to calm down a bit now.  In this body, she had no sense of time.  That nearly unnerved her.  Had it been 5 minutes or 5 years, she had no way of knowing, but she was guessing it was somewhere in that general window and closer to minutes.  She looked down on him, his face buried under their arms.  She did not know why, but she was compelled to bend down and kiss the top of his head.  She thought about it for a few moments and figured it was like the Earth concept that a 'mum's kiss makes everything better.'  A part of her doubted the truth of that.  She was still rocking him, cooing softly.  He seemed to be calming down, but he was almost hiccupping.  She was not sure what that meant, so she waited.  Then, he started to stir his way out of her embrace, she removed her arms and he started to sit up. 

* * *

He felt her breath on the top of his head.  He had an idea of the kind of comfort she was trying to offer with her kiss, but he did not know if she understood; it was somewhat mechanical.  He remained motionless for another minute.  When he was able to breathe comfortably again, _though he hadn't remembered the emotion constricting his breath so much_ , he decided to try to sit up and felt her arms move.  He could tell she was releasing him in such a way so they did not make skin contact.  A new wave of emotion nearly overcame him at that thought.  She was purposely keeping contact in the physical realm for him, so that he could freely weep.  He sucked air in quickly and released it slowly; he knew he had no more tears left right now, so it was pointless to let himself get worked up again.  He moved to sit up free from her now.  He wiped the remaining tears with the back of his hands and dried his face with his palms rubbing his eyes with his fingers.  He blinked his eyes a few times and brought them to focus on her.  He sucked in another breath of air and said, "Right, then!" 

Well, did not actually say it... almost shouted it, which startled her, even though she should have known to expect it.  For the first time since her birth, _or should he say "most recent birth_ ," the Doctor looked at her.  Really looked at her.  During her birth, it was more curiosity and he approached it scientifically.  But now, he could look at her and take in detail, as one would when encountering a long lost childhood friend.  She was plain and exotic at the same time.  She had pale skin, her hair was super curly, not unlike his former companion Mel, save she was not ginger, " _Sort of Brown_ " and he nearly lost it again at that memory of Rose.   
  
She had the most curious colored eyes.  They had a slight outer ring of blue-grey, like the ocean on a cloudy day; then a wide ring of green, but it was a color similar to prairie grass and that part even seemed to change color slightly, the way prairie grass would change under the command of the wind; then there was a ring of blue, that reminded him of the Eastern sky as the sun set in the West; and finally the deep blackness of her pupil, someone could get lost in there, as there was a timelessness about it.  Then he noticed her stature, she could not have been much more than 1.5 meters.  She was watching him looking at her, so he felt compelled to speak, "Well, you're just a little thing, aren't you?" 

She grinned and shrugged, "Bigger on the inside."  He laughed.  
  
His laughter made her smile, but the energy she had expended was starting to catch up with her.  She was going to need rechar - er - sleep.  He noticed her eyes get droopy, but there was one last thing that needed attending to before she dropped off yet again.  She was going to need a name:  he cannot get away with calling her "Old Girl" or simply "She" or "Her" now...  And calling her TARDIS, well it is not really a proper name, not to mention when he says, TARDIS, he thinks of the physical structure:  The Police Box.  She needed a proper name. 

She looked at him even though sleep was fighting to take her, smiled and said, "Everything that happens in life has a scientific explanation -- if you look for it.  So what are you looking for?" 

It took him a second to realize she was quoting his Third self.  _But she's tired_...  He shrugged, "Well, I," he blushed.  They had been together for 862 years and he had never considered asking for her name.  "I'm not sure what to call you.  TARDIS isn't a name, really."   
  
He caught a change in her eyes:  the ring of blue became a bit wider, rushing over the green - a flood over land.  Her tone was cool, "And 'Doctor' is?" 

He could tell sleep was about to take her, so he did not want to fight, "What would you like me to call you?" 

She looked at him, the blue in her eyes spread even farther; there was very little green left.  She shrugged, she was really too tired to do this right now.  She said, "I don't know.  Heart.  'Course that's more what I am, no?  'The Heart of the TARDIS'?" 

He looked at her and said, "Brilliant!  Like doctor, there is a word for heart every culture across the universe."

She smiled; glad that she could still please him. 

"But," he continued, "It's not really a name.  I'd like to call you by a name." 

Now, her anger was giving her energy to stay awake, "Why?  You've never needed a name for me before." 

He jumped off the bed at that point.  She was right, of course, it had never even occurred to him to give her a name.  However, he was not prepared for such a cutting edge.  But, she was tired.  She had chosen heart; he wanted to give her a name.  Then it hit him:  Gaelic had many lovely names for various body parts and since he had a liking for visiting various ages in England, it would be appropriate.  He looked her up and down again and said, "How about Cridhe?  (pronounced "Cree")  It's Gael..."  _He cut himself off, she's the TARDIS, she'd know that it means “heart.”  She’d know its history and could probably tell him a thing or two about it_. 

She spoke it softly, nearly a whisper, through her tired lips.  A small smile formed.   
  
"Ok!  Cridhe it is!  And now, my dear Cridhe, time for you to get some sleep." 

Her eyes had closed as the Doctor was speaking, but with the word, "sleep," she snapped them open again.  She had no desire of sleeping when her dreams were so haunting.  He gently helped her to be in a lying down position and adjusted the blankets over her, but he could tell she was now fighting sleep.  He put his hand on her head and gently stroked it with his thumb, "I won't go anywhere this time.  If you need me, I'll be just over there." 

He had gestured to a lounger on the other side of the room.  She gave a slight nod, but he could not tell if it was acceptance or because she was falling asleep in-spite of herself.  Soon he heard a soft rhythmic breath, almost like a purr, he noted.  He knew she was asleep and he walked over to sit in the recliner.

* * *

The darkness released to another scene.  _No!  He can’t be!  But, if he’s dead then…  I shall die too.  Nothing to be done but close my conscious mind.  But then, a shock!  And a familiar presence.  Familiar but different, not as young - hardened by time and suffering, (gasp) Rose Tyler!  Rose was willing me to live, but how could the Doctor have died in the first place?  I know this isn’t right.  Again, tubes and electrodes have been attached to me, only this time, I know it’s to maintain my life… so that all will be righted in this universe.  Then, another familiar presence… again, slightly different.  This one is older, spicier, Donna Noble!  I have to do this!  I must help them; they’ve come so far to find each other._  
  
Rose is telling Donna about me.  Then, she touches me, sad to know that I’m dying, but acknowledges that I’m still trying to help.  Her touch shivers through me and I sigh knowing that if there’s anything I can do to help the Doctor or any of his companions, I will!  I know that Rose has to prove things to Donna for this to work.  I hear the word, “activate.”  And I loose power, I loose myself.  They’re draining me.  I must keep focus…  They cut the power.  I can sense their buzzing excitement.  But, the horror as well about the “stars going out.”  I hear them say “powering up.”  This is the last chance, if I don’t succeed here, then my Doctor will be dead… forever.  And the proper timelines must be reestablished.  Suddenly, I hear the word “Activate.”  I know this will kill me… but, I thrust all of myself into it.  I can tell she made it and I sigh my last…    
  
Darkness and there was a shift in her dream.   
  
 _My Doctor is alive.  But, he doesn’t understand.  Donna doesn’t remember.  I have to make them know.  Words are all around me.  I hear Donna saying, “Bad Wolf” and I can rearrange all the letters of every sign they see, in their minds, to make the Doctor understand.  I hear him running towards me, the fear in him as he sees the words everywhere…  I have to make it completely clear:  the cloister bell!  They run in, Donna is confused.  Then the Doctor acknowledges his understanding, “It’s the end of the universe!”_  
  
Cridhe shook herself awake again.  She looked over to the Doctor and noticed him sleeping!  _The mental energy must have exhausted him as well, since he doesn’t sleep often_.  Then she felt an urge.  She had felt it one time before, so knew what it meant.  She did not want to wake him, so she quietly slid off the bed and scampered to the loo.  As she was washing her hands, she looked at herself in the mirror.  She noticed he had changed her clothes.  She was in a kind of housecoat.  She did not like it and wandered back to the wardrobe.  She found the outfit they had chosen together.  Now it needed something more.  She found a pair of long gloves and put them on.  She looked at herself in the mirror again.  She nodded at her look approvingly, “Fantastic!” 

She took her coat to the Control Room and placed it with the Doctor’s coat.  She sighed, as she noticed the power was draining from this part of the ship. 

* * *

Cridhe walked quietly back to the med-bay and was relieved to find the Doctor still sleeping.  Now, she understood why he did not sleep that often – the dreams and nightmares are too much to take.  He looked cold, so she looked around for a blanket, found one and covered him very gently, almost with a mother’s care.  As she backed away she felt something twitching in her stomach, then there was this loud noise, almost like a growl.  She drew a deep breath in, she did not want to wake him, but this was making her afraid again.  He started to stir.  She froze.  He put his hand around the blanket and started to pull it more around himself.  She let out a silent sigh of relief.  She did not notice that his hand was still feeling the blanket.   
  
Suddenly, the Doctor was up and out of the chair, while she found herself falling to the floor.  “Oi, what’s going on?” 

She laughed, “Well, at least you didn’t just say, ‘What?’” 

He looked around trying to identify the direction of the voice.  He looked down at her and then at the blanket he was still holding in his hands.  He dropped it on the chair, grinned manically and walked over to her.  Helping her up, he grunted, “Here you go.”  He noticed first the gloves and then that she had changed into her outfit, “How long have you been up?” 

She got a pensive look about herself.  She almost started to panic because he was asking her a question about time and she did not know the answer.  “I – I don’t – I don’t know,” she noted the concern in his face, took a deep breath to control herself and said, “Not very.” 

He nodded as he said, “Well, I am the Doctor and I’m supposed to be taking care of you and if…” her stomach growled again, interrupting what she was sure would be a lecture.  He looked down at her stomach then back to her and beaming a smile, said, “Brilliant!  You’re hungry!” 

 _Is that what that means_? she thought.  He started walking off, but she felt like a guest.  _Can you imagine?  She felt like a guest – within herself_.  She sighed and thought, _I'll never get used to this_. 

She followed him to the kitchen.  He was already rummaging through the pantries, trying to scrape something together.  She sat down at the table, knowing there was no way he would let her help with this.  He set some plates out, filled two glasses with water, giving her one; he took a sip from his own and set it at his place.  He was mumbling about the TARDIS slowly loosing power since…  He glanced over to her and continued… mentioning that he should still be able to manage something.  She nearly finished her glass of water as he was talking to himself. 

Then they heard a voice, “Oh my God!  What the hell happened to the TARDIS?  Doctor…  Doctor!” 

Then they heard the sound of searching feet.


	3. Chapter 3

The Doctor instantly recognized the voice and sighed, dropping his head.  Turing around to face Cridhe, he spoke, “You said you materialized the TARDIS…  Where… and when.” 

She avoided his eyes, partly because she did not want to answer him, but also because she was annoyed that he kept calling the mechanics “the TARDIS,” he was so quick to compartmentalize her.  As he approached her, he put one hand on each of her arms and bent his knees so his face was even with hers, “Cridhe, where and when?"    
  
She did not know why he suddenly felt like a father trying to get information out of her toddler self.  "The only time and place I thought it would be safe while I… well, while all this happened,” she replied hesitantly, digging her toe nervously into the ground while still avoiding eye contact.  She paused before looking at him and continuing, “The Hub; sometime after Jack’s return." 

He hung his head, sighing, "All of time and space and you picked…" 

"Doctor!" he was cut off by the grateful cry of Captain Jack Harkness, who ran to him and gave him a big hug. 

"Jack," he said, though it felt like the air was being squashed out of him.  He kept his eyes on Cridhe. 

Jack stepped back to look at the Doctor, “But you’re ‘you.’  I thought you’d regenerated.  Not that it matters,” and he hugged the Doctor again.    
  
Cridhe looked at Jack and smiled shyly.  The Doctor noticed how Jack was looking at her and was secretly glad that the attention was no longer on his “reappearance.”  "And who might this be?"  Jack asked as he crossed over to her. 

"Don't start!" was all the Doctor could get out. 

Cridhe had stood and said, "Captain Jack Hotn - I mean Hardn - I mean, Harkness!" she turned several shades from pink to red. 

The Doctor did not believe what he was hearing.  He sighed, "And don't you encourage him!" 

Cridhe offered, "I was only saying hello." 

Jack replied, "I don't mind." 

Jack took Cridhe into his arms while giving her a peck on the cheek.  The Doctor nearly lost it.  Jack noted it and playfully said, "Gee, looks like someone's a bit jealous." 

Before the Doctor could respond, Cridhe matched Jack’s playfulness, saying to him, "Ya, but of you or me?" 

She smiled and Jack said, "Oh, I like you!” as he gave her one of his winning smiles. 

The Doctor could handle no more and shouted, “Will you two bloody well knock it off!”   
  
Cridhe shrunk away in fear while covering her ears.  Jack took a step in front of her in a protective action.  For his part, the Doctor noticed their stances and sighed.  “Sorry,” was all he could say as he took Cridhe’s glass from the table. 

Jack, cut the tension in the room with a question that actually made it worse, “So, what’s the deal with the TARDIS?” 

The Doctor looked at Cridhe and nodded in her direction; he had refilled her glass with water and was putting it back on the table.  She hung her head saying nothing, nervously twisting side to side.  Jack turned to her and said, “Right, never did get your name, but I see my reputation precedes me.” 

She smiled at that.  _Jack was always Jack – facing certain death at the hands of Daleks and he would still be - just Jack._  
  
“Cridhe," she smiled again.  She looked at the Doctor and said, "Cridhe McTardis." 

Jack got a confused look on his face as he looked at her, "You know… that name means...  I thought you just said, 'Heart of the TARDIS.'" 

“She did," the Doctor cut in flatly, before she could reply.  He was setting another place at the table. 

Jack backed away from her - taking her in.  Standing between her and the Doctor, glancing between both, he said, "But…  How… and why… and is she?" he raised his he hand as if to touch her. 

The Doctor put a hand on Jack’s shoulder and encouraged him to sit, "You snogged her, you tell me." 

Jack had no reply; he just sat and stared at her.  The Doctor then walked over to a frightened Cridhe and gently helped her to her place.    
  
The Doctor put the pathetic assembly of a meal on the table and took the third chair.  As he sat, he noticed Cridhe appeared to be self-conscious.  Then, he saw how Jack was staring at her and clipped him on the back of his head, "Don't stare!" 

She snickered at that and the Doctor winked at her.  She took a deep breath, thinking, " _Everything will be alright_." 

Jack looked at the meal and said, "Is that it?" 

The Doctor glared at him, but it was Cridhe who answered, "Well, the Police Box… ( _she couldn't say TARDIS, though the Doctor had made her pick a name, she was the TARDIS_ ) has been loosing power since everything started, so, well, that's it." 

Jack perked up a bit, "No, it's not, we're in the Hub, so we've got loads of stuff."    
  
Jack was actually looking for a way out of the TAR - _machine_ , this whole thing was a little creepy and he knew creepy.  The Doctor and Cridhe stared at each other, then looked at Jack and simultaneously said, "But the Hub was destroyed!" 

Jack beamed, "You two say that as if we couldn't correct that.  It wasn't completely destroyed.  The lowest levels, where you happened to land..." 

"Materialize," Cridhe murmured. 

"...Were never damaged and we've been rebuilding from the inside out." 

The Doctor looked at him and said with a hint of grimness, "So, Torchwood's active, then?" 

Jack flashed a grin, though this time it did not reach his eyes, "You're the one who taught me:  Responsibility.  Come on, it's dank in here." 

All three helped with getting the table cleared, though Cridhe helped a bit unwillingly after Jack had called her "dank.”  
  
They made their way to the Control Room, Jack was leading, then Cridhe and the Doctor last.  As they went along, the Doctor went about putting various cells into “sleep mode” and ducked into the med-bay to retrieve his Sonic Screwdriver.  When they got to the Control Room, it was dark, just a hint of light was left, like the final edge of light at the end of a sunset.  Jack stood by the door waiting for them.  Cridhe stopped dead in her tracks.  It was shocking for her to experience what the power drain was doing.  She suddenly did not want to leave; she almost started to panic.  The Doctor put his hand on her shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze.  “Looks different, doesn’t it?” he said, “But no worries, it’s a new adventure out there for you!” and he flashed a smile so bright, it nearly lit up the room. It did little to change her feelings about the matter, especially, since that was not why she was worried.  
  
He walked around the console pushing more buttons and made some small adjustments.  He had a perplexed look on his face and mumbled, “It’s not going to sleep, why not?” 

Cridhe walked over to him.  She removed one of the gloves, touched his shoulder and placed her bare hand on the Center Column.  It sputtered a bit.  She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and it, along with the rest of the room, came to life.  She was panting and said, “You have 60 Earth seconds,” as she put her glove back on. 

The Doctor started to work and said, “Jack, don’t just stand there, come here and catch her before she falls over.” 

Jack ran across the room while the Doctor still worked.  “Anything for a friend,” he mumbled. 

Just as he got to her, she lost balance, falling gently into his arms.  He maneuvered her into a cradle position.  As she came around, she saw Jack’s face and said, “Well, that’s a change.  Last time it was you clinging to me for dear life.” She smiled softly while he looked at her baffled. 

“Ah!  That’s got it,” the Doctor cried, “Allons-y!” 

* * *

The Doctor led the way out, grabbing his beloved long tan overcoat, as well as Cridhe's, as he went.  As they were about to cross the threshold of the door, Cridhe straightened her body against Jack, thus making it impossible for Jack to walk through it and said, “No.” 

She started to panic, repeating “no,” over and over and struggled against him.  Jack had backed up with her, so she would not hurt herself against the doors or wall.  The Doctor walked back in and said with just a hint of trepidation, “Jack, put her down.” 

When Jack just stood there, the Doctor repeated, “Jack... put her down.  Go ahead out.  We’ll follow in a bit.” 

Jack put her down and the Doctor gave him the coats as they crossed paths.  She calmed down a bit once Jack had put her down.  Jack left the two alone going into the Hub to prepare for his guests.    
  
Cridhe stood on the ramp staring at the doors; crippled with fear, “I can’t do it...  I can’t.” 

The Doctor calmly and gently said, “Look at me Cridhe,” he paused, “Look at me.” 

She shook her head “no.”  She took another couple steps back up the ramp and sank to a sitting position.  She gestured around the room that had gone dark again, “For over two millennia, this has been me.  Time Lords came and went, but I stayed the same.”  She smirked looking at her gloved hands, “Well, mostly.  You,” she continued without looking at him.  “Even you changed; your companions came and went.  But me; the same.” The Doctor could tell she had a growing panic, although her voice was calm.  “And now,” she continued her eyes focused on the light spilling in through the open door, “now, you want me to just up and walk out those doors as if it’s not a big deal.  As if the ‘adventure’ over-rides the fact that I’m leaving a piece of myself behind.”  
  
The truth had been spoken.  She wasn’t afraid to leave the Box, she wasn’t afraid of the adventure on the outside, she was afraid of losing what little of herself she knew.  Although she showed no signs of tears, the Doctor had to keep his emotions in check to stay with her.  “Oh,” he said as he realized what had happened.  “I didn’t think, I didn’t mean to rush you.  I should have given you a chance to… to,” he struggled for the right word, “to say goodbye.” 

He paused as he approached her gently.  He squatted down on his haunches in front of her before continuing, “Cridhe, look at me.”  She was afraid, because this was how he had spoken to Donna the night he had to wipe her memory.  “Cridhe, please.”  The “please” caught her attention, because that was different!  This great and mighty Time Lord who had fought devils and monsters, Daleks and Cybermen ( _and_ mothers, _she almost smirked_ ) right across the entire universe had said to her, who was seen as no more than a servant, “please.”  She slowly made eye contact.    
  
The Doctor had to hold himself back; every fiber in his being wanted to have the psychic connection right then – it would be so easy just to brush Cridhe’s cheek – but he knew that would not help matters, not this time.  He also had to prevent himself from reaching out and hugging her.  Imposing his desire to “make everything better” would only make things worse.  This had to be on her terms, all he could do was try to coax her out.  Their eyes met and he felt his mouth run dry as he thought, “ _Good job, genius, what are you gonna to say now_?”  He considered her for a moment more.  “Cridhe,” he began softly barely above a whisper, “This…”  He gestured around the Console Room as she had, turning slightly each direction on the balls of his feet.  He looked back at her, catching her eyes with his own, “This is just… stuff.  It’s not who you are.”  He took his hand, laid it on her chest, feeling her heartbeat.  He smiled softly, took one of her hands with his free hand and laid it on top of his.  He slowly removed his bottom most hand, leaving her hand touching her chest.  “ _This_ is who you are,” he finished softly while gently adding a bit of pressure on her hand.  
  
She sat there quiet for a few moments, closing her eyes, feeling her heartbeat and trying to understand what he meant.  _Is that why it was so easy for him to call her "Cridhe" and the Police Box, the "TARDIS"_?  His other hand was still resting on top of hers.  “So,” she began slowly while opening her eyes, “You’re not angry with me… about… this?” 

He was not sure which “this” she was referring to:  her physical presence, the way she had transformed him, everything with Jack or her reactions; perhaps she meant all of it.  It did not matter, he was not angry with her.  As he thought about that, she lowered her hand and rested both in her lap.  He spoke quietly and gently, “Oh, no, no, no, no..." as he moved to sit next to her.  "Not in any way, shape or form,” only after it came out did he realize how incredibly cheesy it sounded considering their current situation.    
  
She did not seem to notice and she leaned her head against his shoulder as she sighed.  “So,” she spoke softly, hesitantly, “I’m still me?  Just a different desktop theme…”  She paused; she could feel him nodding, though he said nothing.  “'Life depends on change and renewal.'  You said that once,” she looked up at him. 

“That I did, m’dear, that I did,” he responded, taking on a bit of the tone of his Second self. 

He reached his arm around her and pulled her in for a hug.  They sat like that for a few moments.  “Doctor,” she spoke ever so softly now, “I think I can do this... with your help.” 

He beamed with pride at her courage and said softly, “Molto bene,” as he planted a kiss on her forehead.  The connection was established for a brief moment.  This time felt like old times, he saw simply all of her and she saw all of him.  No words exchanged; there was no need.  It was just the common and comforting bond the pair was used to.  
  
Her stomach grumbled again, breaking whatever magic had just happened in that moment.  They both laughed: Cridhe slightly embarrassed and the Doctor because he was reminded of just how human she was now.  He stood first, reached out his right hand and twiddled his fingers.  He had performed this gesture so many times to his companions and now he was doing it to her and she faltered.  She looked up into his grinning face and he gestured, “Come on,” with a nod of his head.  She grinned and grabbed his hand with her own and he helped her to stand.    
  
They walked down the ramp and she paused again when they reached the doors.  The Doctor had already stepped through the doors of the Police Box, but left her holding his hand on the other side.  He waited patiently for her.  She took one last glimpse at the Control Room, behind her.  As she did, she felt a reassuring squeeze of his hand.  She took a gulp and turned back around.  His encouraging brown eyes met hers.  She would be all right; her Doctor had accepted her as his companion, so she stepped through the doors into a new and different life.


	4. Chapter 4

They walked down the ramp and she paused again when they reached the doors.  The Doctor had already stepped through the doors of the Police Box, but left her holding his hand on the other side.  He waited patiently for her.  She took one last glimpse at the Control Room, behind her.  As she did, she felt a reassuring squeeze of his hand.  She took a gulp and turned back around.  His encouraging brown eyes met hers.  She would be all right; her Doctor had accepted her as his companion, so she stepped through the doors into a new and different life.  
  
"There you two are," Jack cried out, "This way to the conference room, I have some things laid out." 

The Doctor reached into his pocket to retrieve the key to the Police Box.  Without power, the doors would not lock automatically.  Cridhe, still holding his hand said, “Doctor.” 

It was a plea and he stopped in his tracks.  He looked at her and knew she needed to be the one to lock the doors herself.  He gestured with his left hand saying in a tone of his fourth self, “Off you go, then.” 

She looked at him, “Not like that.” 

She held out her hand for the key.  The Doctor looked between her and the key.  He nodded his understanding and let the key fall into her hands.  She took a gulp and walked over to the Box.  She rested one hand on the door.  From his perspective, the Doctor thought she was trying to see if there was a psychic connection, as he so often had done himself.  She sighed disappointingly, inserted the key and locked the doors.  She turned around and presented the key back to the Doctor.  "You keep it," he said as he smiled at her. 

She smiled and hung the cord around her neck.  She beamed with pride.  Jack, for his part, could tell something important had transpired in that moment, but made no comment about it.  He clapped loudly and rubbed his hands together, “Come on, we don’t have all night!  I haven’t had dinner yet and I’m starving!” 

The Doctor and Cridhe looked at each other and mouthed, “Dinner?” 

Ah, the curse of time travel, the body is never quite in the same time zone as everything else.  Talk about jet lag.  Jack had led them to the conference room, which overlooked the rest of the Hub.  For as damaged as it had been, the Hub looked amazing.  They all sat down to the dinner of pizza that Jack had ordered, contented with random conversation.  Jack seemed much more relaxed here in his own environment.  The Doctor and Jack had to explain the concept of chewing to Cridhe, when she tried to gulp down a slice of pizza whole.  But, it was done in a playful manner to not embarrass her too much.  
  
The Doctor and Cridhe kept the conversation steered away from Ianto, Tosh and Owen to respect Jack, who seemed still to be grieving them.  He gladly shared with them about Gwen, Rhys and the baby.  Once those details were out, Jack started to share about some of his wild adventures, which got the Doctor going.  Cridhe, for her part, just gladly listened, finding it a different experience to hear the stories and see the physical expressions, rather than just “knowing” through the psychic connections.  The Doctor and Jack became competitive in their stories and that made the stories wilder and funnier as they went along.  Suddenly, Cridhe blurted out, through peels of laughter, “And…  And…  Remember, when we were on the _Crucible_ and I almost died?” 

She was laughing, almost hysterically.  Jack and the Doctor just sat there, staring at her in shocked silence.  Cridhe was still giggling a bit, but the Doctor was the first to speak, “Don’t ... Just don't.” 

She looked at him trying to control her giggles with the wide eyes of a playful child who was clueless of the pain the conversation was inflicting.  “But, we got ‘em good, in the end, those pesky Daleks,” she winked. 

The Doctor swallowed down the pain to make his voice work, "That...  It wasn't funny...  None of it." 

Jack still had not said anything, but could tell from the way the Doctor was staring at Cridhe, that he did not want to be in the room much longer.  “Ok, then, on that note, I’m gonna clean up.”   
  
He began to clear the plates and boxes, but left the glasses of water.  “I have a bit of work to finish up in the office, if you need me, I’ll be there,” he finished. 

Cridhe had a look of confusion about her.  As he was standing behind the Doctor, Jack put one hand on each shoulder and gave them a gentle squeeze.  He leaned down and said in the Doctor's ear, “Go gentle on her.  I don’t think she understands what it is she’s saying.” 

The Doctor gave a slight nod to indicate he heard Jack, but kept a steady and piercing gaze on Cridhe.  Jack then ducked out of the room, offering a small encouraging wink at her. 

* * *

As Jack left, Cridhe started to feel like a little kid, caught in trouble, but not knowing what shen had done wrong.  She stretched, “Well, I’m feeling a bit tired, I think I’ll have a lay down on that couch over there.” 

The Doctor just stared at her and said in a threateningly quiet manner, “Don’t move.” 

She froze, but then fear washed over her and took control, “What?  What did I do?  What did I say?  You two were sitting there talking of all kinds of dangerous adventures, making them sound funny, so I thought I’d share one of my own.” 

The Doctor, in pained silence, considered her for a moment.  “Is that what it was for you:  a dangerous adventure?” 

He paused, she opened her mouth to speak and he continued, “And before you answer, I remind you that we were psychically linked when that happened.” 

Cridhe squirmed in her chair.  She had ruined everything.  She was supposed to be helping her Doctor, now he was so angry and so quiet.  She had never felt his wrath like this before and she knew that had nothing to do with her newly human-ish self.  She had never given him a reason to release his anger on her…  But, he had no reason to be angry.  She was fine and everything was ok!  So, there was that little thing with the genocide of the Daleks, but it’s not like he never wanted it to happen!  It is not as if he had not done it before, during the Time War!  And Rose Tyler used her to do it on Satellite 5!  Why was it different for her now?  
  
Cridhe said nothing in reply.  She tried to look away, but could not; it was as if she was frozen in place by his gaze.  “That’s what I thought,” he said as he pushed his chair back. 

Still holding her attention with his gaze, he walked around the table to take the chair next to hers.  He took her gloved hands into his own.  She was hesitant and afraid of his wrath.  But, the anger left him as he held her hands in his own and was replaced by profound sorrow.   
  
“We were psychically linked,” he began slowly, trying again to hold back the onslaught of emotions, “I felt you screaming in pain… dying...  I felt you pleading for me to rescue you and there was nothing I could do… but watch… and feel.” 

She was squirming more, she did not want to be the cause of this kind of suffering and did not want to be told of how it had affected him.  She did not want to be reminded of what she had experienced.  He held her attention, “Yet, I also knew you were doing as much as you could to protect Donna.  You knew she would die, but you wanted to save her.  I felt you trying to create a cocoon around her, allowing other rooms to be destroyed, parts of yourself to be cut off.  I could feel you were doing that, not to save yourself, but to save her.” 

Cridhe opened her mouth then, in an effort to say something, but nothing would come.   
  
“I thought I lost you,” the Doctor continued, “We all did.  I could tell that even Jack was feeling your death, at least a little.” 

The words suddenly came to Cridhe, “And now, you want to face that again…  And hear the story from me.” 

He nodded his head.  She went to remove her gloves, but he held fast to her hands, “Not like that.  Use words, as I have.” 

The sorrow in his eyes increased, though no tears were shed.  They also were pleading.  She raised a hand and took his cheek in it, “I can’t cause you more pain than I already have.”   
  
He closed his eyes, leaned into the touch and said, “I think it would be good… for both of us.” 

She nodded and spoke hesitantly as she lowered her hand while biting her lower lip, “Okay, but I think we’d be more comfortable on the sofa.” 

The Doctor sighed heavily while nodding his agreement.  He draped his arm around her shoulders as they stood; he was too emotional to stand on his own.  She wrapped her arm around his waist, needing some support herself; they grabbed their glasses of water as they walked to the sofa.  Jack had been watching them through the windows in his office and when he saw the way they were holding each other, he knew it would be all right, so he returned to his work.

* * *

 

When they were sitting, Cridhe could see Jack working through the window.  “I think,” she said, “That Jack should be here too.  I don’t want to go through this twice.” 

The Doctor shook his head, “For now, this is between you and me.  Besides, it might bring up things for Jack that he’s not ready to deal with yet.” 

She nodded, admitting to herself that had been a lame attempt to hold off what was about to be said.  He was looking intently and expectantly at her.  Her mouth had run dry and she took a sip of water.  “I don’t know where to begin,” she looked to him for help, wishing he would once again take the lead. 

He closed his eyes and thought for a moment, he did not want to make her think about the Daleks taking her over, but they had never discussed any of this before.  Each had been locked in their own silence and suffering about the events of that day.  He swallowed hard, “Start after I stopped my regeneration.”  
  
Cridhe winced, the Doctor was not going to make this easy on her and he wanted the entire story.  She nodded, “Very well.”  She looked at him and offered a sympathetic smile, “I could feel your mixed emotions.  Confusion and even hurt that Rose hadn’t learned to be her own person in the Other Universe...  That she had asked you not to change...  In a way, showing that she didn't love the Time Lord but only 'The Doctor.'”  She paused, “Does it pain you to hear this?” 

He shook his head; it was strangely comforting to have his feelings affirmed. 

She continued, “And yet you had joy that she had found you.  Even then, I knew you wouldn’t be able to keep her with you.  I understood that you felt you had done everything for her you could and to stay together would only prevent her self-growth.  You loved her too much to allow your relationship to cause her that kind of harm.  Besides, she was a distraction for you; if she hadn't... then you would have seen...” 

She didn't know how to phrase that thought.  She looked at him and he was looking straight ahead, she was unable to sense how he felt about that.  She bit her lower lip in thought debating about how to continue.  Cridhe swallowed hard, “I tried to get your attention when the Daleks had surrounded me, but I didn’t want to ruin the little joy you had, before the inevitable happened.  They activated the Temporal Prison, preventing me from having even the limited control you would allow.  I – I had nothing, it seemed.  I was bound, defenses down and there was nothing I could do.  I shrunk away trying to conserve my energy and powering only the basic systems, since the prison prevented me from doing anything more.  And I was scared.  I had never been that afraid in all my life, not even during the Time War!”  She glanced at him and saw her fear reflected in his eyes.  “What you didn’t know, what you didn’t hear... was his heartbeat.”  
  
The Doctor raised an eyebrow, “That soon?” 

Cridhe nodded, “He was alive as soon as you finished the transfer or at least his heart was beating.  Donna heard it too, that’s why she seemed so distracted, though it wasn’t until she paused at the doors that I knew she too could hear it.” She took a sip of water before continuing.  “The Daleks were calling you all out into the _Crucible_ , but the heartbeat called to Donna and I more strongly.  I knew I had to keep them safe:  Donna and well, ‘Human You.’  I knew it would cause a panic for the rest of you, but it had to be done.  Both of them were needed and they had to be kept safe.  The Supreme Dalek called me a weapon!  Can you imagine?” 

Cridhe said that lightheartedly and glanced over to the Doctor.  He seemed almost pale with the memory, she set her glass down and took his hand in her own, interlacing their fingers.  She knew the next part would only be worse.  
  
Cridhe gulped her fear down and continued slowly and quietly, “I was falling, falling so far – so fast!  That was an experience unique for me.  It wasn’t at all like falling through the Vortex…  And the heat… a terrible fire.  I was being destroyed!  I could feel myself exploding in the heat.  I was dying!  I didn’t know what to do, so I cried out, ‘Doctor!  Doctor, save me!’  Then, I remembered Donna!  ‘Oh sweet Donna, I’ll protect you as long as I can.’  I mustered all my energy working against the Temporal Prison to keep shifting rooms around, to make sure that the Control Room would last as long as possible…  But, even that didn’t seem like very long.” 

She looked at him, her eyes commanding the attention of his, “I was failing you.  I knew you charged me with the protection of your companions, and… I was failing this time.” 

Understanding and regret flashed across the Doctor’s face:  she carried the burden of the Universe the way he did.  She understood that to loose even one was to fail. 

Cridhe continued, “Then, I heard the sound of the heartbeat again.  But, I got distracted.  I could sense you…  So far away!  And through you, I could tell the Daleks were forcing you to feel me as I died!  And it made my heart break.  You had done so much for me.  You, my Doctor, had been the Time Lord to acknowledge the living creature that I was.  I tried to shrink away from you, but you wouldn’t let me.  You wouldn’t let me die alone.”  
  
Cridhe gasped for breath, this was so much worse than any nightmare could be.  The Doctor squeezed her hand to encourage her.  She looked at him, tears running down his cheeks, but he made no sound.  Then her face contorted, "Something's wrong."  

* * *

The Doctor looked at her, he could tell she had not said that as part of the story, "What...  What's wrong?" 

She shook her head, "I don't..." she dry-heaved. 

He looked around the couch, there was a small rubbish bin on his side, he retrieved it and put it at her feet.  "What is that f..."

She did not get a chance to finish as she vomited into the bin.  He sighed as gathered her hair out of the way and began to rub her back in slow gentle circles.  He thought to himself, " _Not quite what I was hoping... but now, I know, she's holding all her emotions in_." 

When she thought she was done, she sat up a bit and said, "Umm, maybe you're right, maybe I am wrong." 

He reached for a tissue from the box on the side table and handed it to her to wipe her face, "Nah, this, this is normal for humans.  At least, for humans who've had emotional experiences that they haven't processed yet." 

She looked at him wondering if he was calling her “crazy” in his own way.  He handed her the tumbler of water, "Sip, don't swallow." 

When she had done that, he took it back and said, "Swish the water around."   
  
As Cridhe swished, he went to the sink, refilled the glass and found two small flannels that he ran under the water and squeezed the excess out.  When he got back, he noticed she was still swishing and said, “Umm, you can spit now.” 

Her face contorted again when she had spit, "You were right:  humans are disgusting!" 

He smiled sympathetically as he wiped her face with one of the cloths.  He handed the glass to her as he sat down, "Here, now drink a little.  Slowly." 

She took a couple of sips and sighed, "Doctor, this is one human experience I never want to go through again!" 

He smiled a bit broader, "See, you are normal, most humans would say the same thing." 

That did not exactly cheer her up.  He took the clean flannel and put it on the back of her neck.  They sat in silence for a few minutes while Cridhe processed what had happened.  The Doctor was again gently rubbing her back, but the smell from the bin was getting to her.  She leaned over, the Doctor thought she was going to be sick again, but she gathered the bag to close off the smell.  While she did that, he moved himself a little so he was at the end of the couch.  When she was done with the bin, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and encouraged her to lie down.  She rested her head on his thigh, closed her eyes and slowed her breathing down a bit.  The Doctor took the other moist flannel and used it to cool her face down.  He watched her, offering gentle rubs on her back or lightly playing with her hair.  After a few more minutes, he spoke, "I couldn't." 

She turned to look at him; he met her eyes, so she rotated onto her back, moving the cloth on her neck so she would not ruin his trousers.  She wanted to look at him completely, “Hmm?” 

"I couldn't let you die alone.  You had done so much for me..." his voice trailed off as his hand found her stomach and he gently massaged it.  She grimaced with emotion, yet still she did not cry.  
  
After a few moments, Cridhe continued with her story, “I felt hopeless at first.  I knew that if I weren’t limited by the mechanics of the console, I could have saved Donna and myself.  But, I couldn’t stay desolate for long, you had done so much for me, it’s not your fault that you were taught to set limits on us.  So I tried to comfort you, ‘No, Sweet Doctor, it’s ok.  It will be all right.  I’ve done all I can for you.  It’s been an amazing journey and I’m ready.  Do not despair for me.’  Then, something started to happen.  I wasn’t sure what it was, but suddenly, you were there again.  Only it wasn’t you, because he had only one heartbeat.  I had heard the same heartbeat earlier, different but the same.  She, Donna, had changed as well – sort of.  Anyway, he moved over to the console and pushed the release button… that allowed me to have the freedom to move.  I couldn’t go far… tired and wounded as I was, but far enough… to safety.”   
  
The Doctor gasped, he did not know he had been holding his breath.  He looked down to face Cridhe.  She continued, taking a great interest in the flannel in her hand, “I’m sorry I had to close myself off from you, but A) I was so tired, I didn’t have the energy for that distance and 2) it was better for everyone if there was no way for the Daleks to know the truth.” 

He smiled softly, playing with the curls in her hair as he remembered the joy he felt when he saw her materialize on the Crucible again.  He whispered, “You did the right thing.  You did the right thing.”  
  
Cridhe gazed into the Doctor’s eyes, “And what about you?  What happened?  What did they do to you?” 

Trying to downplay his emotional state, he tugged on his ear, saying, “Ah, well, you know the Daleks, lots of taunting and tormenting…  Killing, but not killing Jack,” he grinned down at her. 

She reached her hand to his cheek again, “That’s not fair.  I want to know, I need to know.  Neither of us has shared about this with each other.” 

He nodded, sighing.  “I…” he started, two octaves too high.  He cleared his throat, “I could only watch in horror.  And I was torn between my love for you and my love for Donna.” 

She offered a sad smile, “Liar.” 

He looked down on her, “No really, I was.  It was horrible to feel you calling to me and to know there was nothing I could do.  I offered myself up…” 

“…For Donna,” she finished. He looked hurt, she continued, sitting up, but not looking at him, “Doctor, just because we’re not connected psychically anymore doesn’t mean that I’m clueless about what went through your head.  It’s okay; I wasn’t really real to you until yesterday.” 

He knew she did not offer that to comfort him and he knew she was not really okay with it.  Cridhe was sitting leaning forward using her arms on her knees for support and resting her head on her clasped hands.  She could not bring herself to look at him.  The Doctor paused and thought about how to continue. 

"They asked me what it felt like, feeling you die,” he finally said.  “They offered, ‘Anger, Sorrow, Despair.’  I replied, ‘Yeah…’  But that was only because at the time, there were no words to describe what I felt.” 

She turned her head to look at him, waiting for him to finish.  “For the first time since the Time War, I felt completely and utterly alone and terrified,” silent tears streaming down his face again.  He met her eyes as he continued, "Until that moment, I never considered what silence there would be without you in my mind.  I realized that even after the Time War, I wasn't really alone, as long as I had you." 

She looked at him, smiled faintly and then felt nauseous again.  She grabbed the bin and opened the bag just as she vomited.  When she composed herself, she looked at him and said anxiously, “I’m sorry…  I…” 

He had the flannel in his hand again and wiped her mouth, “Cridhe, you’ve got to learn to let your emotions out another way, or this is always going to happen.”  Deep down, he wondered if, "This is going to kill you," might have been a better way to end that sentence.  
  
Cridhe looked confused and hurt, not at all understanding what the Doctor's words meant.  Then she felt tired, extremely tired and a bit dizzy.  "Doctor, I'm...." it was another phrase of hers left unfinished.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention earlier that this was written before Torchwood: Miracle Day aired. In my head, it's still a bit compliant with that, but I'm not going to rewrite the whole story to make it obviously compliant.
> 
> * * *

The Doctor caught her as she fell limp and adjusted her so she was lying on the couch.  Jack burst in using a shouting whisper, "What did you do to her?  I told you to go gentle." 

“I DID!" the Doctor replied hoarsely. 

Jack then noticed the concern and fear across the Doctor's face. 

"What's wrong...?” Jack began, but the Doctor cut in, shaking his head, "I don't know." 

The Doctor sighed, using the flannel to wipe the sweat forming on Cridhe's brow, "There's never been anything like this before, Jack.  Even a Human-Time Lord metacrisis doesn't hold a candle to this," he smirked bitterly. 

Jack noticed the bin next to her feet, "Did she?" he asked.  The Doctor could only nod. 

Jack said, "Right, then we have something to analyze." 

"Jack she's," the Doctor tried to argue, but words failed him. 

"She's not an experiment?"  Jack replied, "I realize that, but maybe this will help us figure out what's going on.  I'll start running it through the tests."   
  
 _The Human Doctor and I worked to repair myself, even on minimal power.  Then, when all was ready, he pushed the button and full power returned to me!  I sang back to life!  I knew we were on the_ Crucible _.  And I waited.  I knew my time was coming and I just had to wait.  They were all clambering back in, the idea bubbling within the three brains of the three parts of the Doctor.  Towing the Earth back home:  it was my greatest mission and I was so honored, so proud to be a part of it.  I was able to sing as I never had before, because… there had never been enough people before.  Now, we were all working together and Earth was home!_  
  
 _There was great rejoicing amongst everyone… but him… for my Doctor, it was tempered with the knowledge of what was to come.  So, the series of good-byes occurred.  I had to remove my connection from the Human Doctor, just a bit.  It was the request of my true master.  I could tell the he sensed I moved away.  He may be Human, but he retained many aspects of his Time Lord self and he sensed what was about to happen.  They all exited…  Too much time, they’re taking too long…  They must be warned, but such a moment… it can’t wait.  This universe is sealing itself off, forever!  I call out, “Hurry!”_  
  
 _When Donna and the Doctor returned to me, I nestled closer to my master.  He needed me, needed the courage for what was about to happen… and what he knew was the unavoidable future.  Donna, oh sweet Donna, we thought we'd have more time with you.  I don’t want to disturb my master, his heart is aching enough.  Donna is a slight comfort for him.  But, if I push Donna instead…  She doesn’t understand our connection yet… just a slight push, perhaps my Doctor wouldn’t feel so guilty about it…  And now he sees, he understands what he must do.  And he saves her, he now knows that it was the DoctorDonna who had to die, not his other self.  Must not let him see that this affects me as well, must maintain…  He leaves with Donna and returns alone.  Oh, my Doctor, I offer all I can, the humming of the engines a soft light and a gentle mental hug… and it’s not enough, I know it’s not enough._  
  
Though Cridhe slept, they could hear her saying, "I wish I could do more for you, my Doctor, I wish I could heal you, as you've healed so many others." 

Jack and the Doctor were sitting at the table in the conference room of the Hub while she was still sleeping on the couch.  Jack had just set down two mugs of tea.  The Doctor looked at Jack questioningly.  Jack replied, “I can’t do coffee.  Haven’t since…” 

The Doctor merely nodded his head in silent understanding.  Jack sat in one of the chairs and picked up a piece of paper.  
  
"She's human... at least according to the tests I ran, as human as me," Jack was saying as he reviewed the test results. 

"Jack," the Doctor retorted, "You know that's not saying much, right?" 

Things between the Doctor and Jack had been different ever since the events that led to and included The-Year-That-Never-Was.  Even though Jack still frustrated and annoyed the Doctor with his various antics (especially the ones of a sexual nature), the Doctor trusted Jack and was secretly pleased when he learned Cridhe had materialized the TARD - Police Box - in the Hub.  So although the Doctor was somewhat serious with his question, there was a playful edge to it.  
  
They both looked over at her, she was not sweating anymore, but the Doctor was afraid to leave her, he did not want her to wake up alone in a strange place.  He sighed and grunted heavily, running his hands vigorously through his already messy hair.  "I know that look," Jack said over his mug of tea. 

The Doctor's tea, untouched, sat in front of him.  Jack put his mug down as he said, "Out with it.  What do you know that you haven't said yet?" 

Frustrated, the Doctor, sighed, "I don't know...  I mean, I'm nearly certain...  But I would hate to start acting on the intuition and discover that I'm wrong, only to find out I've somehow harmed her.  But, then the only way to know for sure is to ask, but I don't know if she's aware enough, or knows enough to be able..." 

"Doctor!  What's going on with her," Jack interrupted the vocal stream of consciousness.   

* * *

The Doctor took a deep breath and leaned back in the chair, so the front legs rose off the ground, "She's the TARDIS, Jack." 

Jack rolled his eyes to express he knew that already. 

The Doctor continued, ignoring him, letting the chair rock back in place and leaning forward on the table, wrapping his hands around his mug.  "You don't understand.  She's the TARDIS: all of time and space; the ability to control and manipulate the Vortex.  1162 years of my life, all 11 incarnations, and all of my companions, - yes, you too - not to mention the Time Lord that used her before me.  And add to that her biological growth, those who nurtured and cared for her - or, rather who didn't, in her case.  Worse still, the abuses she suffered:  abandoned by her first master; The Time War; becoming a picture drawing; The-Year-That-Never-Was with her as a Paradox Machine, bringing the Toclafanes; her deaths in other universes; the Daleks dumping her in the _Crucible's_ heart.  Everything!  All of that knowledge and experience - packed into that little human frame." 

The Doctor had gestured towards Cridhe as he said the last bit.  Jack smiled and said playfully, "Sounds like she's perfect for you." 

"Jack, will you for one moment drop the sex talk and consider what all that means," the Doctor pleaded. 

"Don't know, Doc, guess you'll have to tell me," Jack responded putting his hands behind his head, while he waited for an answer. 

The Doctor looked over at the sleeping Cridhe and said with great sorrow, "There are a couple possibilities, neither good.  It could be like Rose, when she looked into... well, her... or like Donna and my Time-Lord mind.  If that's the case, her human frame can't take it and it'll kill her and probably before we figure out how to get her back into the TAR - the Central Column." 

The Doctor paused, finally taking a drink of his tea.  "The other possibility," he continued, "Is that physically, emotionally and mentally she really can handle it, but doesn't know how to in human form and the problem with that - this has never happened before!  There's no one who is able to teach her.  And if she doesn't learn, _that_ could lead to her death."   
  
Jack looked at him, lowering his arms and becoming serious, "You couldn't?" 

The Doctor shook his head taking another sip from his mug, "I've been trying.  Trying to help her explore these feelings in a human way, getting her to talk about them, feel them with her human form.  But, I'm the one who ends up crying, while she ends up..." 

"Making herself sick," Jack finished for him. 

The Doctor nodded drinking his tea.  Then the full realization of the situation hit Jack, "But if she dies then you're..." 

"Stuck," whispered the Doctor, "Yeah." 

Jack looked at him sympathetically, but with intent, "I was going to say alone.  More alone than you are now... you talked before about being connected to the TARDIS… if she dies… would you?" 

The Doctor must have found something incredibly interesting in his cup of tea, the way he was examining it.  He did not answer Jack’s question, because a part of him was not sure, she was the only connection he had left to Gallifrey.  Jack got up and moved to sit on the corner of the table near the Doctor.   
  
The Doctor did not seem to notice that Jack had moved, so Jack placed a hand on the Doctor's shoulder, "Doctor, if anyone can do this...  It's you!" 

The Doctor simply shifted his gaze to look at Cridhe. 

"Maybe you're going about it all wrong," Jack said as he released the Doctor's shoulder.  The Doctor's attention snapped to Jack at the word "wrong." 

Jack caught a faint glimpse of hope in the Doctor's eyes and felt deep pity for him.  This Doctor, who had saved so many others, so many times, through anything, was grasping at straws for any amount of hope. 

"Maybe," Jack continued, "You don't need to show her how to be human.  Maybe she needs to be... the TARDIS... as she is now." 

The Doctor looked back at her, as Jack's words took a minute to sink in.  Then understanding crossed the Doctor's face and he jumped out of his chair, looked at Jack and said, "She's the TARDIS, Jack!" 

Jack nodded, confused.   
  
The Doctor started dancing in circles, "No, she _is_ the TARDIS!" 

Jack replied, "You already knew that, you've known that for awhile." 

The Doctor continued spinning around and was pulling at his hair as he was repeating "She is the TARDIS" emphasizing different words each time he said it.  He was ginning manically.  Finally, he looked at Jack and said, "You're brilliant!" 

The Doctor then took Jack's face in his hands and kissed Jack on the forehead.  That action, more than the Doctor's words, convinced Jack of the joy the Doctor felt in that moment. 

"Well, thank you," Jack replied, referring to the kiss more than the compliment. 

The Doctor put on his glasses, rushed over to Cridhe and looked her over - head to toe; resisting the urge to lick her for more information, figuring it would only give him information on her human biology anyway.  Jack came around to the other side of the table, but stayed in that part of the room, so he would not distract the Doctor.  He leaned back against the table, arms across his chest as he watched, trying to figure out what his brilliant idea had been.

* * *

The Doctor then took one of Cridhe's gloved hands into his own.  The flash of confidence he had shown a moment before faltered.  He did not know if he could do this... if it should be him.  But then, there literally was no one else.  He kissed the knuckles of the hand he held and then gently placed it back at her side.  He took off his glasses, put them away and taking a deep breath, trying to regain some courage, said, "Well, here goes everything." 

He had not wanted to jinx it by saying "here goes nothing."  He placed his hands on either side of her head, touching his fingers to her temples, resting his thumbs on her cheekbones and closed his eyes.  He did not push into her mind as he usually did with this action, but he also made sure not to let her push into his.  And there it was, the quiet and constant hum that he was used to and a smile broke across his lips.   
  
After a few minutes, Cridhe began to stir as if waking from a dream.  He left his hands where they were and when she opened her eyes, she said, "It’s you." 

He smiled, opening his eyes and looked down at her, "Hello." 

She looked at his hands on her head and reached up to brush his right hand, said, "Love the hand," and smiled. 

He chuckled, still leaving his hands on her head, "So, feeling better then?" 

"Much," came her reply.  Then she paused, looking confused, "Doctor, what's wrong with me?" 

He closed his eyes, removed his hands and then opened his eyes again, "Come on, let's sit you up." 

He helped her up, as he adjusted himself to sit next to her in order to support her.  She held her head, "Doctor, I need to lie down again." 

The Doctor kept her upright and began to take off one of her gloves, she started to fight him, but he calmly said, "Nah, ah, ah.  It'll be alright.  Trust me."  He got her left glove off and took her hand.  The connection was reestablished and she immediately felt better.  
  
Cridhe looked at the Doctor's hand and felt his mind.  Then, a memory began to stir from long ago and she offered a soft smile. 

"I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out.  I should have realized that with you being in a new form, you'd need psychic energy," he said out-loud, more for Jack's benefit than hers. 

In cue, Jack said, "What doya mean?" 

They turned to look at Jack and Cridhe beckoned him to join them on the couch.  Jack paused, so Cridhe encouraged, "Really, it's okay."  Then she closed her eyes saying, "I'm...  I need..." 

The Doctor cut her off, "It's okay.  Relax into it, I'll explain, you don't have to." 

The Doctor could tell by the hum in his head that she let herself fall into the psychic pathways he was offering.  When Jack had joined them, he looked at the Doctor, "So explain it to me."   
  
The Doctor squeezed Cridhe's hand and explained, "A TARDIS is grown, not built.  But, they are psychic and they need telepathic nurturing for their growth and development.  Once all the circuitry for time travel has been introduced, the TARDIS and a Time Lord have a merging of minds.  They are forever bonded, well, unless a TARDIS is willing to accept a new master, but that is rare and usually only after the former master has died.” 

Jack replied, "I remember reading that a TARDIS must have the psychic energy of a Time Lord to live." 

The Doctor replied, “Symbiotic - sort of, but specifics aren’t important to this.”   
  
Jack continued, "Okay, but that doesn't explain what's happening with her.  You two haven’t been separated or anything." 

The Doctor looked at her, "Well, I'm not exactly sure, but I think when she made herself human, it reset part of the process.  We figured out, by accident, that she still had a psychic link through the skin - there's that hand again."  He grinned as he raised his right hand that was holding Cridhe's hand.  "But, I just thought that the way we maintain the connection had changed.  I didn't take into account that, since she was born again she might need to reestablish the psychic connections as a TARDIS... in this form," the Doctor finished slowly looking at Jack. 

A smile spread across Jack's face, "So what I said..." 

"Oh yes!" the Doctor replied with a cheeky grin.  
  
Jack studied the pair, "So, does it have to be hands?" 

The Doctor shook his head, "No, for her, any skin contact will do." 

Jack smirked, "I was right, she is perfect for you." 

The Doctor sighed and Cridhe said, "Sitting right here," and a smile spread across her lips. 

Jack smirked and looked at the interlaced fingers, "Does it have to be Time Lord?  Or can anyone...." 

The Doctor considered Jack for a minute, "Well, anyone with an awareness of psychic powers, but depending on the strength and ability of that person, it might take longer... a good amount of it depends on the TARDIS as an individual." 

The Doctor fully expected Jack to ask to help, but instead, Jack asked how long it would take for her to recover fully.   

* * *

The Doctor looked at Cridhe and she opened her eyes and looked at him, then looked down in shame.  The Doctor caressed her cheek with his free hand.  Jack watch the exchange knowing that a conversation was taking place of which he was not a part. 

"Doctor," Jack interrupted them. 

"Ah, we don't know just now, sorry," was the reply. 

Jack sighed, "Well, if you need to maintain contact, you both might be more comfortable in the guest bedroom." 

The Doctor glared at Jack.  "I didn’t mean that, honest, I just thought you both might be more comfortable lying down.” 

The Doctor raised an eyebrow, “You don’t sleep here, that's new.” 

“It’s easier to live in a flat than here," Jack explained somewhat sadly. 

The Doctor looked at Jack with compassionate understanding, nodded and said, "Thank you." 

Jack nodded his head and made a move to get up, but Cridhe stopped him with her hand on his thigh.  The Doctor looked at her and again they were conversing without Jack.  
  
Finally, the Doctor sighed reservedly and looked at Jack, "Take off her other glove." 

Jack looked at him confused, but with the Doctor's encouraging nod, did as he was told.  Once Jack had removed her glove, the Doctor said, "Now, take her hand." 

Jack raised an eyebrow, but did this. The Doctor continued, "Now, relax, you don't have to do anything.  Just think about your mind being open and the rest... will happen." 

Jack started, "But, what’s going to happen?  How will I..." 

"Don't think." the Doctor ordered, then softly, "Just open your mind." 

Jack closed his eyes and after a few minutes gasped, "I hear her humming; it's no different than when we were on the TA - the Police Box."  He became almost giddy. 

"Calm breaths, Jack, open mind, don't think," the Doctor encouraged.   
  
Once Jack had settled back into it, Cridhe allowed her memories of Jack holding on to her for dear life through the Vortex to surface.  She had understood how "wrong" he was - fixed points were not supposed to happen.  Yet, he was "Jack," it was very confusing for her.  She thought it best to shake him free.  She had gone as far as she possibly could and yet he hung on for dear life.  They all smirked at the irony of that thought.  
  
During The-Year-That-Never-Was, she accepted that a "wrong Jack" was better than the Master, _any_ day!  She shared about being transformed into the Paradox Machine.  The only human equivalent she could muster was rape.  Both the Doctor and Jack shuddered at that, but she held fast to them.  She shared the great pain and frustration that she had been the one to bring such destruction to the Doctor's Beloved Earth.  She shared her extreme loneliness that she had felt during that year - separated from everyone and everything else.   
  
She shared her pain and sorrow, knowing there was nothing she could do.  She showed how she wanted to die, but was not allowed the freedom she knew death would bring.  She shared how Jack freed her in a blaze of bullets.  She shared what the bullets did to her, but how she had not felt the pain, because she saw death as a freedom from the horror the Master had done.  She shared about the repairs they had made together and through those, how she had come to accept Jack again, completely.  Finally, she shared her happiest moment:  towing the Earth home from the Medusa Cascade.  She showed the joy and excitement they all experienced and shared her own personal understanding that it was the single greatest thing she has ever done.  
  
A tear slid down Jack's cheek he mumbled, "I'm sorry, I can't.  I just can't, sorry," and let go of her hand. 

Immediately, the humming in his head was gone, along with all the images and feelings.  The Doctor looked at him, reached over to pat his knee and responded, "Its okay." 

Jack was in awe of the Doctor at that point, "But, for you...  You still hear it?" 

The Doctor looked at Cridhe and replied, "All the time," in a haunting echo of a similar conversation he had with Donna on the Ood-Sphere.  The Doctor did not feel like explaining the details, so left it at that… now, it was much more complex.  Now, he could not really feel it all the time and he missed it.  Jack sat in silence a few minutes, "How do you stand it?" 

The Doctor looked at him with a raised eyebrow and simply stated, "Time Lord." 

Jack nodded, though he thought there might be more to it than that.  The Doctor considered Jack for a moment, "You know, most of the time I need to help people with this." 

"Ya, well Time Agent and all that," Jack said, obviously not wanting to talk about the time he had connected to the TARDIS, when the Doctor had not. "Besides, I've learned a lot these past few years," he finished softly. 

The Doctor only nodded, not wanting to force Jack to talk about the pain he had experienced.  Not to mention his own lingering regret that he had not learned about the _4-5-6_ in time.  Jack yawned, "But, I need some shut-eye, I’ll stay here tonight, so I’m gonna need the couch.  Be right back." 

* * *

When they were alone again, the Doctor looked at Cridhe, knowing she probably mentally overextended herself, he spoke, "That was an amazing gift you gave him... and... me." 

She offered a tired smile and nodded her head slightly to acknowledge his compliment.  Then the smile faded, "I know it's not enough." 

The Doctor took his free hand and caressed her cheek with the back of his index finger, "It will be, when you're stronger, it will be." 

Jack came back into the room with bedding for the couch, "I set out some spare clothes that you should be able to use for sleep-wear.  I know you two probably won't sleep,” he paused with a cheeky grin before continuing, “since you two don’t seem to do that, but it might be more comfortable than what you’re wearing.  There's an en suite up there too with a shower and a tub, should you need it." 

Then Jack took Cridhe's free hand in his, "Make yourself at home, I know what I offer pales in comparison to what you offered me, but, you're family."  Jack kissed her hand then let it go and said to the Doctor, "That goes for you too!" and he kissed the Doctor on the lips.   
  
Any other time, the Doctor would have been annoyed with that, but just then, he had nothing but gratitude, so nodded and then led Cridhe to Jack's bedroom.  She released his hand and went back to Jack.  She used her hand to encourage his face to come near hers and whispered, “You saved me, Captain Jack Harkness, and so saved the world.”  She kissed him chastely on the lips, said, “Thank you,” before returning to the Doctor’s side. 

They left together.  Jack was stunned to hear that, after everything that had happened with the 4-5-6, but a part of him just accepted what she said.  Jack watched them go, smirking to himself, "Totally made for each other!" 

Then he prepared the couch so he could get some sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

When they got to the bedroom the Doctor left Cridhe to change, took the clothes Jack had left for him and he went to the en suite to fill the tub.  He knew it would not be as good as a Zero Room, but it was all he had.  He looked through Jack’s supplies, found some bubbles and poured them in.  Again, not ideal, but they would afford some modesty for both of them.  Then, he changed into the shorts and t-shirt Jack had left for him.  When the tub was full, he turned off the water and peaked back into the bedroom.  Cridhe was sitting on the bed in a T-shirt that seemed 10 sizes too big for her.  The Doctor came out with his clothes and draped them on a chair.  Then he walked over to her, said, “Follow me,” and led her to the en suite. 

He knew she still was not herself when she did not make any comments about the clothes he was wearing.  Once there, he closed the door and looked at her.  Some color had returned to her skin, but in the large t-shirt, she looked more fragile than before.  He stood there looking at her while scratching the back of his head nervously.  He also was turning slightly pink, but it was not do to the steam in the room, “Umm - uh,” he stuttered, “Right, well.  This is the nearest thing to a Zero Room we have.  Except, for it to work well… it’s… a… best if…” 

He had no idea why he was so nervous.  He had never gotten jittery when it came to fixing her before.  She looked at him with a confused expression, “Doctor, just tell me what I need to do.” 

“You need to take off your clothes,” he sputtered out before he lost the nerve to say it. 

“Ah!  Why didn’t you just say so,” she replied and started to take off the shirt. 

“Oi! Stop!” the Doctor said, “I’m going to turn around and then you can and get yourself lying down in the tub.  When you’re ready, let me know.” 

The Doctor turned himself around, trying to get collected and was glad that Jack could neither see nor hear this conversation:  he would never hear the end of it!   
  
The Doctor heard the soft sound of the water moving as Cridhe lowered into the tub.  “Ready, I think,” she said at last. 

The Doctor turned and sighed with relief when he discovered that the bubbles hid everything well enough.  He took a small hand towel and placed it under her head then knelt on a towel he had placed next to the tub.  He looked at her, “Are you comfortable?” 

She nodded. 

“Close your eyes and let yourself float,” he instructed her. 

When she seemed relaxed, he placed his fingers on her temples and rested his thumbs on her cheekbones.  Again, he felt the familiar hum and offered her psychic pathways to explore.  He found himself resting in the calm and gentle hum with which he was so familiar.  Neither one kept track of how long they had been like that, but the bath water had gone from being a relaxing hot to an uncomfortable lukewarm that was making Cridhe shiver.   
  
The Doctor removed his hands from her head and said, “You’re getting cold, why didn’t you say.” 

He tried to ignore the fact that there were not many bubbles left.  She looked at him and said, “I d-don’t know, is t-this what that is?” 

Reality crashed around the Doctor again, _of course she wouldn’t know, she’s still learning her human self_!  He stood and got a large fluffy towel for her and closed his eyes as she wrapped herself in it and got out of the tub. “I – I’m gonna step out and let you get dressed,” he said, all his nerves returning, “Call if you need anything.” 

She simply nodded her understanding and heard the door click shut.  Once she dried off, used the loo and put the t-shirt and knickers back on, she came out.  The Doctor had been sitting on the edge of the bed, but stood when she returned, mentioned that he’d be right back and took his turn.  When The Doctor opened the door again, he saw Cridhe sitting there.  Her hair was a wet tangled mess, still dripping and soaking her shirt.  He looked around for a brush, but did not find one.  He sighed and went to sit next to her on the bed.  He took the towel and began to dry her hair.  He studied her intently as he dried her hair.  Each moment, it seemed she looked better physically, but emotionally more pained.  He started to comb through her hair with his fingers, trying to be gentle that his fingers did not pull too hard on the ringlets.  The action stirred a memory for him, of when he had done something similar for his wife, daughters and granddaughters on Gallifrey.  Rather than bringing pain, the memory was quite reassuring.  This was a side of himself he would never allow his companions to see, not even Romana.  He started to enjoy it.   
  
After a couple minutes, she sighed heavily and pulled away from him and as she did, the memory faded.  He looked after her, somewhat shocked at the sudden loss of the memory, “Did I hurt…” 

She shook her head and held herself in a hug.  “I’ve failed,” she finally said, not much above a whisper.  “I was supposed to help you and all that’s been happening has been you helping me.” 

He grinned, trying to lighten her mood, “Well, I am the Doctor.” 

A small smile crossed her lips in spite of her other feelings.  She turned to face him, “Tomorrow…  I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.” 

He raised an eyebrow, “Yeah, Cridhe, and how are you gonna manage that?” 

She looked at him, grinned and winked, “I’m bigger on the inside, remember?” 

He noted the grin did not reach her eyes, nor did her eyes twinkle.  
  
Cridhe looked like she was going to loose her balance, the Doctor, got up to help her to bed.  He turned down the blankets and got her tucked in.  He went to the other side and turned out the lights.  There was a soft ambient light around the walls.  It was almost golden in color, very reminiscent of the TARDIS.  He sat crossed-legged on top of the covers, facing her.  He was trying to figure out why they had been so terrified to touch each other, once they learned of the connection.  It was so calming and soothing for him, yet she wanted to be treated as a human, but she was not completely human.  Then he considered how she was going to take him somewhere.  He felt frustrated and sighed. 

“Doctor, you’re gonna catch cold like that, I don’t bite… often.”  She nearly giggled and continued, “Get under here.” 

He sighed knowing his Old Girl was right, and maneuvered himself under the blankets.   The Doctor found Cridhe’s hand and took it in his own, the comforting hum of her presence returned to his mind.  She settled into the pathways again.  He sighed and spoke aloud, “I wish I had been there for you the first time…” 

“You’re here now,” was all she could mumble before she fell asleep. 

The hum in his mind continued as he too, drifted off to sleep, knowing that tonight, he would not have any nightmares and neither would she.

* * *

The Doctor woke first the next morning.  He figured he had slept about six hours, an excessive amount for him.  He calmed himself by remembering, this could be like regeneration sickness and extra sleep was not unusual.  He was still holding Cridhe's hand and turned to look at her.  For the first time since everything started, she looked completely at peace and completely healthy.  The hum in his head was stronger than it had been... less hesitant... almost like she was comfortable in her new skin.  She stirred slightly, letting a soft moan escape her lips.  He had to resist the urge to push into her mind to see her dreams.  She had said that she came to help him and all that was happening was his helping her.  She was distraught by that and as he lay there watching her; he decided that perhaps her taking him on a trip was exactly what they needed.  
  
The Doctor released Cridhe's hand, got himself up and dressed, then lay on the bed next to her, again taking her hand in his.  After a bit, she slowly opened her eyes and found herself looking into his eyes.  A smile crossed her lips and she said, “It’s you.” 

He grinned back at her, "I didn't wake you, did I?" 

She shook her head, "No, I know you've been up for awhile, though." 

She looked at their linked hands to indicate she noticed the break in connection.  He smiled sheepishly, forgetting that of course she would be able to sense a break when they were not touching.  Her smile broadened, "I'm actually surprised you slept as long as you did." 

He looked down on her, "Well, not having dreams helped.  Of course, now I won't be tired for a few days." 

She smirked, "Typical."   
  
Cridhe paused, "So, any ideas of where you want to go?" 

He looked confused, "I still don't understand what you mean." 

She became serious, "You said yourself, all of time and space crammed into this little body.  So, where do you want to go?" 

He looked at her a bit shocked:  she had heard that entire conversation.  His eyebrows nearly reaching his hairline, "But, you can't... like this..." 

She released his hand and rolled onto her side using her elbow to prop herself up.  "I'm still the TARDIS, my dear Doctor.  Though admittedly, I'm a bit more fragile in this body and I won't be able to protect you like normal, but the Time Vortex...  I still have control over that, even you said.  So, where would you like to go?" 

She looked at him intently and he offered no reply.  Then she sat up, looking down on him, "I know exactly where!" 

The Doctor raised an eyebrow, "Yeah, where?" 

She beamed, "The one place you would never ask me to take you, the one place you would never go on your own, the one place you probably couldn’t get to – considering, but now... now, you have me and we can go together... Gallifrey!"  
  
The Doctor sat there staring at Cridhe, his eyes so wide they looked like white orbs with a chocolate center.  “N-no,” he began, “You can’t.” 

She looked at him, “Firstly, breathe, Doctor, your respiratory by-pass is kicking in.”  She waited for him to regulate his breathing, “And Bee, of course I can.  Just because you Time Lords think you know everything about the Vortex and how Space and Time work, doesn’t mean you actually do.” 

He shook his head, “But it was destroyed in the Time War and the entire War is time-locked, which means it doesn’t exist in any reality outside of the War.” 

She looked at him, “I suppose you said the same thing to Dalek Caan.” 

A flint of anger flowed through him and Cridhe saw it as well.  “No good can come from going there,” he said, flatly, trying to control his anger. 

She looked at him darkly, “Are you certain?” 

He matched her tone, “More certain than anything else in my life.” 

She slowly smiled, “I’m so proud of you!” she whispered.   
  
The Doctor looked at her confused, hurt and angry, “What do you mean?  What was that?  A test?” 

Cridhe took his hand in her own and though the familiar hum was there, she spoke, “Yes, honestly.  The time was, not too long ago, that you would have jumped at that offer.  Not too long ago, the time was, you would have done anything to rewrite that history.  Before I showed you what I am capable of, I had to be certain of your convictions.  I’m sorry, but a vengeful Time Lord with my power,” her voice trailed off. She repeated, “I’m sorry.” 

He closed his eyes, swallowing hard to lower his anger, “I understand.  Time Lords vowed to never interfere, yet we did all the time and none more than me.” 

She nodded her agreement gently playing with a tuft of his hair, the way a child might.  They sat in companionable silence, each feeling the mental energy of the other.  “So,” she said, “Where do you want to go?”   
  
The Doctor looked at Cridhe and a bright smile crossed his lips.  She blushed slightly under his gaze, “What?” 

He said, “Well, I never thought, before, to know… to ask things… about you…  Where you come from, how you grew up.  How about we go to Anthozoa?” 

Her face fell slightly and her hand went limp in his, “I don’t know if I remember.  It was so long ago.  I haven’t been back since…” 

He looked at her, squeezed her hand and said, “Your mind betrays your words.” 

She smirked sadly; the mental connection was so comfortable that she had forgotten the access the pair had to each other.  She hesitated, “But, that’s just DNA…” 

He beamed again, “And when has that been wrong?” 

She pondered his words and then there was a knock at the door.   
  
“Come in,” the Doctor said. 

Jack came in yawning and stretching, “I knew you two wouldn’t sleep.” 

The Doctor and Cridhe just looked at each other knowingly.  Jack noticed the Doctor was dressed and Cridhe was not, “Hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.” 

“Jack!” they responded in unison. 

Jack just looked at the pair and offered a cheeky grin, “I’ve got some work to do today, so I need to get ready.  You two are more than welcome to sta…” 

“No thank you,” the Doctor replied hopping off the bed quickly. 

He picked up Cridhe’s things and said, “Come on, let’s let Jack do his thing.” 

“I haven’t started breakfast yet,” Jack said as they were walking out, “But I’m sure you two can figure something out.”  
  
The pair walked back to the conference room and wandered around the corner where there was a kitchen.  The Doctor looked at Cridhe in Jack’s shirt and handed her the pile of clothes, “Here, I’ll deal with breakfast and you go change, I think I saw another loo on the other side of the hall.” 

She replied, "No, it's breakfast, it won't take long.  I'll set the table." 

The Doctor sighed shaking his head, "Whatever you say." 

He would eventually have to teach her about proper attire, especially around Jack, but knew that right now, it would be pointless.  She set her clothes down, found the plates and silverware and began to set the table, while the Doctor finished fixing breakfast.  Jack joined them a short time later.

* * *

They all sat down together to a delicious breakfast prepared by the Doctor.  Again, there was lively conversation.  Again, Cridhe broke in with a question, "Jack, can I ask a favor?" 

The Doctor looked somewhat concerned but Jack beamed at the question, "Anything, love." 

She gulped and said, "Well, the Doctor and I... we have some things that need doing.  Is it okay if we leave the Police Box here for the time being?  And... if we use the Hub as a Grounding Point?" 

Jack had been nodding in agreement up to the final part, "What do ya mean, 'Grounding Point.'" 

The Doctor took over, "Well, without the mechanics of the TA - Police Box, she'll need something to ground her to the point in space and time that the Police Box is located." 

"You're going to travel," Jack asked, "Like that?" 

Cridhe looked down somewhat embarrassed.  The Doctor simply nodded, giving Jack a pointed look not to press the issue farther.  Jack said, "Well, then, of course you can.  I was serious when I said y'all are family." 

She smiled, got up and kissed Jack on the cheek, "Thank you much!"  She beamed and continued giddily, "And now, I think I should go change because travel like this,” as she gestured to her outfit, “Don’t be so daft!” 

She grabbed her clothes and nearly skipped out the room.  Once she had left the room, the Doctor looked at Jack and smiled.  "Doctor," Jack said questioningly. 

The Doctor looked apprehensive, but spoke, "I have a favor to ask as well." 

Jack looked at him, eyebrows raised.  "I'd like to have your Vortex Manipulator," the Doctor said. 

"Oh, come on Doc.  Every time you disable it, I get it working again, can't you just leave it," Jack protested. 

The Doctor shook his head, "It's not like that...  It's Cridhe...  If she gets lost or hurt...  I need a safety net." 

Jack looked at the Doctor shocked, "You don't trust her, after everything you said last night?" 

The Doctor shook his head, "It's not about trust.  It's about safety.  There's no way to know how accurate she'll be, I just want to have a way to protect her." 

Jack got up from the table and said, "Well, then it's a good thing I've been working on this," as he walked into the Hub proper. 

The Doctor followed.  Jack went to a locked drawer and produced a second wrist-strap, "It's still in the testing phase but everything works on it.  Of course, the Vortex Manipulator is what needs testing, but..." 

"Good," the Doctor interrupted, "Then I'll take the one you're wearing." 

Jack pouted and said, "Okay, but I'm not doing it for you.  I'm doing it for her and I assume you don't want her to know about it." 

The Doctor smiled knowingly, "Well, I don't want to discourage her from using her abilities."  He added in his cheeky manner, "If we ever get her back into the Police Box, she'll be worse than before." 

Jack smirked, remembering all the tricks she played on the occupants.  "Fair enough." 

As they returned to the conference room, the Doctor put the wrist-strap on and adjusted his shirt and jacket over it.  Just then, Cridhe came back.  The Doctor looked at her and beamed, “We did a great job on you!” 

She turned a shade of pink and nodded her thanks. Jack looked at the two of them and said, "Well, you two better get going, people will start showing up soon.  Don’t look at me like that, I know it’s Saturday, it was a busy week.  I'll take care of the Police Box." 

"Thank you," the Doctor replied, but Cridhe sensed he was thanking Jack for more than just the care they had been shown. 

Jack crossed over to her and kissed her on the cheek, "You take care of him now.  You know he has a habit of getting himself into trouble." 

She beamed, "I will, in some ways that'll be easier now that he can't leave me behind." 

Jack looked at the Doctor, "She's got a point, that 'no wanderin' off' rule that you keep spouting." 

The Doctor just smiled, "We'll take care of each other." 

Jack winked at him, "You'd better!"  
  
Cridhe and the Doctor made their way back to where the Police Box was standing.  Each put their jackets on and looked at the other.  The Doctor asked, "Are you sure about doing this?  You don't have to impress me, you know." 

She looked up to him, "Is that what you think this is?  Remember, you chose Anthozoa." 

He grinned, "Right you are!  Well, no time like the present." 

She giggled, "Or the past or the future," and winked. 

He laughed as well, "Alright, so how does this work?" 

She considered for a minute, "It shouldn't be much different than the Police Box.  I think it… and there I am...  Oh wait, that would be much different, since you're always controlling the mechanics of the Box." 

She was playful with the last bit, but it still stung the Doctor.  She held out her hand, "Ready?" 

The Doctor took a hesitant gulp, took her hand and said, "Ready!" 

She closed her eyes and Jack saw them disappear.


	7. Chapter 7

Cridhe and the Doctor reappeared both gasping for breath and stumbling a bit.  “Wow!  That’s worse than time hopping,” he said shaking his head and trying to maintain his balance. 

She had regained hers first, “True, but more accurate.  Of course, I hadn’t taken into consideration transporting two.  It was not what I expected.” 

Both were happy, though, ready for some adventure.  After a few more moments of adjusting, they started to look around.  They were on a desolate rock, with not much atmosphere.  Enough to breathe, but breathing was difficult.  The rock was scorched black and some of it crumbled to ash under their feet.  The only light they had was from two nearby planets and the twinkling stars.  As Cridhe looked around, she suddenly cried, “No!” and took off running. 

The Doctor tried to keep up, which was unusual for him, he was used to being in the lead when it came to running.  They ran for about a kilometer and the landscape remained barren.  Ahead, he could see a cliff; Cridhe did not seem to notice it as she continued at break-neck speed.  The Doctor caught her just before she went over the edge.  The edge was into the vastness of space.  The Doctor wrapped his arms around her and with all his weight flung both of them backwards to the ground.  As they lay there again trying to breathe, he mumbled about how humans felt when they thought the Earth was flat.  He noted now, that their fears might not have been as unfounded as he had thought when he helped them realize the truth.  
  
Cridhe stood up, slowly approached the edge of the rock and looked out into the star-speckled Space around her.  She was shaking her head in disbelief.  The Doctor gathered himself up, dusted himself off and approached her cautiously.  He gently placed his hand on her shoulder.  She said, “It shouldn’t have reached this far.” 

He looked down at her, but waited for her to finish.  “None of it… it should have stopped just there,” she was pointing to a part of space that obviously in her memory had held a planet or a star - or some identifying feature.  She scanned the skies; she was hoping she got the location wrong, it had been a long time since she had been here, after all.  She took a few quick steps away from the cliff, the Doctor followed behind closely.  She was pointing and seemed to be performing calculations in her head.  
  
The Doctor was trying to get his own bearings, which was proving difficult without the information she usually provided him via the monitors.  He watched her closely, and then noticed she was pointing to the dead space and counting.  He presumed she was counting missing planets and stars.  He began to perform his own analysis and he realized his specific location.  He had never been here before and only knew its location vaguely.  She was among the last of her kind to have been transplanted to Gallifrey.  Once the Time Lords had enough Coral, they would divide the plants and grow their own.  After that, there had been no need to return here.  Then it dawned on him:  The Time War!  He looked around, unable to believe that anything had survived.  He could tell from the expression on her face that the same realization had come to her.  He again reached out to her and said, “I’m so s...” 

“Don’t say it!” she interrupted, taking a few more steps backwards and covering her ears, “Just don’t even say it!”  
  
The Doctor swallowed hard.  A part of him wished he had not asked to come here.  As he looked up again, he could make out the blank space where he was sure Gallifrey had once been.  He was so engrossed in the sky that he did not see Cridhe running again.  When he noticed, he went after her.  They ran for another kilometer in a direction perpendicular to where they had run before.  She slowed down and as the Doctor caught up to her, he heard her say, “It should be here.” 

She took off running again, a third direction from the other two they had come.  After running only half a kilometer, she fell to the ground and started digging.  The Doctor heard her saying, “If it's not here, then I have to find a way back, I have to get back.”  
  
When digging her way to the past proved fruitless, she took rocks and began scraping her arms with them.  She was muttering, “I can’t do it like this, I need to get rid of this flesh.” 

She thought if she could get rid of it, then she could return to the soil of her birth and bring it back to life.  At first, the Doctor let her carry on, knowing this was part of her grief, but then he noticed that she was scraping her arms so hard they had started to bleed.  He came to her side and grabbed one of her hands in each of his, using enough force to make her release the rocks.  
  
Although the psychic connection was made, neither had need for it, since Cridhe was releasing her emotions anyway.  She was fighting him with every ounce of her being.  _He had done this to her!  He had convinced her to help him end the Time War.  She had helped him to destroy the Daleks, Gallifrey_ and now she realized… _her own planet... her own kind_.  In that moment, she hated him.  She had to break free from his poison.  Somehow, she got her hands free and before he could grab her again, she took off running.  She ran, screaming all the way, crazed with grief and horror.  She stumbled on a rock and fell to her hands and knees.  There was something hot in her eyes and then everything went blurry.  
  
The Doctor came up behind Cridhe, trying to catch his breath.  He was about a meter away when he heard her sobbing.  She was on her hands and knees, shaking almost violently.  As she cried out, she felt something wet slide down her cheeks.  Then she felt something pattering on her hands.  This, added to her lack of vision, terrified her.  She screamed, “What’s happening to me?” 

The lump in the Doctor’s throat grew.  He reached her and before she knew what was happening, he had her wrapped in his arms.  She fought him but knew that the way he was holding her there would be no escape. 

Cridhe raged against the Doctor, cursing him in many of the languages and dialects known to her - which took an impressive amount of time.  When she was screaming in Gallifreyan, he nearly released her out of his own grief of hearing his native tongue spoken so fluently.  But, he held her fast and the surge of her anger slowly drowned in deep sorrow.  As the sorrow overwhelmed her, the tears came forth more powerfully than before.  An idea came to her.  She cupped her hands, in an effort to catch the tears.  When she thought she had enough, she rocked away from the Doctor, trying to deposit the water into the soil.  He tried to see what she was doing and let her go just enough... 

* * *

It was too much, she escaped his grasp and moved a meter away.  Cridhe was still crying, but now, hunched over, trying to water the soil with her tears.  As she calmed down and her crying became more focused, she was mumbling, "Must bring them back, enough water and they'll return." 

She had been crying so long that her tears started to fail her.  "No," she said with a panicked voice, "Not now, it's not enough.  They need more if they are to be brought back." 

At this point, the Doctor took hold of her again, telling himself to hold tight, no matter what.  She tried again to fight against him, but could feel the resolve in his grip.  She relaxed thinking she could trick him into releasing her.  Then, realized this was foolish, since they were psychically connected, he would know what she was planning.  Finally, she gave up and gave in to his embrace.  She went nearly limp in his arms.  He held her tightly and rocked her.  
  
When Cridhe was calm enough to speak lucidly, all she could mutter was, “Last of our kinds.” 

The Doctor was trying to hold back his own tears.  As he watched her, he became painfully aware of just how linked the two of them were.  He remembered the argument he had with himself, trying to find another way to end the Time War.  Then he recalled how she had helped him, been with him when he did the unimaginable.  He remembered his hope against hope that he was not the last of his kind, knowing it was a fool's hope.  Moreover, he recalled how she had cared for him, so patient and compassionate.  Seeing how Cridhe had responded today, there was a slight comfort that his home was gone and that there was no way for him to experience the pain she was currently expressing.  Yet, it devastated him to feel her suffering and know there was nothing he could do about it.  For the first time, he had a full awareness of the living creature he held in his arms.  
  
A TARDIS was just a tool, in the minds of the Time Lords.  Sure, they were psychic beings, but mostly, Time Lords did not see (nor treat) them as more than intelligent plants.  Often times, they were not even treated with that much respect.  When the Doctor had found her all those years ago, he noted there was something different about her.  Her previous owner had abandoned her as part of a punishment.  The separation was meant to inflict pain, but not enough to kill her.  However, a part of him always wondered if that experience had added to her... colorful personality.  She had sensed something different about him too, since she adopted him so quickly, though what exactly, he had never been sure.   
  
Over the past 1162 years, they each had learned of the other's history.  The Doctor knew that his TARDIS was not offered the psychic upbringing that was typical for her existence.  He learned of the abuses she suffered at the hands of her previous master.  Yet, through all that, she was never much more than a plant or servant to him… until all of this began.  This made him think about how he had treated the Ood.  He had held himself accountable for their deaths on Krop Tor, but did not know they were slaves.  When he met them again on the Oodsphere and learned of their slavery, he swore to make them free.  In all that time, he never once considered that his TARDIS might need freedom as well.  He thought of the number of years she had suffered at his hands because of his insensitivity.   
  
Now, Cridhe was human, or at least real.  _Very real_.  More than she had ever been before.  The Doctor felt her grief wash over him.  He sensed her loss of being ripped from her planet, taken from those she knew so well.  He felt that pain doubled as she helped him to end the Time War.  Now, it was worse.  Now she knew that she, like him, was the last of her kind.  And she knew she had helped cause it.  She had been counting missing stars and planets, which meant they were responsible for more destruction than what he had previously thought.  A TARDIS would know, of course she would know and understand so much more than he, a simple Time Lord, would understand.  He looked down on her in astonishment and sorrow that the Time Lords, in all their superiority would have failed to see the amazing things these creatures were capable.   
  
Still holding Cridhe the Doctor said quietly, "Don't run, you're bleeding.  I can make it stop, but I have to get the Sonic and I can't do that and keep you from running." 

She nodded her head; she lacked the strength to run anyway.  He got the Sonic Screwdriver out and still managed to keep a tight hold on her, "This might hurt a little." 

He adjusted the settings while she braced herself for the pain.  It did not hurt so much as just feel raw.  When he was satisfied with the results, he returned the Sonic to his pocket.  Barely able to speak, she croaked out, "Thank you" and took an emotional and labored breath. 

He held her, not sure what to do next.  It frustrated him that she had that kind of affect on him.  She always had, when he thought about it, but it just seemed worse now that he felt like he had to respond to her.  
  
Cridhe had calmed down while the Doctor healed her, but suddenly her loss surged through her again and she let the agony out in a blood-curdling scream.  It was like the scream he made when Rose lost her grip on the lever at Canary Wharf.  He relived the cry he released within himself as Gallifrey burned and even when the Master had died in his arms.  It was the anguished cry of bitter acceptance:  not wanting to accept the reality of death, but knowing there was no other truth.  He pulled her closer to himself, knowing that no words could comfort her.  He felt his hearts breaking.  Somehow, neither knew exactly how, they had turned themselves and held each other in a hug.  Each clinging to the other seemingly for dear life, as their tears mingled where their cheeks touched.  
  
In their grief, they had not noticed that the ground where Cridhe's tears had fallen was changing.  A blackened vine crept, slowly and silently, toward Cridhe's leg.  Suddenly, Cridhe was yanked from the Doctor's grasp.

* * *

She screamed as she was being dragged across the barren planet.  By the time he stood to follow, she was several meters ahead of him and being dragged farther away.  He started to run after her, crying out her name.  For her part, Cridhe was trying to grab onto anything she could to stop the ground from moving beneath her.  She was getting bumped, bruised and scrapped, she could tell.  The hip and knee of the leg around which the vine was wrapped was in great pain.  She looked behind her and saw the Doctor was trying to follow, but he was slowly shrinking away.  Suddenly, there was a hard yank and her head bounced against the ground rendering her unconscious.  
  
The Doctor watched in horror as Cridhe's leg was yanked in the air, causing her body to wave with the motion and saw how hard her head hit the ground.  He hoped she was unconscious because, it looked like it hurt.  He tried to pick up his pace and as he was about to get to her...  She vanished!  He shook his head in disbelief and noticed some of the ground moving.  He figured it (whatever it was) had somehow taken her underground and called out, "No, no, no, no, no!" 

When he got to the place where she disappeared, he started digging.  He figured calling out her name would be pointless, since she was most likely unconscious.  He tried to contact the creature, "You don't have to do this.  You don't have to take her.  Come out and talk and we can figure out some kind of solution."  
  
As quickly as the commotion had started, everything was silent... too silent.  The Doctor stopped his digging and stood, looking around, trying to sense any movement or creatures around him.  He felt nothing.  He sank back to his knees, put on his glass, took out the Sonic Screwdriver and began scanning the ground.  The Sonic registered a faint heartbeat about a meter below the surface, so he began to dig again, furiously.  He called out, "Cridhe," as he dug, but from the scan, knew she was unconscious and could not hear him.  
  
About five minutes later, Cridhe started to come around and took in a gasp of breath.  She inhaled dirt, rocks and dust and she began to choke.  Her entire body was aflame with pain.  She could tell that she was buried in the ground.  Even if she could move enough to try to dig her way out, she did not have a sense of which direction was up.  She tried to cry out, but the dust and dirt only found their way into her mouth that way.  She could feel the heat of tears behind her eyes.  She refused to cry, for all she knew, that is what started this mess.  Then she heard the faint cry of her name.  She did not know if she was dreaming or not, since she was getting light headed.  She did not know if that was due to lack of oxygen, the darkness or the pain in which she found herself.  
  
More time passed, the Doctor feared too much time.  He ran a new scan.  Cridhe's heartbeat was stronger, but faster.  He figured she was conscious and in shock, panicking or both, either way, he had to get to her and fast.  "Cridhe, I'm coming, just hold on," he called to her. 

He again started to curse himself for getting her to bring him here.  Even though, there was obviously no way either of them could have known what was going to happen.  For her part, Cridhe was cursing herself for wanting to bring the planet back to life.  Of course, what would remain would be only shadows of what had previously been here.  She was so stupid to let her emotions get the better of her, she never thought she would ever agree with Daleks, but right now, being buried underground, she could see their point against emotions.  
  
A part of Cridhe wanted to give up.  Were it not for knowing the Doctor was somewhere looking for her, she probably would have.  She thought on the meta-crisis that had happened.  She recalled the Doctor's words, “ _You were born in battle.  Full of blood and anger and revenge_.” 

She cursed herself again.  She really was a stupid ape!  She should have known this was going to happen.  Whatever these things were, they were as evil as the coral life had been good.  She decided the only good would be if she sacrificed herself.  Perhaps through her death, new and good life could be born.  It was at that point that she heard digging near her head and dirt and rock started to shift around her.  
  
The Doctor was digging faster now; he knew he could not be more than several centimeters above her.  Suddenly and for a brief moment, he felt her - the connection.  He must have brushed against her.  He was frantically searching.  He saw a few fingers and touched them again saying, "Cridhe, I'm here." 

Feeling his touch on her fingers was like a breath of fresh air.  She inhaled deeply, forgetting her surroundings and she started to cough.  The Doctor heard her choking, then panicked and grabbed hold of her hand to yank her out.  When he pulled on her, he had twisted her arm in a bad direction.  Pain shot through her like a knife from her shoulder to her chest.  That caused her to scream in pain and suck in more dirt, causing her to choke again.  "Sorry, I'll have to do this the slow way, just hang on."   
  
Cridhe waited, trying to be patient, not that there was anything else she could do.  She felt dirt moving from near the top of her head and heard the Doctor's reassuring voice, much stronger this time.  She tried to push up with her feet, but that only caused her hip to hurt and a sensation that her feet would never be free.  She tried to move her head to loosen the dirt around it.  The Doctor was running on adrenaline now that he had found the top of her head.  He had no way to know for sure which direction she was facing.  He was most concerned about her being able to breathe, so finding her mouth and nose was his focus.  He noticed her head moving trying to loosen the dirt around it.  He was speaking nonsense words of reassurance to her, willing her to hold on just a little bit longer.  
  
Suddenly, the Doctor's hand dug in the dirt and he felt Cridhe's forehead.  Now that he knew which direction she was facing, he had to be gentler.  He did not want to force her to inhale more dirt and dust.  He carefully moved the dirt from around her face and when she looked at him, he could see the relief in her eyes.  Once he had cleared the area around her nose and mouth, she gasped for breath and started to cough immediately.  He started to dig through his pockets and found a handkerchief that he used to wipe her face.  He looked at her and smiled, "Cridhe McTardis, I thought you knew Rule Number One: no wandering off." 

She whispered, "Doctor," and he leaned in closer to hear better, "Get me the heck out of here!" she screamed in his ear. 

He fell back and shook his head, "Blimey you can yell.  You'd give Donna Noble a run for the money."  

* * *

It was lost on the Doctor, but not on Cridhe, that this was the first time he had mentioned Donna's name casually, without wanting to break down in tears.  _At least some good came of this_ , she thought. 

He looked at her and set to trying to free her.  Now that she could talk, she could guide him about where to dig, since her arms were in such strange positions.  Once they were free, he sat back analyzing her position.  "What are you doing," she asked, "Don't stop.  Get me out." 

He looked at her, "I will, I'm just trying to figure out how to do that without hurting you." 

She sighed, "Doctor, I've been dragged how far across this planet and then planted underground.  I'm hurting everywhere, there's no way you _can_ get me out without hurting me.  But, if you don't do something soon, I'm going to figure out a way to hurt you!" 

He looked at the determination in her face and knew she was serious.

The Doctor walked behind Cridhe, set his feet firmly and wrapped his hands under her arms.  Then he said, "One, Two," and he pulled hard and fast. 

She cried in pain, "Hey!  What happened to 'three?'" 

He scratched the back of his head, "Well, I thought it would hurt less if you couldn't anticipate the pain." 

She rolled her eyes, "Ya, well, I'm still not free.  Something's wrong with my hip and knee, so I can't climb the rest of the way out alone." 

He started and said, "Oh, right!  Here you go," as he pulled her the rest of the way out and a about a meter from the hole she had been in. 

She was lying on her back, clearly in pain and he was trying to catch his breath.  He adjusted his glasses and rummaged through his pockets for his stethoscope.  He listened to her heart and lungs and decided she was not in any serious danger where they were concerned.   
  
Satisfied, the Doctor put away the stethoscope and asked, "Are you okay?" 

Cridhe looked at him, "I'm fine.  I'm... always fine." 

He raised an eyebrow at her, "That's not what you said a few minutes ago." 

She looked at him, "You asked me if I was okay, not how I was hurt or injured." 

He opened his mouth to say something and realized he could not.  He gave that answer to anyone asking the same question.  He sucked in some air and then said, "Okaaaay, you mentioned your knee and hip, anything else?" 

She looked at him as the pain overwhelmed her and a silent tear fell down her cheek and into her hair.  "I was dragged across gravel for goodness knows how long.  My entire back is killing me, then there was having my head rammed against the ground, buried alive... need I go on?" she went silent. 

He gulped and shook his head; he deserved that, though a part of him thought that being slapped would have been easier to take.   
  
The Doctor retrieved his Sonic, "Well, let me run a scan before we start to figure out how to sort you." 

Cridhe nodded her understanding.  However, even that small move was making her dizzy.  As he scanned, he noted that she had a concussion, her arm that he had pulled on was displaced, her hip was completely out of joint and her knee was sprained.  He also figured she had road rash on her back, though he would have to turn her over to know for sure.  He sighed and she looked at him, "How bad is it?" 

He said, “Well, some of the things I can take care of, but I hate to do anything without a way to lessen the pain you’re already in.” 

She looked at him, "Will your efforts make the pain _any_ less?" 

He nodded, "Some of it… more than likely." 

She said, "‘Courage isn't just a matter of not being afraid.  It's being afraid and doing what you have to do anyway.’" 

He looked at her with wide eyes and took on the tone of his Third self, “Are you going to quote me all the time?” 

She shook her head, “Only when appropriate.”  
  
The Doctor fished in his pocket again and found a pencil.  He wrapped the slightly dirty handkerchief around it and put it in Cridhe's mouth, "Bite down on this, I don't want you accidentally biting your tongue." 

She nodded, slightly afraid.  He maneuvered her shoulder to make sure it was properly in place, she barely let out a whimper, "Ihs hat ahl?" 

He shook his head, "That was the easy part.  The next one _will_ hurt." 

Her eyes became wide but she allowed him to get her into position.  He took a deep breath and put her hip back into place.  She let out a horrendous cry of pain.  He looked at her; a clammy sweat had broken out across her forehead.  He took the pencil out of her mouth, unwrapped it and used the cloth to wipe away some of the sweat.  "Ok, so now all joints are where they should be," he sighed, somewhat relieved, though he was concerned she was going into shock and he had no way to help her with that. 

He looked down at her swelling knee, knowing there was not anything he could do for that either.  The Doctor took off his coat and covered Cridhe with it.  Then, he took off his jacket, rolled it into a ball to make a pillow and placed it under her head.  He sat down next to her and took off his glasses, letting them dangle between his fingers.  He was pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand, “What was that?  What happened?” 

She shook her head, but answered, “This was a planet of… plants, for lack of a better description.  Being scorched does not mean that things are dead.  I tried to water them, to bring them back to life.” 

She sucked in the wave of emotion that was threatening to consume her.  She continued, “I didn’t think…  _Blood and war and vengeance_...  Plants aren’t supposed to move around, so the vine… planted me.” 

He looked down on her.  She watched his face as confusion, horror and finally understanding crossed it.  “So,” he began slowly, “It knew you were coral, deep down and it wanted you to bring the planet back to life.” 

She nodded sadly, “Something like that,” then she burst into tears.  
  
The Doctor rested his hand on her uninjured shoulder and dried her tears with the handkerchief, “Are you hurting more somewhere?” 

She shook her head, “We’re stranded and I won’t be able to get us home like this.  And… and we can’t stay.  They know you’ll fight for me, but that will only deter them for so long.” 

He raised an eyebrow, “Them?” 

She nodded, “As many as there were coral at the time of...  I could sense them through the soil.  And, for as good as we were, they are… evil.  They are merely shadows of our former selves.” 

He suddenly got a bit jittery, but still did not tell her about the wrist-strap he was wearing.  Sorrow washed through her again and he realized that these “evil plants” were related to her.  Her grief was not only about the loss of her species, but also about what they had become.  He was reminded of his relationship with the Master and he felt like he understood.  She wanted to save them, but it was apparent they could not be saved.

* * *

After a few minutes, Cridhe spoke, "Doctor, can I be moved?" 

He looked at her, "Possibly, moved how?" 

"My back is killing me, can I be on my stomach," she suggested. 

He had forgotten all about her road rash, "Of course!" 

He put his glasses back on and with a bit of effort on both their parts; they got her onto her stomach with little additional pain.  The Doctor took the balled up jacket and readjusted it under her head, "How's that?" he asked. 

"It's alright, would be better if the jacket was balled tighter," came her reply. 

"Nope," he popped his "p," "Can't have you too comfy, you've got a concussion and I don't want you falling asleep on me." 

She sighed.  He sat back down, cross-legged and looked at her back.  Her clothes were a tattered mess and there were places where blood was seeping through.  In other places, he could see blood-stained skin.  However, he considered, if she had not had so many layers on, it would have been much worse.  Unfortunately, it was bad enough that the Sonic would be useless.  
  
She started to close her eyes.  The Doctor did not want to cause her pain, but he did not want her falling asleep either, “Cridhe, what were you searching for earlier?” 

She opened hear eyes and tried to cock her head, succeeding in only raising an eyebrow.  He looked at her, “Earlier, you said, ‘it should be here.’  What?” 

She sighed sadly, “The Great Coral: that from which all other Coral comes.  Legend held that he would survive anything.” 

Her voice trailed off as her sadness came over her again.  The Doctor was uncomfortable, unsure how to continue, “So, it’s like a god then?” 

Her face contorted, “No, there is only One...  We all had a collective consciousness.  But, we could only trace our knowledge back to the existence of the Great Coral.”  She sighed and mumbled, “I was taken too long ago and well before I should have been.  I'm not sure I understand it well enough to explain.”   
  
The Doctor wanted to keep her talking, “’There is only One?’  What does that mean?” 

Cridhe shook her head slightly, “You don’t want to know, not really.” 

He smiled at her, “Try me.” 

She considered him for a moment, “You don’t believe in gods, so this conversation is pointless.” 

He raised an eyebrow, “You know I met the devil.” 

“Okay, so you believe in almighty Evil, but tell me, Doctor, do you believe in almighty Good?”  She waited for an answer. 

He looked at her, trying to figure out where she was going with this.  His mouth moved, but no sound came as he tried to figure out what to say.  He finally sighed and said, “All things being equal, I suppose if there’s great evil in the universe, there’s the potential for great good.” 

She smiled sadly, “Like I said, pointless...  Great good existed first.” 

He shook his head in confusion. 

She sighed, “Look around you, this planet used to be glorious.  It was Good – no, it was fantastic!” 

She said “fantastic” the way his Ninth self often would.  “Then the Time Lords came,” she continued softly, “And ultimately the War...  Now, look at it.  Good existed first, then good was pillaged, what else could this have become other than evil?” 

He looked around as she spoke but said nothing himself. 

She shrugged, “It’s alright.  I didn’t expect an answer." 

He just sat there considering what she had said.  
  
Cridhe lay quiet for a minute then changed topics, “Why the sudden interest in things about me?” 

The Doctor looked at her, pulled his legs up and draped his arms loosely around them.  She snorted.  He looked at her defensively, “What?” 

A small smile broke through, “Nothing.  If you were standing, you’re hands would be in your pockets and you’d be rocking on your heals.” 

He looked indignant, “Would n…” and he blushed, “Ok, maybe a little.” 

After a few moments, her smile fell and she looked at him silently, waiting for his answer.  He grew uncomfortable under her gaze and tugged on his ear thoughtfully.   
  
She studied him then said, “’I can feel my hair curling and that can mean either that it's going to rain... or that I'm on to something.’” 

“Would you like a Jelly Baby?” he asked, taking on the tone of his Fourth self. 

She looked serious, “That won't work on me, Doctor...  Stop stalling and answer the question.” 

He took a deep breath, “I’d love to say that I’ve always been interested, but you already know the truth of that.  I guess it’s because you were right.  You weren’t real to me before now.” 

He sighed, trying to avoid her gaze, but wanting to know how she took the news.   
  
Cridhe reached out her hand and took one of the Doctor's hands in it.  Her calming hum filled his mind and he knew she bore him no ill will.  That is what disarmed him, he discovered.  All his companions always thought he was so loving and good, but he was never half as forgiving as the creature that was currently holding his hand.  He had so much more to learn from her than he could possibly have to teach her.  Her eyes started to close and the hum started to fade.  "Cridhe, no, stay awake with me," he pleaded. 

He released her hand, which glided down his leg and to the ground.  Her eyes remained closed.  He wished he did not have to cause her pain, but he needed her to wake up, so he rubbed his hand along her back.  She whimpered and opened her eyes in response to the pain it caused.  The Doctor smiled gently at Cridhe and said, "That's more like it." 

Deep inside though, he was afraid.  He needed to get her proper medical treatment before she became any worse.  She looked at him and spoke, "How do you do it?" 

He cocked his head slightly to one side, as if he did not hear her "Do what?" 

She swallowed, "Go on... after...  How do you... live?" 

It struck him, like the Master, she was considering the choice of death and everything hung on his words.  He looked up at the stars, finding the blank space that Gallifrey had once occupied.  "I have to.  I'm the last of my kind and I want the universe to remember us.  All those who died - they live on in me."   
  
She looked at him, "No, I mean, how did you live on knowing that you... you know," she did not want to harm him by voicing the terror in her mind. 

He looked at her and played with her hair.  "Simple," he replied, "I had you.  You reminded me that there was something to live for.  You reminded me that there was more to myself than what I had done… than what I had lost.  You reminded me that life means something, that it didn't matter that I hadn't expected us to survive, we did and had to do something with that."   
  
The Doctor paused, "Would you have done different, if you had known sooner..." his voice trailed off. 

Cridhe looked confused, "Done what different?  Known what sooner?" 

Their eyes were locked on each other, each one stubbornly waiting for the other to say something.  She whimpered as a wave of pain washed over her.  That broke him, "Would you have treated me differently, if you had known sooner about... this," he gestured aimlessly. 

Something inside of her snapped.  She painfully came to her knees and cupped his face with her hands, forcing him to look at her.  She was only inches from his face, "I think I did know.  I think I've always known... lack of collective consciousness.  But, understand this, Time Lord, you have saved me, and others, so many times in so many ways...  You had no other choice.  Everyone knows that.  The universe forgives you.  I forgive you!  And there is nothing, absolutely _nothing_ you can do to change my mind about you." 

She faltered, as the awareness of her pain sunk in again.  As Cridhe slid off her knees and onto the ground, the Doctor tried to support her gently.  He was at a loss; no one had ever spoken to him like this.  _She_ had never spoken like this before.  She whimpered, bringing him out of his reverie, "I want to go back to Earth now." 

He knew that she would not hold the Vortex Manipulator against him now, but he was concerned if she would survive the transport.  Then, he heard the sound of gravel moving.  He scanned around him and the ground all around them was moving, like grass in the wind.  It was closing in on them from all sides.  He quickly unbuttoned his sleeve, rolled it up and set the return coordinates adjusting a few hours of time, hoping the Hub would be empty, or at least just Jack would be there.  He preferred empty.  He grabbed his jacket and coat, then held her hand to the wrist-strap and activated it.


	8. Chapter 8

The Hub seemed quiet and dim when they materialized next to the Police Box.  The Doctor shook his head a few times to reorient himself.  Cridhe was unconscious.  They were next to the med-bay, so he picked her up and laid her on one of the beds.  He scavenged around the medical equipment, cursing under his breath that the Police Box was rendered useless.  It was times like this that he wished his ability of quick healing could be dispensed into others.  Once he had found everything he needed, he returned to her side.  He again took out his stethoscope and listened to her heart and lungs.  Her lungs seemed fine although her breathing was a bit shallow.  Her heart was a bit fast, but constant.  Other than her lack of consciousness, she seemed out of immediate danger.   
  
The Doctor took Cridhe's hand, gave it an encouraging squeeze and was reminded again of the psychic connection.  He really was daft!  He kept forgetting who (and what) she is!  He used the hand-held x-ray and scanned her head to toe.  The hip and shoulder were in their proper places and no bones had been fractured or broken.  He put the machine away and looked back over her.  He realized it would be best to get her out of her clothes.  He slowly and carefully undressed each layer.  Every so often, she would moan in pain.  As he undressed her, he maneuvered her so that she was lying on her stomach.  He found a sheet and covered her lower half.  Then he looked over her again.  Her back was a mess.  He had expected as much, but there were pieces of gravel lodged in her skin.  
  
Examining the area, the Doctor knew this would have to be healed the slow way.  He found some tweezers and began to pick the debris out of Cridhe's skin.  She would moan, wince or jerk in pain every so often.  He hated that he could not give her any medicine, but he did not know what it would do to her.  At the same time, he was comforted by the fact that she was reacting to pain, it meant that her coma was light.  He began talking to her, mostly saying encouraging words of nothingness.  When he was satisfied that he had removed all the debris, he got some warm water and delicately as he could, he washed her back of the blood and grime.  She hissed and stiffened at the first touch, but then settled into it.  Once that was done, he pulled the sheet up, to cover the rest of her.  Now, there was nothing he could do but wait.  He pulled a chair near the table she was on, sat down and took her hand in his.  Her hum seemed strong and calm and he allowed himself to relax into it, while trying to send healing thoughts towards her.  
  
The Doctor did not sleep.  It was not just that he was not tired, but he was so concerned for Cridhe.  However, his eyes were closed and he was focused on helping her heal, so he did not notice the movements of someone in the Hub.  He heard a woman's voice say, "Doctor?  Doctor?" 

Startled, he released Cridhe's hand and fell out of the chair.  He came to his senses and saw a woman standing over him.  She looked down on him smiling, "I didn't mean to startle you, just wanted to make sure you were alright." 

She assisted him in getting off the floor.  He asked, as he was getting to his feet, "Gwen Cooper!  On the other hand, should I say Williams?  How are you?  How's the little one?" 

"We're all doing well, thank you," she looked at the woman on the table, "Friend of yours?  What happened?" 

The Doctor nodded and shoved his and in his pockets, "Bit of a story, that." 

Gwen became suspicious, "Is she alright?" 

"Oh, she should be fine..." his voice trailed off.  He really did not want to be having this conversation. 

She noticed the apprehension, "Well, I didn't mean to bother you, saw the light on.  Is there anything I can get for you?" 

He shook his head, "We can manage thanks." 

She walked to a table, picked up paper and a pen and began to scribble on it.  "I've gotta get home to Rhys and the baby and Jack won't be back tonight," she informed him, "I'm giving you my contact numbers and Jack's.  Don't hesitate to call if you need anything." 

The Doctor nodded, "Thank you again." 

She smiled, "For as much as you've done for us, it's the least I can do.  Goodnight, Doctor." 

He smiled, "Goodnight, Gwen."  
  
Gwen left and the Doctor smiled as he watched her leave.  She had turned into such a strong and capable woman, especially after the events with the _456_ and Jack leaving them.  _Oh, how he wished he could have been here..._   She used to be so skittish and untrusting.  Now, she just accepted his presence as nothing new.  Although, he became sad as he thought about events in her life that would make him “nothing new.”  He was touched she bore him no ill will for not being there.Gwen had contacted him to track Jack down after it was all over.  She still had Martha’s cell number stored in the computer from when the Daleks had stolen Earth.  He met with her and they had a long conversation, he had told her that he had discovered the video she had made during the terrible ordeal.  She was surprised to see him shed several tears as they spoke.  He told her that he would have come if he had any way to know.  He explained how the _456_ had blocked all off-world methods of communication and had masked all other forms by broadcasting the everyday "Earth noise" that the universe was used to receiving.  He did not tell her that he would not have been able to interfere, that this event was a fixed moment in time, even without his or Jack’s involvement.  
  
Gwen told the Doctor about Jack leaving.  About how she had begged Jack not to run away and she told him Jack's last words to her, “Oh, yes I can.”  The Doctor listened to everything Gwen had to say.  He had ultimately told her that he could not "actively search."  He recalled her sorrow at his answer.  Therefore, he explained that Jack would return when he was ready and could not be forced into it.  He assured her in a voice that had been more confident than he felt.  Mostly, he had been afraid.  He did not want to find Jack only to have Jack reject her - or him.  
  
Of course, the Doctor had left right away and searched for Jack.  Jack had not been too hard to find.  With the help of the TARDIS, a "fixed point in time" was easy to locate.  For months, he had simply followed Jack, near enough to keep an eye on him, far enough away so he did not draw attention to himself.  The Doctor sighed at the memories.  It was the healing that had needed to happen that was difficult.  Sure, he could have pushed into Jack's mind and tried to heal him that way, but there is a certain wisdom that comes from healing on the "slow path."  He knew he was the only one who could help Jack.  Jack's immortality, though "wrong," made them more alike than different.  Although, he knew the Face of Boe would eventually die, there was comfort that he was not alone.  There was comfort that there was one person out there that would not leave him for a good long time.  _Or that had already left him and come back - messy thing, time_.

* * *

The Doctor sighed and turned his attention back to Cridhe.  Her lips were cracking and she was licking them in her sleep:  she was dehydrated.  He found a glass and filled it with water, then found a straw.  Returning to her, he rested two fingers on her temple and reached into her mind, “You’re thirsty.  Wake up and drink,” he encouraged. 

She stirred slightly and moaned in pain.  He put the straw to her lips and she drank a little before she returned to sleep.  He set the tumbler down and stared at her while thoughtfully playing with her curls.  He whispered, "Closed doors," into her ear. 

He hoped she would understand what he was about to do.  Cridhe had provided ways to heal the Doctor when he could not or would not heal himself – especially after what had happened after the Time War and on Midnight, perhaps he could do the same for her.  He then placed his fingers on her temple and gently pushed.  He was inside of her mind.  He pushed a bit harder and was able to find her current physical sense of being.  He started with her feet and slowly worked his way up, paying special attention to the areas he knew were more damaged.  He felt himself gasp at the pain she felt.  He tried to focus on those areas, wishing he could think them better, hoping that caressing them would be enough.  After he had explored her hip, he had to take a break.

The Doctor removed his hand from her temple, rested it on her head and looked down on her.  "Oh, Cridhe, why didn't you tell me you were in that much pain," he whispered. 

 

He did not expect an answer, so when a weak voice said, "Didn't want to worry you," he nearly jumped away. 

 

He sat back down in the chair so they could look at each other comfortably.  He smiled, "How long have you..." 

 

She closed her eyes pushing back a wave of pain, "About the time you finished with my knee.  Didn't mean to startle you.  Whatever you did, it has helped greatly." 

 

He smiled at that, "It was my pleasure." 

 

He reached over for the glass of water, made her drink some and then put it back.  She sighed, "So, here we are, back to you taking care of me." 

 

He looked at her and suddenly smirked, "You say that as if I'm not always fixing you." 

 

She caught on and with a grin of her own, said, "Is that what you’re callin’ it these days?  Not ‘jiggery-pokery?’” 

 

She sighed becoming slightly serious, “Just no mallets until I've recovered, 'k?" 

 

They both laughed lightly.  It felt good to laugh.  Again, there was a feeling of normalcy, even if it was the strangest thing either had ever experienced.  As she started to laugh harder, she started to cough.  "Easy," he said calmly, "You inhaled quite a bit of dirt and dust.  Nothing permanent, but you have to be gentle on your lungs." 

 

She nodded and rolled onto her side, pulling the sheet tightly around her.  The Doctor reached out and they held hands.  Their minds mingled in a mutual manner.  After a few minutes of companionable silence, Cridhe released his hand and spoke, "I'm sorry that trip didn't go as planned." 

 

The Doctor looked at her, then taking on the voice of his original self, said, "It all started out as a mild curiosity in the junkyard, and now it's turned out to be quite a great spirit of adventure." 

 

She smiled, "Mmm?  What's that, my boy?" 

 

And they both laughed again.  It was amazing how they could do that, still have that kind of communication, even without being in each other's minds.  There was a safety for each of them as they quoted various parts of his life.  He shook his head, "When have any of my trips gone as planned?" 

 

They smiled at each other knowingly.  Cridhe looked down at herself and realized she was again naked in his presence, or at least very nearly.  She grinned and blushed, he looked at her, “What?” 

 

She tried to regain her composure, failing, “This is getting to be a habit.” 

 

He looked at her, “Really?  Have you forgotten all work I would do on your innards?” 

 

She shook her head, blushing again, “I didn’t mean that.  I meant… me… like this,” she gestured to herself. 

 

He slowly raised an eyebrow, completely lost.  She smirked, “You’re getting habitual about seeing me naked,” she blurted out before she lost her nerve. 

 

He looked at her and coolly said, “Well, easier access to make the necessary repairs.” 

 

He then offered one of his manic grins and they both laughed again.  When they calmed down again, he continued, “Speaking of which, I should finish what I started." 

 

She nodded and got herself comfortable as she could.  He stood up, placed his fingers on her temple and pushed into her physical being again.  It was easier this time because she let him and he knew where he was going.

The Doctor made a quick visit over Cridhe’s knee and hip again.  She moved slightly as her hip was still a bit raw.  Then he slowly and methodically worked his way up through the rest of her pained areas.  By the time he reached her head, he could tell she was sleeping.  He again resisted an urge to explore her mind and only focused on the physical aspects of her head.  When he felt certain that she was no longer in any danger, he brought himself out.  He smiled down on her, gently resting his hand on her head he spoke in a tone of his Sixth self, “Remember, ‘Rest is for the weary and sleep is for the dead.’” 

 

He smiled, it had been so long since he had even dared to think about his previous lives, let alone quote himself.  Somehow, she made it safe for him to integrate that way.  The Doctor then left the med-bay and went to the kitchen; he was getting hungry and figured she would be too, when she woke up.  When he reached the kitchen, he saw a group of bananas with a note next to them, “ _Doc, - Sorry we don’t have the makings for daiquiris, but I thought you’d like these anyway.  – Jack._ ” 

 

He smiled at the note and took a banana.  Jack really was out-doing himself in his care for them.  The Doctor knew from his own experience that this was Jack’s way of trying to make up for everything that had happened with the _456_.  He also realized that Gwen had been so calm because Jack had probably told her what was going on, or at the very least that he was here.

As the Doctor munched on the banana, he realized this was the first time he had been alone since...  well, in a way, since he had found his TARDIS all those years ago... and he did not know what to do with himself.  The Doctor shoved his hands in his pockets as he explored the Hub, he wanted to tinker and at least if his hands were in his pockets, he would be less inclined to.  He made quick work of it, then went back to check on Cridhe.  She was still asleep and seemed peaceful, so he went to the Police Box.  He did not know why, but he missed it.

However, the Doctor knew he was kidding himself.  He wanted to run, again.  Being alone with nothing to do only emphasized his loneliness all the more.  At least in the Box, he could tinker.  Besides, the gardens would need tending, since Cridhe was no longer looking after them.  Yes, that was it!  He would tend the gardens, after all the care Cridhe put into them, she would be quite disappointed if anything happened in her absence.  He approached the Old Blue Box and froze.  He could not do it, it would not be right.  She is not there and there would be no comfort for him.  He hung his head and meandered back to the med-bay.  


* * *

Cridhe was lying there, still asleep.  The Doctor stared at her and realized the only time he found comfort was when she was humming in his head.  He resisted the urge to take her hand.  He had to learn to do this without her.  He wanted to busy himself, so he found her clothes, took out the Sonic and began to make the repairs.  As he worked, he added a few improvements: making the pockets a bit bigger on the inside, reinforcing the material to withstand - occurrences and adding a protective layer to act as sort of a padding - just in case.  Once he was done, he found the laundry machines and cleaned the clothes.  He smirked at himself, "Domestic, that's what I've become." 

 

He realized in that moment, that he was not shaken by complete sadness over the loss of Rose and he recalled the earlier mention of Donna.  That stung him, not because of sorrow, but because there was a lack of sorrow.  He had vowed never to forget and now, he was almost casual about them.  That disturbed him; he felt he deserved always to suffer at anything that would remind him of those two.

The Doctor found his way back to the med-bay.  He sat down and took Cridhe's hand again, the welcomed and familiar hum filling him.  Within his own mind, he replayed the recent events.  She had brought him back for healing and he was starting to, but there was a fear that if he healed too much, he would forget.  Of course, he knew that was not likely, he never forgot anyone.  Each companion, each Time Lord that he knew, had a small part of his mind where the memory of them was kept.  He opened his eyes and looked at Cridhe.  She looked better than she had earlier.  He raised the sheet slightly and noticed that her back was already starting to scab over.  Whether that was due to his efforts, or something within her, he did not know, but he was glad for it.  He looked around and found a light cotton t-shirt and carefully dressed her with it.  He tried not to wake her as he replaced the sheet.

As Cridhe started to come to consciousness, she moaned softly.  The Doctor thought she was in pain and moved toward her, intending to touch her mind and offer comfort.  Before he got into position, she tossed off the sheet and sat up on her feet, crouched defensively, like a scared animal.  She said nothing; there was just terror in her expression.  He was not even sure she was completely awake yet, since she did not seem to recognize him.  He was startled at her quick movements and put his hands up in the universal signal of surrender, which usually calms frightened creatures.  He remained silent, since he did not know what had set her off; he did not want to make it worse.  Besides, she was not looking at him she was looking through him:  seeing a different landscape from the room she was currently in.

Cridhe spoke, "You don't have to hurt me...  Yes, of course...  No, no, please...  NO!" 

 

She flung herself off the bed and the Doctor caught her midair.  They both fell to the ground.  She landed on top of him.  He grabbed her hands, which was the wrong move.  The connection had been established.  She looked at him and said, "You," low and almost animalistic. 

 

She snatched her hands free and began to beat him on his chest.  He lay there, letting her.  “Fight me back!  Come on, Master!  Fight back!” she yelled. 

 

He could not fight her, though he was shocked she had called him "Master."  At this point, she was not really hurting him, he could tell she was still dreaming – or having a nightmare, more accurately.  Then, her eyes became vacant and she raised her fist in a more threatening way than before.  As she was releasing everything she had into that punch, he caught her wrist with his hand.  At the same time, he rolled over on top of her, trying to pin her to the cold floor.

The Doctor was not angry, so his sudden movements had gentleness to them - he was aware of her road rash.  Cridhe was struggling under him.  Finally, he had one of her wrists in each of his hands held above her head and he had her nearly immobilized on the floor with the force of his weight.  Of course, that did not stop her from struggling.  Suddenly, it was as if she realized what was happening to her.  Her fighting shifted unexpectedly from anger to fear – no terror.  She was so quick, the Doctor did not know what happened, but suddenly he was on his back and Cridhe was huddled in a corner on the far end of the room, covering her head with her arms.  She was mumbling a series of “nos,” “stops,” “pleases,” and "sorrys."  Smattered amongst those was the word, "Master."  He looked over at her and noticed her entire being was shaking.  The red color she had about her during her anger was drained and now she was hauntingly pale.

The Doctor did not know what to do:  Cridhe was convinced he was the Master.  When he thought back over the Year-That-Never-Was, it made some sense to him that for her, all Time Lords would look like the Master at some point.  However, their relationship was different, surely she knew...  He looked at her, huddled and scared...  _Then again, perhaps not_.  Odd thing, healing.  You can only heal as much as you allow yourself to be healed, whether by your own methods or through the help of others.  Like the Heart of the _Crucible_ , this was another event they glossed over.  Oh sure, each of them, Jack, Martha, The Doctor and Cridhe had allowed for physical healing.  They had each worked on their own personal healing, but healing between the two of them - together?  No, they had just picked up where they had left off, as they always had done.  She had used the image of rape earlier - during all that time they worked on her physical well-being, she had never once used that image.  Then again, she had never been human before, so perhaps she was having new insights of her experiences.  "The TARDIS - as she is now," he hated just how right the Captain had been.

* * *

The Doctor very softly spoke her name, "Cridhe." 

 

He saw immediately that every part of her tensed and he cursed himself under his breath.  He wanted to gain back her trust, but really had no idea what the Master had done to her.  He knew physically how she had been changed, they had discussed what it meant for her to open the rift and hold the paradox in place for a year, but he did not ask her about the Master.  He had been too wrapped up in his own healing to even think what the Master might have done to her telepathically.  On the other hand, maybe he did have a sense of it and just did not want to face the pain and blocked it out.  While he had been considering all of this, she seemed to release some of her tension.  She was still in the same position, but he could tell her muscles were less tense.  He crawled on the floor another meter towards her and then sat cross-legged, trying to make himself look as open and defenseless as possible, another gesture that worked well with frightened creatures.  Using the same soft voice, but with inflections well known to both of them, he asked, "How's my Old Girl?"

Cridhe's body seemed to relax even more, but she only sighed softly.  Without the psychic connection, he had no way to know what that actually meant, but he figured it was something along the lines of, "Bad, really bad, but I don't want you to worry about me."  He coaxed a bit louder, "You put all that energy into having a voice please use it...  I like it." 

 

She only moaned, but he could tell from the sound of it just how much pain she felt.  Not that different from how she made the engines sound, when he thought about it.  Of course, he had no idea if it was physical or emotional suffering, but decided to play it safe and assume both.  She had lowered her arms just a bit and he could see her watching him between the gaps.  He made sure not to make eye contact and he made to move ever so slightly towards her.  She did not take her eyes off him, but when he noted she tensed up slightly, he froze.

The Doctor thought that he should not be offended by Cridhe’s response.  Deep down, he knew she was not afraid of him.  Nevertheless, he was hurt.  It dawned on him that this must have been how she felt after his time on Midnight.  That creature had taken his voice, his power and his very essence.  Not that he would admit that last one to anyone, including – maybe especially – her.  When he and Donna had returned to the TARDIS, he just could not stand to have her in his head.  He had been cruel to her.  He did not just ask her to back away, he did the mental equivalent of throwing her across the room and then he put up all his mental barriers giving her no access to him whatsoever.  When she would not do what he asked of her, he would aggressively attack the mechanics.

One time, he was so raged, Donna put herself physically between him and the console and he had raised his hand to smack even her.  He did not go through with the intent.  The idea he would harm Donna was enough to scare the daylights out of him.  It had taken weeks for the three of them to heal from those experiences.  Donna and Cridhe had forged a special bond during that time.  Donna was the one who had to keep a telepathic connection for Cridhe.  Donna had acted like a conduit, so that the Doctor did not have to relate to Cridhe directly, but this way, Cridhe was not left without any connection.

Remembering this made his hearts ache.  He realized he was no better than the Time Lord who had abandoned her.  That action was no better than what the Master had done to her.  No wonder she was calling him “Master.”

The Doctor now questioned if Cridhe ever forgave him for how he had treated her.  Now, he understood what she had felt like: wanting to help, but having every possible way blocked.  Of course, she never gave up and neither would he.  Looking over her again, she had relaxed somewhat.  He slid himself closer yet.  He spoke again, "I see you're scared and I know you hurt."

The Doctor waited to see if Cridhe gave any response before continuing.  There was no reply, just her gaze steady upon him.  He was at a loss for words so he moved closer to her and paused.  His hearts ached seeing her expression, however she did not tense again, so rather than talking, he moved closer.  He stopped when she moved slightly away from him.  He sat again, in his open posture, “I realize you’re frightened of me, but I don’t wish to harm you.” 

 

She relaxed a little while maintaining her gaze.  He moved again, this time to the side.  He was afraid if he approached her any closer head-on, she would feel trapped.

The Doctor watched Cridhe and noticed she relaxed even more.  He nodded and said, “You can move away at anytime, I won’t stop you.” 

 

As he said this, he moved even closer, still keeping an escape path clear for her.  When he passed her line-of-sight, she shifted her head slightly to keep looking at him.  He debated if that was good or bad.  He was resting against the wall now, still over a meter from the corner she was occupying.  He said, “I’m just going to stop here for a minute, if that’s okay with you?” 

 

He kept his head forward, but glanced at her from the corner of his eye.  She nodded slightly.  “ _A response, good_ ,” he thought.  He closed his eyes and listened to their breaths for a moment.  Hers were not ragged as they had been earlier, but they were not calm either.  


* * *

The Doctor slowly opened his eyes and turned his head slightly to look at Cridhe.  He took a slow, deep and cleansing breath.  He watched her closely as she tensed up slightly when he inhaled and relaxed again as he exhaled.  He offered a small smile, “Breathing can help you relax.” 

 

He took another slow breath, again watching her response.  He turned his head to face her fully, “Do you want to try it with me?” 

 

A shadow of confusion and fear drifted across her face, but she nodded again.  He nodded back, “Alright, slowly, breathe in through your nose,” he demonstrated in an exaggerated fashion, “And out through your nose.” 

 

Her breath was still ragged as she tried to inhale and exhale in time with him.  He slid sideways to get a bit closer to her, “Again... in through your nose… and out through your nose.” 

 

She was not as hesitant this time, so he moved closer, he was within touching distance, “This time, with me,” he inhaled and exhaled again. 

 

She did so and it was her smoothest breath yet.  He breathed in and out one more time with her, this time moving, he was close enough that their knees could have touched.  He faced forward again but kept an eye on her, “Feeling better?” 

 

She offered another slight nod.  The Doctor was sitting cross-legged, resting his hands palm-side up on his knees and his back against the wall, “Do you know who I am?” 

 

Cridhe’s expression shifted slightly as if she was trying to recall a distant memory, “D-Doctor,” she replied, barely above a whisper. 

 

He smiled while nodding softly, “Yes.  Do you know what doctors do?” 

 

Her voice was stronger this time, “Make people better,” it was more of a question than a statement. 

 

He nodded again, “Can I help make you better?” 

 

She hesitated and then shook her head quickly.  He winced, thinking he had pushed too hard, but kept his voice calm and soothing, “No?  Why not?” 

 

She was quiet as she pondered her answer, “I – I can’t get better.  The things I’ve done…  I am evil.  No fixing that.” 

 

He tried to control the shock that ebbed through him.  She had revealed so much in those few words.  Now, he had to figure out what specific things she felt she had done that were evil.  The Doctor finally turned his head to face her, “You’re right, I can’t fix evil.  However, I don’t think you’re evil, Old Girl.  Never have.” 

 

Her eyes became wide for a moment before sorrow settled in, “But, I am.  The suffering I’ve caused…” 

 

Her voice trailed off, not wanting to speak the unimaginable.  She readjusted herself so that she was sitting like him, their knees only centimeters apart.  He shook his head sadly, “It wasn’t your fault.” 

 

She nodded determinedly, “It was.  I was there.” 

 

He held his breath as he expected her to say, “You weren’t” but she did not.  He twiddled his fingers on the hand closest to her, “You’ve always held yourself to a different standard.  Tell me.  What happened?” 

 

He held his breath, not knowing how she was going to respond to the invitation.  Her eyes drifted to his twiddling fingers, she made a slight movement towards them with her own hand and then stopped herself.  He could see that she was considering her options, as she looked from his hand, to the door and finally met his eyes.

Cridhe took a deep cleansing breath and another.  The Doctor followed her lead the second time.  He wanted to let her know she was in control of the situation.  “I…” she began and faltered, “I can’t,” she finished lamely. 

 

She looked away and so he spoke, “It’s okay, you don’t have to.”  He left off, “yet.” 

 

She nodded slightly and he twiddled his fingers again.  She again began to reach towards them and hesitated.  “You’re afraid,” he said reassuringly, “But, you know, you don’t have to be afraid of me.” 

 

She looked at him and he could tell she was debating what to do.  She slowly raised her hand in a gesture that he had made often.  He stood stock still, as a spear of fear pierced him.  He did not know what would happen if she did this to him.  She hesitated but a moment and resolve captured her and she made the connection by pressing two fingers to his temple.

The Doctor felt Cridhe rummaging through his mind.  He did not lock any doors, but closed a few and as she would often do on the TARDIS, he moved rooms around, especially those he did not want her finding just yet.  He did not push into her mind, nor did he raise his fingers to her temples.  There was no quicker way for her to remember her trust of him, than to allow her this luxury.  He could tell she was searching for something and thought, “ _If you tell me what you’re looking for, I can help you find it_.” 

 

There was a pause as she considered his offer, then the searching continued.  She was going to do this her way and he just had to let her


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder... this all takes place in the Doctor's mind.  
> Also, this maybe be a bit graphic for some...

Cridhe stood before a door.  It was deep mahogany in color and had intricate paneling.  It was suspended in a steel frame.  She knew this was what she was looking for.  However, it was closed.  She had never dared before to try to walk through one of the Doctor’s closed doors.  She gingerly rested her palm against it and then placed her ear to listen.  She was facing away from her hand, so when another hand touched hers, it startled her and she turned to face the owner.  Taking on the tone of his Third self, he said lightly, "Don't you know this area is strictly off-limits to everybody except the tea lady and the Brigadier's personal staff?" 

He winked and in his own voice added, "It's a good thing you fit both criteria." 

The Doctor removed his hand from Cridhe's and stepped back, then held his hand out towards her.  He spoke solemnly, "I don't think either of us should walk in there alone." 

She stared at the hand a moment before speaking, "Quite right."   
  
Outside their minds, Cridhe took the Doctor's hand, molded it and placed two of his fingers on her temple.  Inside, the space around them shifted, suddenly there were more doors and the design of the door in front of them shifted to something that looked all together evil.  They looked at each other and knew this memory would be each of theirs combined.  They both swallowed hard, then he put out his hand and she took it.  Each was receiving support from the other.  They looked at their hands, then into each other's eyes, finally, they nodded to each other and each placed a hand on the door.  Together, they pushed the door open.  It was heavy, they had to put effort into opening it and when they did, they were on the deck of the _Valiant_.  
  
The far end of the deck contained the stairs to the main control deck.  There was a tent to one side and a large conference table.  The Police Box stood in the corner nearest to them.  Cridhe's human heart skipped a beat, while the Doctor's hearts constricted.  He went towards the Box, but she held him fast.  He looked at her with an unspoken question in his eyes.  She looked up at him, eyes wide and said, "Last thing I knew, he aged you.  When the Paradox began...  I couldn't feel you... there was only..." 

She could not go on and tried to break her hand free from his.  He held tight and raised his free hand as if to caress her cheek, she was flinching away from him, "No, don't.  I told you, I'm evil.  I don't deserve it." 

One of his hearts lurched, the other followed in quick pursuit.  He gulped at the grapefruit that seemed to lodge itself in his throat.  He realized that she was holding herself fully accountable for the Year-That-Never-Was.  
  
"Cridhe," the Doctor spoke her name gently, "You didn't...  It wasn't...  He did that _to_ you!" 

It felt like his hand was burning hers.  It was full of his concern and love that she did not deserve and she had to get her hand free.  She finally did and said, "No, you don't get it," she would have screamed, but her voice seemed to leave her at that second, so it came out in a hiss. 

He put on his glasses and observed her; neither was allowing the full memories to come to the surface, so this was just a room... where so much pain had happened.  Therefore, it was the only room where they could explore the pain.  He spoke with his normal voice, trying to keep his agony out of it, "Alright, I'm clever!  Very clever, in fact!  Brilliant.  I'd call myself a genius, save you're in the room." 

He winked at her cheekily and the faintest of smiles crossed her features.  "Explain it to me," he concluded with a serious tone. 

She then performed a most human action: biting her thumbnail in thought.  It actually reminded him a bit of Rose, which, when he thought about it, was probably where she picked it up.  Again, he noticed there was not quite the edge of pain he would have expected from the thought.  
  
Cridhe watched the Doctor carefully and finally said, "Sit.  You're going to want to be sitting for this, trust me." 

He sat in one of the leather chairs, which he found much more comfortable now, compared to how he remembered them.  He noticed she was pacing nervously, almost as Tegan used to and he faintly smiled.  She stared at him, "I'm more than a mouth on legs!" 

His smile fell, "I'm sorry...  You're just..." 

She sighed, exasperated, "It's okay, Doctor, you're just distracting me is all." 

He murmured, "Sorry." 

Now she started pacing determinably, much like Ace, when she was figuring something out, he mused.  She did not respond to that thought, so he figured she was accepting of it.  
  
Cridhe stopped in front of the Blue Box.  She took a deep breath, "You locked out the controls..." 

She took a gulp; _she had to start using his name!_   She continued, "The M-Master could only travel between the last two points.  Give or take a few months." 

She stopped to look at the Doctor.  She could not quite read his face.  He wanted her to get on with the story - he knew this part already.  She turned back to the Box, resting her hand upon it.  It was a strange experience to feel herself as the TARDIS, the way the Doctor would have, while being human at the same time.  She must have gotten lost in her thought because she heard the Doctor say her name. 

"Right," she continued, "So, I could only travel to those two points.  We made only two trips.  The first with just the Master and the second was with Lucy.  Lucy had seen enough and with the Master's encouragement, she went mad wanting to save the humans.  When they came back, they set everything in motion.  For his part... the M-Master... he transformed me into the Paradox Machine." 

She had showed her feelings for a brief moment while saying his name and slid back into facts.  Facts were easy and they were history, emotions were far too current.

* * *

The Doctor sighed, "Cridhe, I don't think we need to be here for you to tell me what I already know...  What aren't you saying?" 

She turned to face him; her eyes were red and brimming with unshed tears.  The Doctor checked himself to allow her to finish.  Softly, she continued, "It's my fault....  I was so stupid!  Stupid as an ape, really.  I thought if he saw the humans... if he knew they were survivors and fought through everything...  I thought he would love them as you do.  Therefore, it never occurred to me to shift time, even slightly.  I never even thought to do anything other than what he commanded." 

Her tears were falling now, though only one at a time.  He could not look at her, no matter how hard he tried.  The Doctor knew the Master had not done this to her, he had done it.  "I locked your circuits," he finally said softly, "You couldn't have done differently; even if you tried." 

She gasped, "Don't you see?  That's the point!  I didn't try!  Not once!" 

Her voice had steadily risen, so that her last words were spoken in a scream as tears continued to fall.  Cridhe calmed herself a bit and spoke softly, trying to control the last of her tears, "I am evil, because I didn't even try to stop him." 

She paused and shook her head, as if having an argument with herself, never looking at him.  She knew she would never finish if she saw his eyes in that moment.  She continued, resolutely, "When we came back the second time, Lucy was convinced that the Master could fix all the wrongs of the future humans."  She smirked sadly, "You know he didn't even need to mesmerize her?  Showing her what the humans had become was enough.  Well, that and telling her what his solution was." 

“Cridhe," the Doctor tried to interrupt, but she held up a hand, silencing him. 

She sighed heavily, not knowing what to say.  She turned to the Police Box, opened the door and walked in.  When she did not return a few minutes later, he went in after her.  What he saw... he was not sure words existed to describe.  The Doctor glanced around the control room.  The top level of circuitry of the control panel had been stripped and pulled apart.  None of that seemed to have been done with any sort of care... more like the work of a madman.  Of course, that is what the Master was: mad.  There were wires running everywhere, looking not unlike a human's entrails after being massacred.  The Central Column was dark, though there was red light around the rest of the room - blood-red more accurately.  No other color was present.  He had no idea the Master had damaged her like this. Though, he had suspected it as he had worked to put her together again later.  But, this... this was so much worse than he had imagined.  He did not see Cridhe anywhere.  He tiptoed carefully around the room, so as not to step on any part of her.  The Master was nowhere to be seen, which was good; he did not want to face him just now. 

The Doctor continued around the room and that is when he saw Cridhe:  she was in the far edge, wedged into the place where the wall met the floor grates.  She was pale, deathly pale.  As he got closer, he realized she was not completely pale, she had large splotches of deep bruising, there were cuts oozing with blood, puss and platelets all over her body.  There was a pinkish froth spilling forth from her mouth.  He went to touch her and when he did, everything in the room immediately changed.  Suddenly the control room looked the way it had when he, Martha and Jack had found it when they first arrived on the _Valiant_.  However, Cridhe... she was still near the wall, but now she had tubes and every kind of medical support sustaining her life.  "Life," he smirked to himself, "If you can call _this_ life." 

 

Suddenly the room started to shake and steam poured out everywhere.  The Doctor looked around and realized this is what it must have been like inside when the Master began the Paradox.  The shaking and steam were making it difficult to hold his balance.  He turned to face Cridhe's body.  This time, she had what looked like electrodes attached to every part of her body, he followed their lines and they all plugged into one monitor.  What he saw on that monitor was what he had missed the first time, when he was still on the floor recovering from the Master aging him.  The blue sky over the _Valiant_ split with a fire-red streak, right across the sky.  It opened more, not unlike opening an incision during surgery, and out poured six-billion _Toclafanes_.  Suddenly, he was pulled from watching the monitor by Cridhe's wrenching body.  With all the tubes, she could not scream, but he knew she would, if she could.  Tears of blood were spilling from her eyes.  Then, he realized what was happening:  she was being drained of her existence.  She was being annihilated in every conceivable way, but not being allowed to die.

"Stop!  Please, make it stop!" the Doctor screamed, holding his head. 

 

Unlike during the paradox, his connection to Cridhe was there.  He felt and experienced everything as she did.  Just as it was killing her, it was killing him.  He scanned all the monitors again.  The one that was acting like a video monitor was moving in time-lapse fashion and he was able to see everything from that year as Cridhe saw it while maintaining the paradox.  Then, the ship and Cridhe jerked around, the main console burst into flames and her body became riddled with bullet holes, where blood was quickly flowing out of her.  He knew that was from Jack doing what he had to, in order to break the paradox.  However, the monitors remained active and he was able to see it break and time resetting itself.  The monitors all went blank and Cridhe lay still.  She was barely alive and he could sense her desire to die in that moment. 


	10. Chapter 10

The Doctor forced the mental connection to be broken and used his free hand to remove Cridhe's fingers from his temple.  That kind of break is not always the wisest thing to do, but in this case, he had no other option.  They both opened their eyes, looking at each other.  Both were breathing heavily, as if they had been holding their breath that entire time.  They each had tears streaming down their cheeks.  He took her into his arms.  Holding her and feeling the warmth of her body were the only things grounding him to the present moment in time.  However, she went completely limp in his embrace.  He was afraid the sudden withdraw of his mind had done this to her.  He shook her gently, "Cridhe?" 

There was no response and he became more concerned, "Come on, Old Girl." 

The Doctor moved a bit, just enough to encourage Cridhe to roll onto her back.  He used his hand gently to brush the wet curls out of her face.  She noticed his eyes were brimming with tears he refused to shed.  He swallowed, “You couldn’t have.  You were trapped and he… he annihilated you.” 

The anger was becoming evident in his voice, “He knew and understood what that would do to you and he did it anyway.  And I don’t just mean how he physically changed you; I mean what he did to you - to us - emotionally." 

A shiver went up the Doctor’s spine when he remembered what had happened the first day when he finally returned to her on the _Valiant_.  Cridhe still gave no response.  The Doctor did not want to loosen his grasp on her, but he wanted to see her face.  He adjusted her body so that she was lying upon his legs.  As soon as one hand left her, she became animated and moved away, huddling into the corner again.  "Please, don't," she said hoarsely, "You've seen what I've done.  You know what I am." 

He again checked his emotions unsure how to convince her that none of this was her doing.  He turned to face her, his voice stronger than he felt, "Yes, I do know what you are.  You are my TARDIS, my constant companion, my Old Girl, my best friend.  And even though you sometimes play tricks on your travelers, you always take the utmost care for us..."  He trailed off for a moment, "You shower us in your love.  Love and evil are incompatible." 

He spoke the last sentence resolutely, but barely above a whisper.  
  
Cridhe turned to stare at the Doctor.  In his eyes, she saw examples of his words:  towing the Earth home, Donna and the _Crucible_ , Martha during 1913, saving the rocket after Sanctuary Base 6, among others.  She pressed her temples with the heels of her hands, closed her eyes and cried, "Stop it!" 

His eyes went large, as he realized she had seen the images he was thinking.  He reached into his pocket for his Sonic, realizing it was out of reach on the table next to the bed.  He hit his head against the wall, cursing himself.  He put on his specs and looked over to her.  It seemed like he noticed her for the first time.  She still bore various bruises and as he looked closer, he could see the white scars from the bullet wounds.  The bottoms of her feet were calloused and had what looked like skid marks on them.  It made him think of how sloppy his flying had been right after his regeneration and flying down the M-4 to save Donna.  The memory made him grin.  
  
The Doctor realized every nick, cut and scrape the TARDIS had ever received was manifest over Cridhe's body.  This reminded him of her previous injuries.  He pulled out his stethoscope and again approached her slowly.  He spoke softly, "Alright, you're right.  I shouldn't have done that.  I'm sorry; I forgot there would be some residual connection from how quickly I terminated it." 

As he said this, he had approached her.  He slow and gently rested his hand on her upper-arm, which was covered by the t-shirt, "But, I need to reexamine you properly... make sure your wounds are healing." 

She said nothing, but sighed and allowed him to listen to her heart and lungs through the t-shirt.  Then he helped her to move back to the table.  
  
He went to lift her t-shirt, so he could check her other wounds and she swatted his hand away.  He cleared his throat, "I am... a doctor, you know." 

She steeled her eyes upon him, "Yeah, and where'd you get your education, eh?  All on your own." 

He rose to her challenge, "Well, I'd say I have more knowledge and experience with the human body than you do." 

He winked at her.  She smirked, brought the sheet over her and raised the t-shirt off her back.  The Doctor nodded at her, "That's a bit more like it!" 

"Oi!" she cried, "A bit of the Captain rubbing off on you?" 

He looked at her, "Huh?  Oh no...  So not what I meant." 

She giggled softly and lay down on her stomach.  Once Cridhe was settled, the Doctor lowered the sheet off her back; her road rash was almost completely healed:  only red-ish scars remained.  He got the Sonic Screwdriver and ran a scan and all seemed well.  Under the brighter light near the examination table, it was easier to see how scars riddled her entire body.  He began to trace some of them reflectively, wondering which experience had created the various scars.  "Is everything alright?" her question startled him out of his thoughts. 

"Hum?  Yeah, fine," he replied as he helped her to lower the t-shirt. 

She turned slightly to look at him, "If you're talking about yourself, then you're a terrible liar.  If you're talking about me, then I think you would have answered that question differently."  
  
He raised an eyebrow then turned the slightest color of pink, "You're healing wonderfully.  Nearly as fast as me, so you must still have some of the coral properties in your human frame." 

He paused a moment, "But these bruises and scars, I don't recall them and they seem much older... ancient, in fact." 

She sat up, "You didn't want to see them before."  She shrugged, "All they show is that I've lived and what I've lived through."  She smiled, the first in awhile, but it did not reach her eyes.  As she hopped off the table, she said, “I’m feeling grimy, though, so I should go get clean.” 

The Doctor nodded, “Then you’ll be tired.  I’m sure Jack left sleepwear for us again, your clothes are mended and they should be clean, I’ll bring them up.” 

She nodded and scurried upstairs. 

“Make sure to use soap and shampoo!” he hollered cheerfully after her and he smiled to himself.

* * *

Once Cridhe was in the shower cube, she discovered why everyone always seemed to enjoy it so much.  The way the hot water beat at sore muscles and then flowed down, covering every part of her skin.  She stood there for probably five minutes, relishing that experience alone.  She saw shampoo and conditioner, read the directions and washed her hair.  When she faced the water and rinsed her face, something happened within her.  Her eyes became scratchy and before she knew it, she was crying.  She found another reason to be grateful for the water:  in mingled with the tears, made them less obvious.  Of course, that thought only made her cry harder.

The Doctor had gathered Cridhe’s belongings and headed to the bedroom.  He set her clothes down on a table, went to the bathroom door and leaned his ear to it.  He knew that she would be all right, but he wanted to check on her anyway.  The word “domestic” came to his mind and he smiled, in spite of himself.  He set himself to changing.  He had changed to a t-shirt and was taking off his trousers when he heard a sound.  He got his pants off, put a pair of shorts on and wandered to the door where he had heard it.  He recognized the sound of Cridhe crying.  He placed his hand on the doorknob, debating if he should enter or not.

Cridhe had no idea why she was crying.  The hot water continued to massage her tired muscles, which only encouraged the tears.  She lost the will to stand and leaning against the wall, she sank to the floor.  As she sat there, she realized that she did not deserve to feel as good as the water made her feel.  The Doctor had been labeled “Destroyer of Worlds,” but that was not correct.  She was the one who had let Earth be pillaged needlessly and senselessly.  Anytime the Doctor had caused destruction, it was always in an effort to save the greatest number of lives.  She had been the one to allow lives to end without rhyme or reason.  She deserved to suffer forever for the crimes she had committed.  She curled up into a tight ball and cried all the harder, though she knew no amount of tears would wash away the sins she had committed.

The Doctor was still standing at the door with his hand on the knob.  His resolve was set when he heard Cridhe cry harder.  He was not sure what he expected to find, but he was pretty sure, this was not it.  She was in a tight ball in the corner of the cube, shaking with all her tears.  Her skin was pink, nearly red from the heat of the water.  He grabbed a towel from the pile, opened the shower door and turned off the water.  He then stepped in and wrapped the towel around her, as much as she would let him.  Of course, she could not go anywhere, since she was already in the corner.  He said nothing during this.  Finally, he maneuvered her into his arms, picked her up and carried her to the bed.  He sat her down on one edge then moved the covers back.  He adjusted her so she was lying down, used the towel to finish drying her and then covered her with the blankets.  She was still crying, but then started to shake uncontrollably.

The Doctor walked around to the other side of the bed, lay down on top of the covers and wrapped his arms around Cridhe.  She tensed up for a moment, but then started to cry harder as allowed herself to relax into his embrace.  He pulled her tighter against himself and tucked his chin on top of her head.  He too shed a few tears, though silently.  After a few minutes, he relaxed his grip and spoke softly, “Do you want to tell me about it?” 

 

She began to hiccup through her tears as she tried to control them.  She repeated, “I didn’t even try,” several times and again went quiet. 

 

He tightened his grip again as he tried to make his voice work, “Would it have made a difference?” 

 

She paused.  She knew the answer he was looking for was, “No,” but she also new a deeper truth.  She swallowed gaining more control of her tears, “To me, yes, at least then I would have been doing something to s-stop....” 

 

Her whole being shuddered and she did not continue with her thought.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: This is a flashback to the first days after The-Year-That-Never-Was ended. Death, destruction, etc. are all somewhat graphic. Hints to violent sex acts. It's all a bit agnsty - for obvious reasons.
> 
> Also, this was written before "End of Time Part 1" aired, odd how I predicted what could happen to Lucy XD
> 
> * * *

Jack and Martha had decided to stay on the _Valiant_ until the TARDIS was fixed.  Martha's family, along with Lucy Saxon and other members of the _Valiant_ crew were transported back to UNIT in London via airplane.  With his Torchwood connections, Jack was able to get the airbase quarantined until the repairs to the TARDIS were complete.  As for the _Valiant_ , it was placed on autopilot.  Being quarantined, there was no need for anything else.  Jack and Martha did not want the Doctor to be alone, even though (perhaps especially because) he had told them he was  fine, so they remained behind with him.   
  
The Doctor had used Jack's Vortex Manipulator to take the Master to Earth to bury him.  It took the Doctor five-and-a-half hours to build the pyre.  For once, he had followed his own rule, "Always wait five-and-a-half hours."  After he had performed the traditional Gallifreyan funereal and ignited the pyre, he returned to the _Valiant_ without seeing the pyre to its end.  By this point, he was numb.  It had been a long day and although he wanted to get started on the TARDIS straight away, Jack and Martha forced him to rest.  They knew he was in bad shape when he barely put up an argument against them.  They found one of the bunkers that had a series of comfortable twin beds.  Each of them claimed one and they all tried to sleep.  It took awhile for each of them to attain sleep and each for their own reasons.  When they did finally nod off, their sleep was blessedly free of dreams and nightmares.  
  
The Doctor was the last to rise the next morning, when he finally found Jack and Martha in the galley, he asked, "Why didn't you wake me?" 

Jack and Martha gave each other knowing glances.  "We weren't sure if you were in a regenerative cycle or not, after everything that happened,"  Martha said, "So we thought it was best to leave you rest." 

It sounded like a rehearsed answer, perhaps because it was.  She smiled at him, "Why don't you sit down and eat something?" 

The Doctor shook his head, "No, I gotta get to..." 

"You'll do her no good unless you eat, now sit down,"  Jack cut in, with an edge of aggression.   
  
The Doctor nodded and sat down where Jack had gestured.  There was already a plate of toast and tea there waiting for him.  Martha went to the kitchen and came back with some eggs that she put on the Doctor's plate.  The Doctor tried to object, but knew that would be a pointless battle.  He did not look at them and did not speak as he picked at his food and drank his tea.  Ten minutes later, his plate was somehow empty.  He got up and walked out without a word.  Jack and Martha got up to follow.   
  
When the Doctor heard their footsteps close behind, he turned around, "I don't think it's a good idea for you to come." 

Jack and Martha's faces fell.  The Doctor sighed, "Don't be like that.  She's suffered at least as much, if not more than the rest of us... at least eighteen months longer than we did.  I don't know how she'll react even to me." 

Martha offered hopefully, "But, you'll need help." 

The Doctor rested his hands on her shoulders, "Right now, I don't know if she'll let me help.  It's best if I go alone." 

He raised his eyes to meet Jack's pleading with him to take Martha somewhere.  Jack nodded, "You'll call us if you need anything?" 

Martha hissed, "Jack, what are you doing?  This isn't what we talked about."   
  
The Doctor smirked sadly, he knew they were only trying to help, normally this would have upset him but as things stood now, he was grateful.  He nodded, "I promise,"  then setting his glance again on Martha, "I don't want to overwhelm her, I'll need your help eventually but for now, this is something you can't help with." 

He released her shoulders and nodded to Jack who wrapped his arm around her and led her to a different part of the ship.  The Doctor watched them go and when they turned a corner, he returned along his path.  He could barely feel the TARDIS; that is what concerned him the most.  When the Paradox was broken, he should have been able to sense her, but he had to search and overextend himself to get any inkling that she existed.  Jack had told him how, ultimately the paradox was broken and the Doctor steeled himself as he saw his Old Girl standing at the end of the room.  From the outside, she looked like she had lost her luster.  She did not have that "Halo of Glory and Magic" he had always associated with her.  He took a gulp and approached slowly yet determinedly.  He put up his telepathic blocks, all but a small chink through which he could tell she was alive.  He did not want either of them to get overwhelmed, so this was all in precaution.   
  
He took a deep breath and rested his hand on her frame.  The area warmed up suddenly and cooled off just as fast.  He sighed as he realized she did not even have the energy to give him a proper shock.  He inserted his key and as he opened the door, she groaned in pain.  He stuck his head inside, but nothing prepared him for the sights or smells that greeted him.  The Cloister Bell was still sounding, but it was slow and out of tune. 

"Oh, my Girl, I am so very sorry,"  it was all he could say.   
  
Then, everything, including his own emotions, overwhelmed him.  He brought his head back out and went to a corner and vomited his breakfast.  At that point, he was glad for Martha's insistence, dry heaving would have been so much worse.  He rested his head against the cool concrete wall for a moment, trying to regain control of his body.  Once he felt steady, he walked back to the TARDIS, entered and began to walk up the ramp.   
  
Between everything the Master had done to make her a paradox machine and all the bullets Jack had used to destroy said machine, he was surprised she was in any sense alive. The Doctor sighed - he did not even know where to begin - there was damage and destruction in every direction he looked.  He stood near the great coral support that he normally dumped his coat on, and gently rested his hand upon it.  He felt her extreme pain as she tried to move away, but he could sense she did not even have the energy for that.  He removed his hand from the strut, "I know you're hurting.  I'm here to help you," he paused.  "I just wish I knew where to start," he finished lamely.   
  
The TARDIS groaned in agony and as he looked around the control room, he saw streaks of her golden blood spilling forth from the bullet holes.  He nodded to himself; of course, _this_ is where he should start.  He walked to the backside of the room and lifted one of the grates that seemed untouched by what the Master had done.  He reached in the space and pulled out his emergency kit - if ever there was an emergency this was it.  He opened the kit and was glad his Ninth self had stored the one that was trans-dimensional.  After digging around in it, he brought forth a strange instrument that looked like the handle end of a torch.  It had a hole on one side.  He checked its power and settings and decided it would do the job.   
  
He approached a part of the wall that was the least damaged.  "Ok, Girl," he said reassuringly, "This might sting." 

He pressed the bioreplicator against the wall and activated it to capture a sample.  The TARDIS reacted with a mental pat on the back of his head, which should have sent him reeling to the floor, if she had any strength at all.  He examined the area from where he had taken the sample, there was a scar there, he pressed his lips to it, "If there was a better way, you know I would do that instead." 

She responded with a shudder.  He nodded and tried to be reassuring with his voice, "I know...  Alright, first let's get these bullets out and stop your bleeding." 

She sighed, she was already aware of how much it would hurt.  Therefore, she withdrew as much as she could.   
  
He reached back into the box and pulled out the vacuum tweezers.  The Doctor spent the next few hours using the vacuum tweezers to retrieve the bullets and the bioreplicator to heal the wounds left behind.  He would gently press his lips against each hole after he repaired it.  He knew that healing her physical attributes would be the easy part, but he hoped this small gesture would prepare both of them for what was to come.  Once he felt like he got all the bullets out of every area not covered by the workings of the Paradox equipment, he took out his Sonic Screwdriver and ran a scan.  The scan confirmed for him that he had not missed any.  He felt the grating below his feet get warm.  She still did not have enough energy to protect herself.   
  
He placed a hand on a support strut, "Ok, I get it, you need some rest and there's nothing healing about getting hurt to get better." 

The Doctor dropped the bioreplicator and vacuum tweezers in the kit and left it where it was, he gave one more look over the walls and did not see anymore liquid flowing, so he knew he had stopped her bleeding.  He bent over and picked up the box of bullets, "I'll be back later to check on you, ok?" 

She did not give any form of reply, but the Cloister Bell was in better tune and getting softer.  He knew it would soon stop.  He sighed sadly, unsure how to help his friend anymore.  He knew that right now, she needed rest and any person gaining access would only keep her from resting.  He figured it was near lunchtime and knew if he did not at least make an appearance, Jack and Martha would come looking for him.  The TARDIS was barely accepting his presence, if they turned up, who knows what might happen.

* * *

The Doctor walked into the galley and dropped the box of bullets on one of the tables.  They rattled horribly as the box hit the table and it seemed to echo in the room.  He looked over to where he expected to see Jack and Martha, but only Jack was there.  Jack was as pale as the Doctor had ever seen him.  "Are those," Jack began, but could not make himself finish. 

The Doctor merely nodded.  "Oh, my God, Doc," Jack was overcome with emotion. 

The Doctor shook his head, "Don't... it had to be done."  The Doctor paused, "But, you need to understand, I have no idea how she'll react to you, when the time comes." 

Jack nodded, but was still pale as ever, "Is there anything... anything at all I can do?" 

The Doctor shook his head as he crossed to where Jack was sitting.  He knelt down in front of Jack, paused as if to say something, then reached out and hugged him.  It took a few seconds for Jack to realize what was going on, but then he returned the hug and both men started to cry.

As they calmed down, Jack broke the silence, "She'll recover, though, won't she?" 

 

The Doctor loosened the embrace enough to look at Jack without letting go, "Depends on how you define  recover.  I still don't know the extent of what the Master did to her.  As far as your actions, I've done all I can.  Of course, now, she'll be getting stronger, so it's hard to say exactly what she'll allow me to do." 

 

Jack looked at the Time Lord before him, "It killed me to do it." 

 

The Doctor nodded, "I know Jack.  I know.  You understand better than Martha..." 

 

"Understands what better than me,"  Martha's shocked voice broke in. 

The Doctor sighed.  He was not ready to have this conversation yet.  Jack noticed this, "I understand that he's feeling trapped until he can get the TARDIS working again." 

 

A shadow crossed Martha's face and the two men were afraid she was going to question it.  Instead, she shook it off and offered to get lunch.  Lunch had a bit of conversation as the Doctor explained where he was with repairing the TARDIS and Jack and Martha talked about what they had been doing.  No one spoke about what happened to each during the year, although they all knew they would eventually need to talk about it.  It had been just over twenty-four hours and they had time to deal with it later.  For now, everything could be chalked up to them being in a state of shock.

When he was done eating, the Doctor sighed, "I should get back, she's getting stronger..." 

 

Martha smiled, "That's good, though, isn't it?" 

 

Jack took one of Martha's hands in his own as they waited for the Doctor's reply.  "Perhaps.  Don't expect to see me again today.  I need to stay close to her," he offered a wistful smile, "Oh, and if you get a chance, look for my coat?  I love that coat.  Janis Joplin gave me that coat." 

 

Jack and Martha nodded silently.  He smiled again, nodding his thanks, but said nothing more as he walked out of the room.  Jack watched Martha's face fall.  "She's more than a ship, you know," he began gently after the Doctor was out of earshot. 

 

Martha nodded, but Jack could tell she did not understand, "Based on the legends I've read, a TARDIS will die without a psychic connection to a Time Lord.  So, in her case, she's gone from having the Doctor, to having the Master." 

 

Martha shook her head, "No, he was crazy.  If what you say is true, then he probably left her with nothing.  Forcing her to live without..." 

 

Then, Martha realized the implications of that, "Oh, God!" 

 

Jack nodded and she began to cry.  Jack took her in his arms as he began to cry again.

* * *

The Doctor made his way back to the TARDIS.  He knew he had to be careful this time since he could feel her drawing back from him.  It was like each step he took closer to the Box, she would back up two.  He opened the door to the storage room and closed it behind him.  He leaned against the doors and just stood there for a while, letting her get used to his presence.  He finally sighed and resumed his slow approach to his beloved Blue Box.  He inserted his key into the lock, half expecting a jolt of electricity.  When none came, he turned the key and opened the door.  He entered with the same care he had used to unlock the door. 

The first thing he noticed was that the Cloister Bell was no longer sounding.  This was a good sign.  The time rotor was still a sickly yellow and red, but the red that had coated the walls earlier was beginning to be washed out by her typical golden light.  He gently rested his hand on her strut, "Feeling a bit better, then?"  He felt her fleetingly before she withdrew again.  It was not much of a response, but he would take what he could get.

The Doctor looked around the control room, trying hard not to look at the console itself.  He noted that several of the roundels needed repairing, but they could wait until the paradox mechanisms were removed.  He sighed as his gaze returned to the central column.  Parts of the grating where dangling dangerously overhead, wires and tubes hung like shredded garland and there were scorch marks everywhere from the fire that had obviously happened.  He knew he would not be able to do anything until the grating was removed.  He gingerly approached the control console to get a closer view of the grating.  There was a faint spark through the floor, just in front of his feet.  She was letting him know he had come close enough.  A faint smile crossed his face as he realized she was getting stronger.

Still, he could make a fairly good inspection from where he stood.  The grating was welded together and there was no way that his Sonic Screwdriver would help.  _Now a Laser Screwdriver_ , he sighed to himself.  He shook all those thoughts away.  Thinking of him would not be any help to her.  The Doctor went back to his Emergency Kit and dug through it.  He pulled out a tool and said, "Ah-Ha!" then sighed and dropped it back in. 

 

He rested his hands on the side of the box, "A little help?" 

 

He paused; there was no response, "Please?" 

 

Still nothing, she was being passive.  He hoped she did not become aggressive.  No one should meddle with a passive-aggressive TARDIS. 

He looked up at the grating again and became discouraged.  He ran his hands through his hair, scratching his scalp as he stood up.  He was looking down with his hands on his hips when he noticed it.  There was a large, thick wire that went from the console (what it plugged into exactly, he could not tell) and ran through the doors into the main part of the ship.  "Now, why would he do that?" the Doctor asked aloud. 

 

The TARDIS shuddered slightly; the emotions connected with the action were murky.  He approached the doors and tried to push them open, but they did not move.  He pleaded with her, "Come now, Old Girl, I can't help you unless I know everything he's done." 

 

There was silence for a few moments, then a rumble.  He sighed; he knew they did not have enough of a connection for him to understand her properly.  At this point, he was guessing at what each of her sounds or actions meant. 

 

"I promise," he said gently in reply, "After this year, nothing will surprise me and nothing else can hurt me." He rested his hand on the door, "Please let me help you?" 

 

There was no reply, but the door gave way enough to let him pass through.  "Thank you," he said as he caressed the door. 

 

He was hoping he was not overwhelming her.

The Doctor followed the wire about ten paces into the corridor and from there, the wire split into four smaller wires, each one leading to a different room.  He winced when he realized they were leading to bedrooms.  He was glad it was only the bedrooms for the companions of this incarnation; otherwise, this would take a great deal longer.  He went to the bedroom farthest away.  Of course, it would be Rose's; he wondered what the Master had done to discover it and he heard a moan coming from the control room.  "It's okay, Girl, he took it from you.  I know you didn't willingly give it up," he said as he soothingly touched a wall. 

 

He paused at the door, pulled out his glasses and put them on.  He examined the wire without touching it and then examined the door frame, "Do you think it's safe?" He asked himself, but was grateful when she offered her equivalent of a sad nod. 

 

He placed his hand on the knob and nothing happened.  He then turned the knob, slowly and gently.  Finally, he opened the door.  He glanced around and noticed the room looked the same as how Rose had left it...  He shook his head, trying to clear it of painful memories.  He took a deep breath and entered the room; he had to know the purpose of the wire.  Once inside, he noted the wire branched again into four more wires:  two along the walls, running in opposite directions, meeting in a node on the other side of the room, one across the ceiling and a final one across the floor also meeting in the node.  Then he realized why the TARDIS had not died in spite of everything the Master had done to her.  His most recent long-term companions would have a strong energy signature in their rooms and the Master had found a way to harvest that energy to keep the TARDIS alive.  "Oh, brilliant!" he exclaimed slowly with great wonder. 

 

He could not help himself from expressing it; it was absolute genius.  Then, he thought about what that must have done to his closest friend and his hearts ached.  This was worse than any physical harm the Master could have done to the TARDIS.  The Master had used her love and care of her passengers against her.  


* * *

The Doctor felt like a liar.  He had told her nothing could surprise or hurt him anymore.  He was wrong.  Understanding fully the ways in which the Master had violated her and knowing how she must have fought against it both surprised and hurt him. 

He took out his Sonic and scanned the room.  The wires were not registering any kind of energy signature, so he figured it would be safe to dismantle them.  He crossed the room to the node and used the sonic to take it apart.  Once he removed the node, he took the wires out and began to take them down from the walls and ceiling.  He gathered the wires and brought them out of the room with him.  He closed the door and sighed.  The entire TARDIS shook. 

 

"No, no, no!  Save your energy, it's all right to have it here for now," he told his friend. 

 

He knew that she was trying to shift Rose's room back away to be sensitive to his feelings.  That made him smile sadly.  Within all of this mess, all that happened to her, she was worried about him.  He rested his palm on a wall, in a gesture of thanks. He whispered to her, "Rest.  Just rest."

He repeated the procedure with both Jack and Martha's rooms.  This left only one room:  his.  He knew the Master would not leave his room undefiled.  He approached the door and turned the handle, but the door would not open, it seemed to be locked from the inside.  He knew his friend needed encouragement, but this was getting ridiculous, "I didn't really expect him to leave my room alone.  It's okay to let me in..." 

 

He felt the equivalent of a shaking of her head.  "It's bad, then?  Worse than the others?" 

 

Her reply was silence, but the silence contained the word "yes." 

 

He nodded his understanding, "I'd like to get this taken care of...  I'll stay here with you tonight if you'll let me, but I would like to sleep in my own bed." 

Lights dimmed and brightened and there was what felt like a rush of air as she considered his offer.  She was spending a long time reflecting on his offer, he could tell she was weighing the pros and cons of any answer she gave.  He trusted her and realized that whatever awaited him inside that room must be truly offending.  Normally, her decisions were quick and to the point.  Of course, usually she was healthy...  Just then, he heard a click coming from the door.

The Doctor placed his hand on the knob and tried to steel his nerves as he opened the door.  The first thing he noticed was the furniture.  It was all different and he wondered for a moment if it was even his room.  A rich mahogany wood was used for the large four-post bed, dresser and wardrobe.  All the pieces had intricate Gallifreyan designs.  He was slightly relieved that the Master had not used his personal furniture.  It had probably been too simple and too small for the Master’s taste.  He noted wires along the walls, ceiling and floor as had been in other rooms.  He did not understand why the TARDIS had been so worried, because he was glad the Master had not used any of his personal furniture.

He entered and as he got closer to the bed, he realized the reason.  There were handcuffs on each of the bedposts, strange objects on the night-stands and what looked like blood splattered on the walls and all over the bedclothes.  When Lucy shot the Master, he was so focused on loosing his friend and the terrible silence that would again be in his mind that he never thought of the reason Lucy would want to murder the Master.  The Old Girl was right, this was worse, so much worse than what the other rooms had experienced.  He tackled the wires first, although a violation of his friend, physical wounds are easy to heal.  Once the wires were out of the room, he gathered the whole mess of them into a pile in the control room before returning to his bedroom.

He stood against the doorjamb just staring at the room.  Thoughts of what the TARDIS must have felt like being unable to protect Lucy flitted through his mind.  Ever since he had first gained the TARDIS’ trust, he had taught her the importance of protecting her occupants.  Of course, the Master would know that and use that against both her and Lucy, and now, him too.  Triple the pain for one action.  He felt sick at the thought of it.  He sighed and went down the corridor to search for his own bedroom furniture.  He felt the TARDIS faintly at the back of his mind.  He figured that she wanted to help him.  He placed his hand on the wall, "No, this is something I need to do." 

 

He considered for a minute, "But once I've cleaned everything, then if you feel up to it, you can switch it out." 

 

He felt a quick affirmative brush before she retreated again.  The Doctor redirected himself to the linen closet, took out a spare box and cleaning supplies before returning to his room.  He spent the next forty-five minutes removing all the physical evidence of the Master or Lucy that existed in his room.  Once everything was clean and the evidence was in the box, he picked it up and left the room.  He was at the front doors when they would not open.  He sighed, "I promised I would stay with you and I will, I just don't want these things onboard.  And now, I need to visit Lucy.  I will be back in a couple hours:  in time for dinner." 

 

He felt what he understood as a nod.  "I'll be as quick as I can.  In the meantime, if you feel up to it, I would love to have my own bed when I return," he told her as he left. 

 

He knew she needed a life affirming task and furniture was a simple one for her.  


* * *

The Doctor carried the box to the nearest incinerator and destroyed it.  He made his way to the bridge and found the communications center.  He turned it on and set the frequency, "This is the Doctor contacting UNIT base 1-3-4, anyone reading me?" 

 

There was static and he was about to hail again when a female voice responded, "UNIT base 1-3-4, go ahead Doctor." 

 

"UNIT Base, I want to get a meeting with Lucy Saxon, any way you can arrange that?" 

 

The voice replied, "I don't have that authority, I'll have to check with my commanding officer, standby." 

 

After what seemed like ages, but in reality was only a few minutes, the receiver came to life again, "UNIT base 1-3-4 to the Doctor, come in." 

 

"This is the Doctor.  What did you learn?" 

 

There was silence from the other side, "Well?  What did you learn?" 

 

There was static for a moment then, "I'm sorry, Doctor, but we are unable to grant your request." 

 

"What," the Doctor asked as he stared at the com device in his hand. 

 

There was silence for another moment, "Lucy Saxon is no longer under UNIT jurisdiction." 

 

"WHAT?" 

 

"Lucy Saxon was released from UNIT Base, I'm sorry I'm not at liberty to release any other information." 

 

"WHAT!?" the Doctor said a final time. 

 

The only reply he received was, "Transmission terminated." 

 

The Doctor released a frustrated cry and threw down the mic. 

"Breaking things is not going to help," a familiar but calm male voice stated. 

 

The Doctor replied without turning around, "Perhaps not, but it makes me feel better." 

 

Jack chuckled, "I doubt that very much." 

 

The Doctor nodded, Jack knew him much better than he thought, "How long have you been standing there?  How much do you know?" 

 

Jack smirked, "Enough.  Why would you want to contact her?  She was as much a part of it as him." 

 

The Doctor sighed, turning around to face his friend, "Because I wanted to find out how willing she was.  I thought the Master turned to hurting her recently.  But there was evidence on the TARDIS... in my bedroom," he spat those words, "That said otherwise." 

 

Jack had been walking toward the Doctor as he had been speaking and put his arm around him, "You wanna talk about it?" 

 

The Doctor shook his head. 

 

"I found your coat," Jack gestured to the chair that held the Doctor's coat. 

 

"Thanks," the Doctor mumbled as he paused. 

He continued softly, "Oh Jack, he hurt her so badly, my TARDIS."  Jack tightened his grip on the Doctor.  "The Master used her very essence against her and it's my fault," the Doctor concluded. 

 

Jack turned to face his friend, resting a hand on each of the Doctor's shoulders, meeting his eyes, "Hold on, how d'ya figure that?" 

 

Tears welled in the Doctor's eyes, "Because everything he did, he did to hurt me.  And... I taught her how to care for her occupants.  If I hadn't taught her to be attached to her travelers, then he wouldn't have been able to..." tears prevented the Doctor from finishing. 

 

Jack had never seen the Doctor look so broken, not even during the past year.  Jack pulled him into a tight hug, trying to control his own emotions, "You did what you always do:  You saved her in the best way you knew how.  You taught her how to love and each of us benefited because of it." 

 

The Doctor tried to pull away, but Jack held his head, pressing it to his shoulder.  The Doctor cried harder, mumbling about love always leading to pain and loss.  Jack just held him, with one hand on the Doctor's head and the other rubbing his back.  The Doctor regained control of his emotions nearly as quickly as he had lost it.  He took a deep cleansing breath and pulled away from Jack.  "I've gotta get back to the TARDIS, I think I'm gaining her trust and I don't want to stop that now." 

Jack searched his eyes, looking for an indication of how the Doctor really felt about that.  Unable to read his face, Jack took a step back, but maintained his hands on the Doctor's shoulders.  The Doctor paused, "Um, Jack?" 

 

Jack looked at him, "Ya, Doctor?" 

 

"I promised her I would stay with her tonight, will you let Martha know?  I'll join you both for breakfast." 

 

Jack nodded, "Breakfast it is," he released the Doctor and began to leave. 

 

He paused when he got to the doors, "Are you avoiding us?" 

 

"What?  No!" the Doctor replied, "It's just.  The TARDIS and I are linked.  Only we weren't during all of that... and the things he did to her!"  He sighed before continuing, "She's not strong enough on her own right now.  She'll die without me and I feel...." 

 

Jack turned his head to the side, so the Doctor could hear him, "Incomplete without her?" 

 

The Doctor's reply was barely above a whisper, "Yeah." 

 

Jack nodded his head and continued out the door.

The Doctor grabbed his coat when he left the room a few minutes later.  As he was making his way back to the TARDIS, he thought about what Jack had said.  He was not avoiding them, not really.  Everything was just too much; he could not worry about everything with the TARDIS and everything with Jack and Martha at the same time.  He felt less himself now than he had during the entire year.  He knew, though, once the TARDIS was repaired and in the Vortex, the three of them could work out their issues.   


* * *

As the Doctor slowly entered the control room, he was pleased to see that nearly all of the red was gone from the walls, though the time rotor was still a sickly yellow and red, he was surprised how quickly his Old Girl was healing.  He placed his coat on its usual strut and then rested his hand on it, "Getting more like old times, yeah?" 

 

There was a soft hum in the room, which still did not exist in his head.  He avoided looking at the central column anymore, continued to the main part of the TARDIS and headed for the kitchen.  He actually had a bit of an appetite.  It was early, but thinking about a bit of toast and jam with tea was making his stomach grumble.  After his snack, he felt a bit more like himself and decided to take a walk to see where the rooms were currently located.  He felt like he had to do something "normal."

He was relieved that the library was not too far away, but was disappointed that the med-bay was a greater distance than he liked.  That was helping him decide about the TARDIS’ readiness for occupants.  He worked his way back to the library.  He wanted it to be warm and comforting, with a fire, but alas, she did not have the energy to do that.  He did however find the book he had been reading before everything had started, _Utopia_ by Sir Thomas More.  He smirked sadly, as he thought of one of the lines, "Slaughtering our fellow creatures gradually destroys the sense of compassion, which is the finest sentiment of which human nature is capable."  He smiled wistfully as he thought of the Toclafanes.  He returned the book to its shelf and on his way back picked up Agatha Christie's _The ABC Murders_.  He needed some light reading and Christie was brilliant, one day he would have to meet her.

He wandered back to his bedroom.  He was overwhelmed at what the TARDIS had done for him.  All of his furniture was back where it belonged.  He set the book down on the lamp stand.  Then he took off his jacket and hung it on a nearby chair.  He sighed contentedly as he lay down on his own simple double bed.  He rested his hand on the wall, "You've out-done yourself.  I know that slowed down your healing, but I am so very grateful." 

 

He thought that sleeping in a bed yesterday had been wonderful, but being in his own was absolute luxury.  He opened the book, but had not read more than a few pages when he nodded off to sleep.  He awoke several hours later with a start.  He had heard something - _a cry for help_?  He bolted to the control room and was greeted with the horror of the remains of the Paradox Machine.  He sighed as he realized it had probably just been a dream.  Now that he was up, he may as well set to work. 

The Doctor circled the central column three times, trying to figure out where it was best to start.  He settled on the part nearest the ramp.  Many bullets had created a gap in the grating and he had to get that off before he could do anything else.  He went to a strut and placed his hand upon it, "Okay, Girl, I have no idea if this will cause you pain or not, but I've gotta get that grating off." 

 

He felt a ripple of fear shudder through the room.  "I know, I'm sorry, but there really isn't another way." 

 

He felt an accepting nudge before she retreated as far away from him as she could.  He went to the kit, took out the steel cutters and approached the grating.  He was expecting a shock and when none happened he simply thought, "Thank you." 

He spent the next few hours removing the lowest level of grating around the control console.  He also made sure to rid the dangling and other dangerous pieces.  The TARDIS, thankfully refrained from shocking him, even though he knew she wanted to.  He finally had enough removed that, in one area, he could access some of the controls.  He took the grating out the doors and he would sort out parts later.  For now, he did not want her to have deal with their presence.  He walked back in and approached the gap.  He swallowed hard and stood next to the console.  He refrained from touching it because he did not know how she would react.  He took another gulp and rested his hand on the time rotor sending as many healing and positive thoughts as he could muster. 

She sighed at first, then like a wounded animal, snapped at him with an electric jolt.  He jerked backwards, in an attempt to get away, only to hit his head on the grating that was still attached to her.  "Ow!" he cried, putting his hand where he had hit is head. 

 

He hissed as he saw a little blood on his hand.  The TARDIS shrank back farther, in fear of what he would do to her for harming him. The Doctor sensed this and his hearts ached.  He was only just beginning to see the deeper affects the Master had on her.  Yes, she had shocked him, but it had not hurt, more surprised him, like when a puppy snaps its jaws without actually biting you.  He was the one who forgot his surroundings and bumped his head.  "It's not your fault," he said gently, "Come back, I miss you." 

 

He waited; there was no reply, "I'm not angry.  I'm sad and lonely without you." 

 

He paused again, the hum that had barely been a whisper now became faintly recognizable, as she seemed to take a hesitant step towards him.  Still the hum existed in the room only, not in his head.  "That's it.  I won't force you to come nearer if you don't want to, but I want you to know that you can." 

He left the grated area, walked over to one of the struts and offered a gentle pat.  His head was still smarting as he noticed that some of the red that had lit the time rotor had dissipated.  It was still sickly yellow, but he was grateful for small improvements.  He paused to think about what to do next.  Well, now he needed some patching up, so he wandered to the med-bay.  He debated if she was strong enough to help him or not, but since she had strength to shock him, he figured she could tell him if she had enough to heal him.  He had to let her try, this was part of the healing process, she did not trust herself and this is one opportunity where he could encourage her. 

He sat on one of the beds and made a few adjustments to one of the monitors near it.  He then lay down on the bed.  Using a clear voice with a confidence he did not possess, he said, "Run full diagnostics." 

 

At first, he thought she would not, but then tentatively, she began the tests.  He had hoped this would encourage her to connect to him properly, but as soon as the tests were done, she shrank away again.  Due to the lack of connection, the results were displayed on the monitor.  The only physical ailment was the cut on his head and even that had stopped bleeding.  The regenerative action of the Archangel Network must have healed all the physical injuries he had suffered over the past year.  The mental status was another matter.  He knew he was preventing her full access to protect himself and honestly, her too.  But, according to the results there was something deeper going on, although they could not pinpoint what exactly.  Maybe he was not as "fine" as he wanted everyone to believe. 

Still, it was not enough to prevent him from doing work that needed doing and he was hungry again.  After he ate dinner, he found himself to be extremely tired, more tired than he should be, considering his physical health.  He wondered if the TARDIS had anything to do with it.  He shook the thought from his head.  She not only would not do something like that to him, but in her current condition, she did not have the strength.  He made his way back to his bedroom and changed into his jim-jams.  He climbed into bed and went to sleep, a concerned thought about why he needed so much sleep these days flashed across his mind.  He brushed it off as him making up for a year of restless sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Additional warning for suicidal thoughts.

Cridhe looked into the Doctor’s eyes. He had just encouraged her to lie on her back, instead of her side. Her emotions were too strong and she could not speak anymore. His eyes grew with sadness as he said, “You were trapped and he… he annihilated you.”  The anger was becoming evident in his voice, “He knew and understood what that would do to you and he did it anyway. And I don’t just mean how he physically changed you; I mean what he did to you - to us - emotionally."

As he spoke those words, he got a far-off look. Cridhe knew he was remembering the first days after the Paradox had been broken. In her own mind, she relived those painful days. She knew she could have joined him in his memories, but held back. It was still too raw for both of them.  
  
The Doctor looked down at Cridhe as tears began to well in his eyes. She reached up and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. Neither of them was as healed from The-Year-That-Never-Was as they had thought. It was a minute before she realized he had been talking. "I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you," he was saying, "I'm sorry I taught you to connect to your passengers."

With that, she released the hug and tried to push him back to look in his eyes. "Don't you dare!" she said hoarsely through her own tears, "You gave me life. Taught me how to give and receive love. You saved me in every way that I could have been saved, so don't you dare apologize or regret any of it!"  
  
His teary eyes met hers, "But what he did to you..."

She nodded, "Was terrible and awful, yes. Being separated from your connection nearly destroyed me. I was like the living dead. Only worse, I knew that I wanted to die, that I should be dead, but his modifications prevented it. I didn't ever want to be connected to anyone ever again. The way you felt at the end... the reason you wouldn't accept any more companions... was the same reason why I held myself off from you for so long. When the meteors hit the _Titanic_ , I was glad that I was returning to Earth. I needed that distance from you because you were forcing me to experience healing and love and joy. I wanted nothing to do with any of that, because I knew it led only to pain and sorrow and separation."

She was crying hard now.  The Doctor used his thumbs gently to brush away her tears, "I pushed you too hard too fast. I was selfish. I wanted you back - us back - to the way things were before. I didn't... I..." he broke off.

She looked up at him, "You didn't understand the implications of my being a sentient being?"

He closed his eyes against another onslaught of tears and nodded.

Her tears were slowing, "And do you now?"

He opened his eyes, surprised by the question, "I think I understand better... but, not nearly enough."  
  
They held each other’s gaze as each stopped crying. He leaned in, not exactly sure what he was doing. He wanted to comfort her the way he had when he removed the bullets. She yawned and raised the back of a hand to her mouth. He laughed while blushing a bit, "You're tired."

She nodded, "Who knew human emotions could be so draining?"

He gently pressed his lips to her forehead. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to mingle with the parts of his mind he left open to her.  
  
After a few moments, Cridhe rolled onto her side. The Doctor pulled her back against his front and again tucked his chin on top of her head. Within a few minutes, she was asleep. For the first time in a very long while, he felt safe. It was a sense of safety that he had not experienced since the destruction of Gallifrey. He began to wonder just how many unhealed wounds he had. In his mind, he again drifted back to the time on the _Valiant_.

* * *

The Doctor was wakened the next morning by the sound of his shower running. He allowed himself to rise from bed slowly and he smiled contentedly. When he entered the shower, the warm water felt so good on his tired and sore muscles. He washed everything up, turned off the water and took a towel to dry himself. He looked at himself in the mirror and decided to shave before he did his hair. Once those duties were done, he returned to his bedroom, opened the wardrobe and pulled out a clean blue suit. After spending a year in his brown suit, he might not wear brown again for a good long time. After he was dressed, he headed for the control room, thinking he needed a nice vacation; the planet Midnight with its sapphire waterfall might be nice.

When he got to the control room, he was greeted by the remnants of the Paradox Machine. He sighed, _how could he have forgotten_? He looked her over and realized that other than starting his shower, she was keeping her distance. The Central Column was still yellow, but the red had completely faded. The walls around the console were also their normal golden color again. He smiled at the progress. "We've reached the point that I can't do this alone anymore," he gently said to his friend.

 

There was no indication of a reply. "Martha and J-Jack," he spoke the second name hesitantly, not knowing how she would respond, "They both miss you."

 

She touched his mind briefly, but it was more acknowledging that he was speaking rather than giving him an indication of how she felt about visitors. "I'm going to have breakfast with them, give you a bit more time to recover and we'll take it one step at a time, okay?"

 

He did not feel any response. He left the TARDIS and went to the galley for breakfast.

The Doctor arrived at the galley first. He thought about looking for the other two, but decided that he did not know if they had spent the night in the same place or not. The _Valiant_ was too big for an effective search, so he waited. About twenty minutes later, the other two showed up. "There they are," the Doctor said more cheerfully than he felt.

 

Martha replied, "Here we are," as they hugged.

 

Jack clapped his hands and said, "I'm starving! Let's get to the kitchen and start something!"

 

He and Martha turned to go. The Doctor's jaw dropped, "Hey, you two, the kitchen is, ah, _this_ way."

 

Martha turned around first, "I thought you wanted to meet us for breakfast so that we could eat on the TARDIS."

 

The Doctor sighed, frustrated and hung his head, "No, I wanted to meet for breakfast so I could see how you two are doing... And _talk_ about the TARDIS, as far as the rest, I'll tell you what I told her this morning: one step at a time."

 

Martha mumbled, "No point arguing with you when you're in 'Doctor Mode,'" and she walked to the kitchen in a huff.

 

Jack met the Doctor's eyes, nodded and followed after her.  They worked on breakfast together in silence, though it was not what the Doctor would call companionable. Passive-aggressive was more like it and he had worried about the TARDIS! _She was taking everything so much better than these two - and perhaps that is some cause for concern_. There was a small table in the kitchen used by staff, which is where they sat for breakfast, the Doctor between Jack and Martha. After they got halfway through the meal, the Doctor finally spoke, "As far as her physical injuries, I've done all I can alone. I am going to need your help from this point forward." He sighed, "That being said, you need to know that she and I aren't connecting properly, which is understandable, but it also means that I don't understand her any better than the two of you at this point."

 

Jack and Martha stared at each other then looked back at the Doctor. The silence hung heavily in the room.

"Doctor," Martha's weak voice broke the silence, "What does that mean?"

 

Jack reached his hand across the table and rested it on her forearm in an attempt to quiet her. After a few moments, the Doctor continued, "I'm not sure exactly. I mean, I know that it means she and I can't communicate like we're used to. But, as far as long-term effects... How she might react to the two of you... Understanding how to help her heal from all that the Master did... I really don't know."

 

"But, you can help her," Jack's voice had an urgent edge to it, "I mean after all you've been through together... You've got to be able to help her."

The Doctor sighed frustrated, "I don't know how to make it clearer. For once, I don't have an answer; I'm flying blind, because no Time Lord has ever EVER committed this kind of violence against a TARDIS before."

 

Jack spoke calmingly, "But, we both knew what it was... the moment we saw it."

 

The Doctor shook his head, "No, other ones were different, back in the day; a TARDIS would have been grown specifically for that function. But to take a TARDIS grown for another purpose and force it to... to do **_that_**!" He slammed his glass on the table, "It's worse than murder!"

 

The Doctor put an elbow on the table, rested his forehead in his hand as if in pain.  It took less than a second for Jack and Martha to move their chairs closer to the Doctor. Each of them draped an arm across the Doctor's back. The Doctor tensed at the touch of his companions, trying to force the powerful emotions into something more manageable. He was expecting Jack or Martha to say something - _anything_. Their silence was making it hard to maintain control. There was a crack in his facade, "He killed her, but didn't let her die." He swallowed hard at the lump forming in his throat, "I don't know how to do this... This..."

 

"Cleaning up," Jack finished for him.

 

That was the wrong thing to bring up at that moment. Anger surged through the Doctor. In one fluid motion, he had broken free of their embrace, stood and was ready to bolt out the door.  Jack was faster, got to the door first and blocked the Doctor's way. "I wouldn't do that if I were you," the Doctor's voice was low and threatening.

 

"Doctor, just listen," Martha pleaded. The Doctor rounded on her, his eyes lifeless, "Are you a part of this too? Was this planned? This will not turn out well if it was."

 

Martha's eyes widened in fear, of all the things she had faced in the past year, this was the worst: the raw anger and pain of her friend. She regained her composure quickly, "No, you said it yourself, 'Never stopped running.' You always leave before there's a chance to clear up the mess, from the day I first met you at hospital... And this time, Doctor, you can't run! You must take care of the mess... Because your TARDIS is part of the mess!"

 

She stood her ground, if there was one thing she had learned in the past year: it was the power of words.  The Doctor took one threatening step towards her as her words sunk in. Jack moved quickly behind him, in-case the worst happened. Martha stood there staring the Doctor down, so she noticed the change almost before the Doctor did himself. His eyes went from being lifeless to being simply empty with grief, his face followed suit and not more than a tick later, his entire body crumpled to the floor. He cried out, "Nooo," in much the same way he had for the Master, only this time, there was more sorrow to it. Martha and Jack approached him hesitantly as he sank to the ground, but when they heard that cry; neither could stop themselves from embracing the Doctor.

It was not long before all three of them were crying. Each crying over their own sorrows, failures and agonies experienced during the past year. All of them were crying over what had happened to the TARDIS. The silence that fell over the group as their crying ceased was companionable. They helped each other off the ground and cleaned up breakfast. When that was done, the Doctor stared at the kitchen door, steeling his nerves for the next step. Jack stood next to him, placed an arm around his shoulders and said, "I shouldn't have said that..."

 

The Doctor shook his head, "No, you were right... cleaning up is... too messy for me."

The Doctor sighed and Jack gave his shoulders a squeeze before letting him go. Martha took the Doctor's hand, entwining their fingers, "You know, you're not in this alone."

 

He looked down on her and offered a sad smile, "Thank you."

 

With a determined sigh, the Doctor said, "Can't put this off forever."

 

The three of them headed off to the TARDIS. They walked in silence, but it was comfortable compared with breakfast. When they reached the storage room, the Doctor paused outside the doors, "We need to be slow and gentle. I'm going to go first, check on her and then I'll be back."

 

Jack and Martha nodded their understanding. The Doctor walked through the door and approached the TARDIS.  


* * *

The Doctor approached the TARDIS slowly, took out his key and unlocked the door. He went part-way up the ramp and rested his hand on the strut, "Alright, Old Girl, they're outside and are desperate to see you. Are you okay if they come in?"

 

He paused, waiting for her answer. She gave none.

 

"You need to answer one way or another. I will not impose them upon you." 

 

With that, the lights dimmed as she considered the question.  He could tell she was struggling, "You don't have to do anything. Let us care for you for a change, we know you're hurt. We don't have any expectations."

 

After a few more moments, the lights brightened again and he felt a slight tingle in the back of his mind that he took as a nod. "We'll still take it one step at a time, if you get uncomfortable, let me know."

He turned to leave. He felt apprehensive, but he could not do anymore on his own. He walked into the hallway and sighed. He looked at Jack and Martha, "She's still struggling with being hurt and not able to care for us. I think it's best if we take this one step at a time. Jack, I'm sorry, but I think we'll be safer if Martha comes first."

 

Jack's face fell with sorrow, but he nodded his agreement. The Doctor took Martha's hand, "Alright, follow me, remember, one step at a time. If she gives any sign of not wanting you there, don't take it personally, but you may have to leave."

 

Martha nodded solemnly.  The Doctor led her into the storage room. Waving his hand aimlessly, he said, "Ignore the mess out here, we'll sort it for parts later."

 

Martha looked around, "You did this all on your own? Doctor, you should have asked for help."

 

He shook his head sadly, "She was merely tolerating my presence, anymore would have overwhelmed her."

 

They slowly made their way up the ramp. Martha rested her hand against the strut, "Hey there, I hope you're feeling better."

 

The Doctor lowered some of his mental blocks. He wanted to be sensitive to any subtle change the TARDIS made so he could keep Martha safe. He released Martha's hand and she wandered around the Control Room. She leaned against the jump seat in shock, "I can't... believe all this is still left..."

 

He looked up at the grating, tubes and wires that remained, "She's doing better, that's the important thing."

 

He looked at Martha, "You looked knackered. You should have a lay-down. I can show you to your room."

 

Martha at first looked like she was going to argue, but then nodded and let him take her to her room.  When they got there, he opened the door, "See? Everything just like you left it."

 

She gave the room a full look-over, walked over to the far wall and touched the prominent hole that existed there, "What's this from?"

 

The Doctor sighed, nervously scratching the back of his head. "Ah, that... Short explanation: the Master used your energy signature to keep the TARDIS alive."

 

"He **_what_**??" Martha yelled.

 

The TARDIS shook faintly. "Gently, Martha, you're scaring her," he replied.

 

She turned to face him, her arms across her chest, "Then you'd better explain it properly."

 

He gestured to her bed, "Lie down and have a rest, I promise to explain it to both you and Jack fully, but I'd rather not repeat myself."

 

She looked longingly at her pillow. He pulled her covers back, helped her to lie down and then pulled the covers to cover her. He stood by the door and watched Martha for several minutes, until he was certain she was asleep. He pulled the door closed as he left.

The Doctor then returned to the hallway to retrieve Jack. He went slowly, because he did not really want to do this. Jack looked expectantly at him, "So how is she?"

 

The Doctor smirked, "Which she? The TARDIS seems to be okay with Martha. I showed Martha her room and she's having what I hope will be a full rest, I doubt she's had that in the past year."

 

Jack nodded, "Help her out with that, did you?"

 

"No," the Doctor replied, "I don't penetrate a person’s mind unless I have to."

 

Jack looked at him a moment, "So, my turn then?"

 

The Doctor returned his gaze, "Jack, this might be more difficult than you imagine. You have Time Agency training; you're going to have to block your mind from her as much as possible. This is as much for her good as it is your own."

 

Jack interrupted, "If she's not ready, Doc..."

 

"It's not like that. She needs you and you need her: only the pair of you can fully heal each other from what you two experienced. But, healing is a tricky thing... especially for telepaths," the Doctor replied.

 

Jack nodded, "I think it will be better this way, rather than just having my memory wiped."

 

The Doctor rested a hand on the Captain's shoulder, knowing he was referring to what the Time Agency had done to him. The Doctor nodded, "Ready?"

 

Jack smirked, "No, but I don't think there is a ‘ready’ for this."

As the Doctor led him into the storage room, Jack swallowed hard at the lump that was getting increasingly bigger in his throat. He noticed all the debris on the floor, he stopped and backed up to lean against the entry doors, "I can't, I'm... I don't know..."

 

The Doctor turned around with nothing but compassion in his eyes. He put his arm around Jack's shoulder and guided him towards the TARDIS silently. When they got to the doors, the Doctor released Jack's shoulders and took his hand instead, guiding him in. They made their way up the ramp. The Doctor released Jack's hand so he could close the doors. Jack was still staring at the room when the Doctor rejoined him, "She's healing quickly. No more red anywhere and see there, the yellow is starting to have flecks of green."

 

Jack nodded and approached the gap in the grating. Suddenly, Jack had moved through the gap and was hugging the base of the console. He was muttering, "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry," as he cried.

 

The Doctor braced himself, expecting the TARDIS to shake or do something somewhat violent. All that happened was a soothing, familiar hum sounded throughout the room. The Doctor tried to make a connection, but she shied away from him. "D-don't," Jack squeaked through tears, "You're too much like the Master, it scares her."

 

He turned his gaze to Jack and a surge of jealousy flowed through him, "What do you know of her?"

 

Jack tried to calm himself, "We've, well, we're connected, at least more than we've been in the past."

 

The Doctor's eyes became cold, "I see."

 

He turned abruptly, grabbed his coat and marched out of the TARDIS, slamming the door.

Jack, still sitting next to the console, tried to understand what had happened. The Doctor knew that Time Agents have a more refined telepathic ability than most humans do, so why was he angry? The TARDIS seemed to gasp in fear, so Jack tried to reassure her. After a couple minutes of him trying to calm her, a sensation like an image came to his mind. It was most certainly the Doctor and with the image, her fear seemed to increase. Jack patted the console, "Alright, I'll go after him, but look after Martha, okay?"

 

He felt an affirmative nod and he left to find the Doctor.  


* * *

Jack searched all the familiar places they had been and did not find the Doctor. Finally, he went to the bridge, but did not see him there either. He looked out the windows and that is when he saw him. The Doctor was sitting on the edge of one of the runways, legs dangling over the sides.

 

"Oh hell, _no_ ," Jack said and took off toward that area.

 

If the Doctor jumped, he would die too quickly and would not have the chance to regenerate.   Once he was on the runway, Jack approached the Doctor slowly. He did not want to startle him, but he did not want him jumping either. Then he remembered the Doctor has exceptional hearing, so probably already knew he was there. Suddenly the Doctor spoke, "I know you're there, Jack," he tapped his temple, "You might be able to ignore your wrongness, but I can't."

 

The Doctor's words stung Jack. But, he continued his approach slowly and sat down about a meter from the Doctor and remained quiet for a few minutes.  The Doctor was shifting glances between looking across the sky and looking at the Earth below. "It's quite beautiful," the Doctor said after a time.

 

Jack only nodded. "Did I ever tell you I spent nearly the entirety of my third incarnation stranded on Earth?"

 

Jack looked at him and shook his head.

 

The Doctor smirked sadly, "The Time Lords punished me... for meddling. So they forced me to regenerate and locked out the controls on the TARDIS." He paused in thought before continuing, "I spent all that time trying to get off this planet. And once I was free to leave, I returned time and time again. After I... After the Time War, it felt more like home than anywhere else did. Only, it's not home anymore. Not really. Too much pain, death and destruction are associated with it now."

"Doctor," Jack spoke quietly and gently, "What are you doing here?"

 

The Doctor shrugged his shoulders, "If I can't connect to the TARDIS, then there's no way I can get her to travel. A Time Lord without the ability to travel... isn’t much of anything… I learned that much during that time," he finished lamely.

 

"But, you can't just," Jack began.

 

"What?" the Doctor interrupted,

 

"Quit? Give up? Stop pretending I can fix everything? Make everything better? What, Jack? What can't I just?"

 

There was desperation in the Doctor's voice. Jack remained silent, knowing there was more the Doctor wanted to say. The Doctor raised his eyes to the horizon, continuing more calmly, "I couldn't do anything. For the past year, everything I tried to do... only made things worse." He looked at his hands, "Time was that Daleks, Cybermen and even the Master could be fought and beaten without loosing those I love. Now it seems, they continue on, while I lose everything. I don't even have the TARDIS now," he sighed heavily.

Jack tried to meet his eyes, "That's not true and you know it."

 

"Jack," the Doctor said with a bit of warning, "She connected to you and not me."

 

"That's only temporary and we _both_ know that," Jack said with determination.

 

The Doctor shrugged again, mumbling, "I'm not so sure."

 

Jack risked moving closer and rested a hand on the Doctor's shoulder, "I am. Yes, it's a stronger connection than in the past, but it's nothing like what you've described your connection to be! You said yourself that she and I need to help each other heal, maybe this is one of the ways."

The Doctor felt uncomfortable under the weight of Jack's hand and tried to adjust himself. "Oh, no you don't," Jack said, making his grip stronger.

 

The Doctor sighed, "Jack, I'm fine, really."

 

Jack scoffed, "Right. The Master died you your arms and then you buried him. Lucy is God knows where. Your TARDIS was nearly destroyed and she's now connecting stronger to me than you. That's just within the last forty-eight hours and you want me to believe you're fine?"

 

The Doctor shrugged sadly, "It was worth a shot."

 

Jack adjusted his grip on the Doctor's shoulder, "Doc, what are you doing here?"

 

There was a long pause, Jack thought he had pushed too hard and now the Doctor would give no response at all.

"Running," he softly replied, "At least, that's how it started. Running away like I always do. Avoiding the mess I usually leave to others. But, I couldn't run far enough. This ship is... limited. Then, I thought about regeneration. You know, regeneration is a fantastic way to start over," it was a question more than a statement. He continued, "I'm always still me, still the Doctor, but since I change physically, it's like I have the ability to start a whole new life."

 

Jack became even more worried, the Doctor was practically admitting to wanting suicide, "You know death's not the solution."

 

The Doctor laughed heartlessly, "That's rich, coming from you, the man who hunted me down and clung to the outside of the TARDIS through the Vortex, just to have his mortality reinstated."

Jack sighed, "Not because I don't want to live anymore, I just want to live normally."

 

The Doctor smirked, "Jack, I don't think you've ever been normal."

 

Jack matched the Doctor's mood, "Perhaps not, but I feel like I've lost my edge with this immortality thing."

 

The Doctor looked at him for the first time and raised an eyebrow. Jack nodded, "Yeah, I mean, not being able to die has made me fearless."

 

The Doctor offered a half smile, "Not a bad quality in a leader."

 

Jack looked back at him, "Ha! It is when I get reckless. It's like sometimes I forget that everyone else can die."

 

The Doctor nodded his understanding. He was starting to think that perhaps Jack had a great deal in common with him. The Doctor sighed as he went to stand up, "We should get back, Martha was sleeping and I don't like the idea of her being alone when she wakes up."

 

Jack stood as well and the two men looked at each other for a moment. "Thank you, Jack," the Doctor said with a simple nod of the head.

 

Those three words said more than either man would admit. There was nothing more to say as they returned to the TARDIS.  


* * *

When Jack and the Doctor returned to the TARDIS, they greeted her and continued to the main part of the ship. It was nearly lunchtime, so Jack wanted to freshen up and the Doctor wanted to check on Martha. He stood outside her door; normally the TARDIS would let him know if it was safe to enter. He hated this, more than he would let on to anyone. He sighed and tapped softly at the door; he did not hear a reply so he carefully turned the handle and quietly opened the door. Martha was sleeping peacefully, which actually surprised him a bit. He took a hesitant step into the room and that is when he sensed it. There was a wave of telepathic energy that encompassed the room. He knew the TARDIS was using it to prevent Martha from being disturbed by nightmares. He wanted to be angry at first, since the same luxury would not be offered to him, but thought better of it. He rested his hand on a wall, "Good Girl, thank you."

The Doctor walked over to Martha's bed and stood over her watching for a few moments. "Oh, Martha Jones, what a year it must have been for you," he spoke at a whisper and ventured to place a hand on her head.

 

He hated to wake her, but none of them had eaten well at breakfast and he wanted to ensure a good lunch, they had a lot of work to do today. He spoke louder, "Martha? It's time for lunch. Lunch on the TARDIS. Just like old times."

 

He smiled softly, his encouraging words sounding more positive than he felt. She moaned quietly as the telepathic field lightened. "Martha?" he called to her again,

 

"Time to wake up."

 

At that, Martha sat straight up, reached into a pocket on her trousers and brandished a knife, "Who are you? What do you want? Stay back."

 

As all that was happening, the Doctor had jumped up and away from the bed. He realized that her dreams may not have been as peaceful as he thought.

"Martha, it's me, the Doctor," he said, holding his hands up defensively.

 

Martha shook her head as she took in her surroundings. She realized she was still holding the knife at the Doctor, "Right," she mumbled, "Sorry, it's been a long year.”

 

She lowered the knife and went to put it away." "Ah, I think it might be best if we put that somewhere else. We wouldn't want anyone getting hurt," the Doctor loathed guns, but he did not exactly like other weapons either.

 

She hesitated and then insubordinately inserted the knife back in its sheath. She looked at him with cold eyes, "I feel better with it."

 

The Doctor's face fell, but he did not want to argue with her. _Once she felt more rested, she would return to old self_ , he thought. "Right, well, time for lunch, let's get to the kitchen," he said, trying to maintain an upbeat composure.

Jack was already there when the Doctor and Martha arrived to the kitchen. "There's not much, I'm afraid," Jack informed them, "A year on... and well, she did her best."

 

The Doctor put the kettle on for some tea while Martha set the table. Jack kissed Martha on the cheek, "Sleep well?"

 

Martha grinned, "Yeah, I could sleep a week, though."

 

They sat down to simple sandwiches and tea, but somehow eating on the TARDIS made it the most filling meal any of them had in recent memory. They cleared up the dishes and made their way back to the Control Room.

They spent the next six hours in silence, more or less. It was a respectful silence, like you would find in a church. Most of the words they spoke were in reference to dismantling the rest of the Paradox Machine. The Doctor had instructed them to take all the parts out of the TARDIS and he would sort through it in the morning, to salvage what he could and destroy the rest. Once they were done, they stood around the console. Except for the yellowish tint the Time Rotor still had, it really appeared that things were back to normal. Appearances were deceiving. The Doctor and TARDIS still were not connecting properly. This was making the Doctor concerned, but he wandered around the console, touching various knobs lovingly.  


* * *

He finally looked at Jack and Martha, "You'd better strap yourselves in. I don't know how this is going to go."

 

Jack's jaw dropped, "You're not going to fly her now, are you? We just got all that stuff off her."

 

The Doctor looked serious, "We have to. Just a quick 'down and back' trip. She needs refueling, quickest place for that is the rift in Cardiff."

 

Jack looked like he was about to protest when Martha perked up, "Being fully fueled will speed up the healing, right?"

 

The Doctor smiled, "That's the idea, shouldn't take more than twenty seconds to reach maximum. A minute to get down, a minute to get back - two and a half minutes total, three if we're slow, one if she's feeling perky."

 

Jack still was not convinced, "She's strong enough?"

The Doctor hesitated; they had not told Martha that Jack was more connected to the TARDIS than he was. The Doctor chose a roundabout way to ask, "Well Jack, you've seen war wounds, what do you think?"

 

Jack rested his hand on the Central Column and then smiled, "Yeah, I think it'd be good for her."

 

With that, Jack strapped himself in next to Martha. The Doctor remained standing to run the controls. He put his hand on the break and cried, "Allons-y!" with a manic grin.

 

Deep inside, though, he was begging the Old Girl to be good.

The materialization was a little rougher than normal, but with one look at the monitor, the Doctor could tell they were at the right place and time. He opened all the engines as wide as they would go. It was as if the TARDIS was singing to life again. The sickly yellow color of the Time Rotor was quickly reverting to typical green. When she had absorbed all the energy she could, the engines closed automatically and the Doctor pressed a button to return them to the _Valiant_. The return materialization went much more smoothly.

Jack and Martha released their harnesses and the three joined in a group hug with laughter and smiles. Yes, this was normal, well, nearly. But, not wanting to spoil the fun, the Doctor mentioned supper with chops and gravy. Supper had the liveliest conversation yet and courtesy of the TARDIS, they ate to their fill. Jack and Martha decided to turn in early. The Doctor encouraged them, he wanted to give an once-over of the ship and he did not want distractions, or lurkers. When he was certain Jack and Martha would not leave their rooms, the Doctor made his way to the control room.

The Doctor leaned against the captain's chair with fingers clutching his nose and his head bowed. He closed his eyes tightly in an effort to make his connection to the TARDIS. There was a quiet rumble, "But why not?" the Doctor asked aloud.

 

Silence again. _Always silence with her_. He heard a sinister laugh in the back of his mind. He turned around scanning the room, expecting to see the Master at any second. When he felt sure the Master was not there, he inhaled deeply. He had not realized he had been holding his breath. He looked intently at the central column, "We both are afraid of the same thing but we should know better than to be afraid of each other."

He sighed, knowing the argument was pointless, they both had the ghost of the Master chasing after them. Still, he was determined to connect to her. As he walked to the med-bay, he paused in front of the doors of his companions' rooms. He could hear Jack's steady snores, but nothing from Martha; still he figured both were soundly asleep. When he reached the med-bay, he opened a panel at the head of one of the beds. He took out a helmet that looked similar to the Chameleon Arch, only with more wires. He had devised the Conveyance Helmet in case anything had gone wrong or the Fob Watch was lost. It acted like an electrical plug, a direct link to the TARDIS. He placed it on his head, affixing the sides to his temples. He then lay down on the bed and took the control in his hands. He hesitated. He was not sure what this would do to him. He was not using it for its intended purpose and the results could be disastrous.

He did not care; he pushed his doubts out of his mind. Then, he activated the mechanism. Pain tore through his mind and he screamed. At the same time, the TARDIS also cried in agony. That brought Martha and Jack running. The Doctor was vaguely aware that they were talking, Jack preventing Martha from doing anything. Everything started to go black and he struggled to maintain consciousness. The connection was forcing his consciousness into the TARDIS and forcing hers into him. Neither creature was designed to have that happen.


	13. Chapter 13

The Doctor shuddered at the memory as he looked over at Cridhe. She was sleeping peacefully, blissfully unaware of how he was torturing himself. He was tired. It was rare that he needed sleep again this soon, but his memories were haunting him. Humans were not the only creatures who felt drained after experiencing strong emotions. He sighed a bit louder than he had expected and she stirred slightly. He froze, she had been through enough and he hoped he had not wakened her. After a few minutes, he decided she was still sleeping and he made himself more comfortable.  
  
Sleep would not come to him. Images and sounds filled his head. None more potent than Jack looking into a Doctor's older face and begging to be killed after the Master had devised yet another method to slowly kill him, inflicting as much pain as possible while sustaining his life. Now, the Doctor was wide-awake. He slowly and carefully got out of bed, in an effort not to wake Cridhe. He stood over her, watching her for a moment before he left the bedroom. He quietly closed the door behind him and nearly ran into Jack.  
  
His deep brown eyes met the pale blue of the Captain's. The Doctor sighed, "We need to talk."

Jack thought, " _Four words. Four words that always meant so much more than what they said._ "

The Doctor noticed the flash a concern across Jack's face, " _I_ need to talk," he amended.

The concern in Jack's face grew. The Doctor had never come to him before, even with everything that happened during the Year-That-Never-Was, he had always gone and forced the Doctor to talk. Even then, he knew the Doctor had not said half of what needed saying.  
  
The Doctor was amazing at getting others to talk, offering them compassion, support or a gentle hug whenever they needed it. Often times, he knew before the person did and Jack wondered if that was something related to the Time Lord's ability to read timelines. However, the Doctor never willingly talked about himself and even less often mentioned any needs or desires that he might have. So, the fact that he had just amended his statement to declare a need of his was disarming to Jack. It also made all the warning bells and whistles go off in Jack's head. Jack led them to the kitchen and started the water kettle for tea. After he had two cups made, he placed one in front of the Doctor and took the seat next to him. The Doctor said nothing, only nodding his thanks. Complete silence descended between the two men. Both nursed their mugs. Jack held his tongue, the Doctor mentioned a need to talk and Jack was not about to ruin it by saying something.  
  
The Doctor sighed after what seemed like hours. He asked without looking up, "Do you hate me, Jack?"

Jack was caught off-guard by the question, "W-what do you mean?"

The Doctor finally raised his head and stared at Jack darkly. Jack returned only a look of compassion, "I won't lie, I was better off a coward. Better off able to die... But, you're a Time Lord, the stuff of legends, according to my people. Everything we've faced... You lived up to."

The Doctor smirked mirthlessly returning his gaze to his mug of tea, "I didn't ask if I met your expectations, I asked if you hated me."

He paused before continuing, "I abandoned you. I called you wrong. I refused to kill you, even when you begged me to end the Master's torture. I left Rose in that parallel universe and wiped Donna's memories... without allowing you to say goodbye. I wasn't here for the _456_ , leaving you to deal with it on your own. I wasn't here when you made the ultimate sacrifices. Then, I practically blamed you for it, when it would've always been a fixed moment, even if you hadn't been involved. I wouldn't blame you if you did hate me."

Jack stared at the Doctor, too shocked to speak; the Doctor had revealed more in those few sentences than he had the entire time Jack had known him. The Doctor finished at a whisper, "I hate me." 

* * *

Jack's heart ached as he thought over all the memories the Doctor had just dragged up. He understood the Doctor's feelings all too well. Being immortal, he had watched those he loved die or leave, time and time again. It would always happen; they would leave, in one way or another. If he let himself dwell on it, he always held himself accountable. His long life made him somehow responsible for the pain, suffering and death that others experienced.

He touched the Doctor's shoulder encouraging eye contact. The Doctor set his mug down as he turned to face Jack. Jack spoke soft but there was a resolution to his voice, "I don't hate you. Never have, never will."

 

He released the Doctor's shoulder; he did not want to distract him if he had more to say. The Doctor looked so frail, that if someone breathed wrong, he might crumple into nothingness. "Jack," the Doctor's voice was barely audible, "I want to be held."

The phrase came out, but it took Jack a minute to register that he had even said it. Jack had seen the Doctor's lips move, so he knew he had not imagined it, though it was so soft it might have been a dream. Jack carefully wrapped his arms around the frail man next to him. Before he knew what was happening, the Doctor had moved himself to sit on Jack's lap, much the way Stephen would, resting his head on Jack's right shoulder, with his legs hanging off to the left side of Jack's own legs. It was not more than five seconds when the Doctor started to cry. He cried silently at first, with his shoulders barely shaking. Then, they built and Jack knew that everything that the Doctor considered failure, all his losses and everything else for which he held himself accountable was contained in those tears. Jack put all his compassion into the way he held the Doctor. He was afraid to speak, afraid to say the wrong thing and distract the Time Lord from releasing his emotions.

The Doctor became calm after a few minutes. Jack risked looking down at him and discovered he was asleep. Jack slowly began to cradle the Doctor in his arms, using care so as not to wake him. He lifted the Doctor, always surprised by the weight of him: his elfin body would never suggest how much he actually weighed. Jack carried him over to the couch Cridhe had laid on the day before. The Doctor moaned quietly as Jack laid him out. When Jack began to remove his arms from the Doctor, he heard the Doctor mumble, "Don't leave me."

 

Jack placed his hand on the Doctor's head and stroked his hair, "Shh, it's okay, I'm not going anywhere."

Jack was not sure the Doctor had heard him, but he seemed to quiet a bit. Jack stood and took off his dress shirt, walked over to the closet where he had stored the bedding the night before and removed it. He took the pillow and placed it carefully under the Doctor's head. He placed the sheet and blanket at the end of the sofa. He toed off his shoes and quietly slid behind the Doctor's frame. Reaching over, he grabbed the end of the sheet and blanket and covered them. Jack was nearly asleep when he heard the Doctor again. The words were nondescript, more like parts of words or another language. However, the meaning was one of pain, agony and separation. Jack wrapped his arms around the Doctor, "I'm here. I don't hate you and I'm not going anywhere."

 

He gently kissed the Doctor on the top of his head. The Doctor seemed to quiet again and after a time, Jack was sure he was asleep.  Jack lay there, holding the cooler body of the Doctor against himself. A smile of irony tugged at his lips as he realized this is always where he has wanted the Doctor, but this time, he had no sexual desire for him. Well, not none, but now, it just seemed wildly inappropriate to think about it. Besides, he had not had an honest sex drive since Ianto. He gasped quietly as Ianto's name passed his thoughts. He tried not to think about it, but of course, the harder he tried, the more thoughts came to him. Suddenly, he was thinking about those months after he had said his goodbye to Gwen.  


* * *

Thanks to Gwen returning his wrist strap, he was able to signal the freighter to pick him up. He did not stay there long, just long enough to get to the next place. Keep moving. He reflected that this is what the Doctor did and it seemed to work for him. He understood, finally, why the Doctor always ran, never stayed to clean up. The clean-up made the pain and suffering too real.

At the same time, he thought if the Doctor could see him now, there would be nothing but loathing in his eyes. No, worse, there would only be disappointment. Jack had told the Doctor that his Torchwood was different, but in the end, it was the same as all the others.

Jack lead a reckless life, must have died at least once a day (sometimes more), but nothing made the pain any better. Then he turned to alcohol. Alcohol would mean a slow death for him, since he metabolized it so quickly. A slow death... That is what he deserved. He stared into his drink as he thought about what he had said to the Doctor so many years ago, the Doctor himself had been a different person, “I was better off a coward.”  He then took a gulp and it burned its way going down. The drink was deadly to humans. The acidic nature meant it was literally burning his esophagus and stomach as he drank it. But he did not care. It was what he deserved. Being a strong leader had led to so many deaths, those people were certainly better off with him as a coward.

He had lived like this for six months. Six months had passed since he left Gwen standing there in tears, twelve months since he had killed Stephen and Ianto. No, he had not killed Ianto as he had killed Stephen, but he was still responsible for Ianto's death. He wanted death, but even death was too kind for him, he knew that he would come back. No, what he wanted was to suffer physically the way he was suffering within his heart. Again, poisoning seemed as good as anything else did.

Jack was about to raise the glass again when a male hand with long slender fingers rested on top of it, preventing him from lifting it. Without Jack looking up, the man speaking or noticing the pin-striped cuffs near the hand, Jack knew who it was. The man spoke no words as he sat in a chair opposite Jack, dragging the glass out of Jack's reach as he did so. The men sat in silence and Jack did not lift his head. He eyes still focused on the spot that the tumbler had once occupied.

Finally, Jack spoke, unable to bare the silence any longer, "You've been following me," it was not a question.  Jack leaned forward, resting his arms on the table and clasped his hands, with his head still down, "Weeks now," he finished flatly.

 

The man sitting across from him mimicked his posture and said quietly, "Months."

 

At that, Jack raised his eyes and met the man's gaze, the face confirming Jack's suspicions.  Jack was broken beyond belief, but had to know, "Why _now_?"

 

The Doctor held Jack's gaze, lightly tapping the side of his head, "Timelines," he said simply.

 

The arrogance of the statement sent Jack into a rage, the alcohol helping it along, "I waited for you to come and you didn't!"

 

The Doctor had expected this and remained calm, "I didn't know."

 

Jack stared at the Doctor in disbelief, arms folded across his chest. The Doctor continued, his speech quickening a bit, "Ok, I knew it was going to happen. But, I didn't realize that it was happening as it was happening. You know things don't always happen to me in the right order. In fact, I'm rubbish at weddings... especially my own."

 

He paused, nearly offering a grin, but Jack did not even crack a smile.  The Doctor sighed and returned to a serious tone, "Communications had been cut off. By the time I figured it out... it was too late. The timeline had been fixed."

 

The Doctor's look shifted to one of sadness and compassion, "Jack, I am so s-."

 

"Don't you dare finish that," he interrupted the Doctor with a low and dangerous voice.

 

For a moment, the Doctor looked as if he might finish his sentence anyway, but he closed his mouth with a click and nodded his head. Jack calmed down a bit, "You said timelines had been fixed... because of me, because I'm a fixed point," it was a statement.

 

The Doctor's face was unreadable.  Jack nodded and reached for the glass the Doctor was guarding. The Doctor moved it even closer to himself. Jack sat back in his chair, sighing frustrated, "How did you find me and why?"

 

The Time Lord tapped the side of his head again, "Finding you was the easy part. As to why," the Doctor sighed debating which truth to reveal, "Because Gwen asked me to."

 

That surprised Jack, "Not Martha?"

 

The Doctor looked down at the drink in front of him, unsure how to continue, unsure if he should. Jack raised an eyebrow, but said nothing, waiting for him to answer. The Doctor sighed, "When the communication links were opened, the TARDIS message center and cell phone were maxed out. Hundreds of messages were waiting for me. I contacted Sarah Jane first; I knew Martha had been on her honeymoon. Sarah Jane told me I was too late. I tried to contact Martha, but... she never returned my calls. I left a video message for her with UNIT, telling her to call me when she was ready. It's been 10 months, still haven't heard from her."

Actually, it had not been that long for the Doctor. It had only been ten weeks, but where Jack was concerned, it was important to keep timelines clear as possible. He smirked sadly staring down into Jack's drink, "I get the impression she's angry with me."

 

The Doctor looked into Jack's eyes, hoping to see a glint of humor. All he saw was, " _Good, she **should** be angry with you! I am_!" However, Jack's voice was soft, "So, Gwen."

 

"Right, Gwen," the Doctor continued, tugging at his ear. "She still had my cell number from when you all ran the sub-wave network to contact me when the Daleks stole Earth. We met up after you had left. Gwen offered me details that Sarah Jane couldn't. Then, she told me about you: that you had disappeared and your last words to her... She asked me to find you."

Jack shifted uncomfortably in his seat, "What did you tell her?"

 

The Doctor offered a half-smile, "I told her that you would come around on your own, when you were ready."

 

Jack nodded, "And then, you came after me right away."

 

The Doctor shrugged while nodding slightly, but said nothing, Jack knew him so well. There was silence, the Doctor kept staring at Jack and finally said, "Say it!"

 

Jack raised an eyebrow and the Doctor shifted his chair around the table closer to Jack and said, "Go on, say it."

The Doctor was expecting Jack to blame him for not helping and to say he hated him. Jack reached for the glass successfully and swallowed what was left, "I have _nothing_ to say to you!"

 

There was a pause while Jack gained courage, "Y-you don't," he broke off.

 

The Doctor leaned in close, his voice only a whisper, but it had an edge to it, "I don't, what? I don't understand?" He paused, waiting to see if the Captain would respond. When none came, he continued, "You honestly think _I_ don't understand?" Another pause, again no reaction, "You might find I'm the _only_ one who does!"

The Doctor had knowingly baited him and Jack did not disappoint, but it did take him a few moments to collect himself. Jack began softly, "I killed him. My own grandson... The military soldiers captured him from the hallway, held his mother down..." he broke off as a flood of emotion hit him.  The Doctor did not touch him. Jack gasped as the pain hit him afresh, "She didn't get to say goodbye. We locked her out of the control room. I forced myself to watch as my actions killed him. Oh God, Doctor, you should have heard her scream when she finally held him, my poor Alice and Ste-." Jack broke, unable to say the name. It was the first time Jack had addressed the Doctor since he revealed his presence. More softly, Jack repeated, "I didn't even let her say goodbye..."

The Doctor reached out and took one of Jack's hands in his own. Jack snapped his hand back, "Stop it! I don't deserve comfort!"

 

The Doctor looked steadily at him, "Jack..." he pronounced each letter of the name, as he had at the end of the universe when Jack was standing in a reactor core. Jack shrank into the chair, making himself as small as possible. "Jack," the Doctor said again, softly this time, but commanding Jack's attention, "I _wanted_ to find you."

Jack trembled slightly, no one else in the bar would have noticed. The Doctor, being so close in proximity, not only saw the shudder, but also could tell it was out of fear. "This is too much to go through on your own," the Doctor sighed.

 

"Oh, really," Jack's eyes had become an icy-blue against the red background of tears being held in, "It's too much for a stupid, immortal ape. But a great and mighty Time Lord can do it alone?"

 

Jack's words and tone cut through the Doctor like a knife. The Doctor's words were barely above a whisper, "That's not fair, Jack."

 

Jack raised his voice in reply, "Oh, I think it is! Y-you came here to rub your self-righteous Time Lord self in my face. Proving how you can so easily move on from one tragedy to the next. You came here because I'm falling apart and y-you are so d-disappointed in me and you'll keep me in the T-TARDIS like you planned to do with the M-Master. B-because the universe is not s-safe with me around."

 

Tears were streaming down the Captain's cheeks, but he did not notice. Though his words were like venom, he cowered in his chair, afraid of the wrath of the Oncoming Storm.  The Doctor looked at Jack, sorrow filling him and continued his soft voice, "If that is how you feel, then I have only one thing to say to you." The Doctor swept in quickly, before Jack had a chance to react. The Doctor draped his arms around Jack and pulled him into a hug. Finally, the Doctor spoke, "It's not your fault." He paused for a moment, "Jack, it's not your fault."

 

Jack tried weakly to fight against the Doctor, both in words and actions. All the while, the Doctor was repeating, "It's not your fault," never releasing his hug. As the Doctor was resting his chin on top of Jack's head, several tears escaped the Doctor's eyes and landed quietly in Jack's hair. After several minutes, both men became aware of their surroundings and reclaimed their composure.

 

Jack met the Time Lord's eyes as he tried to control his tears, "I'm sorry."

 

It was two simple words, but everything that Jack Harkness was at that moment was summed up in them. The Doctor looked at him with an expression that contained nothing but compassion and love. He spoke only two words, "I'm not," and smiled softly again.  


* * *

Jack stirred becoming aware of the discomfort of how he was laying on the couch. It would not have been until later that the Time Lord would explain to him that the events with the _456_ would have happened whether Jack had been involved or not. In fact, without Jack's involvement, the results would have been worse - much worse. Not that the knowledge made the pain of the deaths any easier for him to bare, but knowing they had not died senselessly made the memories of them easier to hold.

He looked down at the Doctor, who seemed to be sleeping peacefully. As he watched the Doctor, he came to an understanding that those two words, "I'm not," were spoken to accept everything about Jack, just as his apology had been about everything in his existence. That was who the Doctor was, after all. How he operated. He accepted his friends, companions and even enemies - no matter what and always in an effort to save them. Jack gained a new respect for the man he cradled in his arms. Jack smirked to himself as he realized that the one thing the Doctor _gave_ so freely to everyone else was the one thing he could not _accept_ from anyone... not even himself. Jack sighed, "You idiot," as he planted a gentle kiss in the Doctor's hair.

Cridhe woke with a start. Something was wrong, or was going to be wrong very soon, but she could not identify what it was. She tried not to panic, as she looked around the room, the Doctor was nowhere in sight. She got out of bed, but did not know where to start looking. She realized she was naked, found her mended clothes and got dressed. She quietly wandered in the hall and saw a faint light coming from the conference room. She stood in the doorway, just watching Jack and her Doctor sleeping. She relaxed as she saw that the two most important men in her life were safe.

She was going to return to the bedroom, when she realized she had not eaten since breakfast the previous morning. She found some bread and jam and started a kettle for hot water. She ate a banana while she waited for the water. She did not allow it to come to a complete boil, as she did not want to wake the sleeping men. After she had finished eating, she did not want to leave them. She still had a feeling that something was wrong. She sat on the floor resting her back on the couch. She was small, but there was no way the couch was going to hold another body. She was getting drowsy again and her head was flopping around. She felt a cool hand on her head, which encouraged her to lean her head against the seat cushion. The hand did not leave her head, but lightly massaged it and she fell asleep.

Several hours later, Jack woke with a start.He looked at the body he was holding onto, the hair was too long, the body too skinny and the temperature too cool.  This was not Ianto.His breath hitched when he realized it was the Doctor and remembered the conversation from the night before.He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and saw Cridhe sitting on the floor, the Doctor's hand resting loosely on her head.Jack looked at his watch; it was Sunday, only 9 a.m.No one would be in today unless there was an emergency.  Cridhe looked cold, so Jack slowly roused himself and carefully disentangled himself from the Time Lord, so as not to wake him.  He adjusted the Doctor's body to make room for Cridhe and then gently lifted her onto the couch.  Once she was in place, the Doctor instinctively wrapped his arms protectively around her.Jack covered both of them and planted a gentle kiss on each of their foreheads.  He left to take a much-needed hot shower and maybe a rest in the guest bed.


	14. Chapter 14

The Doctor began to stir in his sleep. He was mumbling non-coherent words. Cridhe was starting to wake at his words. The Doctor then started to thrash about, getting himself clear of the blankets. He cried suddenly, "No! No more! Not ever again!"

As he was yelling, he retracted his arms from about her and then strongly pushed her away. Cridhe ended up sailing through the air and landing hard against the legs of a chair on the other side of the room. She was stunned for a moment, the fall having knocked the breath out of her. If she was not awake before, she certainly was now.  
  
She was in a tangled mess with the bedding. Cridhe got herself cleared of the bedclothes and returned her focus to the Doctor. He was still asleep and had returned to what seemed like a peaceful state. His forehead though, glistened with sweat. She touched it hesitantly and was shocked to discover she could not feel his mind anywhere. Now, she was scared, she did not want to push into his mind, not until she knew what was going on. She looked around the room and Jack was nowhere in sight. She began to panic, as she returned her gaze to him, she whispered, "I don't know what to do. I don't know what's wrong."

The Doctor harshly swatted her hand away from his face, while saying, "No! No more!"

" _Think_ ,” she said to herself, " _Think! What would you do if you had all the mechanisms connected to you_?"  
  
She did not want to leave the Doctor, but she had to find out what was wrong with him. She made her way to the Hub med-bay and scavenged around. She jumped and squeaked when she felt a hand on her shoulder and a voice say, "Something I can help you with?"

She took a deep breath as she recognized the voice, "Jack, in all of this stuff, you know you guys have nothing that'll really help Time Lords?"

Jack forced her to turn around, "Well, he is the only one so... Wait a minute; help him? Help him with what?"

She took a breath, meeting his eyes, the last thing she needed was a panicky human. She was panicking enough for both of them. "Well," Cridhe began slowly, "I'm not sure. He needs help, but I don't know what kind. That’s why I was looking for Time Lordy stuff."

Concern flashed across Jack's face, but he recovered quickly, "Can't you just," he placed his fingers to his temples.

She sighed, "If I knew what was wrong, yes. But being like this," she gestured to her human frame, "I might do more harm than good."

Jack paused for a moment, "Well, there's gotta be all kinds of stuff on the TARDIS."

She mumbled, "I _am_ the TARDIS."

But, then felt the coolness of the key that rested against her skin. She met his eyes, "Will you come with me?"

Jack looked down at her, remembering how difficult it had been for her to leave. He nodded, "You need shoes and let me get a flashlight."  
  
When they were ready, Cridhe and Jack approached the Police Box. She inserted the key, took a deep breath and opened the door. Turning on the torch, Jack stepped through the doors and helped her onto the ramp. With Jack's torch to guide the way, they found their way to the med-bay. Jack tried to ask what she needed. She just shook her head and said, "I'll know when I see it."

She found a box and started putting various pieces of equipment into it. Jack watched her intently as she worked, holding the torch so she could see.  
  
They continued like this in silence for some time, when Jack could no longer stand it. "Why me," he blurted out unexpectedly.

She was sorting through vials of liquids, Jack assumed medicines, when she answered without looking at him, "Why you what?"

Jack tried to get her attention, "On the _Valiant_. Why did you choose me to connect to?"

She sighed, muttering to herself, "I knew I should have come alone... could have avoided this!"

She was not sure if they had time for this discussion or not. She was concerned about the Doctor, but then saw Jack looking expectantly at her. She knew they would be able to work better if they had this conversation first. She stopped what she was doing, took his hand and guided him over to where the lounger and a few chairs were located.  
  
Each took a seat and Cridhe tried to collect her thoughts. She slowly met Jack's eyes, "Let's start with why I didn't connect to the Doctor. It wasn't because I was scared, like you told him. Well, I was, but I wasn't afraid of him being too much like the Master." She paused, searching for a way to explain it. "I was afraid of what he'd think... How he'd feel about me, considering I had obliterated the planet he considered a second home."

Jack raised an eyebrow, "But you di-… It wasn't your fault."

Anger flashed across her eyes, "What is it with you two! Don't you get that since I didn't do anything, I played a part!? 'All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.'"

Jack looked at her, "Edmund Burke."

She nodded, "He met him once, managed to nearly drink the Doctor under the table."

Jack smiled, "I didn't think that was possible, Time Lord Physiology."

She smirked wistfully, "Yeah, neither did we."  
  
Jack became serious, "What would the Master have done to you if you had tried to stop him?"

Cridhe shrugged while looking at the floor. He tried to catch her eyes, "I do: he would have pushed you over the brink, we wouldn't have been able to bring you back and the Doctor would..." Jack could not finish the statement; the horror was too painful to think about.

She nodded, "The point still stands: I was the one holding the paradox in place. I had brought total devastation to the Doctor's beloved Earth. I couldn't face him... I couldn't face myself." She met Jack's eyes; her eyes were red with the tears she was holding back.  She swallowed back the threatening tears, "He was willing me to live, when all I wanted was death. I-I love him and he was breaking my heart with his love for me. I didn't know how to accept that love in the context of the evil I had done."

"That you were forced to do," Jack corrected her.

She sighed shrugging her shoulders unable to believe his words. She continued, "You had been the one to destroy the paradox, in a rain of bullets and fire." She closed her eyes tightly, trying to hold back the tears, "What you did was easier for me to accept, because that's what I felt I deserved. So, you were the logical choice."

Jack was trying to listen objectively, but he could not hold back any longer, "Do you know what that did to him? Did to me?"

She looked at him, pleading with her eyes for him to understand, "I was so... so..." She sighed, "It couldn't be helped."

The torch flickered for a moment. 

* * *

Cridhe became pale, "We should get back... the torch."

She was relieved to find an end to the discussion, though she suspected that Jack was not satisfied. Jack helped her through the dark ship. This time she had no trouble leaving the darkness behind. She put the box down and handed Jack the key, "Would you mind?"

He shook his head as he took the key. She continued to the conference room with the box. She was relieved to see the Doctor still on the sofa, but she was nervous that he still seemed so ill. She felt his forehead and discovered how hot it was. She went to dig through the box of things she had collected. She took out a vial and a needle-less injector and injected medicine into his neck. 

Jack had been watching her and asked, "What's that?" while putting her key on the table.

 

She jumped again, "Jack! I'm gonna have to put a cat-bell on you, stop sneaking around!"

 

He took a few steps towards her, "Sorry."

 

She shook her head, "'S alright. He's burning up. Literally, he's hot even by human standards, boiling for him. I had to get his body temperature down, so I used a rapid-coolant. I can't do much until that's under control."

 

Jack was about to approach her and thought better of it. "Um," he began, "Is there anything-?"

 

She shook her head, her worried eyes focused on the Doctor. "In that case, I'll leave you. But let me know if you need anything?"

 

Jack finished and noted that she barely gave a nod to his last words. He left the room, if there was one thing he could not stand, it was waiting around when there was nothing he could do.  Several hours later, Jack returned to check on his friends and make some lunch. He approached the conference room and paused outside the door. Cridhe was sitting on the couch and had the Doctor's head resting in her lap. He heard her singing and though he could not identify the words, the melody was hauntingly familiar. He thought about walking in to check on them, but then decided not to enter. There was something sacred happening in that moment, but he could not put his finger on what. He turned to walk back to his office to do some paperwork.

The Doctor's temperature had come down. Cridhe noted it was still high for him, but not the incredibly dangerous levels it had been before. That is when his nightmares began. She had expected it. Up to this point, his fever had been so high that all his energies would have been used to simply remain alive. Now that the fever was dissipating, his mind could wander to other things. She hated his nightmares. Even without the psychic connection, she knew what they contained. She had seen them often enough and had been present at the events that triggered them.

She sighed as she soothed his hair, "Oh, Doctor, what am I going to do with you?"

 

She offered a wistful smile as he murmured. His fever was still too high for her to do anything effective and she still was not able to connect with him. She felt lonely. She had chased Jack away and she was not about to ask him to come back. She rummaged around and found a flannel and an ice pack. Lifting the Doctor's head slightly, she maneuvered him so she could sit on the sofa and then rested his head in her lap. She took the cloth and wrapped it around the ice pack, then placed it on his forehead. She smirked as she imagined him saying, "Primitive."

All Cridhe could do was wait. The Doctor's fever was still too high. She hated waiting. One advantage she had as a mechanical creature was that she did not have to wait for anything, the Doctor always kept her entertained, whether it was him making repairs, or her caring for him and his companions. She sighed while playing absently with his hair. He was moaning and crying in his sleep now. Her heart ached to comfort him. She hated this too. If they were linked, she would be able to prevent his dreams. It would probably take a bit out of her, considering her human frame, but it would be something more than sitting here watching him go through it alone. She then thought about what she had done in the distant past to help him heal, to sooth him when the universe was too much to take. She shook her head as a thought crossed her mind, "No, it wouldn't be fair to him. For me to speak that... without his permission or knowledge... It wouldn't be right."

 

The Doctor cried out again, but settled into pain-filled and feverish mumbling. She looked down on him, "If you wish... I will."

As she spoke the words, "I will," she had changed languages. The ancient language sounded foreign to her and did not roll off the human tongue the way she expected. However, the Doctor, who had been agitated as she began the statement, had calmed down when she spoke those two words. She sighed, continuing in her rusty Gallifreyan, "It'll be alright. We'll figure out what's wrong and then you'll get better."

 

The more she spoke, the more the sounds calmed even herself. She heard something at the door and stopped, looking up, "You don't have to leave, Jack."

 

She had not spoken in English; it would have been too jarring of a transition for her feeble human brain - so she spoke in Common.  


* * *

Her language more than her words stopped Jack in his tracks; he turned around to look at her. The Doctor had stirred and she was again singing to him. That is when Jack realized that she was not singing, but speaking. Jack grew interested and slowly and quietly approached the pair. She looked up at him and smiled as she continued to comfort the Doctor. Jack now knew that he was intruding on something sacred. The Doctor had never spoken in his native language, as long as Jack had known him. Early on, Jack had assumed it was the TARDIS translating for him. However, one night they slept on the TARDIS, after The-Year-That-Never-Was, the Doctor had a nightmare and had been speaking in Common. Martha heard English through the translation circuits, but since Jack had no need of them, he heard the language the Doctor used. It was that night that Jack realized the Doctor never spoke his native tongue, even when he read it on the monitors. Jack's heart ached. He had never put it together before... the amount of work the Doctor went through to hide his pain and loss from everyone. " _Perhaps_ ," Jack thought, " _To make it even somewhat manageable_."

Looking at the pair, hearing what he thought was Gallifreyan, Jack's hearts ached again. A single tear slid down his cheek as he watched Cridhe caress the Doctor's face. When the Doctor seemed calm, she looked up at Jack inviting him closer with her eyes and a slight gesture of her head. He dragged a chair with him and sat across from her. He assumed she had been speaking, but did not want to intrude on the sacredness of it, so offered her an out, "That was a haunting song, I know it from somewhere."

 

She smiled sadly while nodding, "You should, there's an old English Carol, from the 16th Century that is based on it."

 

Jack sighed with relief! It was a song, not as sacred as he thought. Cridhe met his eyes, "He was in his Seventh Incarnation and we had gotten separated. He had been stranded for a week... in Coventry... just before Christmas."

Jack's eyes lit up, "The 'Coventry Carol!' I knew I recognized it."

 

Her wistful smile fell, now there was just a mourning look to her. She continued, "He hadn't known the translation circuit had been damaged in the... Well, actually we had landed that time, so landing. Of course, since he knew English, he hadn't noticed that I wasn't translating."

 

She sighed, trying to hold back tears, "It took him a day to figure out that he could understand them but they only heard a strange melody to vocal sounds that were even stranger."

 

Jack cringed as he realized he had broken into something sacred. She looked down upon the Time Lord's face, which seemed calmed at the moment. "That was before," her voice broke, "And he hasn't spoken it since," she trailed off, unable to finish.

Jack sighed, "And that's why he likes Christmas so much," it was a statement, not a question.

 

Cridhe offered no response. She paused before continuing, "I hadn't either... Spoken it, I mean. I wasn't even sure I could, given how I am now."

 

She inhaled raggedly, holding back tears. An idea came to Jack, "Do you know the song, I mean as we sing it here. Do you know the lyrics?"

 

She nodded. He smiled, "I know it's out of season, but maybe we could sing it together? It seems to calm him..."

 

She was not sure how to respond to his offer. She knew he had a gorgeous tenor voice, she had heard him often enough when he showered. But, she was afraid of how her inept human voice would sound next to his sultry tones.

Jack sensed her hesitation, but was not sure of the reason for it. He slowly and quietly began, "Lully lullay, thou tiny child. By, by, Lully, lullay."

 

She joined him on the second half, "Lully, lullay, thou tiny child. By, by Lully, lullay."

 

He looked at her continuing the melody as she dropped into an alto harmony, "O sister too, how may we do, for to preserve this day. This poor youngling, for whom we sing. By, by, Lully, lullay."

 

They continued singing, each switching off between melody and harmony in perfect unison. They fell into pleasant silence, allowing the strands of the last notes to hang in the air.

After a few minutes Jack looked at her and said, "You really love him," it was a statement.

 

She nodded her head, still stroking the Doctor's hair, while looking at him intently. The Doctor's fever had come down substantially in the time they had been singing. Cridhe figured it was too much to hope it had lowered because the song was so close to Gallifreyan. He suddenly sat up, pushed Cridhe off the sofa and cried, "I said, No more!"

 

Then, just as quickly he lay back down, almost peaceful. Jack looked at Cridhe, only his eyes asked if she was okay. She gave a slight nod as she helped herself up and went to approach the Doctor again. Jack gestured with his hand to tell her to stop. Jack hesitantly approached the seemingly sleeping Doctor and leaned in to observe him more closely.

Without Jack realizing it until too late, the Doctor had grabbed one of his suspenders and snapped it. "Ow!" Jack cried.

 

The Doctor spoke without opening his eyes, "Well, that should teach you to respect my space."

 

Jack turned to Cridhe who shrugged her shoulders as she approached. She went to sit on the couch near the Doctor's legs. He swung his legs to kick her off and said, "Not you!"

 

She looked at Jack then the Doctor then at Jack again. She took her key from the table and left the room trying to hold back her tears.

Jack was torn between following Cridhe and staying with the Doctor. Jack figured Cridhe was just being her usual sensitive self. She had taken the key to the Box, so he figured she would be safe there. Jack took his chair again and decided to stay with the Doctor. He sighed, "Ok, Doc, she's gone, what the hell is going on?"

 

The Doctor opened one eye to look at Jack, "She hurts."

 

Jack shook his head and raised his hands in a gesture of a question. The Doctor sighed and sat up slowly, "She hurts... to look at... to be around... She's worse than you."

 

Cridhe had been standing just outside the door when she heard the Doctor's words.  


* * *

Cridhe could not listen anymore. She did not want to stay in the Hub and even though she thought it would be dangerous, she decided to leave. The Doctor's jacket was still in the med-bay. She rummaged through his pockets and found the psychic paper and some standard currency, but not even enough for a cuppa. She left the Sonic, she figured if she took that, it would be too obvious and she needed as much of a head-start as she could get. She snuck into Jack's office, found his wallet and took all the money that was in there. She left a note in her poor handwriting, " _I'm sorry, I am so very sorry_ ," which she slid into his wallet where the money had been. She then quietly found her way out of the Hub.

The Doctor's words, "Worse than you," hung in the air for a beat. Jack smirked, "Gee, thanks," he paused, "Why now? She didn't seem to bother you yesterday."

 

The Doctor shrugged and scratched the back of his head. Jack waited because he knew the only one that would have any answers would be the Doctor. Jack looked at him, "Does it have anything to do with your fever?"

 

He stared at Jack, "I- I had a fever?"

 

Jack leaned in to get a closer look at him, "Uh, ya. At least that's what Cridhe said. She said you were burning up. Had to use some kind of coolant injection to bring it down."

 

The Doctor sighed, "Well, fever... that changes things. Should probably run a few tests, then."

Jack gestured to the table, "We brought out all kinds of things. Well, she did, I mainly watched."

 

The Doctor stood, but was unstable on his feet. "Whoa, steady there. Maybe you should sit back down," Jack said as he caught him.

 

The Doctor shook his head, so Jack assisted him to the table. The Doctor started going through all the things Cridhe had brought out. He took out a device that looked similar to a glucose monitor, but with more buttons and lights. The Doctor placed a finger over a hole and activated the machine. He sucked in air with a hiss, "No matter how 'pain-free' it's supposed to be, it always seems to hurt."

 

The device beeped and lights flashed on it. The Doctor sucked on his finger while he waited. Jack sat silently, knowing there would not be any news until they had the results.

There was a final "ding" and the Doctor started to read the results on the small screen, "Oh, that's interesting... beautiful, even. Deadly, but beautiful!"

 

Jack met his eyes, "What?"

 

The Doctor continued, "And it explains so much!"

 

Jack tried to get the Doctor's attention, "What?"

 

He met Jack's eyes, "She isn't as human as you thought."

 

Jack's eyes widened, "What do you mean?"

 

The Doctor sighed, "Well, I should have known when she told me that the plants on Anthozoa recognized her as coral, and how quickly she healed afterwards, but I was more worried about other things. She still has coral properties, Jack. In fact, enough to poison me."

Jack's gulped, "What do you mean poison you?"

 

The Doctor sighed exasperated, "Don't be daft. Not on purpose. There was an incident and well, I got her blood on my hands, but I didn't think there would be a problem."

 

Jack looked confused. "What would be similar on Earth," the Doctor asked himself more than Jack, "Oh, I know. It's like palytoxin!"

 

Jack asked, "You mean Seaweed of Death?"

 

The Doctor sorted through the medicines and gave himself an injection, "It nearly was for me, apparently."

 

Jack shook his head, "No, that's the layman's term for it, but you're right, dangerous stuff."

The Doctor wanted to keep the conversation focused away from Anthozoa. He continued, "Well, we should really find Cridhe and give her a full once over. Make sure she can't hur..." He looked around, "Where is she?"

 

Jack was avoiding the Doctor's gaze now. "Jack... Where is she?" the Doctor asked again.

 

Without meeting the Doctor's eyes, Jack responded, "I'm not sure. You were pretty mean to her when you were coming around. You kept pushing her away. She took the TARDIS key and left."

The Doctor closed his eyes as that memory resurfaced. Suddenly, he was panic-stricken. He thought back to his time after Midnight and how long it had taken both of them to heal from how he had treated her. He met Jack's eyes, "We have to find her."

 

Jack nodded as he stood to go to the Box. The Doctor went to retrieve his Sonic. When he reached the med-bay, he noticed his jacket and coat were lying differently from how he had left them. He went through the pockets and cried, "J-aaa-ck!"

 

Jack came running back to the med-bay, "What? What is it?"

 

The Doctor looked pale and shocked, "She took it. Why would she do that?"

 

"Took what?" Jack asked.

 

The Doctor swallowed, "My psychic paper."

 

He was still rummaging through the pockets, "And some currency. Blimey! And my Sonic!"

Jack shook his head, "No, the Sonic is here."

 

He walked over picked it up and gave it to the Doctor. The horror hit Jack, "How much money did you have?"

 

The Doctor shrugged, "Not much, maybe enough for a cuppa. At least in 21st Century British currency... She didn't take the rest, see?"

 

Jack grinned, "Then she can't have gone far. Let me go to my office and get my keys and wallet. We'll take the SUV."

 

The Doctor nodded dumbly. Jack placed his hands on the Doctor's shoulders, "We'll find her. Don't worry. Like I said, she can't be too far, it hasn't been that long and she's on foot."

 

Jack and the Doctor went to get Jack's things. "That's weird," Jack said reflectively, but shrugged it off.

 

"What is," the Doctor asked.

 

"Nothing," Jack replied, "I just thought I had put my wallet in the drawer. I came in late last night, though, so who knows."

 

The Doctor narrowed his eyes, “Check it.”

 

Jack took the wallet back out of his pocket, "Okay."  He opened it and started going through it. He gasped, "Oh no!"

 

"What is it," the Doctor asked.

 

Jack pulled out the note, "No wonder she's sorry."

 

The Doctor raised an eyebrow and Jack continued, "It's all gone. She took everything."

 

The Doctor was moving into full panic mode, "How much?"

 

Jack shrugged, "I don't know, couple hundred?"

 

They only paused a second looking at each other, trying not to let their worst fears overwhelm them.

Jack said, "Wait here, I've got an idea."

 

He returned to the med-bay and uploaded her biological information into his wrist strap. Then he returned to get the Doctor. They both ran out of the office to get the SUV. Jack was saying, "She can't have gone far. She's on foot and hasn't been gone that long."

 

He was making adjustments to some of the settings on the wrist strap. The Doctor was getting agitated, "She has a couple hundred quid, my psychic paper and it's the middle of a Sunday, she could be anywhere!"

 

Jack tried to reassure him, "She's still on foot and she didn't know the way out of the Hub."

 

The Doctor sighed, "That wouldn't have slowed her much, she's a clever girl."

 

They reached the SUV and there was a beeping noise coming from Jack's wrist. He looked at the Doctor with a grin, "Perfect!"

 

The Doctor raised an eyebrow, the question not needing to be asked. Jack's smile broadened, "I loaded her biological information. We can track her."

 

The Doctor nodded, "Let’s go, then!"

 

Jack pushed a few buttons on his wrist strap and the GPS in the SUV came alive with a map and a flashing dot. Jack's eyes widened and the Doctor said, "See I told you! She's nearly three kilometers away already!"

 

Jack looked at the Doctor, "But she's planning to stay, why else would she have taken the money. She won't go far."

 

The Doctor sighed shaking his head, "Just go, alright?"

 

Jack put the vehicle in gear and they took off, following the directions of the GPS.


	15. Chapter 15

Cridhe stepped out onto the Roald Dahl Plass and took in an unusual sight for Cardiff: bright, warm sunshine! She walked to the end and looked out over Cardiff Bay. The wind whipped at her hair. She inhaled deeply and could smell the freshwater of the bay mixing with the salty scents from the ocean beyond. She turned around and made her way back up the plaza and into the city beyond. She knew she did not have much time for her goal was to blend in and disappear. The Doctor had again made her “wrongness” quite clear and she just could not go on like this anymore. She decided that the "No wandering off" rule no longer applied to her!  
  
She walked about a kilometer before she realized she was hungry and thirsty. She noticed a quaint sidewalk cafe and stepped inside. It was one of those Ma and Pop cafes with the little outdoor tables and the checkered table cloths. She walked straight to the counter, since there was no queue, and ordered a tea and a banana muffin. She handed the older woman a tenner and told her to keep the change. The woman tried to maintain her composure, since five would have been generous. Seeing the woman's expression, Cridhe smiled brightly and took her tea and muffin to sit on the walk.  
  
Cridhe could not stay long, she knew by now the Doctor and Jack must have figured out she was missing, but she wanted to enjoy something that was so unbelievably... human. It was a fairly busy street that day, which opened her up for the prospects of being able to people-watch. A young couple walked by her as they were holding hands. They were not looking ahead of them; they were looking at each other, seemingly lost in each other's eyes. Cridhe averted her gaze and her heart momentarily clinched when she thought about how she wished the Doctor would see her that way. She shook her head, "Impossible," she whispered to herself. Next she saw a family. The father had a little girl on his shoulders and the mum was holding hands with an older boy. Again, Cridhe smiled wistfully while something twisted in the core of her being. It was almost like she was being made aware of how empty she was.  
  
She sighed, drank the last of her tea and deposited the rubbish in a nearby bin. She then continued on her way. She was not sure where she was going, nor indeed, what she was looking for. She started to walk at a comfortable pace: fast enough to stay ahead of those looking for her, but slow enough that she could take in her surroundings. She had walked another kilometer when she turned a corner and found herself in an unpleasant looking alley. Although her head told her there was nothing to worry about, that she could vanish back to the safety of the Hub if need be, her gut told her to steer clear. So, she turned around and continued about the main road.  
  
Near one of the rubbish heaps was a figure and he watched her as she left. He could not believe nor understand what it was he had just experienced. But, he knew were she was, _he_ would be. The figure seemed to fade into nothingness among some mechanical noises. Now was not the time, he would have to wait. That was fine with him. Waiting gave him time to think and to plan.  
  
Cridhe continued along her way, but she was feeling tired. She had not slept well the night before and the stress of what happened with the Doctor had taken its toll. She did not know where to go, but she would need a place for the night. She counted the money she had: one hundred eighty-nine pounds and twenty-three pence. That was not going to last very long. She came across a building with "The Riverhouse Backpackers" on the front. She did not have a backpack with her, but figured she fit the bill anyway. She entered and a woman with long blond hair smiled a kind greeting. After signing in, with an assumed name, Cridhe was led to a private room and she lay down to take a nap.  
  
Driving the short ten minutes to the destination marked on the GPS seemed like it took hours. Jack and the Doctor stepped out of the vehicle looking around. "Which way?" the Doctor asked.

Jack was readjusting the settings on the wrist strap, "She's not far and unfortunately I can't get more precise. She's gotta be in one of these buildings."

The Doctor tugged at his hair, "Think, think! She's a smart girl. She left, she didn't run away. If she had run away, she wouldn't be here. She wants to learn the culture. She simply left."

Jack touched the Doctor's shoulder, "What?"

Jack said, "She left but didn't run?"

The Doctor nodded, "Right, so she'd need a place to stay, the basics."

Jack said, "Like a hostel?"

The Doctor looked around, "Well, yeah, that would probably be the first place she’d go."

Jack was looking at the building behind the Doctor, "She'd need a hostel and the basics, as if she were say..." Jack paused, turned the Doctor to face the building behind him, and then continued, "Backpacking?"

The Doctor's manic grin broke through, "Brilliant!"  
  
Except, it was not brilliant. The cheeky blond behind the counter refused to release any information to them. They had requested to see Cridhe McTardis and no one was registered with that name. But, they both knew that she was there. Jack's attempt merely brought the blonde’s brother around to toss them out. The Doctor leaned against the SUV and sighed exasperatedly. They had to get her back to the Hub, to learn if her blood would be dangerous for others. "Nice work, Jack, we'll never get in now," the Doctor rebuked his friend.

Jack grinned at him. The Doctor looked incredulous, "What?"

A smile spread across Jack's face, "I've got two things that should help: psychic paper and the TARDIS key."

* * *

The Doctor was actually a bit angry, "You had psychic paper and you didn't tell me?? Didn't use it?"

Jack shrugged sheepishly, "I didn't think we'd have to. It's just a hostel."

The Doctor smirked mirthlessly, "A hostile hostel, apparently. But, she's seen us, the key won't work on her."

Jack looked the Doctor up and down, "Leave that to me."

He then opened the back of the SUV and dragged the Doctor in as well. Ten minutes later the Doctor was exiting the truck looking nothing like himself. Actually, he looked almost like a skinny Jack. Looking over himself, he corrected that thought, a nerdy skinny Jack - with glasses. But it would have to do.

He reentered the hostel and approached the woman behind the counter. Using a nasally Scottish accent, he convinced her that he had come to the hostel a few weeks earlier to visit a friend and had left a book behind. She offered to go get a box of lost-and-found items and that he was lucky, since they take the box to the Salvation Army twice a month and that day would be tomorrow. She also warned him that the item may no longer be there as occasionally other residents go through the box searching for items they might need or want. After she left, he breathed a sigh of relief. He then looked over the book. Most of the names looked fairly normal, but one stuck out: Jenny Saor. Cridhe had not changed at all. Even in trying to hide, she was reminding him of who he was. He had found her, now he had to figure out how to coax her back. The woman returned without the box, informing him that there were no books in the box so she had not bothered to bring it out. He smiled appreciatively and left.

The Doctor returned to the SUV to inform Jack what he had learned. "Ok, Jack, let's go somewhere we can talk, a cafe or something."

 

Jack nodded and put the vehicle in gear and found a shop with chips, where he stopped. During the drive, the Doctor redid his hair and put the pieces of his suit back on. Jack mumbled, "It was more fun the other way."

 

He winced thinking the Doctor had heard him, but there was nothing to indicate he had. They got out, went to the counter, ordered fish and chips with tea and took a seat in a quiet corner. Jack watched the Doctor, "So, what did you learn?"

 

The Doctor sighed, "Her assumed name."

 

Jack prompted, "You sure of it?"

 

The Doctor nodded, "Yes, because of the name. Well, and the handwriting, but the name was a dead give away. She always thinks she's enigmatic. The only time she's been successful is..."

 

Jack raised an eyebrow, so the Doctor continued, "Oh, right, the name. Jenny Saor."

Jack just stared at the Doctor, he was lost. He did not know the significance of Jenny and he had not seen how Saor was spelled. The Doctor sighed again, "Saor, s-a-o-r the Scottish spelling of 'free.' That I know of, that spelling isn't used as a surname. And Jenny... one of my daughter's names."

 

Saying it like that made it somehow less painful, she was just one of several children he had lost and this way, Jack would not ask questions. Jack met his eyes as the chips were delivered, "I'm sorry."

 

The Doctor just munched on a chip, nodding slightly. After eating a few chips, Jack asked, "So, what do we do now?"

 

The Doctor reflectively ate a few more chips before answering, "Well, we've got to get her back to the Hub so we can run a few tests, see if her blood is harmful to everyone or just me."

 

Jack smirked, "Thought you said she couldn't be enigmatic."

 

The Doctor just rolled his eyes, "Though I don't understand why she's not just disappearing all together. I mean, if she didn't want to be found, she could make herself completely scarce."

Jack looked over the Doctor's features, "You really don't understand humans, do you? You pushed her away."

 

At that, the Doctor looked hurt.

 

"I know you didn't mean it," Jack continued, "And she probably does too. But, that doesn't mean it didn't hurt her and you know how she is. She retreats when she gets hurt. She never leaves all together, but she does hide."

 

The Doctor sighed nodding his agreement. Jack watched him before carefully continuing, "So, when she's like this, what do you usually do?"

 

The Doctor grimaced, "Hit her with the mallet."

 

Jack's eyes widened, accusingly. The Doctor only shrugged. "Okay, Doc," Jack said, "That's when you're in flight. What about other times the pair of you have hurt each other? What did you do then?"

A small smile was trying to tug at the corner of the Doctor's lips, "Aggressive negotiations."  Jack raised an eyebrow before the Doctor continued, "You think the ship always needs that amount of repair work?"  He held up his hand before Jack answered and added softly, "All of which is easier when she can't actually run away."

 

Jack grinned, "And here we always thought you tinkered to keep from being bored when we slept or to avoid us."

 

The smile came across the Doctor's features, "Only sometimes."

 

They were finished eating their meal. Jack collected and disposed of the trash and putting a hand on the Doctor's shoulders said, "Alright, let's go get Cridhe."

 

The Doctor followed Jack back to the SUV and they drove back to the hostel.  


* * *

When they reached the hostel, Jack took the lead. Luckily, there was a different person working the front desk. She seemed kind and had an accent that sounded like it was from Eastern Europe. They did not want to use the psychic paper unless necessary, so they started by asking if they could see "Jenny Saor." The receptionist smiled and informed them that the short woman with curly hair had left about five minutes before they showed up. The Doctor asked if she knew where she was going. The receptionist shook her head and offered that they could leave a message. Jack declined and they both left.

Jack started the SUV and looked at the Doctor, "Where to now?"

 

The Doctor shrugged in full brooding mode, "You know Cardiff better than I."

 

Jack knew he would have to engage the Doctor or they would never find her, "What does she like?"

 

The Doctor sighed, "She connected to you that once, you should know."

 

Jack put the vehicle in gear and mumbled, "Okay then, guess I'm on my own."

 

The only place Jack could think of was the National Museum of Wales. It was cultural, historical and free, all of which would apply to a human-ish time machine with very little pocket-change. He just hoped the Doctor would not get too distracted and disappear on him. Jack pulled into the car park and reminded the Doctor that they were there to find Cridhe. The Doctor shrugged again. Jack hated it when he was brooding. Nothing would get through to the Doctor until they found her.

They entered the museum and picked up a map. As they were looking over it briefly, the Doctor took off. Jack hurried to catch up, "Hey! Where're you going?"

 

The Doctor spoke without looking back, "Only one place she'd be."

 

Jack looked at the map again, slightly baffled and then saw the sign, "Evolution of Wales." He smiled as the penny dropped. He debated following the Doctor, he knew this was between the two of them. Still, he wanted to keep an eye on things, so he followed, but also kept some distance.

There was a display of the Coral Reef, which was presented in photos. It was a section that was all but abandoned. But sitting there on a bench was one lonely soul. Even from this distance, the Doctor knew it was Cridhe. Not because she was a lonely soul, not even because she was sitting in-front of the images of coral, but because of her body language and he could tell how she was taking everything in. As he got closer, he realized that her eyes were closed. He took off his overcoat and draped it in his arms, then took a seat on the bench, though facing the display on the opposite wall.

They sat there in silence for a long while. Cridhe knew he was there, but just could not bring herself to acknowledge his existence. Finally she said softly, "Feeling better, then?"

 

He nodded, "Much."

 

She nodded and they returned to silence. It was not a comfortable silence. Each was waiting for the other to say something... to take the first step. The Doctor finally decided on the clinical approach and put his glasses on, "You need to come back to the Hub. We need to run some tests."

 

She still did not look at him, "Why? I'm fine now."

 

The Doctor started to object, but decided he should use a different method. The display was very detailed and it even had a section on the poisons that exist in the Coral Reef. He was glad that part of the display was on the side Cridhe was facing. He got up and purposefully walked to that part of the display, observing the photos near it. "They're beautiful, aren't they?" he asked as if to himself, but really to her.

 

She shrugged and said nothing.  He tapped the section about poison, "But deadly, at least to some. Palytoxin. Unfortunately, people don't usually find out until it's too late."

 

He tried to catch a glimpse of her out of the corner of his eye. She still had not moved and did not seem to care. He continued, "I wonder what would happen if we could test the coral instead. You know, learn how deadly it is and then perhaps warn people to avoid those areas. Of course, if the coral was conscious, the coral could be warned to be careful around people."

If Cridhe understood what the Doctor was talking about, she gave no indication. She stood and started to walk away. Perhaps she did understand, the Doctor thought to himself. He went to catch up to her, "Cridhe, wait. Cridhe?"

 

She stopped dead in her tracks the Doctor nearly ran into her. She spoke without turning to face him, “What? What are you going to do? Hit me with a mallet? That’s what you do when I don’t do as you say, isn’t it?”

 

The Doctor stood there stunned for a moment. He thought back to all the times he had used the mallet on her. Really, it had only been since the Time War and he was not sure why he had begun to use it in the first place. He sighed; it was one more indication of how he did not treat her as the sentient being she is. She had every right to be angry with him about that. The only problem was he had no idea how to respond.

Cridhe continued to walk across the museum. He saw Jack who showed something in his hand. The Doctor shook his head. At this point, they had no way to know what any drugs might do to her. She was walking toward a side exit. The room was thankfully devoid of others. Jack followed behind, still keeping some distance.  


* * *

The Doctor tried again, "Cridhe..."

 

She spun around her anger coming off of her in waves, "Stop calling me that!"

 

The Doctor was prepared for her anger, but not for the words. Before he could say anything, she continued, "You've made it perfectly clear that you don't care about me. You're only here because you're worried about your precious Earthlings."

 

She was seething, he could tell. _Tread carefully_ , he told himself. He removed his glasses and slowly put them away, "I was sick, you know that. I had a fever."

 

She made a high pitch growl in frustration, "It was after your fever broke!"

 

She was breathing heavily now. He could smell the epinephrine building in her system. He knew he had to do something quickly, or she would choose to flee rather than fight.  He forced every part of himself to be calm and then he very quietly said, "My dear heart, I do care for you."

 

He did not speak Gallifreyan; it was Karnan, close enough since they started out as a Gallifreyan colony. He hoped Cridhe would understand what he was doing and why he was not speaking Gallifreyan. The form he used was one that was used exclusively between spouses. She shook her head, continuing in English, "You really think that'll work on me? No! You said I hurt worse than Jack and now you followed me here and are uttering those words. Which is it, _Doctor_?"

 

She spat his name as if it were a bad word.  The Doctor hung his head and was secretly glad she had not uttered his real name. He had not known that she had heard those words. He did not know how to respond. When he had been quiet too long in her opinion, she continued. Her soft whisper barely contained her seething anger, "This time... this time it does need saying!"

 

She folded her arms across her chest, staring at him while waiting for his answer. Sorrow washed over him. He should have known that in her anger, she would attack the one phrase that he had spoken when he should have said nothing at all. He now reflected on the situation. Rose had asked him what the last thing he said to her when they had been on the beach previously. He had replied, "Rose Tyler." In truth, those were the last words he uttered before time ran out. She then had asked how that sentence was going to end. He knew she wanted him to utter, "I love you." But, he could not lie and he did not know how to break her heart with the truth. Oh, he did love her, just not the way she wanted him to. And nothing in humanity is as convoluted as those three words. They could mean love between friends, family members, or even used sarcastically to express hatred. The fact that she saw their love differently than he, did not help matters. Since the Time War, he doubted if he could ever love like that again.

In truth, he was going to offer her the one word he rarely offered to anyone in any of his incarnations. It was a word more precious to him than the three she had spoken: "Goodbye." He never really spoke that word, if he could help it at all. Every time he did, he mucked it up. It always seemed so final and he always revealed how much he cared when he said it. Ultimately, it was too personal for him. Which is why he was willing to say it to Rose.

However, he took the easy way out and asked, "Does it need saying?" If he was honest with himself, it was giving her the opportunity to choose. If it needed saying, she was choosing his human counterpart and if not... well, he actually did not have a plan if she acknowledged that it would not need saying. She then asked his human counterpart. The Doctor had swallowed hard as he watched the man lean over to offer an answer. Inside, he was hoping that the words she longed to hear would spill from those lips and not the truth. He knew by the way Rose kissed the human that she had made her choice. So, it did not matter what the human had told her. There was nothing more to do now, but walk away, without turning back as he so often did when it came to his companions leaving.

But, he should have said nothing. The sentence never left his lips and he should have left it at that. He had put his human counterpart in a dilemma about what he should say. He was him, with a touch of Donna, so he figured the humanity would take over and do the right thing. He should have said nothing because nothing was said. Not that Rose would have accepted that either, but somehow it would have been more truthful.

As the last of his thoughts drifted away, he heard Jack calling to him. Cridhe was nowhere in sight. Jack said, "Come on, she went this way. I thought you would have followed."

 

The Doctor shook his head, "Leave her be. She understands why we were looking for her, she’ll be careful. She needs space."

 

Jack looked questioningly at the Doctor, but the Doctor's face was set and an argument would only bring him back into brooding. Jack nodded his understanding, "So, the Hub?"

 

The Doctor nodded.

They dove back to the Hub in silence. As they were walking back from the car park, Jack tried to lighten the Doctor's mood, "Since you'll be around awhile, I have some equipment that you can help me identify."

 

The Doctor nodded while shrugging, "Um, you need some decent sleep. I'll take the couch, since I won't be sleeping much anyway."

 

Jack watched as his friend made his way into the conference room. It was not time for dinner yet, so Jack went to the lower levels. He set out some alien technology that was not working. He figured it would give something for the Doctor to tinker with, since the mechanics of the Box were out of commission. Then Jack pulled out his ring of keys and took the TARDIS key off. He wandered to the kitchen to make some tea. As he passed the conference room table, he placed his key on it. At this point, he knew the Doctor would not accept any overt help, but figured if he was subtle about it the Doctor would be more open.

Jack continued on to the kitchen and started the water kettle. The Doctor was sitting on the couch, obviously deep in thought. Jack made enough water to last for both of them, but only made a cup for himself. He hated to break in on the Doctor's thoughts, but wanted to make sure he felt comfortable. "Doctor," Jack spoke softly, "I have a bit of paperwork to do from last night. I was serious about making yourself at home."

 

The Doctor nodded, but Jack was not sure he had been heard. He sighed and wandered to his office.


	16. Chapter 16

Cridhe walked away from the museum. She did not know if the Doctor and Jack followed her or not, nor did she care. On her way back to the hostel, she found a restaurant that featured take-away. She ordered the least expensive meal and took it with her. When she got back to the hostel, she quietly slipped into her room and ate her dinner. She thought that eating would distract her from thinking. It did not. In fact, the smells made her remember more. There was something about the spices used in the meal that reminded her of Donna.  
  
Donna had been her favorite companion since Ace. Not that she ever had a say in the Doctor's choice of companions. However, she could let the Doctor know her preferences. Well, sort of. She always had to be careful because she never wanted to cause a rift between herself and her Doctor. She smiled to herself as she thought about the time when Donna had flown the ship. Both the Doctor and Donna were impressed with Donna's ability. Of course neither considered that she had helped Donna. However, Donna was impressive in her own right, so she had no problem helping that along. A shiver went up her spine as she thought about the time following their visit to Midnight.  
  
The Doctor and Donna had decided they needed a break. The Doctor had always wanted to visit Midnight, but Donna was the first companion he had who he could see really enjoying it. The TARDIS did not understand why the Doctor had wanted to come to Midnight. For all intents and purposes, it was a dead planet. Or that is what everyone believed. It was to be a break for her as well. The Doctor had powered everything into a recharge cycle which allowed her to rest. Ironically, that allowed her to be more psychically aware of what was going on around her, since she did not have to use extra energy to maintain ship functions. Therefore, she felt it, the moment the creature had taken over the Doctor.  
  
Until that point, she had sensed his anxiety and even awe at the creature that was before him. That was nothing new though, he had felt the same way when he had realised her sentience. She sensed a change. It was as if his psychic mind had been divided into two. At first, this did not bother her. The Doctor was always operating at several levels at the same time. She had even helped to create a few of them... after the Time War, it had been the only way to keep him from giving up all together. But there was a shift. It was not like his mind was separated into two; it was more like another consciousness had taken over part of it. She quickly reviewed what had happened and realised the change occurred when he revealed his alias: John Smith. He had not learned!  
  
He always forgot the power of a name and ever since he had used the Chameleon Arch, the name John Smith had even more power over him. The only name with little power over him was Doctor, because most people interpreted that as a title. She heard him calling out for help. But there was nothing she could do. She extended her mind and tried to reach him, to protect him as much as she could. She could feel his mind racing and his fear for her. He was afraid if the creature discovered her, they both would be lost. She reminded him that he had not revealed her existence. She could not do much. The creature had found a way to use the Doctor's natural mental levels against him. Then she was suddenly blocked out completely. She did not know what had happened. She could tell he was not dead, but she had no access to him whatsoever.  
  
In some ways, that was worse, she did not know if he had blocked her out or if the creature had.... She could only sit and wait. It was six minutes forty point three-oh-one seconds before she sensed him again. He was wounded, so hurt and there was no comfort she could offer from this distance. But, he was alive and that was enough... Four hours thirty-two minutes and twenty-eight point four-five-three seconds later, she felt the key in the door. She tried to hold back her excitement.  
  
Donna entered first and she could not help herself, she nearly knocked Donna over with the force of her mental hug. Donna smiled lightly, "Miss us?" she asked as she patted one of the struts.

But the TARDIS had already turned her focus to the Doctor, who had not followed in right behind Donna. In fact, he was pacing outside of the doors, a bit afraid to enter. She sensed his fear and it hurt her. She could not completely understand why he would be afraid of her.  
  
Donna finally coaxed him in and the TARDIS very gently welcomed him back. It was only a mental pat on the hand. The Doctor screamed, "NO!" and tossed her out of his mind.

When she tried to touch him again, not only was there no entrance, but she received mental shocks each time she tried. He did not greet her with a pat on the strut, nor did he caress the console in apology. It was difficult to understand what he wanted her to do, since they were so dependent on the connection during travel. She hid, at least as best as she could. She was not cruel to him, no cold showers when he wanted hot ones, or anything like that, but she did not make his life easy. That angered him. He became violent in the way he treated her. That only served to push her away farther, when all she wanted to do was be close to him.  
  
As those memories washed over Cridhe, she curled up into a ball and cried herself to sleep. Her dreams were haunted so she did not sleep that well. Finally, she gave up and at 3.30 in the morning, she got up and checked out of the hostel. She would have to return to the Hub at some point. She was not looking forward to it, but now was as good a time as any. The young man staffing the desk when Cridhe left, asked her if she would be safe leaving at that hour. She shrugged him off saying she was not going far and would be fine.  
  
She started her way back to the Plass, if she kept a good pace and received all the right traffic signals; she figured she would be there in twelve point seven-six minutes. She kept moving, more because she wanted to get the yelling and groveling out of the way and less because she was concerned about her safety. She was only about five blocks from the Plass, maybe six from the Hub entrance when she heard it. It was the sound of quiet mechanics and it sounded like they were trying to keep pace with her. She froze briefly, debating about making a mad-dash to the Hub or leading the mechanical sounds away from it. She did not like the sound of them. It reminded her of something... "You are a TARDIS, are you not?" a voice said behind her.

The voice chilled her straight to her core.

* * *

Cridhe could not believe her ears. There was no way the owner of that voice could have survived. She swallowed hard and kept walking. Suddenly, she felt something stop her, almost like a hand. But, it was more like her body was ignoring the commands of her brain. The invisible hand forced her to turn around as the voice said, "You have worse manners than the Doctor. I wonder if you are as arrogant."

She was now facing the owner of the voice and could barely utter his name, "Davros!"

It was a statement as much as a question. His mechanical voice cackled with laughter. He moved closer to her, "Where is he?"

She looked into his sapphire eye, "How?"

He grinned, "You do not disappoint! He trained you well... but, I could ask the same of you. How does a TARDIS take on such a form as this?"

Davros was circling her now and she tried to move but was held in place. "Such spirit for a fight," Davros continued, "Much like your master."

 

She glared at him, "That's not how it works. He's not my master."

 

Davros moved closer, "Are you linked in this form? If I..."

 

He reached out and touched her with the cold metal of his hand and he sent an electric shock through her. She tried to hold in a scream, but a loud gasp was still released. Davros smiled, "Will he hear? Come running?"

 

His mechanical laughter rang out again, loud and true as he released her arm.

Cridhe fought against the tears that were burning behind her eyes. Perhaps the Doctor could still hear her. Maybe he would know she needed rescuing. She swallowed trying to make her voice work. She had survived the _Heart of the Crucible_ ; surely she could survive anything Davros threw at her. He was nothing without his Daleks, after all! She finally spoke, "He loses everything, while you live on! How? _The Crucible_ was destroyed, with all the Daleks and we left the Medusa Cascade."

 

Davros chuckled again, "Ah, the arrogance of the Time Lords has been bred into the last TARDIS. Do you really think that I would trust bringing the Destroyer of Worlds into my presence without a dozen escape plans? This has been better than I have dreamed, because now, I can make Earth mine!"

Images flew through Cridhe's mind of different possibilities for what Davros' new Daleks might look like. He flipped a switch and said, "Take her."

 

With that, three creatures, with hideous heads surrounded her and a black unmarked van pulled up. A ramp extended and Davros maneuvered into the van, while she was taken roughly around back and put into another part of it. When she was seated, she felt a prick on the neck and all went black.

The Doctor suddenly stood up. Something was wrong. He looked at the atomic clock on the conference room wall, 3.39. Then, he heard what sounded like a scream. He shook his head and the sound disappeared. He sighed. He told himself that he was just jittery since he did not know what was going on with Cridhe. He sat back down and tried to calm his racing hearts and his mind. Not three minutes later, Jack came barging in, "Are you okay?"

 

The Doctor sat up confused, "Yeah, why?"

 

Jack shrugged, "I thought I heard someone scream."

 

The Doctor's eyes widened. Jack noticed this, "You too?"

 

The Doctor nodded and then observed, "Jack, you're naked."

 

Jack smirked, "Yeah. Is it distracting you?"

 

The Doctor rolled his eyes, "Go get some clothes on so we can figure this out? I thought it was just my imagination, but if you heard it..."

 

Jack nodded, "It's a message."

 

The Doctor nodded once, a worried look clearly coming across his face.

When Jack came back, the Doctor already had his brainy-specs on and was pacing by the data center in the Hub. Jack walked over and sat at one of the computers, "Where do we start?"

 

The Doctor thought for a moment, "Do you have access to CCTV?"

 

Jack smirked, "Of course," and set to accessing the cameras, "Anywhere in particular you want to look?"

 

The Doctor closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them again, Jack could tell his mind was analytically racing with all the different probabilities. "Close, less than a kilometer out... if she was able to reach you. And look between 3.37 and 3.41."

 

The Doctor wanted to pad the time, in-case any clocks were off by a few minutes. Jack raised an eyebrow, "She?"

 

The Doctor nodded. Jack's fingers flew across the keyboard to access the desired information.  Jack spoke as his fingers moved, "Let's assume she was returning here, there are only a couple of streets she would have been on. We can expand the search from there, if needed."

 

The Doctor nodded, but it felt like Jack was taking too long. The Doctor took out his Sonic Screwdriver and told Jack to step back. He aimed it at the monitor and activated it. The display showed videos from eight cameras. Jack and the Doctor looked frantically over the eight images before them. Suddenly, the Doctor pointed his Sonic at one of the squares and it enlarged to take up the entire screen. There was a mutual sigh of relief as they recognized Cridhe walking down the street. They saw her stop.

"Does this thing have sound?" the Doctor asked.

 

Jack's fingers pressed several keys and sound came up. "Rewind a bit," the Doctor ordered before explaining, "Something made her stop, I wanna know what."

 

Jack rewound the video and pushed the volume up a bit. They saw Cridhe cross into view of the camera and then heard a voice from off camera, "You are a TARDIS, are you not?"

 

A cold shiver went up the spines of both men. Jack observed, "I know that voice."

 

The Doctor nodded, "Shh-shh-shh! We need to know what happened."

They watched the exchange between Davros and Cridhe in horrified silence. The Doctor was making fists with his hands, his jaw was clinched and a telltale muscle pulsed at his cheek. Jack had turned almost white as a ghost. As creatures emerged from the van, Jack said, "Weevils. Oh, this is so not good."

 

The Doctor paused the video, "Weevils?"

 

Jack nodded, "We don't know much about them. We don't know where they come from or how they communicate. They seem to be telepathic and affected by the rift. They aggressively defend their territories. Aggressive being the key word."

 

The Doctor sighed while staring at the image, "So they'd make perfect servants to Davros. So much like Daleks."

 

Jack shook his head, "No, I don't think so. If they knew who and what Davros is, then I think they'd fight him. They do care for each other, bury and mourn their dead."

 

The Doctor looked at Jack, "And if Davros plucked their emotion out of them?"

 

Jack's eyes widened and spoke flatly, "Killing machines."

 

The Doctor nodded and started the video again.  


* * *

After the van drove off, Jack tried to get a license plate, but none was visible. He turned to the Doctor in disbelief, "He got _here_. Somehow he was able to get to Earth before we towed it home."

 

The Doctor was frustrated, "I know! I saw what you did! Don't you think I thought of that?"

 

Jack raised his hands in defense, "It's okay Doc, I wasn't accusing you of anything, I was just thinking out-loud."

 

The Doctor sighed, "I know, I'm sorry. We've gotta find them. Davros, with the power of a TARDIS... in human form... what he could do...," the Doctor lost his balance at the thought.

 

Jack caught him and helped him to a chair. Jack informed him, "I'm calling in the special forces. My team won't be enough. This is serious. But, it might take a few hours for everyone to gather. Will you be okay on your own here, while I get them?"

The Doctor nodded silently, still in shock. Jack hated leaving the Doctor, but there was no way he could gather everyone he needed and not leave the Hub. There was just no way he could bring the Doctor with him. He was worried the Doctor would try to do something if left on his own, so Jack assigned him with working on some of the mechanics of the TARDIS, trying to come up with a way to power it. The Doctor tried to argue and Jack explained that nothing on Earth was as good as what the TARDIS contained and if they were going to help Cridhe, they were probably going to need it. Then Jack left the Doctor to it, thinking that should keep the Doctor busy until he returned.

Jack contacted Gwen first to get things rolling. Due to the Doctor's mood, he requested she get to the Hub immediately, if not sooner. He just did not trust the Doctor to stay put and if anything, Gwen was great at stalling. Gwen was to arrange helicopter transportation as well as contacting the others telling them to meet at the UNIT airfield just outside of London. She was also to smooth over UNIT operatives while Torchwood worked this situation. It was a lot to do all at once, but once they had the helicopter secured, there would not be anything for her to do but wait for their return.

Four and a half hours later, they were returning to the Torchwood Hub. Jack had briefed them all on the trip back. He grouped them all in the conference room. It was nearly like old times: Sarah Jane, Mickey, Martha, Gwen and himself. If he could have this team all the time, life would be grand. He called his regular team and told them to keep standard business operations functioning from home. He did not want to overwhelm the Doctor with new people. Then, began the debate about who should retrieve the Doctor from the Box. After a few minutes, Martha piped up, "I should go. Things between us haven't been right since..." She broke off, "Anyway, we need to patch up for us to get her back."

 

After she left, Jack started to hand out assignments to the remaining group.

Martha left the group and headed to where the familiar Police Box was being stored. Things between her and the Doctor had not been right since she joined UNIT and then there had been the Osterhagen Key. She had gotten rid of it, per the Doctor's request, but the fact that she had threatened to use it was enough to jeopardize their relationship. Not that the Doctor was blameless in her mind. Then, there had been the _456_ and he had left a video. A **video** of all things! It was nearly fifteen months before she contacted him and that was only because of something UNIT had asked her to do so. And by then, it seemed too late... he had changed.

Now, she stood outside of the Box completely unsure of herself. Jack said he had changed back, but she was not sure what that meant. She held the key in her hand and debated if she should use it or knock. Considering the Doctor's mood, she opted for knocking. She heard some mumble from inside, but could not make out the words, so she knocked again. The door opened and there he stood: all that hair, the brown pinstripes and the potential for a manic grin. He looked down at her and smiled gently, "Martha Jones!"

 

She could not help but smile back, "Doctor!"

 

A look of confusion crossed his face, "Why didn't you use your key? You didn't..."

 

She shook her head, "No, it's right here."

 

She showed it to him then continued, "I wasn't sure I should, since... well... you know."

 

The Doctor became sheepish, "Since things have been muddy?"

 

She nodded. He sighed, "Ah, Martha, once a companion, always a companion. As long as you have a key, you are always welcome to use it."

 

Her smiled beamed, "Doctor!"

 

He stepped away from the door as she entered and they embraced.  


* * *

The Doctor had brought in lights, so the TARDIS did not look as gloomy as it had. But it was still eerie. The light was harsh, not the soft golden she was used to. The Doctor watched Martha's reactions, "You must have questions. And at the very least, I owe you some answers. Where do you wanna start?"

 

She sat on the jump seat and patted it, inviting him to join her. She swallowed, "By saying, I'm sorry."

 

The Doctor made to speak, but she continued, "I was so angry when you didn't show up. A part of me understood, but... And then, you left a video! Why didn't you just come find me?"

 

The Doctor sighed. He was actually expecting her ask why he had not shown up. But then, Martha had always been brilliant. He met her eyes, "I couldn't face you. I had lost everyone... everything and I didn't want to be reminded of that. I was afraid you'd ask to travel with me again. And I..."

 

Martha smiled softly, "Doctor, as wonderful as traveling with you is... I'm married now and I love my life."

 

The Doctor smirked, "Doctor Smith, are you turning me down?"

 

A small smile broke through Martha's lips, "Never! It's just going to be different now."

The Doctor nodded, "Anything else?"

 

She considered him for a moment, "Are you disappointed that I joined UNIT?"

 

The Doctor looked at her raising an eyebrow, "Disappointed... no. Concerned. I was afraid of how UNIT might change you. And then... what Davros said... I wondered if, in your case, he was right... If I had fashioned you into a weapon."

 

Martha looked away from him at the dark Central Column. They were both quiet for a time. She finally spoke, "It wasn't your fault... That year that I walked the Earth."

 

The Doctor said, "But I sent..."

 

Martha placed her hand on his, "You did what you always do: took stalk of your resources and used them accordingly. The thing is, Doctor, during that year, I learned how good I could be! And after seeing everything, I couldn't go back to being a regular doctor."

The Doctor sighed, "But the Osterhagen Key. The Martha that traveled with me would have never even threatened to use it."

 

Martha smiled wistfully, "The Martha you knew was so smitten over you that it took a year of traveling on my own to discover that I could exist as my own person."

 

The Doctor turned the faintest shade of pink. Martha smiled at that and continued, "You know how you said that everything was reset, but since we were at the eye, we'd be the only ones who ever knew. It started about three months later... different people began to remember. UNIT tracked all the information that came in. It was overwhelming, Doctor, millions of people had snatches of memories of what had happened."

 

"Oh, Martha," the Doctor said, "I'm so sorry."

 

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She finished, "So, the Key was developed, because we couldn't let something like that happen ever again."

 

The Doctor gave her shoulders a squeeze as he closed his eyes against the thoughts that flitted through his mind.

After a time, Martha broke the companionable silence, "So, this, then?"

 

She gestured to his form. He grinned while primping, "What? Don't you like it? This is how I looked when we first met."

 

She laughed outright this time, "I know that... but how...?"

 

The Doctor sighed, "I thought Jack would have given you details."

 

Martha shrugged, "He did. But how do you feel about it?"

 

The Doctor paused, "Oh, you know me. I'm fine."

 

Martha raised a doubtful eyebrow. "No really," the Doctor continued, "I am! But, I'd really like to find Cridhe."

 

Martha nodded and they got up to leave. When they reached the doors, the Doctor reached out to her and grabbed her into a strong hug as he whispered, "Thank you."

Martha took the Doctor's hand and they headed for the main floor of the Hub. "Mr. Mickety Mickey, the not-so-idiot Smith," the Doctor exclaimed when he saw the young man.

 

"Boss," Mickey said with a smile and a nod of the head They touched fists as Mickey set back to work. The Doctor saw Jack, "So, who else did you drag up?"

 

"Just me," a perky and familiar voice rang out.

 

"Sarah," he breathed the name. It still astounded him every time their paths crossed.

 

He was so glad and lucky to have her in his life again. They hugged tightly. "You’ve came all that way, just for me?" he asked.

 

"You’re so important," Sarah Jane whispered, "and the TARDIS is important to you."

 

The Doctor spoke softly, "I'm glad that wasn't the last time I saw you."

 

Sarah Jane replied, “I told you, no one’s ever going to forget you!”

 

They released their hug, the Doctor turned and smiled broadly at the assembled group, "Well, now I know why he called you the Special Forces!"

 

Under his breath he sighed sadly, "If only Donna...."


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning: Torture and brainwashing!**
> 
> * * *

Cridhe slowly returned to consciousness. As she opened her eyes, she expected to find herself on Jack's bed with the Doctor lying nearby. She found herself in a room with steel walls, an observation camera in the corner, the bed she was on and nothing else. She was in a hospital gown, her underwear and socks. She made the mistake of sitting up. A jolt of pain seemed to concentrate itself in the center of her brain and she lay back down. As the pain lessened and the fogginess cleared, she began to remember what happened. She whispered out loud, "Davros!"  
  
A panel in one of the walls slid open and two creatures she remembered from earlier came towards her making gnashing noises. She gasped in an effort to hold back a scream as each one grabbed an arm. That is when she felt it! Or felt them, rather. Only, it was like they were dead. Worse than dead! She could tell that their psychic pathways were somehow blocked, not only from her, but also from each other. It was worse than having one's tongue cut out. They had no way to authentically communicate. Sorrow and hurt flowed into Cridhe's awareness and she almost slipped again into unconsciousness. This was so similar to what she had experienced when she was the Paradox Machine. Then she realized she had a horrible headache. Something was interfering with her psychic abilities. She knew this meant she would not have the ability to jump back to the Hub. She was trapped.  
  
While Cridhe was coming to that realization, one of the creatures pulled out a pair of handcuffs while the other gripped both of her arms, pulling them roughly behind her back. Once she was secured, they led her out of the room. One was in front of her and the other behind. She was led down a series of hallways that seemed to twist and turn every which way. They were moving quickly as she tried to get her bearings and memorize her location. She was also keeping an eye out for the familiar pepper-pot shaped aliens. As she saw none, she decided that the creatures surrounding her were the new Daleks. The Cult of Skaro had tried to make Human-Daleks before. If Davros had succeeded, perhaps this was the result. A shiver went up her spine.  
  
The trio reached a door which slid open. In the center of the room was a metal table. Once they were in the room, the door slid shut again. The handcuffs were removed and she was strapped down to the table. A voice came through a speaker located somewhere in the room, "Now, my dear TARDIS, you are going to help me resurrect the Daleks!"

She said low and threateningly, "I'll never help you, Davros!"

She could hear his sickening smile through his voice, "Oh, you will have no choice. But first... we need to learn about you. We need to know what makes you tick in this form. And trying to escape or call out for help will only make things worse for you. There is a telepathic barrier that surrounds the entire complex. I had to install it so that I could make the Weevils bend to my will."

" _Weevils?_ " she questioned in her mind. She looked at the creatures standing in the corners, " _So they're not Daleks. And Davros will use me... Oh NO! No, no, no, no!_ "

Panic and horror surged through her at the thought of a Dalek-TARDIS. "Oh, my dear, you do not need to worry about that just yet," Davros' mechanical voice broke in over her thoughts.

"How do you..." she began, but then stopped.

He cackled, "Because, the same barrier that blocks your telepathic abilities can convert any thoughts you have into words that I can read on my screen."

She was terrified at that thought. She did the only thing she thought appropriate: she retreated into herself. She raised all her mental barriers. She tried to create various levels for herself as she had helped the Doctor to do, but things were so different in this human form, she was not sure if she was successful or not.  
  
Davros' voice again came across the speaker, "Doctor, you may begin."

Cridhe shuddered at the word "doctor." She had no way to know if Davros had captured him as well. The door slid open and she breathed a sigh of relief that the person in question was not skinny enough to be her Doctor. It was a brief moment of content, for as soon as the physician (she would not allow herself to call him doctor) came in, he started to poke and prod her. Electrodes and needles were placed and inserted into every part and orifice of her body. She writhed, grunted and gasped in pain. There was no way she was going to allow Davros the pleasure of hearing her scream. Every kind of bodily secretion was also taken from her, with equal amounts of pain. Davros' voice could be heard over the speaker counting off the time every ten minutes. She lost consciousness eighty minutes into the procedures when the physician inserted a needle into her eyeball.

* * *

The Special Forces had gathered around the conference room table to discuss their findings. The Doctor refused to sit and was pacing as the briefing happened. He felt like he was being pushed away from doing anything. Sure he and Martha had been mending their relationship while he tinkered with the Box, but apparently, that had been a rouse to keep him busy. He was the smartest person in the room and they were not even asking for his input!

"Sit down!" Jack commanded him.

The Doctor sighed heavily and grunted as he sat.

Jack looked over the assembled team, "Gwen?"

 

Gwen had not expected to be first. She started hesitantly, "I went to the scene. There wasn't any evidence that offered anymore information than we had before." She closed her folder and rested her clasped hands on top of it. Lowering her head, she mumbled, "Sorry."

 

Jack looked intently at her, "Hey now, none of that!"

 

She met his eyes and nodded.  "Right," Jack perked up, "Sarah Jane?"

 

Sarah Jane tried to meet the Doctor's eye, "Well, using the resources here and Mr. Smith, we've developed a list of medical and technology businesses that either have come into existence or have experienced rapid growth in the time since Earth was returned."

 

She handed printouts of the list to the group. "There are so many," the Doctor whined.

Jack rolled his eyes at the Doctor and nodded his approval to Sarah Jane, "Mickey?"

 

Mickey stood, picked up a remote control, dimmed the lights in the room and turned on the projector. "Using Sarah Jane's list and the information from the CCTV, I've been able to identify these three businesses."

 

Mickey clicked a button and a map of Cardiff appeared with three flashing lights. "Now," he continued, "These are the three located in Cardiff and we have no way to know for sure if he's here or not."

 

The Doctor sighed loudly with frustration. Jack shot him a warning look. Mickey continued, "However, this one," he clicked a button and the map zeroed in on one dot, "Laked Med-Tech."

 

The Doctor's eyes widened, "That's gotta be it! Laked is an anagram..."

 

Mickey continued, talking over the rest of the Doctor's statement, "In addition to the anagram spelling of Dalek, the Cardiff complex of Laked is their international headquarters. Unfortunately, getting more information than this is difficult. Every time we used a satellite to view the complex more closely, this happens."

 

Mickey clicked the remote again. An image of Great Britain appeared and slowly zoomed in until a six-block radius around the Laked complex could be seen. In the next frame, everything went black. With that, Mickey turned the lights back on. Mickey continued, "Using the biological information on the TA-," Mickey caught a warning look from Jack, "Er, Cridhe, I've been able to track her to the outskirts of the complex. But, like everything else, the signal is lost once the boundary is crossed. I have set up for bioscans around the area. If she leaves the complex, we'll be notified immediately."

 

Jack spoke first, "Good job. So we know we're gonna need an inside person."

"That's where I come in," Martha spoke up.

 

"No," the Doctor interrupted, "No more. I won't let you do it."

 

Martha smiled at him, "Doctor, someone with a medical background would be able to infiltrate the business. Besides, I have the full support of UNIT. When I briefed them on the situation, they agreed to back me up one hundred percent."

 

The Doctor shook his head, "It's too dangerous. You don't know Davros. If he's trying to rebuild the Dalek army..."

 

Jack spoke up, "Then everyone on this planet and possibly in the universe is in danger. It's up to us."

 

The Doctor hated being shut down like that. He hated it more when everyone was right. There was no way he would be able to infiltrate because Davros would recognize him.

He sighed, "So, what are you thinking?"

 

Martha spoke, "Laked is looking for open-minded doctors with any experience with alien life forms. They had contacted UNIT requesting help two months ago. UNIT had turned them down, but with these new developments, UNIT will contact Laked and I'll be sent in..."

 

"No," the Doctor cut in again, "Davros has seen you. It'll never work."

 

Martha stood, took a small box out of one of her pockets, opened the box, took out a ring and slipped it on. She grinned, "Now you see me. Now you don't."

As the Doctor watched her, she seemed to look slightly different and her timeline became somewhat confused. The Doctor shook his head, "What just happened?"

 

Martha smiled as she removed the ring, "Perception filter with bio-damping capabilities!"

 

The Doctor beamed, "Brilliant!" then turned serious, "It's still too dangerous."

 

Martha sighed, "That may be, Doctor, but it's the best way."

 

The Doctor looked at her, resigned, "What did you use to make it?"

 

Martha raised an eyebrow. The Doctor explained, "The perception filter what did you use? Because if you used ANY TARDIS technology, Davros will see right through it."

Jack and Martha exchanged knowing glances before she replied, "If we had used TARDIS technology, then it wouldn't have worked on you."

 

The Doctor looked confused for a moment before a smile spread across his face, "Brilliant! Fantastic! Molto Bene! Can you make one for me? Then, I'll go in."

 

Jack broke in, "No, Doctor, the ring was made specific for Martha and we don't have time to configure one for you."

 

The Doctor shifted his glance towards Jack, it was dark with anger. Jack continued, "Besides, you're emotionally vested..."

 

"We all are," the Doctor cut in.

 

Jack started again with strength behind his voice, "You're emotionally vested and this mission is reconnaissance only. Once Martha has information, we can decide what to do next."

Jack stood, "Gwen, are the lenses ready?"

 

Gwen took a box off a nearby shelf, "Yep, here they are. Martha, you've seen these before, do I need to explain them to you?"

 

Martha shook her head and went to insert them. Jack turned his laptop to the Doctor, "You're gonna love this!"

 

Jack then showed the Doctor how the lenses worked and explained to him that they could use the lenses not only to record everything that Martha sees, but they could communicate with her as well. Jack typed in the words, TURN LEFT. Martha did so and the Doctor had a small smile across his face, "Do those have sound as well and what's the range?"

 

Jack smiled, "Yep, we can record sound as well. Range is a hundred kilometers with no interference; twenty with interference."

 

A question crossed the Doctor's face and Jack explained, "We've been able to tap into UNIT's wireless interfaces and can redirect the signal here. As long as she's within twenty kilometers of an UNIT interface, we'll be able to track her."

 

The Doctor nodded his approval, though he was still apprehensive, "Let's do it."

 

With that, the team set to work.  


* * *

Cridhe regained consciousness again. She was still strapped to the table and had all the tubes and electrodes connected to her. The pain was enough to be excruciating but not so much that it was going to make her pass out again. Apparently, Davros still knew how to torture people. Oddly, she was no longer afraid. A familiar mechanical voice broke the silence she woke to, "So glad you could rejoin us."

 

She remained silent. She was not going to let Davros win. The door slid open and she could hear the mechanical chair wheel in. "Now, now my dear, no need to offer the silent treatment."

 

She did not look at him, "The Doctor would have saved you, if you had let him. Still will."

 

Davros chuckled, "That is, of course, presuming I want to be saved! I have reviewed the test results. You are the perfect specimen for the next phase of my project."

 

She smirked, "Davros, I think you gave away one too many cells the last time you tried to resurrect the Daleks. Even the Doctor would tell you I'm anything but perfect."

 

Davros' voice took on a threatening quality, "With your regenerative abilities, you will be perfect for me!"

He raised his hand and placed it on her arm. She shuddered in spite of herself. He purred, as much as a mechanical voice is capable of such a sound, "Tell me how you do it."

 

Cridhe spat, "You're the scientist. You tell me."

 

A shock went through her as Davros activated the hand. "It would be better for you if you adapted a more pleasant attitude."

 

Her body was still trembling as the last jolts of electricity left her. She sucked air in quickly and blinked back tears. "That is more like it," Davros said flatly, "Now, I must leave you. We must test your endurance to see if you are truly worthy of mothering my new Dalek Empire!"

 

He cackled again as he moved his chair out of the room.

Fear pierced her heart at the implications of his words. The physician from earlier returned. He stood behind her and placed a metal band across her forehead, thus immobilizing her head. Then he placed a cylinder on each of her temples. There were wires that came out of them leading to, she could not see where. The physician grinned maniacally and pressed a button. Cridhe could not hold in her scream of pain as the prongs pierced her temples. Suddenly, it felt like someone was rummaging through her thoughts and memories. But, it was violent. Nothing was left to her privacy. She had used the image of rape to describe what happened during the Paradox Machine... That was nothing compared to this!

It was then that she noticed a screen above her head. It flickered to life. She saw humanoids, Earthlings, Thals and Gallifreyans killing and destroying each other. Then Davros’ voice pierced through the pain, "Do you see? Those you value and honor... how they do nothing but destroy?"

 

She then witnessed her Fourth Doctor in his battles against the Daleks. She saw Sarah Jane pleading with the Doctor to destroy the Daleks. Again Davros' voice cut through, "See him hesitate, see him consider. A part of him wanted to destroy us."

 

He laughed maniacally. Cridhe tried to blink the images away, but it was as if they were burned into her mind, so even when she closed her eyes, she saw them.

She knew Davros was trying to brainwash her and she was terrified of how he would use her if he succeeded. But then, would he be able to tell if she were to act like he had been successful?

 

"Yes," she heard him answer her unasked question.

 

She was frustrated that she had forgotten that he could read her mind as easily as reading a book. She was then presented with images from the Time War and cold calculating look that crossed the Doctor's face as the Daleks were destroyed. She saw Rose Tyler ordering the last known Dalek to destroy itself. She saw herself within Rose destroying the Daleks on Satellite Five. She saw the Doctor and Rose working together to send the Daleks into the Void. She saw the Doctor tricking the Cult of Skaro into killing themselves in 1930 New York. She saw Martha Jones threatening to use the Osterhagen Key. She saw the Human Doctor destroying the New Dalek Empire.

"All they bring is death and destruction," Davros said, "While I bring life."

 

She then saw Davros creating the first Daleks. She saw how the Dalek in 2012 Utah survived through everything Van Statten did to him. She witnessed the Cult of Skaro working to bring about new Dalek life. She witnessed the horrors that Davros endured to bring about his New Empire. Life was what Davros and the Daleks wanted: life and nothing more. She began to understand.

Cridhe then saw herself, well the TARDIS. She bore witness to her own suffering in the ways she was not nurtured during her Coral upbringing. She witnessed again the cruel way the Time Lord prior to her Doctor had treated her. She realized she too, always had to find her own way to survive. She saw how she had to provide for her own survival even after the Doctor had come into her life. She began to understand how similar she was to the Daleks. Then she saw new images. These were not memories. They were images of what her future could hold. She was worshiped and adored. So many beings loved and respected her. She was the mother of a whole new race. It was a race that would bring peace and prosperity to the universe. She fell asleep with a smile on her face.


	18. Chapter 18

The Doctor paced nervously on the floor of the Hub. Jack looked over his shoulder, "Either sit down or go walk outside, you're making me nervous."

The Doctor sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets and standing behind Jack, "How long?"

Jack checked the monitor, "They're about three blocks from the parameter."

The Doctor nodded, "You sure they'll be okay with her having an assistant?"

Jack sighed, "We've been over this. UNIT contacted them and told them she'll be accompanied. We're using Gwen because Davros has seen the others and having an unknown will add to their cover."

The Doctor nodded again and returned to his pacing.  
  
The Doctor stopped again, "And Mickey and Sarah Jane?"

Jack rolled his eyes, "Are out getting lunch. It's going to take them a bit longer, since it's so late."

The Doctor returned to his pacing mumbling, "It should be me."

Jack held his breath as Gwen encountered the first gate. Now they would find out if they could get any signal inside the parameter. The UNIT story was a sound one and Gwen had no problem. Jack watched as she parked where she had been instructed. "Okay," Gwen said into her microphone and to Martha, "Show time!"

The Doctor sat on the edge of the empty chair next to Jack, watching the monitor. As Gwen and Martha exited the relative safety of the SUV, Martha spoke, "Systems check."

Jack typed, "LOUD & CLEAR." He and the Doctor could tell Martha was nodding in response to the message.  
  
"Danielle Williams with UNIT," the receptionist smiled, "We've been expecting you. Your driver can wait in the chairs over there and I can take you back."

Gwen and Martha exchanged glances. At least the fake name worked, but the arrangement was for Gwen to go with her. "She's not my driver, she's my assistant," Martha stated, "The agreement for this meeting was that she would be with me."

The receptionist smiled apologetically, "I was not told you would have an assistant, one moment and let me check."

The receptionist picked up her phone and pressed a button. The two women waiting could only hear part of the conversation, "Yes she's here... Brought an assistant... Yes, I understand."

The receptionist hung up the phone and smiled at the two women, "I'm sorry for the confusion. You know how it is...," she looked over the two women, "Actually you wouldn't. Please follow me."

Martha and Gwen were lead down several halls lined with doors. Most of the doors were metal, but the receptionist stopped before a wooden one. She smiled, "You'll be meeting with Dr. Nyder."

She opened the door and allowed them to enter. The Doctor jumped off his seat, "Impossible! Davros killed him!"

He settled down again when he noticed that Dr. Nyder was, in fact, a woman in her mid-forties. The receptionist left the trio and Dr. Nyder invited Gwen and "Danielle" to sit.  
  
"Dr. Williams," she began, her voice was like silk, "You must forgive the manner in which this interview will be conducted. We are highly suspicious of UNIT's sudden change of heart."

Martha nodded slightly, "I understand. Please know that part of UNIT's delay was due to location. Not many members were looking to move to Cardiff."

Dr. Nyder smiled, "Well, that would be my first question then, why do you wish to move to Cardiff."

Martha smiled sweetly, "Cardiff seemed right to me. I was getting overwhelmed with London, however, I do like city-living. Cardiff offers the best of both worlds. Besides, my assistant's family is from here and she was spending too many hours wishing to visit. It was starting to interfere with her work. I can't bear to separate from her, though. A happy assistant is a great assistant."  
  
Dr. Nyder had listened carefully to the story, "You care a great deal for her. What about your family?"

Martha tried to project a wistful smile, "It's just me. I am an only child and mum and dad... Well, there've been a great number of lives lost with all the alien invasions."

Dr. Nyder smiled, "Ah, and what do you know of these alien invasions?"

"Dr. Nyder," Martha returned the smile, "It's UNIT's job to know these things. But, most of the information is classified above my clearance."

Dr. Nyder looked over "Danielle's" profile, "Do you know of a certain humanoid alien called 'The Doctor?'"  
  
Jack and the Doctor took a collective gasp. The Doctor nearly jumped out of his seat again and Jack placed his hand on the Doctor's knee to still him. Martha looked Dr. Nyder in the eye, "I only know what I've been able to read in the UNIT files. He's a Time Lord from a planet called Gallifrey, has the ability to change his face, travels through space and time in a Blue Police Box and generally gets in UNIT's way whenever we're trying to do our job."

Gwen and Jack each had to suppress snorts. The Doctor looked indignant, "I'm helping!" he yelled at the monitor.

Dr. Nyder replied, "So, UNIT has no respect for the Doctor, then?"

Martha replied coolly, "Some members do. Typically those who have had direct contact with him. As for me, I find he's a menace."  
  
Dr. Nyder raised an eyebrow. Martha continued, "As you can see from my portfolio, I had a project using gene splicing to create new life forms. The Doctor found out about it and had enough pull in UNIT to shut me down."

Dr. Nyder smiled, "Ah, so that's why you want to join us! You found out about our little pet project."

Martha smiled while nodding her head.

"I think," Dr. Nyder continued, "You are exactly what we're looking for, Dr. Williams. Do you have any questions for me?"

Martha considered for a moment, "If possible, may I get a tour of the facilities? I would like to make sure that you have the necessary equipment for me to continue with my research. It would be pointless for me to move here if you can't support what you're brining me here to do."

Dr. Nyder smiled, "Unfortunately, until we set up your clearance, I can't show you everything. But I can give you a brief tour. Your assistant, I'm afraid will not be allowed."

Gwen was about to protest, but Martha replied, "Dr. Nyder..."

Dr. Nyder interrupted, "Please, call me Susan."

"Danielle," Martha introduced herself again, "Susan, it is understandable that my assistant would not be allowed, however I need her to make notes of anything that is missing that I might need."  
  
Susan paused, she had not expected that. The Team held baited breaths. "You do realize that we are hiring you, Danielle," Susan replied, "Your assistant will not be working from these facilities."

Dr. Nyder paged her assistant and when the young man entered she ordered, "Please escort Miss... I'm sorry I never did get your name?"

"McDonald," Gwen replied flatly.

Dr. Nyder smiled, "Miss McDonald back to reception. Make sure she's comfortable. Dr. Williams and I will be less than 30 minutes."

The assistant looked Gwen up and down and then gestured to the door, "Miss McDonald?"

Gwen exchanged a quick glance with Martha and allowed herself to be escorted back to the reception area. "Now, Danielle," Dr. Nyder spoke as she led Martha in the opposite direction, "You will only be seeing these labs as a courtesy. Once your background-check has passed our director's review, you will be given all the clearances you need."

Martha nodded her understanding.

* * *

The Doctor and Jack watched as Martha and Dr. Nyder were touring the facilities. They were not getting much, but every site and sound was helping. Martha was trying to press Dr. Nyder for information. Jack could tell Dr. Nyder was getting suspicious, and typed, "CAREFUL, 2 MUCH."

Martha changed tactics. Due to the way Dr. Nyder was avoiding Martha's questions about the business management structure, Jack and the Doctor figured this was the right place and Davros was present. When the brief tour was complete, Dr. Nyder brought Martha back to reception and informed her that Laked officials will be in contact once her file had been processed. Martha and Gwen expressed their gratitude and left the building.

It was early evening by the time they returned to the Hub. Sarah Jane and Mickey were already uploading all the information from the contacts to Mr. Smith. The plan was to have Mr. Smith detail at least the information they had with the satellite images they could attain. The computer would then have the ability to merge them and give the team an idea of what they were dealing with.

~~~~<O>~~~~

Abigail woke, as if from a dream. She stretched and looked around the comforting sights of her room. There were rich dark colors of the duvet and carpets, the soft light from the lamp on the bedside table and the deep mahogany of the furniture. Yes, this was her home. She meandered out of bed and went through her morning routine knowing that her husband had probably already left for the day. He was a genius, after all, and worked hard at all he did. She was to be a part of his plan. Together they would bring new life into the world. She sighed contentedly and slipped into a housecoat. As she walked down the hall, she noticed a picture of a planet. She smiled wistfully, _how she missed Skaro_. As that word crossed her mind, it was as if her head was splitting in two. She fell against the wall, _this was not right_. But then, as quickly as it came, it passed away again. She made her way into the kitchen. She passed a mirror in the hall. As she saw her image and the word “heart” came to her mind. Again, there was a searing pain that left as quickly as it came.

She heard his chair before she saw him. Her beloved had not left yet. She smiled knowing her great genius had delayed the start of his work to say good morning to her. She walked over to him and placed a hand over his mechanical eye. She said playfully, "Guess who?"

 

Her voice did not sound like she thought it should. It was a bit more mechanical. But she brushed it off, thinking she had just picked up some mannerisms from her husband. Davros reached up with his mechanical hand and removed hers, kissing it and said, "My only beloved, Abigail."

 

She stepped around to face him, "I thought you would have left already."

 

Davros smiled, "Leave and not say good morning to you? Never."

 

She returned his smile, "How long before I get to come with you?"

 

"Soon," he said as he released her hand, "Dr. Nyder has interviewed a geneticist. If all goes well, I suspect that they will be ready for you in a few weeks... Why so impatient, my dear?"

She stepped back, looking sad, "I just want to have children... your children. And the sooner the better."

 

Davros smiled, "I know, but we must do this properly. We want them to survive infancy."

 

Abigail nodded her understanding. Davros smiled, "That's my girl. Now, I must be going. You have a wonderful day."

 

She nodded as she walked with him to the door. As she opened the door, she bent over and kissed him on the forehead, "You have a good day, my love."

 

When Davros reached his lab, he called his assistant, David, "Take her out... shopping or something. I want to test how well the brainwashing is holding and if we can bring the Doctor out. No doubt he is looking for her."

 

David nodded and left the room to follow his master's orders. It had only been two days since her last treatment and David did not think she was ready yet, however Davros was not the kind of boss one argued with. Arguments led to unpleasant experiences. After convincing her to leave the complex with him, David drove her to Mermaid Quay. David loved the Cardiff Bay area and figured it was as good a place as any.  


* * *

Inside the Hub, several monitors started to flash and the speakers were admitting a pulsing tone. The Doctor was in the conference room when he heard it and ran to the nearest computer. Mickey had gotten there first. The Doctor breathed heavily, "It's her isn't it?"

 

Mickey nodded, "They're moving her. Why would they... They're coming into town. Something must have happened."

 

The Doctor was ready to leave the Hub, "We've gotta track her."

 

Jack had overheard the conversation, "We are tracking her. No one's going anywhere until we know where they're taking her."

The next twenty minutes were spent watching the screen as the dot came closer and closer to their location. The Doctor beamed, "Maybe she escaped and she's coming back! I'd better go up there!"

 

Jack placed a hand on his shoulder, "If that was the case, why wouldn't she just transport herself? More likely, it's a trap to draw you out. Once she's stopped we'll send Mickey."

 

The Doctor protested, "No, I need to... she won't..."

 

Jack cut him off, "We'll send Mickey. Davros didn't have enough contact with him to recognize him. Besides, I'm not risking loosing you as well."

 

The Doctor pouted, "Fine!"

 

The dot came to rest nearly right on top of them. "See," the Doctor said, "She's coming back!"

 

Mickey said, "Let me go up top. She's not necessarily here. Within a three block radius the signal isn't precise."

 

Jack nodded and Mickey took a gun before heading topside. The Doctor watched darkly as Mickey hid the gun. "Necessary evil," Jack said when he saw the Doctor's expression, "He deserves a chance to protect himself if he runs into trouble."

Jack then started adjusting the monitors to bring up the CCTV signals. Once topside, Mickey made an adjustment to a device on his wrist. No one was telling the Doctor that they could get a better signal with it. The Doctor had been difficult enough to control without cluing him into everything. A small display indicated that Cridhe was most likely to be just west of his location. Judging by the strength of the signal, he figured it was Mermaid Quay. "Great," he thought, "A shopping centre, just what I need."

 

He sighed and started to move in the direction the signal indicated.

Mickey had been walking around about five minutes when he saw her. She was just as the Doctor and Jack had described her. She was with a young man who seemed to be escorting her around. She appeared happy. Suddenly, she grabbed her head and nearly fell over. The young man took her in his arms and tried to support her. Mickey approached, "Are you all right?"

 

Cridhe and David met his eyes. She spoke, "Just a bit of a headache, it comes and goes."

 

She smiled Mickey off. David spoke, "Abigail, are you sure?"

 

The woman called Abigail answered, "Yes, David, I am fine. I am always fine."

 

Mickey recognized that wording and pressed, "My friend is a doctor, he's just around the way there, I'm sure he'd be happy to take a look."

 

The woman named Abigail smiled again, "I thank you for your generosity, but my husband is also a doctor."

 

Mickey could not keep the look of shock out of his eyes, "Your husband?"

 

She nodded, "Yes, but it is really nothing. I am sure Davros will take care of me."

 

David became anxious when she mentioned Davros' name. Mickey picked up on this and calmed everyone's nerves, "Well, then, if you're sure your okay, I'll just be about my way."

 

They both smiled at him and thanked him again for his willingness to help.

Mickey made his way back to the Hub. The Doctor was anxiously pacing when the door rolled back and revealed Mickey's presence. The Doctor tried to look around him for a sign of Cridhe, "Did you see her? Where is she? Something's happened, hasn't it? What's wrong?"

 

Mickey could not meet the Doctor's eyes, "I think it's best if we all gather in the conference room."

 

The Doctor tried to make a mad dash for the door, but Mickey held him back, "This is not going to help her. Things have become very complicated."

 

The Doctor stepped back, sighed, nodded his head and allowed himself to be led to the conference room.

Once everyone was assembled, Mickey began, "We've got a problem. Several actually. She didn't recognize me."

 

The Doctor tried to stare him down, "Mickey, there are hundreds of reasons..."

 

"Will you just let me finish?" Mickey cut in.

 

The Doctor closed his mouth with a click and nodded. "Thank you," Mickey continued, "She didn't recognize me and I could tell it wasn't just that she was pretending. She mentioned several things. She's going by the name Abigail, she's got a husband... and his name is Davros."

 

The room was so quiet, the only thing that could be heard was the sound of water from the fountain in the main part of the Hub.

The Doctor finally shook his head, "Married to Davros? I don't believe it! You heard wrong."

 

Mickey shook his head, "No, I didn't and there's one more thing."

 

Everyone looked at him expectantly. "She held her head as if she were in great pain, that's what made me approach her," Mickey continued, "And I saw marks on her temples. I think her mind's been mucked with."

 

Jack now looked grave, "If you were to see the marks again, would you know them?"

 

Mickey nodded. Jack sighed, "This changes everything. Gwen, take Mickey through the database and see if he can identify the marks."

 

Mickey and Gwen left the room. He looked at Sarah Jane and the Doctor, "Let's assume she's been brainwashed."

 

The Doctor stood, "No. She's smarter than that! After everything she's been through, she'd know how to fight it."

 

"As a human?" Jack softly challenged.

 

The Doctor stared at Jack trying to justify the horror he saw in Jack's eyes. Finally, he shook his head and slumped back into his seat.  Jack nodded, "Right, I'm going to contact UNIT. Martha should be at the complex all day with orientation. Gwen can keep an eye on her while helping Mickey look through the database. Sarah Jane, why don't you and the Doctor try to get the med-bay in the Police Box working? If something has been done to her mind, we're going to need all the help we can get."

 

Sarah Jane nodded and Jack left the room.  


* * *

The Doctor was at a loss. He felt like a part of his soul had been taken away. He leaned his arms on the table and rested his head on them. He completely forgot that Sarah Jane was in the room as he wept bitter tears. Sarah Jane sat in a chair next to him and draped an arm across his shoulders. Neither said anything for a long time. It was the Doctor who broke the silence with the question on everyone's mind, "What could he possibly want with her as his wife?"

 

Sarah Jane paused before responding, "He's always desired two things: revenge on you and universal domination. Perhaps he found this as a way to attain both."

 

The Doctor sat up, "What did you say?"

 

Sarah Jane tried to meet his eyes, "This is a way for him to do both."

 

"No, no, no," the Doctor responded, "Before that."

 

Sarah Jane spoke slowly, "That Davros wanted revenge on you and universe domination."

 

The Doctor had tucked his tongue behind his top teeth in thought, "Oh! Oh, we have been blind! But, then why as his wife..."

 

The Doctor paused and for some reason the image of Lucy Saxon flashed across his mind. "Yes, of course!" he said out loud. He turned to Sarah Jane, "We need to get everyone in here. Now!"

 

Sarah Jane nodded her head and went to retrieve the others.

Once everyone was settled, the Doctor spoke, "We've been fools! Of course there is only one thing that Davros would want a Human-TARDIS for... Or would that be a TARDIS-Human, not exactly a metacrisis is she?"

 

Sarah Jane broke in gently, "Doctor?"

 

He looked at her, "Right. There's only one thing she'd be good for in his mind: her regenerative properties!"

 

He scanned the room looking for any glimpse of understanding. Finding none, he put his glasses on and continued. "Look, Davros is so focused on bringing back the Daleks that he used his own cells to create them last time. But what if, he took the cells from a being that could regenerate and use his blood to infuse that property with his DNA?"

 

The Doctor paused waiting for the penny to drop.

Jack spoke first, "Oh God, then he could create as many Daleks as he wanted, with no end in sight. And they themselves might gain regenerative properties."

 

The Doctor nodded gravely. There were looks of horror on the other three faces. The Doctor went on, "And he knew she would never be a part of that willingly. Between what happened during the Time War and what happened on the _Crucible_ , there's no way she would help him. But, what if he found a way to use her humanity against her? What if he brainwashed her into thinking she's his wife? What wife wouldn't help her husband create children and what mother wouldn't do everything in her power to protect them?"

The two mothers in the group offered a collective gasp at the probability. Jack spoke first, "Mickey and Gwen, we've gotta get Martha out of there!"

 

Mickey started to move when the Doctor yelled, "Wait!"

 

Mickey sat back down. The Doctor sighed, "It will only raise suspicion if she leaves now. Let her finish out the training and then we can just make sure she doesn't return. Gwen, use the text link and tell Martha to try to get information about Davros' personal life: wife, children, etc. Don't tell her what's going on. The less she knows the better."

 

Gwen nodded and left the room.

The Doctor was pacing frantically now, "Ok, Mickey you should take Sarah back to London, things can turn nasty and quickly and I don't want Luke to be without his mother."

 

Sarah Jane started to protest.

 

"Please," the Doctor begged, "For once just do what I ask. Besides, I don't think it'd be good for Luke to be involved anymore and Mr. Smith can still be of use to us."

 

Sarah Jane nodded reluctantly. "And Mickey," the Doctor addressed the young man, "Why don't you stay with Sarah a bit. The pair of you can help each other."

 

Mickey knew what the Doctor actually meant was that he should protect Sarah Jane and nodded his agreement. Gwen came back into the room at that point to inform the Doctor that she had contacted Martha. The Doctor turned his attention back to Sarah Jane and Mickey, "What are you two waiting for... go!"

 

Mickey turned to Jack who gave a nod of approval. Once they were gone, the Doctor spoke to Gwen, "Gwen Cooper-Williams. You have a lovely tike at home and you've been working here too hard. Why don't you and that Rhys of yours take a few days off and spend them together?"

 

Gwen was confused, "What? In the middle of everything going on?"

 

The Doctor flashed an encouraging grin, "Yes, now... just a few days. Jack and I can take care of Martha and you're just a phone call away if we need you."

Gwen raised a questioning eyebrow at Jack. Jack gave a nod and the Doctor said, "See? Even Jack approves. It's been a long week for all of us, so go ahead and go now."

 

Gwen tried to protest and Jack broke in, "Gwen, it'll be alright, go ahead home and we'll call if we need you."

 

Gwen nodded and left the conference room. The Doctor sat down and sighed, going over the information in his head. Jack did a quick check on the Hub to make sure the other three had left. He picked up a laptop so that he could monitor the end of Martha's day and returned to the conference room.  


* * *

"What the hell do you think your doing," Jack shouted as he took a seat at the table.

 

He had held in all his anger during the Doctor's orders, but he was not going to stay silent any longer. The Doctor mumbled something nondescript.

 

"What," Jack yelled, "I couldn't hear you!"

 

The Doctor spoke louder, "Getting them as safe as possible."

 

"Yeah?" Jack was still yelling, "What about Martha?"

 

The Doctor nodded, "Martha too, as soon as she gets back."

 

Jack lowered his voice slightly, "You know I trust you, but I'd like to know why you're doing this."

 

The Doctor answered, "Because too many have died at the hands of the Daleks and I won't have any more deaths at their hands, not when I can prevent it."

 

Jack voice returned to normal, "But we need their help. The two of us against Laked Med-Tech?"

The Doctor smiled sadly, "No. Not the two of us. Just me. Me versus Davros, as it always should have been."

 

"What?" Jack's voice went back to being angry.

 

The Doctor sighed, "It's time to end it. This is still the Time War, Jack, still the battle over the creation of the Daleks. I destroyed so much to end the War... But the War is still being fought. This time, he's made it personal and it's time for it to end."

 

Jack had calmed down again. He began to understand as he listened to the Doctor, "What do you plan on doing?"

 

The Doctor met Jack's eyes and said nothing, but his eyes spoke for him. "You can't," Jack protested, "You said the War was time-locked. If you take him back there, you and Cridhe might die or worse get stuck!"

 

The Doctor nodded. Jack became indignant, "I won't let you do it!"

The Doctor sighed, "Maybe it's the only way. Maybe I wasn't supposed to survive the Time War and maybe the whole universe is a terrible mess because I did!"

 

Jack looked compassionately at his friend, "You still believe that everything is your fault. You hold yourself accountable even for the fixed moments."

 

The Doctor shrugged but his face gave nothing away. Jack rubbed his hand across his face, "There are other ways."

 

The Doctor replied flatly, "None permanent enough."

 

Jack sighed opting for a different approach, "Okay, I get why you sent everyone away... But Doctor, you're a part of each of our families."

 

The Doctor cut in, "Why do you think I sent them away?"

 

Jack yelled again, "Will you shut up and let me finish!"

 

The Doctor was shocked for a moment, but held his tongue. Jack continued in a softer voice, "You're family to us. We love you. And whether you like it or not, we want to help. Davros was wrong about us. We're not your children. We're your companions! We follow your lead, yes... But we also challenge you to follow ours. Every single one of us is a better person because you came into our lives. Sending us away to safety is only going to make us worry about you. And you know what stupid apes we are. When we're worried, we do stupid things to protect those we love."

The Doctor avoided Jack's eyes and spoke softly, "I didn't ask to be loved."

 

Jack's eyes softened and so did his voice, "Funny thing about love, permission is not required. Love is a gift." Jack smiled wistfully, "Ianto taught me that."

 

The Doctor's features softened to the tone in Jack's voice. The Doctor sighed and rested his head on his hand while pinching his nose, "I just can't allow for anymore useless sacrifices."

 

Jack looked at the computer, "Then don't. Martha's on her way back; what are you going to tell her?"

 

The Doctor sighed, "That it's too dangerous. I'll send her back to London as well. At this point, only I can save Cridhe. The brain is a delicate organ and the brain of a telepath more so. If I have any chance of saving her... I can't let anyone else attempt to reverse it."

 

Jack nodded, "And what about me? You gonna push me away too?"

 

The Doctor replied cheekily, "I can't get rid of you."

 

A small smile was the only answer Jack gave.

After a few moments of silence Jack asked, "So what's the plan?"

 

The Doctor got up to start the water kettle for some tea, "Well, letting her out in the open would serve two purposes. One, to see if the brainwash method holds and two, bait for me."

 

Jack said, "Okay, do you think she passed the test?"

 

The Doctor thought for a moment, "I think _we_ passed the test. Mickey must've learned a lot in that other universe. He did everything I would have expected from you in that situation. As for her... I'm concerned about what Mickey said about her clutching her head."

 

Jack nodded, "Her subconscious is fighting the brainwashing."

 

The Doctor hung his head over the mugs he had pulled down from the shelf, "Yeah."

When the tea was ready, the Doctor offered a cup to Jack and took the other one and sat down at the table again.  Jack sipped his tea, "So how do you propose we get in there?"

 

The Doctor considered the question, "We'll wait to see what Martha says.  But I think it will be fairly simple.  Brainwashing can only do so much.  I suspect that Davros has convinced her that the only creatures who are good are Daleks.  He probably told her that I would want to destroy her.  And finally, he would have to work within her framework for the story to be convincing.  So, she probably believes she is from the planet Skaro, which I destroyed and they are on Earth to create the new race of Daleks."

 

Jack looked at him, "You got all that from this little outing?"

 

The Doctor nodded and absently said, "It's what I would do. Davros and I... well, there's not that much that separates us anymore."

 

Jack's features showed only compassion, "I don't know about that. There's a world of difference between creating destruction and saving lives."

 

The Doctor only shrugged as he drank his tea.  While they had been talking, Jack had been texting Martha.  He encouraged her to call Sarah Jane.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: this part includes my original version of "Reflections on Mars"

David helped Abigail back to her living quarters. Once he was sure she was all right, he went to make his report to Davros. He was pleased overall with the report, though the headache was a bit of a concern. He was worried that it was indicative of her subconscious fighting back. If that was the case, then it might be damaging to her physical form. He needed her in top shape to commence the work he was planning. The new geneticist, Danielle Williams was going to be a fine addition to this project. Once she was properly brought in. Today had been the standard orientation that an employee would expect. Tomorrow, well, tomorrow, she would be brought into the fold, as it were. He grinned maniacally.  
  
Abigail was sitting on the couch reading a book. Her thirst for knowledge was insatiable. The more she read, the more she realized she did not know. It was actually quite frustrating. Then she had a glimmer of a memory of an older man speaking gingerly, almost lovingly, a name: TARDIS. Abigail hissed at the pain that suddenly infiltrated her head. This had to stop and soon, she could not keep it from Davros forever. She shook her head as the pain passed then laughed at herself. TARDIS was not a name and she was being foolish.  
  
~~~<O>~~~  
  
Martha walked into a nearly empty Hub. She made straight for the Conference Room. Jack and the Doctor were at the table waiting for her. The Doctor put his best front up, "Have a good day at work?"

He smiled, but it did not reach his eyes. Martha's smile was genuine, "Not really, but I think I got some good information."

Jack nodded, “We've been reviewing it.”

The Doctor and Jack exchanged glances.  
  
Martha slowly sat down and looked worried, "What is it? What's happened?"

The Doctor tried to distract her, “Have you had dinner?”

Martha nodded. He swallowed and spoke slowly, with many pauses, "We saw her today... Mickey spoke to her... The situation's... much different than we thought."

The Doctor met Martha's eyes, "You can't go back there."

Martha protested, "But if I don't go back, they'll know it was ruse!"

The Doctor nodded solemnly, "It doesn't matter now. And if you do go back, you'll be brainwashed or worse."

Martha raised her hand to her mouth to cover her shock, "Tell me everything."

Jack and the Doctor explained everything to Martha as Jack was creating a link to Mr. Smith to analyze the data from Martha's contacts. The Doctor met Martha's eyes again, "You need to leave Cardiff. Tonight. It's too dangerous."

She made to argue.

"Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me?" the Doctor asked aloud, frustrated, "I'm not asking you to leave. I'm telling you: you must go!"  
  
Martha met his eyes and there was a challenge there, "After all we've been through, all I've put up with and you want me to just go?"

The Doctor sighed, "It's like you said: I'm taking stalk of my resources. You'll be able to do more if you return to UNIT."

Martha shook her head, "UNIT has already given their full backing. You know that. What's the real reason?" 

The Doctor looked to Jack for help. Jack stared intently at his computer for there was no way he was getting into the middle of this.  
  
The Doctor returned his gaze to Martha, "Too many people have already died at his hands. I don't think I could stand it if more people died when I can put a stop to it."

Martha nodded skeptically, "So, you're again making decisions for us."

The Doctor replied, "Please Martha, try to understand. The Time War is still happening. This is part of it! And humans are not meant to be involved. He's the last from Skaro and I'm the Last of the Time Lords. It is our fight and no one else's."

Martha folded her arms across her chest, "And the others?"

"Sent them away too," the Doctor responded flatly.

Martha got up and left the room. The Doctor did not want to end on that note and called to her. She did not turn back, "Just leave me for a bit."

The Doctor sank back into his chair. Jack looked up from the computer screen, "Well, that went well."

The Doctor just stared at him darkly.  
  
About five minutes later, Martha returned. She set the Doctor’s cell phone on the table, "You might need that. If I'm going back to London, then you're gonna carry that with you everywhere you go. And if we call, you'd better answer it and if you need help you'd better use it. Deal?"

The Doctor reached across the table, picked up the phone and put it in his pocket while nodding. Martha came towards the Doctor, "Stand up."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow, so Martha gestured her request. Once the Doctor was standing, Martha pulled him into a tight hug. She spoke softly, "I know you think we don't understand why you're doing this, but I think I do."

She pulled away enough to look into his sad brown eyes, "Take care of yourself, Mister."

The Doctor pulled her back into a tight hug and whispered, "Thank you."

With that, Martha withdrew from the hug. Jack looked up, "Do you need help getting back?"

Martha shook her head and pulled out her cell phone, "I can arrange it. If you need any help, make sure to let me know."

Both men nodded and with that Martha left the Hub.  
  
There was an eerie silence that seemed to descend around the two men. 

* * *

At length, the Doctor spoke. He knew he owed Jack a better explanation. He whispered, "It's happening _again_."

Jack got up and moved over to take a seat next to the Doctor, "What is?"

"Loosing people," he sighed, "People dieing and there's nothing I can do about it."

Jack forced the Doctor to look at him, "We don't know that. Knowing Davros, she's still alive." 

Silent tears were running down the Doctor's cheeks, "You don't understand, Jack. You don't know what I've done. What led to my most recent regeneration... I've never told anyone."

 

Jack cupped the Doctor's face in his hands and brushed the tears away with his thumbs, "Then tell me."

 

The Doctor said nothing for a few moments as they looked into each other's eyes. Jack encouraged him, "Please, don't shut me out now."

 

The Doctor nodded slightly and Jack released him. He dried his eyes with the back of his hand and took a deep breath. He knew what he could and could not reveal to Jack. Actually, he knew he could tell Jack every detail, if he wanted, Jack understood how his life worked better than anyone else.

The Doctor met Jack's eyes, "I was on Mars in November of 2059. It was the first human settlement in space. But, I arrived on the day it was destroyed - the day that everyone there was to die. I had to leave the base… because what happened there was a 'fixed moment.'"

 

He sighed heavily. Jack nodded, understanding how the Doctor sees timelines, "You couldn't save them."

 

The Doctor's eyes went large for a moment, but he continued with his story, "I had been thinking that everything I do - or don't do, makes things happen. Like Pompeii. I had told Adelaide, 'Most times I can save someone - or anyone. But, not you.' I said that her death was fixed in time forever. She presumed that I would die with them and when I told her no, she asked what would save me. I told her she would."

 

He broke off as a wave of emotion hit him.

Jack had nothing but compassion in his eyes. After a few moments of silence, he encouraged him, "Doctor?"

 

The Doctor took another shaky breath, "As I walked away, I heard the Flood taking them over, one by one. Then one of the brilliant humans used his last bit of humanity to blow up the shuttle. That would have been the Flood's only way off the planet. He saved Earth, Jack. Sacrificed himself and the others, but saved Earth from the Flood. The blast tossed me about 9 meters. And when I started to get up… I thought about what it meant to be a Time Lord… to be the _Last_ of the Time Lords. And something snapped in me. I realized that as a Time Lord - the _only_ Time Lord - I could save them! Fixed moments be damned!"

The emotions the Doctor had felt so long ago came rushing to the surface as he told the story. "I decided that we weren't fighting the Flood. We were fighting time itself and this time… Just. This. Once. _I_ was going to win!"

 

Jack's face betrayed the horror he felt as the Doctor continued with his story. Jack was drawn in to witness the demise of his beloved and passive (almost to a fault) Doctor. For once, Jack did not interrupt the Doctor's tale, though he had many questions. The Doctor recounted using Gadget to materialize the TARDIS to the area they were trapped.

The Time Lord had tears of regret as he talked about how he had brought the humans back to Earth. His regret was then taken over by anger at himself, "I was so arrogant. I actually expected them to thank me! I had told Adelaide that she had to die that day for the future of the human race and then when I saved her, I actually expected her to be grateful! She challenged me, Jack. She saw that I was no longer a Time Lord, but a Lord **over** Time." He smirked sadly at himself, "And all I could tell her was, 'Tough.'" He sighed, "I was a power hungry fool. I had become that which I so often fought against. I gave myself a new name that night: 'The Time Lord Victorious.' She continued to challenge me and her last words to me were, 'Is there nothing you can't do?' I told her, 'Not anymore.'"

The Doctor was crying afresh and Jack was still too horrified to touch the Doctor. He was not sure he had ever seen the Time Lord look so - so alien.

 

"I turned to leave," the Doctor continued when he could speak again. "I had seen the corrected timelines and everything would happen just as it needed to, except minor details had changed. Not that big of a deal in the grand scheme. It felt so good to have finally saved someone. She was someone in the timelines who had been deemed so important."

 

He broke off again weeping bitterly. Jack spoke softly, "What happened?"

 

"She was braver than me, in the end," the Doctor continued.

 

He offered a mirthless laugh that was more of a sigh, "She killed herself to keep the timelines in tact."

The Doctor met Jack's eyes, expecting to see anger, hatred and disappointment. There was only a deep sorrow that rested there. The Doctor inhaled deeply trying to regain control over his voice, "It wasn't until she did that, that I realized that I had gone too far. I thought I was doing the right thing: finally overcoming my guilty conscious and starting to really live. But, I turned myself into a monster."

 

The word "monster" stunned Jack. In all their dealings with some pretty monstrous entities, Jack had never once heard the Doctor use that term. The Doctor called them, "creatures," always respecting the sentient beings he encountered.

Jack then understood everything clearly: the Doctor was not afraid of Davros hurting his friends. He was worried about turning into the monster he had just revealed. It also explained why the Doctor had talked about hating himself. Jack pulled the Time Lord into a tight embrace, wishing he could heal these horrible wounds with his compassion and love. Jack whispered, "So, she **did** save you."

 

At that, the Doctor wept bitterly again. Jack whispered gently, "You are **not** a monster and I love you."

 

The Doctor lamely tried to push Jack away, but Jack held tight, "I'm not leaving you. I promise you, I'll stop you from going down that road again."

 

The Doctor stopped fighting and gave himself over to his own grief and Jack's love. When he could almost speak again, he squeaked out, "I'm sorry."

 

Jack kissed the Doctor chastely on the lips and said, "I'm not."  


* * *

A few hours later, Davros returned to the living quarters. Abigail greeted him with a hug and a peck on the lips. After a second he pushed her away, to "get a look at her lovely face." Abigail blushed slightly. "I have a treat for you tonight," he told her.

 

A soft smile spread across her lips, "Really what?"

 

He tried to make his voice soft, "We're going out to dinner tonight. Off complex."

 

She beamed, "Really?"

 

Davros nodded to his wife, "Now, go on and get ready. And why not wear that lovely blue dress?"

 

She smiled and left him so she could change. Davros considered her actions, she seemed absolutely healthy and his worries from what David had told him started to fade. Tonight would be the final test.

As Abigail donned the shimmering blue dress an image came to her mind: a big blue box. A blue box with the words “Police Call Box” shining at the top. Eleven different men approached the box, surrounding it and each rested a hand lovingly upon it. She felt the gentle caress through her entire being. She grabbed her head and sat on the bed. Davros was home now, she had to be careful. When the image finally passed, so did the pain. She checked herself in the mirror and decided she looked fantastic. There was a ripple at the back of her head at that word. She rejoined Davros to his flattering words and together they left the residence to take a van to their destination.

Davros had arranged to have the entire restaurant of Bayside Brasserie emptied for his "date." He had chosen it specifically because it was located in the Plass area and he had discovered what remained of Torchwood was located somewhere nearby. Where Captain Jack Harkness was, the Doctor would not be far behind. This was the final test. He grinned at his near triumph. Abigail noticed this and asked with a smile, "What are you thinking about with that look?"

 

Davros redirected his attention to her, "Only the day we met, my dear."

 

Once Abigail was seated with Davros opposite her, a waiter brought menus and glasses of water.

~~~<O>~~~

In the Hub, it seemed like all the machines went haywire for a moment. The Doctor had calmed down and broke from Jack’s embrace, "What's that?"

 

Jack moved to one of the computer stations, fingers were flying across a keyboard, "It's Cridhe's signal. She's on the move again."

 

For the next twenty minutes or so, Jack and the Doctor watched the flashing marker as it moved closer and closer to their location. Jack turned to face his friend, "We can't go. It's gotta be a trap."

 

The Doctor was rubbing his chin, "Or a final test."

 

Jack raised an eyebrow. The Doctor cleared his throat, "If she's having headaches associated with the blocks Davros created and if he knows one of those episodes happened in the area, he may be testing her."

 

Jack nodded his understanding. After considering the possibilities Jack said, "Can't you just?" and he touched his fingers to his temples.

 

The Doctor shook his head, "If I knew what had been done to her, maybe. But, never at this distance. Besides for it to be really effective, it involves contact."

 

Jack said, "Well, can't you communicate with her somehow? I mean the two of you are linked."

 

The Doctor's expression was grave, "But depending on what Davros did to her, it could destroy her."

 

Jack now challenged him, "Do you think she'd want to live like that?"

The Doctor sighed. He did not know the right answer anymore. He recalled Donna pleading with him, she would have rather died than to return to the life he had banished her. Could Cridhe be the same way? The Doctor was resolute, "No. But, I don't think she wants to die either."

 

Jack nodded, "So what do we do?"

 

"Find them," the Doctor replied flatly.

 

Jack set to work on parameters, "Okay, taking the most expensive restaurants in the area, factoring in for links with Laked Med-Tech and..."

 

Their breaths were baited as the results were tabulated. "Ha!" Jack exclaimed, "Only one: Bayside Brasserie."

 

The Doctor considered, "Then there's only one thing to do."

 

He left Jack and went back to the Police Box. He changed out of his brown suit and donned his black suit.

When he returned, Jack whistled, "You clean-up nice."

 

The Doctor rolled his eyes, "I hate this thing. Something bad happens every time I wear it."

 

Jack smirked, "I think that's just you."

 

The Doctor was pimping, "So, do you think I'll pass as wait staff?"

 

Jack's eyes narrowed, "You're not going in there, are you?"

 

The Doctor shrugged, "Unless you have a better idea for extracting her tonight?"

 

Jack shook his head as he stood looking over the Doctor. After smoothing the tux out in a few areas, Jack spoke, "We need to make you less conspicuous. Here, put the contacts in while I run upstairs."

 

The Doctor looked questioningly at Jack, but could tell by Jack's expression this was going to be the only way Jack would let him out of the Hub.

Jack returned with an assortment of hair products as well as a comb and brush. Jack made the Doctor sit down and set to work at trying to tame the unruly hair. When Jack was satisfied he looked over the Doctor one final time, "Still missing something... Oh, I know! Your brainy specks! Davros hasn't seen you in them."

 

The Doctor rolled his eyes, "By the time I get done, they'll be done with dinner!"

 

Jack stared him down and he went to retrieve the glasses. When the Doctor returned he spun once for Jack while holding out his arms, "There, now?"

 

Jack nodded and the Doctor took off out of the Hub without another word.


	20. Chapter 20

The Doctor made his way to the Bayside Brasserie, hoping that Jack's work was correct. He used the Sonic Screwdriver to enter through the back door. He was able to sneak around the area and got a glimpse of the dining room. Only Davros and Cridhe were present in the room. The Doctor was glad; it would actually make his job a bit easier. Now, he just had to invent a way to get Cridhe away from Davros. He passed a shinny surface and looked at himself in it. He made a face of disdain as he saw what Jack had done to him. He looked like a nerd. Not the brainy-sexy geek he was used to seeing, but a clumsy-awkward sort of nerd. He whispered, "Jack, I'm gonna get you for this."

Back in the Hub Jack laughed and typed, "U R HIDING FROM DAVROS." 

The Doctor adjusted his shoulders as he read the message, but an idea came to him. If he was going to look like this kind of nerd, perhaps playing the part would help. He adjusted his spectacles until they were on the very tip of his nose and cocked them slightly to one side.  
  
He glanced back at the table and realized that wine had not been served yet. He grabbed a bottle of Bourdeaux and two wine glasses. He swallowed hard as he left through the kitchen doors. He knew he would only get one chance at this. He did not have to act as much as he thought. When he caught sight of Cridhe in the magnificent blue dress, he nearly tripped anyway. She looked stunning! The way the dress revealed all the right curves, the way it shimmered against her pale skin and the blue was "TARDIS Blue." The ensemble was enough to make him stop in his tracks.  
  
Cridhe had stood and crossed over to Davros. The Doctor could not hear what she had said, but he saw the way they kissed. He nearly got sick at the thought of it. He was not opposed to saving Davros, but this was entirely too much. He had to stop himself from storming across the room to rip the two of them apart. He knew that Cridhe must have been brainwashed because there was no way she would kiss him like that. _Not even to save the universe. Okay, maybe to save the universe, but she looked like she was actually enjoying it!_ Thirty-eight seconds later, the kiss finally ended.  
  
Using a nasally voice when he reached the table, he spoke, "Your wine."

Davros looked indignant, "We did not order wine."

The Doctor looked nervous and replied, "It's on the house."

Davros seemed frustrated, but nodded. The Doctor set the glasses down first, getting a better look at Cridhe. It was going to be a shame to ruin that dress, but it had to be done. He clumsily uncorked the wine, then as he went to pour Cridhe a glass, he made to loose his balance and spilled it all over the front of her dress.  
  
Cridhe gasped as the wine hit her. Room temperature wine was not cold, but it was not exactly warm either. She stared at the idiot who had ruined her dress and her date and reached for the cloth napkins. "You fool!" she squeaked.

He had actually done an impressive job, for as he brought the bottle back up; he was able to get some on her face and hair as well. He said, "I'm sorry, so sorry," as he took her napkin and then a corner of the table cloth and attempted to aid her in drying the wine.

At his words, Cridhe looked up at him and she recognized something about him, but she could not place it. Suddenly, her headache returned and she hunched forward. Davros asked, "What are you doing to my wife, you idiot?"

The waiter became nervous, "I'll just help her to the ladies room so she can get cleaned up."

Cridhe looked up at the waiter and nodded her head. Davros tried to interrupt, but Cridhe reassured him, "It's just there and it is the least he can do."

Davros sighed but said nothing; tonight was not going as planned.  
  
Back at the Hub, Jack was watching intently. If it were not for the serious need to get Cridhe away from Davros, he would probably laugh out loud over the situation. It really was comical. He sighed with a bit of relief as Cridhe allowed the Doctor to guide her to the restroom. Once they were there, the Doctor continued acting his part; he could tell she did not know who he was. He moistened a paper-towel and made to clean her face. As he did so, he was able to touch his hands to her temples and commanded, " _Sleep_."

Cridhe immediately collapsed into his arms. Now, he had to figure a way out. The restroom was free of all doors and windows other than the entrance.  The Doctor peaked around the corner hoping that Davros would not see. Davros was, of course, watching like a hawk. The closest suitable exit would be the kitchen. But, he was not sure how to get Cridhe over there. He recalled that baking soda was a method to get wine stains out of clothing. It would be a good enough cover. The Doctor again entered Cridhe's mind waking her up enough for her to move and told her they were going to the kitchen for baking soda. Cridhe obliged and allowed the clumsy waiter to lead her around. Davros tried to stop them, but he explained they had to act quickly, or the stain would set.  
  
Davros was starting to get suspicious. He had to act quickly now. He escorted Cridhe to the kitchen. The staff was all around asking him who he was and what he was doing. Without a word, the Doctor escorted Cridhe out the back door and before she could scream, put her to sleep again. At that point, he picked her up and moved as fast as he could back to the Hub, while cradling her gently in his arms. Jack was waiting at the top entrance for him and aided him in getting Cridhe into the med-bay. Once they had her changed and covered with a blanket, the two men looked at each other and took a collective sigh of relief. The Doctor looked down at her, but spoke to Jack, "Stay with her? I need to change."

There were tears welling in Jack's eyes, but he nodded and the Doctor left to go to the box.

* * *

When the Doctor returned, he found Jack holding Cridhe's hand, staring at her intently as if willing her to wake-up. The Doctor spoke as he approached, "You won't be able to wake her. I put her to sleep."

Jack nodded numbly. The Doctor watched him for a moment then said, "Why don't you go call the others and tell them that we have her back? I'm sure they're worried."

Jack nodded again but did not move. The Doctor walked over to him, rested a hand on his shoulder and whispered, "Jack."

Jack jumped, "Geez, Doc, give a guy a heart attack."

The Doctor quipped lightly, "I don't think that would cause you any permanent damage."

The Doctor smiled, but Jack just turned his gaze back to Cridhe. The Doctor sighed, "Jack, there's nothing you can do for her right now. But everyone else deserves to know she's back."

Jack gulped, "Back, but not necessarily safe."

The Doctor nodded, "We won't know anything for awhile. I'm going to let her sleep for a few hours like this. Later, I'll make a few sleep adjustments and let her sleep naturally. That will allow her to wake naturally. Then we can run tests, but I have a feeling she'll sleep the night through."

Jack nodded and got up to leave. 

Once Jack had left the med-bay, the Doctor looked over Cridhe's body fairly closely. First, he listened to her heart and lungs and they seemed okay. As he got a better view of her skin, he was horrified to see little red scars all over her body. "Oh, Cridhe," he spoke softly, "What did he do to you?"

 

He rested his hand on her head and stroked her hair as tears welled in his eyes. He wiped the tears away and decided she should receive a full exam. Jack was right, he was too vested. He was returning his stethoscope to his pocket when his hand brushed against his mobile. The Doctor stared at the phone in his hands for several minutes and finally selected Martha's name and pushed the "send" button. It had only been half a ring when she answered, "Doctor? Just rang off with Jack, how are you?"

 

The Doctor swallowed, "Martha, I know this is strange after how I acted earlier, but is there any way you can come back?"

 

Martha could not keep the shock out of her voice, "Why? What's wrong?"

 

The Doctor was trying to hold back tears as he looked down at Cridhe, "Just... can you?"

 

Martha was quiet for a few moments, "Actually, I haven't left Cardiff yet, UNIT couldn't pick me up until tomorrow morning. I'll be there in ten minutes."

 

"Thanks," the Doctor said and they both rang off.

The Doctor went to find Jack to let him know Martha was coming back. Jack was in his office, obviously talking with Gwen. He was giving final instructions to maintain Torchwood activities from people's homes. He wanted Lak-ed and Davros monitored as much as possible. Jack had not been facing the door and so did not see the Doctor enter; he turned back to his desk to make a note and caught the look in the Doctor's eye. "G-Gwen,” Jack stuttered, “I'm gonna have to call you back."

 

Jack rang off, "What is it? Is Cridhe...?"

 

The Doctor shrugged, "I've asked Martha to come back. Jack, Davros did something to her."

 

Jack sighed sadly, "Yeah, Doctor, she doesn't know who she is."

 

The Doctor shook his head, "No it's worse than that. A-and I shouldn't be the one to examine her... Anyway, Martha should be here in about ten minutes."

 

Jack nodded, "Doctor, how are you?"

 

The Doctor just shrugged and left the office. Jack knew it was serious since the Doctor did not offer his usual, "I'm fine" response. However, Martha would be here soon and he still had a few more calls to make and Gwen to call back. He figured the Doctor did not want to ask for anymore help than he already had.

Jack made the calls and kept an eye on the monitor for Martha. When she showed up, Jack let her in and escorted her to the med-bay. Neither was quite prepared for the look on the Doctor's face as he kept his silent vigil at Cridhe's side. Martha gave a pleading glance to Jack. He nodded and headed to the conference room to scrounge up some food and to make some tea. Neither he nor the Doctor had eaten anything since lunch. Not that they were hungry, but it gave him something to do. Martha approached the Doctor and gingerly rested a hand on his shoulder. She spoke softly while trying to turn him to face her, "Doctor?"

 

The Doctor turned to Martha and embraced her into a tight hug. When he was sure that he was not going to cry he released her. "I'm sorry," he spoke softly, "About earlier."

 

Martha shook her head, "No need, it's like I said, I understand. I'm just glad you called me."

 

Her gaze turned to Cridhe, "What can you tell me?"

 

The Doctor followed her gaze, "Not much. She's not sedated; I mentally put her to sleep. I've listened to her heart and lungs, they seem fine. But, she has these r-red marks all over her body."

 

The Doctor's voice broke. Martha nodded her head, "Alright, go join Jack and I'll give her a full examination."

 

When the Doctor did not move, Martha encouraged, "She's as safe as she can be."

 

The Doctor gave a skeptical look. Martha stated more strongly than she intended, "I promise I'll treat her as if she's awake. Go on and let me do my work."  


* * *

The Doctor paused as he left the med-bay, taking one last look at Cridhe. Martha encouraged him again with a small smile and nod of the head. He sighed heavily and went to find Jack. At the conference room table, Jack had put out some sandwiches, the tea and some biscuits. Jack and the Doctor simply picked at the food, but both held and drank mugs of tea. The Doctor was hoping the heat would warm him, but nothing seemed to help. Each second that the atomic clock counted seemed like an hour. The Doctor had never been more aware of the Slow Path than he was while waiting. Jack informed him that he had people keeping an eye on Davros and Lak-ed and that he had turned on the Hub biodamper as an added security measure. Jack and the Doctor said nothing more, each locked in their own thoughts. They just sat there waiting for Martha to come back.

The Doctor stared into his mug. For some reason, he thought back to what happened in Pete's World, when the TARDIS had been pulled through. He had thought she was dead. He had acted stronger than he had felt. Inside, he was panicking, shocked and mourning all at once. Outside, he was making nearly clinical observations about the fact that she was dead. He wished he could be that clinical now. His emotions were just as mixed, only... So much had happened since then. He sighed.

When he had been in that Parallel Universe, he had explained to Mickey that the TARDIS draws energy from the universe and with the wrong universe, it was like putting diesel in a petrol engine. He had been completely hopeless as he had told Mickey they were trapped. He smiled sadly as he recalled how his TARDIS had tucked away all she had left into that one, tiny, insignificant power cell. His Old Girl was giving away everything to take care of him. He gave her ten years of his life. Deliriously happy, he had said it was worth every second. Ten years was the least he could give her after all she had done for him over his ten incarnations. One year per incarnation. _Oh, how he wished it was that simple now._

A sad and ironic smirk crossed his lips. He had been happier that his TARDIS could take them home, rather than rejoice that she was still alive. He deserves to be smacked upside his head for that. He shook his head sadly to himself. When they had no escape, surrounded by Cybermen, she had saved them all again. That tiny insignificant power cell had charged up enough to release a bolt of energy that disintegrated the Cybermen.

Then there had been Rose. Rose wanted to see her dad. After what happened during his Ninth incarnation, he should have known better. But there was Cybus Industries. Pete Tyler was well connected to them and he could not resist the mystery. Then, not two seconds after the Daily Download, there was the way Rose pleaded with him, using only her puppy-dog eyes. It was worse than blackmail. He gave in. The Doctor suddenly snorted, trying to hold in a laugh. Laughter was really not appropriate in the given circumstances.

Jack stared at him incredulously, "What's so funny, Doc?"

 

The Doctor nearly fell out of his chair. He had forgotten anyone else was in the room. He tried to wipe the grin off his face, but he could not, finding another memory of Rose that did not ache. He shrugged and said while trying to control the oncoming giggles, "Parallel Rose in a Parallel Universe was a wee little doggy."

 

He burst in to fits of giggles. It was contagious and soon Jack was laughing right along with him. Somehow, both men were laughing so hard that tears were coming to their eyes.

It took Jack about five seconds to realize when the Doctor's tears were no longer from laughing. Once he had, it took him less than a second to be setting next to the Doctor and wrap arms around him in a tight hug. It took several minutes before the Doctor could formulate words that Jack could understand. He spoke between hiccups, "I... don't know... how to help."

 

Jack pulled the Time Lord into a tighter hug, "Its okay, Martha and I are here. We'll figure it out together."

 

Jack's words came out with more confidence than he felt. He was almost ashamed of that, but it seemed to calm the Doctor a bit.


	21. Chapter 21

Forty-two minutes and twenty-three seconds (give or take a few milliseconds) later, Martha finally appeared in the doorway to the conference room. It had quite possibly been the longest forty-two minutes of the Doctor's life. When he and Martha had been on the S.S. Pentallian, with all the chaos, forty-two minutes had flown by, seemingly not enough time. Martha looked knackered. As the Doctor looked at her more carefully, he could see she had been crying. At that, he knew he would not have been able to complete the exam. Whatever it was, it could not be good. The Doctor became very nervous. Jack got up to get a mug of tea for her. She thanked him as he handed it to her. He sat back down next to the Doctor as she took a sip.  
  
Martha first looked into the mug and then she looked from Jack to the Doctor and back again. She swallowed hard, "Um, Jack, I think it's best if I talk to the Doctor alone."

Jack looked hurt, but the Doctor replied, "No."

Martha raised an eyebrow. "Cridhe would want him to hear... to know," the Doctor explained.

Martha pleaded with him, "Doctor, what I've got to say... it isn't pretty."

"Fine," the Doctor replied.

Jack's face fell and he started to get up from the chair. The Doctor put his hand on Jack's thigh, "Then I want him to stay for me."

Words cannot describe the look of surprise that passed over both Jack and Martha's faces. The reason occurred to Jack first: they were all the Doctor had left at this point. If Cridhe died... he shook his head to chase the thought away. The expression on the Doctor's face was not only serious, but set in a determined way. Jack and Martha knew there would be no room for argument, unless they wanted to unleash his fury.  
  
Martha nodded to Jack and took another sip of her tea trying to steel her nerves. She met the Doctor's eyes and nearly lost it. This is why doctors were not allowed to have friends or relatives as patients, but she knew for how bad it is for her, it would have been a hundred times worse for him to see what she had seen. He needed the unabashed truth in order to help Cridhe, she knew that. She also knew that only the Doctor would be able to help Cridhe. She took another sip of her tea before again making eye contact. "You were right to call me," Martha began, "There's more going on than just her brainwashing."

Jack and the Doctor nodded solemnly. Martha continued, "From what I can tell, most of the scars are from needles. Her right eye is healing from a puncture as well. Judging by most of the visible scars and some that I found on further examination, they were extracting every bodily fluid from her."

She said the last sentence quickly, hoping that would soften the blow. Jack stirred first, "Every kind?"

Martha nodded. "But, that means," Jack did not want to finish the horrible thought of what that meant.

The Doctor was urging Martha on with his silence. Davros was a geneticist, this did not surprise him. Besides, the clinical part of his brain was functioning right now, but if she did not start speaking again soon, he was going to loose it.  
  
Martha took another sip of tea before continuing, "I’ve hooked up some intravenous bags to keep her hydrated and to keep her electrolytes balanced.”

The Doctor started to comment about Cridhe not being human. Martha cut him off, “I’ve run the blood work, Doctor, it’ll do more good than harm. And I’ll run tests every twelve hours.”

The Doctor nodded his approval. Martha continued with her debriefing, “The other marks..."

The Doctor finished Martha's sentence for her, "Were from torture, though he probably didn't make her comfortable when extracting the fluids."

Martha nodded as a tear slid down her cheek. The Doctor simply nodded. There was a sad silence that descended on the room.  
  
The Doctor blew out air quickly, trying to shake away the sorrow and become clinical once again, "And the marks on her head? Any clue what they're from?"

Martha shook her head, "I was hoping you would know. I ran scans through the Torchwood and UNIT databases for a match and none was found."

The Doctor slammed his hand on the table, "If the TARDIS had power...!"

Martha and Jack both jumped at the loud noise. Jack rested one of his hands on top of the Doctor's as he spoke softly, "Doctor, if it's something new he developed, the TARDIS wouldn't know what it is either."  
  
The Doctor inhaled unsteadily and nodded his understanding. He leaned forward in his chair, deep in thought. Jack and Martha stared at him, waiting to see what he would say next. The Doctor looked at each of them before speaking, "You're both exhausted. It's been a long few days... you should go get some sleep."

Martha shook her head, "What about you?"

The Doctor shrugged, "I'm gonna move her into the Box, so I can work and keep an eye on her. In a couple hours, I'll bring her into a normal sleep pattern so she can wake up naturally. Not much else to be done tonight."

Jack sighed, "I hate to suggest this..."

"Then don't," the Doctor said harshly.

"Doctor," Jack tried to be gentle, "We don't really know who she thinks she is. We don't know if she'll respond violently or not. I think its best that you move her back into the Hub and restrain her when you put her into the normal sleep pattern."

The Doctor leaned over his hands deep in thought. Jack and Martha stared at each other, but said nothing.  
  
About a minute later, the Doctor nodded his head, "Okay. You two go and get some rest."

Jack got up and squeezed the Doctor's shoulders as he past him. Martha waited until Jack left. When the Doctor opened his eyes, he saw Martha still sitting there. He met her eyes and then cocked his head slightly to one side. He finally spoke, "How are you?"

Those were the first words of honest concern for her that the Doctor had ever said. At first, she was shocked and did not know how to respond. Then she thought about him asking after her as he was facing losing everything he had left. She was touched by this gesture. For about three seconds she tried to be strong, not letting the emotion overwhelm her. However, she failed and she began to cry. The Doctor moved to kneel next to the chair and wrapped her in his arms, holding back his own tears until he was alone.

* * *

The Doctor made the rounds of the Hub, as he would often make the rounds on his ship. He checked on each of his companions to make sure they were sleeping peacefully. Not that there was anything he would do if they were not, but it made him feel better to check. He returned to the Hub med-bay, took down the I-V bags placing them on Cridhe's stomach, gently cradled her in his arms and carried her into the ship. He lay her down on the jump seat. Her short stature made it so she could rest comfortably there. He rigged some hooks to hang the I-V bags. Once that was done, he started to tinker under the console. If he could somehow provide power to it, then he would be able to power the med-bay, which would be a much better place to heal Cridhe. One thing was sure; it was easier to work on the console without her shocking him so often.

When the Doctor had taken off the topmost layer of technology from the underside of the console, he realized it was time to readjust Cridhe's sleep state. He had agreed with Jack and Martha that he would put her in the Hub and strap her down. But he had not been looking at her at the time. Seeing her now, she looked so helpless and weak, it was making teh thought of restraining her very difficult. He knew Jack was right, of course. It would probably be safer for everyone to have her in the Hub and restrained. He picked her up and carried her back to the Hub med-bay. He again laid her out on the bed and gently put the restraints on her. The Doctor sighed heavily.

He had no idea how Davros had brainwashed her, which was going to make healing her very, very difficult. He rested his fingers on her temples and changed her patterns to a normal sleep rhythm. He let go of her head as gently as he could because now anything could wake her up. He pulled a chair near the bed and sat down to keep a vigil watch over her until she woke. As he sat there, he tried to hold his memories at bay.

He scratched through his hair as he thought back to when he had lost the TARDIS on Krop Tor. The first clue to the Doctor that he and Rose might be in trouble was when he realized that the TARDIS translation circuit had encountered writing it would not translate. "Impossibly old," he had told Rose. Then, his TARDIS had fallen. He had told the Captain Zach, "It's all I've got! Literally, the only thing."

He was horrified at the thought of the loss of the TARDIS. It was all that tied him to being a Time Lord, a Gallifreyan - all he had left to somehow ground his existence in the universe. Then, there was the thought of losing his friend and constant companion. He did not want to leave her there - alone. After all they'd been through together, they should die together. Would he be able to feel her die even at this distance? The question made him shudder.

He had turned to Rose, a part of him wanting to receive comfort. Of course, he did not know how to ask for it, so he stated the obvious, they were trapped. He had hoped and wished Rose would understand what loosing his TARDIS would mean to him. She flippantly stated that he should not worry about her. He hoped for a brief shining moment that she would at least acknowledge what he had just lost. Perhaps that was selfish of him. When the ground shook, she plainly stated their situation and she told him to worry about her. He pulled her into a hug. It was partly to comfort her, but also because he had nothing... nothing left. She was now the last connection to… well, everything he used to have. He sighed as he held her, knowing she was clueless about all of his emotions, but not knowing how to share them with her.

In the end, he had faced a beast, well the Beast. He would not have admitted that to anyone but Donna. He smirked; Donna had thought he was being funny. Perhaps that is why he was able to admit such things to her. He sighed, "Oh, Donna."

 

If anyone would understand what he was facing right now... she would. She had helped him destroy Pompeii and had encouraged him to accept Jenny as his daughter. She had flown the TARDIS, which at times seemed impossible even for him. Then, with the meta-crisis, she had his mind. She understood everything with such clarity.

He felt hot tears slide down his cheeks and land on his shirt. _Okay, that wound was still pretty raw_.

Cridhe started to talk in her sleep, "Find me, Doctor! I'm in the pit! Find me!"

 

The Doctor stared at her and said more to himself, "How did you do that?"

 

She quieted down again at the sound of his voice. Of course, that made him think about how he felt when he had discovered he had fallen against her in the pit. He told the beast that if he believed in one thing, it was her. Thinking he had lost all else, he was referring to Rose. Now, he refocused his attention on Cridhe. At the time, he thought she was lost, which left only Rose for him. He should have known better. He should have known that against every odd, his TARDIS would find her way to him again. She always did.

Even now, convinced that Davros is her husband, she was fighting to get back to him. Now would be a good time to slip into her mind, when she was thinking of him anyway. But, he hesitated. Why did he have no confidence when it came to her? _Well, she is the TARDIS first off; she is the one usually telling him what to do. But now, she is human, sort of... She looks so frail and small. Almost like a child... almost_.

 

Maybe that was the problem. Perhaps he had to stop being so skittish around her and simply take action and control as he would in any other situation. He sighed heavily as he debated with himself.  


* * *

A part of the Doctor believed he should wait for Jack and Martha before trying anything. There was that other part, though. The part that niggled at the back of his head, "Trust me. Trust me. Trust me." Or, "Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it."

 

Again, he had a flashback to the Pit and that part of him that said, "Go on."

 

It had turned out for the best that time. If he had not followed the voice, he would have never found the TARDIS again. But this time? How many times could he follow that voice and come out ahead in the end? He shook away the thought of Mars, when he had lost that battle.

He looked Cridhe over head to toe. The red scars were starting to fade to white. The rest he had forced upon her and the normal sleep she was now getting was doing her good. He glanced at the clock; half six. Martha and Jack would be waking up soon. If he was going to do anything without them interfering, it would have to be now. He inhaled deeply and released the breath slowly as he placed his fingers upon her temples.

Once he entered her mind, he wished he had not. Everything was a disorganized mess. It looked like a tornado had torn through her mind. When the Doctor considered what Davros had done, it probably had not been all that different. Some doors were splintered and pieces of the wood were scattered everywhere. Other doors were barely hanging on by their hinges. The rooms were in worse shape: so many were empty, but he knew there should have been something in every single one. Other rooms had scraps and what looked like pieces of rubbish, the last bit of memory stubbornly clinging to the place it belonged. Not unlike that power cell in Pete's World. The Doctor felt the way he had when he started to dismantle the Paradox Machine. There was so much devastation, but he had no idea where to start. He knew his worry would do Cridhe no good and he slowly walked out of her mind.

He blinked back the hot wetness begging to spill over his eyelids. His original intention was to allow her to wake in her own time, but after seeing that, he was not so sure that would be a good idea. He would need help. Jack and Martha would be able to monitor both of them and that would allow him to be braver in his approach to her healing. He again placed his fingers to her temples and returned her to a sleep pattern from which she could not wake herself. He gently removed the restraints, since she had no need of them - he hated seeing her tied up. He kissed his apology to each area that had bound her. With heaviness in his heart, the Doctor went to the conference room to make some tea and wait for the others to wake.

Martha stood leaning against the door-frame of the conference room watching the Doctor for about ten minutes. Jack was still asleep on the couch and so she spoke softly, "I'm calling UNIT. I'm staying until this is sorted."

 

The Doctor could not raise his head to meet her eyes. He simply croaked out, "Thanks."

 

Martha nodded her head and helped herself to some tea. She could not tell if the Doctor wanted company or not, but she could tell he was waiting for something... probably for Jack to wake up. She did not ask after Cridhe, she knew the Doctor well enough that if there had been something important, he would have waken them... maybe. That or he was waiting for Jack to wake up so he could tell them, whatever the news was, together. The Doctor hated repeating himself. That reminded her of the first time she had returned to the TARDIS after the Year-That-Never-Was.

~~~<O>~~~

The Doctor had encouraged her to sleep, but when he had shown her to her room, there was a sizable hole in the opposite wall. The Doctor had informed her that the Master had used her energy to keep the TARDIS alive. She felt violated and asked the Doctor to explain further. He pleaded with her that he would explain everything when she and Jack were together. She knew he would not tolerate an argument and she knew that she could trust his word with something this serious. So, she took a nap.

It was five days before the Doctor sat her and Jack down to explain what had happened. So much had happened: dismantling the rest of the Paradox Machine, the TARDIS not connecting to the Doctor, him trying to force it and the hells that each of them were living. She had begun to notice that all four of them (herself, Jack, the Doctor and even the TARDIS) were suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder of one level or another. She silently cursed herself for having not completed her psychology rotation yet. She felt pretty useless. Both Jack and the Doctor knew so much more about these things than she did.

She had tried to press for information during that day before the Doctor had tried to force his connection with the TARDIS. But the Doctor wanted to be in what he called the safety of the time vortex. Martha did not understand what that had to do with anything. Of course, with everything that had happened, she knew he would not share anything if he did not feel safe. Perhaps that was what the Doctor meant: it had nothing to do with the TARDIS or her and Jack, it had everything to do with his own idea of safety.

The Doctor had been missing for those five days. Forcing the connection had not worked and he had only created a bigger rift between himself and the TARDIS. After Martha and Jack had saved both their lives, the Doctor was nowhere to be found or seen. Jack told her not to look for him. The TARDIS was so large; one could spend half a lifetime getting to the end and die before returning. It was during those days that Jack had explained that the TARDIS had connected with him.

Martha was anxious and relieved when the Doctor had made three cups of hot cocoa and a bowl of fruit and invited her and Jack to the library. They had not seen him in all that time and the first thing he does is make hot cocoa. He looked thin. Yes, he was thin, but until that day there was always a certain strength about him. With that gone, he looked like he might blow away if you breathed too hard. She wanted to hug him, but it was like there was a sign over his head that said, "No Touch."  They made their way to the library in silence.

The fireplace, which had been void of a fire up until that point, had a small comforting fire burning. They were gathered around the fireplace. The Doctor spoke softly, "I owe you an explanation."

 

At first Jack and Martha both thought that he was going to talk about disappearing on them or about trying to reconnect to the TARDIS. He continued, "Remember Martha? I told you I would explain about the hole in the walls of the bedroom."

 

Martha had forgotten all about that, she nodded, a bit in shock to have that topic resurface. The Doctor then explained how the Master had used the energy signatures of his companions to maintain the life of the TARDIS while she was the Paradox Machine. Of course, he could not have just said it like that. He took a full twenty minutes and included what he figured happened inside the TARDIS during that time. Then he thanked them. Even though they had no say in the matter, they had helped keep her alive and he was grateful. He ended with, "Any questions?"

Martha and Jack looked at him, then at each other and back to the Doctor. Martha cleared her throat, "Just one. Where the hell have you been?"

 

His hand went to the back of his head and he scratched it nervously. He finally said, "Went for a walk."

 

Jack looked incredulous, "For five days?"

 

The Doctor quipped, "Big ship."

 

He finally explained that he had been trying to get to the library. As they talked about that, it became clear that the TARDIS had not hid the library from the Doctor, she hid the Doctor from... everything.

Martha's doctor instincts kicked in, "So, you haven't slept in five days?"

 

The Doctor shrugged, "Had to keep moving, if I hadn't, who knows where I would have ended up."

 

Jack looked at him, "No wonder you look like hell. I suppose you haven't eaten anything either?"

 

The Doctor stared at Jack. He was about to say something absolutely clever in response, but instead just shook his head. A realization dawned on Martha, "And you just drank a mug of cocoa! We need to get something more substantial into your stomach."

 

The Doctor looked at her about to say, "Why?"

 

Then he became pale and green at the same time. Martha knew that look. She had seen it enough times at hospital. Martha yelled, "Bowl!" as she grabbed it, dumping the fruit onto the tray. She pushed it to the Doctor's chest just in time.


	22. Chapter 22

A strange cry broke Martha from her reverie.  She looked up at the Doctor and followed his attention to the couch.  It was Jack, yawning as he awoke.  The Doctor adjusted himself in the chair; obviously he had been waiting for this.  Thankfully, Jack had a pair of sleeping shorts on, so when he stood, neither Martha nor the Doctor had to look away.  Jack caught sight of the two and said, "I love waking up to you two." 

Martha smiled, but the Doctor just sat there looking like stone.  Jack's face fell, "What is it?"  
  
The Doctor stood and walked to the kitchen, "Breakfast:  most important meal of the day!" 

Jack and Martha just stared at him.  By now, they should be used to his ability to go from stoic stillness to manic action, but it still catches them every time.  The first part of the meal was spent in uneasy silence.  The Doctor unsure how much to tell Martha and Jack and the other two unsure how to ask.  Finally, the Doctor spoke, "I entered her mind." 

Jack dropped his fork with a clatter.  Martha had a fork-full of egg poised midair.  They both responded at the same time, "You did what?" 

The Doctor silently nodded.  After a quick inhale of air, he continued, "Her mind... looked like a tornado had ripped through it.  I was nervous about exploring deeply, so I don't know how deep the damage runs."  
  
Jack understood the implications better than Martha and he spoke first, "Is she still there?" 

The Doctor shrugged.  Martha asked, "What do you need us to do?" 

The Doctor looked from one to the other, "I need to sort her mind.  Start putting things back into order for her.  But first I need to know how deep the damage runs.  I've never probed that far without... well, without her help.  It's not that I can't.  It's that I don't know what it might do to her, given her condition.  There's her physical well-being to consider as well." 

Martha and Jack nodded.  The Doctor continued, "Then, there's the possibility that she's too far gone and this is all a trap for me.  So, that's what I need you two to do.  You need to monitor us physically.  I'll provide you with everything you need to know to monitor us and if things get too bad, I'll need you to break the connection." 

Jack started, "But won't that trap you in her mind?" 

The Doctor looked at him, "Weeell, it _could_ , but if either of us goes outside of certain physical perimeters, then we both die.  I'll take my chances with _could_ over _certainty_ any day."  
  
Jack and Martha nodded with serious faces.  The Doctor stood taking the nods as assent, "Right, then," and went to the med-bay. 

The Doctor spent the next hour setting up equipment and showing Martha and Jack the different signs to look for.  While Martha worked on attaching the monitoring devices to Cridhe, the Doctor pulled Jack into the hall.  "Jack," he began, "Your job in this is the most important.  You're the only one with enough psychic ability to be able to do it." 

Jack became nervous, "Do what?" 

The Doctor swallowed hard, "Pull me out if it is a trap." 

Jack's eyes widened, "But, I... and you..." 

The Doctor rested a hand on his shoulder to quiet him, "You're the only one who can, Jack.  You and I are more alike than different.  If you come after me, I'll have to follow." 

Jack took the Doctor in his arms and held him tightly.  The Doctor said over Jack's shoulder, "I take that as a yes, then?" 

Jack nodded and released him.   
  
They went back into the med-bay.  Martha had adjusted Cridhe's bed so she was sitting more upright.  The Doctor sat on the bed so he was facing her and Martha began to hook up the monitors to him.  He looked over himself, then Cridhe, Jack and finally Martha.  He inhaled deeply, "Alright, everyone set?" 

Martha and Jack nodded, each too afraid to speak words.  They watched him as he inhaled again and rested each hand on either side of her head.  He closed his eyes and they could tell he had slipped into her mind.

* * *

He was again faced with the chaos and destruction that had once been the ordered mind of his beloved TARDIS.  He had to resist the urge to explore the debris and the empty or disheveled rooms.  He kept moving, deeper and deeper into her mind.  He got to the end of the hall and that is when he saw it:  a big blank wall with a lever on each side.  His heart fluttered with just a bit of pain as he took in the sight.

He swallowed, this was the mind of his TARDIS and this wall held no significance for her other than what it held for him.  _But, why was it here?  Why would she use_...

 

He tugged on his hair:  the Daleks!  Of course!  For the Daleks, it would hold a memory of being defeated.  That and why Davros would not notice a white wall.  He sighed and took a step closer to the wall.  It looked as impenetrable as it had after the breech had sealed itself so long ago.  The Doctor took two more steps towards the wall.  He was now mere centimeters away.  He swallowed again and raised his hand as he had so many years ago.  He took a deep breath and put his hand forward. 

Contrary to his previous experience, the wall morphed and tingled around his hand.  He was stunned and quickly withdrew it.  He examined it and decided it was no worse for the ware.  Then he looked at the wall again.  It looked the same.  He gulped again and placed both hands on the wall.  He pushed through: first his hands, then forearms, then toes, then upper arms and finally, he walked through to the other side.

He found himself in a room that looked like the control room of the TARDIS, save for one difference:  there were many doors around the outer wall, rather than the typical two.  Her hum was present as well.  He could tell that Davros had not entered this area.  When he thought of Davros, there was a shudder that rippled through the room and him.  He nodded and approached the console.  He rested his palm upon the time rotor and spoke softly, "Its okay, I'm here and you're safe." 

 

She shrank away from his touch, but not from his presence.  He realized this was going to take some time.  He glanced around the room again and noticed all the doors were closed.  _That was alright, probably for the best._

A part of her was still here and seemed fairly healthy, considering all she had been through.  But, he wanted to find her human self.  He quietly called out, "Cridhe?" 

 

There was no response, but he caught some movement out of the corner of his eye, then everything was still again.  He did not want to stay too long this first time, so he turned back to the wall and pushed his way back through it.  He was mapping her mind in his head so he could get back here again, when he needed to.  He resisted the urge to touch any of the debris, for now, it was time to leave.

He opened his eyes slowly to discover he was drenched in sweat.  He looked around and saw Martha caring for Cridhe, who was also sweating.  Then he felt something cool placed on his face and a soft male voice saying, "Welcome back, Doctor." 

 

The Doctor grinned maniacally at Jack, "She's there, Jack.  It'll take time, but she _is_ there and untouched!" 

 

Then the Doctor collapsed into Jack's waiting arms.  Jack lifted him up, carried him to the other bed and lay him down.  Once the connection was broken, both Cridhe and the Doctor stopped sweating.  Jack and Martha looked after their charges. 

About ten minutes later, the Doctor sat up.  "Whoa, easy there Doc.  You'll get a head rush doin' that," Jack chastised lightly. 

 

The Doctor thought he felt okay until Jack mentioned his head, now it felt like it was splitting in two.  He lay back down with a grunt and closed his eyes, "How is she?" 

 

Martha's voice came from near the other bed, "Unchanged, from what I can tell." 

 

The Doctor nodded slightly and regretted it immediately, "Good.  That's... good." 

Another ten minutes passed before the Doctor attempted to move again.  He slowly sat up and said, "Tea." 

 

Jack approached his side, "You want some tea?" 

 

The Doctor looked at him, "Actually, no.  Not tea itself, tannins.  They're great for healing the synapses.  Tea is just the most readily available." 

 

Jack smiled, "Okay, tea it is.  I'll be right back." 

 

Martha went to the Doctor's side, "Do you think it could help her?" 

 

The Doctor sighed while shrugging, "Hard to say.  She's not completely human and I'm not sure it would have any effect." 

 

Martha nodded.  "Still," the Doctor continued, while looking at Cridhe, "She's been drinking tea with no problem.  So, it won't hurt her.  I'm just not sure it'll help." 

Jack returned with the Doctor's tea right then.  The Doctor took the mug and downed it in one gulp.  He inhaled deeply and said, "More please." 

 

Jack nodded and left again.  Martha looked concerned, "Is it a good idea to drink it that fast?" 

 

The Doctor smiled, "Time Lord Physiology, it's actually too slow for me." 

 

Martha grinned; it had been a long time since she had heard of his superior physiology.  Martha looked over at Cridhe, "So how is she?" 

 

The Doctor met Martha's eyes, "There's a lot of damage, but she's there.  That's the important thing.  Her last barrier held.  I'll explain when Jack gets back."  


* * *

"I think that was my cue," Jack said as he returned with another cup of tea. 

 

The Doctor drank this one more slowly, inhaling the steam to allow the heat to massage his head from the inside.  Martha and Jack gave the Doctor a few moments to collect himself.  He finished his tea and sighed contentedly, "Just what I needed!" 

 

He hopped off the bed, "Now!"

 

He walked over to Cridhe to check her vitals.  When he was satisfied he turned his gaze to Martha and Jack, "I suppose you want to know what's going on?" 

 

They both nodded. 

"Okay.  Good telepaths have ways to block other telepaths from entering their minds.  Great telepaths can maintain that block, even under duress..." 

 

"Like torture," Martha volunteered. 

 

"Like torture," the Doctor said in agreement.  Jack could not help but say something, "And she's a great telepath!" 

 

A smile spread across the Doctor's face.  It was a smile no one had seen in days, "Oh, she's more than great, she's magnificent... brilliant... she's a genius and I'm in the room, so that's saying something." 

 

He was bobbing on his heels like a little kid at Christmas.  He paused in his bobs, "Davros tried.  He tried so hard, but she had something he would never get by." 

Jack and Martha were getting caught up in the Doctor's excitement.  Their eyes grew wide in anticipation.  The Doctor beamed as he said, "She had a white wall!" 

 

Martha's face fell, not understanding why the Doctor was so excited about that.  She raised an eyebrow, "A wall?" 

 

The Doctor ran over to her, still beaming, "Not just any wall, but a very specific wall." 

 

He became serious, "A wall that was used by Cybermen and Daleks to transverse parallel universes!" 

 

Jack picked up on the meaning, "Canary Warf?" 

 

The Doctor nodded, "But it's brilliant, because Davros would never think to try to penetrate that wall.  And do you know what was on the other side of that wall?" 

His enthusiasm was returning and with his, Jack and Martha's.  He waited a couple of beats, "The Control Room of the TARDIS!" 

 

Martha was confused as to why that might be such a big deal.  Cridhe was the TARDIS and Martha was not so sure she was surprised with the information.  The Doctor waited a few more beats to see if his companions would see the significance.  Jack's face lit up with a smile that nearly split his face, "And you had access to it?" 

 

The Doctor walked over to him and was bobbing on his heals again to encourage him, "And..." 

 

Jack got over excited with the encouragement, "Then you can fly her again?" 

 

The Doctor's face fell slightly, "No.  Better...  Oh, so much better than that!"  He paused dramatically again, "If I have access to her interior Control Room, I can help her with everything Davros did to her!"

Martha beamed, "Really?" 

 

The Doctor nodded, "Really truly!" 

 

The three of them came together in an excited hug.  Jack caught something in the Doctor's eye, "What's the catch?" 

 

The Doctor sighed while deflating just a bit.  "The catch," he repeated scratching the back of his head nervously. 

 

It was Jack's turn to nod in an encouraging fashion.  The Doctor let his hand fall lax at his side, "The catch is:  I don't know if the two of us can tolerate my being in her mind long enough for all the repair work that needs to be done.  Ideally, I should find the Cridhe part of her mind and she could help me.  But, right now, I have a feeling Cridhe would be doing a bit of hiding, considering all she's been through." 

 

Martha searched his eyes, "What can we do to help?" 

 

The Doctor closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose in thought.  Then he replied, "You're doing it." 

Jack looked at him, "What about me?  Obviously, there's still some kind of connection between us?" 

 

The Doctor nodded, "If she weren't so damaged...  You saw what even that little bit of time did to us...  Jack, I'm a Time Lord, built for this kind of thing." 

 

Jack was not going to be deterred that easily, "Maybe there's a way we could alternate...  I could help you find the Cridhe part." 

 

The Doctor considered him for a moment.  He looked over at her, "Well, now that she's partly human...  I suppose it might...." 

 

He looked over at Martha, "Do we have enough equipment to monitor three of us?" 

 

Jack cut in, "Wait, you only need two.  If I die, I'll just come back." 

 

The Doctor looked at him, "There's a chance you wouldn't if you died in there," and he pointed to Cridhe's head. 

 

Martha said determinedly, "We'll make it work.  We'll find a way."

The Doctor walked out of the room to the Police Box to see if he could find equipment that would work or be adapted to Earth's power source.  He told Jack to drink lots of tea, eat a good meal and get as much rest as he could.  Martha was instructed to keep an eye on Cridhe while she looked around the med-bay for other equipment.  Once the Doctor had found some supplies that would work, he returned to the Hub med-bay and sat down beside Cridhe while Martha worked on the items he brought with him.  He knew it was pointless, but he took her hand in his anyway.  Martha watched that gesture and could see how deeply this whole situation was affecting him.  After a time, she approached him, rested her hand on his should and said, "You should eat something too." 

 

The Doctor nodded absently but addressed her, "As should you.  Come on, she'll be okay for a bit."


	23. Chapter 23

It was another couple hours before Jack rejoined the Doctor and Martha. Martha had also taken a nap and now the three of them were gathered for a late lunch or an early tea, depending on how you looked at it. All three of them were in a good mood, so it was the first time they had a regular conversation. Martha discussed how things had ended with UNIT and Tom. The Doctor took in the story, responding appropriately. When everyone seemed satisfied, the Doctor looked at them, "It's getting late. I don't want to leave her in that state any longer if we can help it."

Jack and Martha nodded their understanding and they went to the med-bay.  
  
Martha hooked the Doctor and Jack up to the monitors. The Doctor had brought a spare trolley from the Police Box, so there now three beds. She was glad for the redesigned space - in the old Hub there would not have been room for two beds, let alone three. Jack lay down on the bed and the Doctor was sitting on a stool between him and Cridhe. Martha was double-checking his monitors. He tried to meet her eyes, "You sure you're okay with this?"

Martha smiled down on him fondly and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead, "Yep," she popped her 'p.'  
  
Jack looked over at her, "Hey, can I get some of that?"

The Doctor rolled his eyes, "Stop it!"

Martha just laughed, "Tell you what? If you need resuscitation, then I promise to give mouth-to-mouth."

Jack beamed, "Really?"

She nodded while smiling, "But only if you need it."

Jack lay back with a silly grin on his face. Martha turned back to the Doctor, "Everything's set. Ready when you are."

He nodded and lifted both hands, resting his fingers gently on the temples of Cridhe and Jack. Jack looked at him, quipped, "See you on the other side," and closed his eyes.

The Doctor closed his as well. Now, all Martha could do was monitor and wait.  
  
The Doctor tried to keep himself calm, aware of the amount of work this was going to take for him. He had to act as a conduit for Jack and bring both of them into Cridhe's mind. He went into Jack's mind first. Jack was standing in the hallway waiting, "Took you long enough," he said with a grin.

The Doctor replied, "I wouldn't joke if I were you. You're about to get something you've only dreamed of."

Jack smiled slyly, "I've heard of mind-screwing, but isn't this a little literal?"

The Doctor smacked him upside the head. "Ow! Hey!" Jack responded.

The Doctor just stared at him for a moment, expecting that Jack would now behave himself. Jack hung his head, "Sorry."

The Doctor held out his hand, "Give me your hand... and don't say a word until this is done. I haven't done this in a very long time and I don't want to get you lost."

Jack nodded and took his hand.  
  
As he did that, Jack asked, "So where are we going?"

The Doctor said, "Into Cridhe's mind, but in order to get you there, we need to take a short detour."

Jack became very serious, "Through your mind."

It was a statement. The Doctor nodded. "I'm really sorry, I didn't know," Jack replied.

The Doctor offered a small smile, "Its okay, I wouldn't expect any less, but this," he tapped the side of his head, "Is not a place you want to get lost in."

Jack nodded thinking about all the horrors that the Doctor must keep locked in there. The Doctor took a focusing breath, "Ready?"

Jack replied, "What do I need to do?"

The Doctor met Jack's eyes, "Just hold tight and do not let go. No matter what happens. Don't let go of my hand."

Jack adjusted his grip on the Doctor's hand and nodded.  
  
For a moment, Jack felt like he was being pulled through a chink in a wall. It was so tight he thought his brain might get crushed. It seemed like the hole was getting smaller and he felt his grip on the Doctor's hand sliding. He was going to get stuck in this gap and he would be trapped forever! Suddenly, there was a yank on his arm and he came out the other side. He gasped for breath at the sudden space he found himself in. He looked around confused, "Is this you?"

The Doctor smiled and let his hand go. At that, Jack panicked and tried to grab the hand again. "Jack," the Doctor said, "It's okay, we made it. We're in Cridhe's mind."  
  
Jack looked confused, "I thought you said we'd take a detour?"

The Doctor smiled, "We did. Sorry about the tight space, but I had to make sure you didn't get lost."

The Doctor left off the part that he did not want Jack to have any access to his mind whatsoever. Jack nodded and took in his surroundings. "Struck by a tornado" was an understatement. There was devastation everywhere he looked. It was so complete there would be no way to know what belonged where. Jack became overwhelmed, "Oh, God!"

The Doctor was at his side in an instant and put a hand on his shoulder. "Doctor," Jack said hoarsely, but said nothing more.

The Doctor squeezed Jack's shoulder, "I know it's bad. But this is all surface stuff. Remember that. The important parts of her are untouched."

Jack nodded while swallowing hard. He just could not see how anything could have survived the devastation. When he thought Jack had collected himself, the Doctor said, "Come on, this way. And mind that you don't step on anything, you don't know what memories you might damage if you do."

Jack nodded and the pair made their way through the hallway, deeper and deeper into Cridhe's mind.

* * *

They finally made it to the end of the hall. The imposing white wall stood before them. The Doctor paused in front of it. Even here in Cridhe's mind, that wall made him jittery. Jack sensed this, "You okay, Doctor?"

The Doctor nodded, "It's just a mental block for her. We can pass through it quiet easily."

He grinned maniacally at his immortal friend put his hands up and walked through. Jack stood on the other side for a few beats before swallowing hard and walking through himself.

Jack smiled broadly as the familiar hum greeted him on the other side. Along with that, was the gentle glow of the time rotor and the little mechanical noises that seemed omnipresent on the TARDIS. It was warmer in this area and he felt welcomed. No, it was more than that. He felt at home. He had not felt this way since everything that had happened with the _456_. He looked around and saw the Doctor greeting his TARDIS by resting his hand on the time rotor. Jack approached slowly, "Should I too?"

 

The Doctor met his eyes, "Jack, this is her mind. She knows you. Just do what you'd normally do. She trusts you or you wouldn't have gotten through."

 

Jack nodded and walked over to the central column, leaning on the control panel, he said in his sexiest voice, "Hey, Babe," while stroking the surface seductively.

 

The Doctor rolled his eyes, but could not help smiling.

Jack had a silly grin on his face and said, "So, where is Cridhe?"

 

The Doctor leaned backwards against the console, crossed his ankles and shrugged, "I was hoping you could help with that."

 

Jack nodded and began exploring. He turned to the Doctor, "I don't really know the rules. What's with all the doors?" The Doctor replied, "They're closed."

 

Jack rolled his eyes, "Well, yes. I can see that."

 

The Doctor sighed softly, "Well, typically, the rule of thumb is to ignore all closed doors. It's a respect thing."

 

Jack said, "But..."

 

The Doctor continued, "But, I don't know if she intends to have them closed to everyone or just Davros. Or, perhaps just me. Closed doors are funny that way. We have no idea why they're closed."

 

Jack nodded, "So, it might cause total damage to open them? Or it might be worse to not touch them at all?"

 

The Doctor nodded, "And that's the dilemma."

 

"Well," said Jack as he crossed to the wall of doors, "Split the difference," and he knocked on the first of the doors.

 

The Doctor watched Jack carefully while monitoring the displays on the console. The echo sounded through the room, but no responding noise was heard. Jack waited a few moments before moving to knock on the next door. As he moved, the Doctor saw a shadow move off to his other side and quietly said, "Jack, wait."

 

Jack had his hand raised to knock again and turned when the Doctor spoke. The Doctor put his finger on his lips and Jack nodded his acknowledgment.

The Doctor then sat on the ground, with his legs crossed and rested his hands palm upon his knees. Jack followed the example, not exactly sure what the Doctor was doing, nor why. After a few minutes, the grating started to hurt Jack's backside. He did not know how his skinny friend could handle it. He stood and approached the console. He rested his hand on the time rotor, only this time he closed his eyes. He just wanted to see Cridhe and make sure she was okay. A few moments later, he opened his eyes. As he did, he noticed a shadow flitting along the outer walls and understood why the Doctor was sitting the way he was. Jack left his hand on the rotor and remained quiet to see what would happen.

Jack heard a whisper. It was so soft, he could not be sure he even heard anything at all. "Cridhe," was all the Doctor said.

 

It was a plea and an acknowledgment at the same time. Jack remained still and suddenly met the Doctor's eyes. He spoke quietly, "I shouldn't be here. We're making her choose. That's not fair to her."

 

The Doctor lifted a hand in a gesture that encouraged Jack to join him. When Jack was sitting, the Doctor smiled, "Now we're together and she can choose both."

 

They noticed a shadow along the console. It was not a dark or menacing shadow, it was simply a presence. They waited. The golden glow of the room seemed to descend around them. Then they felt the presence move between and within them. It was like it was completely surrounding them. A slow smile spread across the Doctor's features, "Hello, Old Girl."

 

Jack had a smile about him as well, "She's in me somehow."

 

The Doctor said, "Jack, open your eyes, you don't want to miss this."

What had once been a shadow was now a conglomeration of Huon Particles. They spread out, as if each particle had a mind of its own and each sought to explore the space it was in. When the swarm seemed satisfied, they joined together forming a sort of human shape. The form had two arms and extended one hand to the Doctor and the other to Jack. Jack raised an eyebrow, but the Doctor casually took the hand offered him. Jack followed suit. Once they were both standing, the particles began to fade away. In their place was the physical form of Cridhe. Her eyes met the Doctor, "It's you!"

 

The Doctor was beaming, but he spoke softly, "Hello."

 

She faced Jack, turning the slightest shade of pink, "Jack," she spoke in her softest voice.

 

Jack's heart nearly burst with joy at the sound of his name. The Doctor broke in gently, "Now that we're all aquatinted again, can we get you sorted?"

 

Cridhe's eyes focused on him and she shook her head. Jack broke in suddenly, but not harshly, "Why not?"

 

She lowered her head to compose her thoughts. She raised it again and tried to make contact with both of them, "Because you're both too tired."

 

She looked at the Doctor, "A moment?"

 

He nodded and stepped away.

Cridhe faced Jack, "You brought me this far. But, having you both here is too taxing on me."

 

Her eyes drifted to look at the Time Lord, "And for him."

 

Jack nodded his understanding, "When he returns, I won't be able to."

 

She closed her eyes almost ashamed. Jack took her chin in his hand and raised it so she had to face him, "Its okay, I'm glad I was able to help this much."

 

She met his eyes and smiled softly. Jack could not resist. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss upon her lips. When they separated, their eyes met and both saw nothing but love and acceptance in the other's eyes.

She whispered, "I need a word with the Doctor. Please wait by the wall."

 

Jack squeezed her hand and let it go as he walked away. At that point, the Doctor approached. She rebuked him lightly, "You're not resting enough to do this."

 

He looked at her and a sheepish smirk crossed his lips, "I'm worried about you."

 

She smiled, "Go rest. I'll wait here for you."

 

He nodded and turned to leave, but she held to his hand. The resistance made him turn back towards her. She spoke softly, "Thank you," and within his mind he heard her say his name, she knew he would not like her to utter it aloud.

She smiled softly and then she placed a slightly lingering kiss upon his cheek. The Doctor’s hearts broke when he heard her say his name. In all their time together, she had never spoken his name, not even in his mind. It was almost as if she was saying good-bye. When he looked in her eyes, though, he knew she was not giving up. He realized that she did not know if she would be able to win this battle or not, but she would be fighting it to the bitter end. He squeezed her hand in understanding and they each nodded at the other, both holding back tears.

With that, the Doctor joined Jack at the wall. He took a last glimpse behind him and watched as Cridhe settled into the jump seat. He smiled and said, "You should rest too."

 

She cocked an eyebrow, "Can't help not to... You've made it so I have to."

 

She smiled. The Doctor returned a smile of his own and nodded his head before he and Jack crossed through the wall again. They made their way through all the debris and as they did, the Doctor explained to Jack how the return journey was going to happen. Effectively, the Doctor tossed Jack out of Cridhe's mind. He remained behind to maneuver her into a more natural state of sleep.  


* * *

Jack came around first. He opened his eyes and saw Martha standing between him and the Doctor smiling. She moved closer to him, "Welcome back, how did it go?"

 

Jack went to sit up but Martha placed a hand on his shoulder letting him know he should adjust first. Jack smiled, "We found her. But, I have a feeling the real work will be completed by her and the Doctor."

 

Concern crossed Martha's features, "Is that why he hasn't?"

 

Jack shook his head, "No, he's adjusting her sleep pattern. He'll be along in a second.”

 

He smirked, “She ordered us to get some rest."

 

Martha nodded, "You both look knackered."

 

Jack raised an eyebrow, "How long were we out?"

 

Martha looked at her watch, "About three and a half hours."

 

Jack looked surprised, "Wow. Well, then I should order up some dinner. No good trying to sleep on an empty stomach. What are you feeling like tonight?"

 

A small smile crossed Martha's lips, "Anything with chips."

 

Jack slowly sat up, "Well, then I'll have to go topside. I'll be back in a bit. Do not let him sleep without eating something."

 

Martha nodded while smiling, "Wasn't planning on it."

 

"Good," Jack beamed, kissed her on the cheek and left.

She waited patiently while her Time Lord friend decided to return. After Jack had told her about the impending change in Cridhe's sleep state, Martha watched her carefully. While she watched, she put the restraints on Cridhe. It was as much for Cridhe's safety as everyone else's. She knew the moment the Doctor had made the adjustment. Everything about Cridhe's physical presence changed. She was so enraptured with watching the process that she was startled when she heard, "Amazing to watch isn't it?"

 

Martha gasped and looked around for where the sound had come from. The Doctor wiggled the fingers of his right hand, "Hello."

 

Martha looked back to Cridhe, "So, now she's sleeping normal?"

The Doctor nodded and put the index finger of his left hand to his lips while extending his right hand to Martha. He led the way out of the med-bay. Once they were out, Martha asked, "So, how is she?"

 

The Doctor's eyes drifted back to the med-bay door. If Martha did not know better, she could have sworn he could see through it. He inhaled slowly, "She's putting up a brave front. But," he scratched the back of his head, "I don't think she's doing as well as she's acting."

 

"But," Martha began, "You said you'd be able to fix her."

 

The Doctor smirked, "Fix? No, she's not mechanical enough for me to fix her at present. I can help her to heal or make some mental repairs. But, not fix."

Martha hated it when the Doctor started to talk semantics like this, but she also knew he had his reasons, so she did not press the issue. Jack came down the hall at that point and said, "Dinner's on."

 

The Doctor smiled, "Perfect, I'm starving."

 

He and Martha followed Jack to the conference room. Jack had set out the fish and chips along with plates and mugs of tea. After they finished, they all retired: Jack on the couch, Martha in the guest room and the Doctor in the med-bay. The Doctor resisted the his urge to take Cridhe's hand, 1) because it might wake her, 2) she probably would not know who he was anyway and 5), I mean 3) based on the other two reasons, it would not offer him the comfort he was seeking.

He was watching her attentively, when the intravenous drip caught his attention. He watched as one drop fell from the bag into the plastic container. His eyes followed the flow of the fluid down through the tubing. He imagined himself as one of those drops being pushed through the needle into one of Cridhe’s veins. From there, the nutrients would be absorbed into her bloodstream and sustain her life. He wished he could make her better that easily.

He lay down on the bed facing her and tucked his hands under the pillow. He was fairly certain he would not sleep. But, he did not need to sleep to get the kind of rest he needed. About an hour later, Jack appeared in the doorway. The Doctor shifted his gaze from Cridhe to the man leaning against the doorjamb. Their eyes met and both smiled, knowing that neither was following the instructions the sleeping creature had given them. Jack pushed himself off the frame and into the room. The Doctor shifted slightly and Jack shook his head as he approached the Doctor. Jack rested his hand on the Doctor's head. The Doctor tensed a bit. Jack spoke barely above a whisper, but knew the Doctor would be able to hear, "Shh, let me do this for you... for both of you."

 

A questioning expression crossed the Doctor's features, but he nodded his head.

Jack did not remove his hand from the Doctor's head, but sat down on the stool the Doctor had used earlier and began to hum, very quietly. Jack gently soothed the Doctor's hair as he hummed. The Doctor was surprised that the action was similar to what he used to do for his children and grandchildren. It was a calming and loving gesture with none of the erotic hints he had grown used to coming from Jack.

The Doctor recognized the song but was curious as to why Jack chose it. After a few measures, Cridhe began to hum along. Though, it sounded more like an infant cooing. It was obvious she was still sleeping, but the Doctor could tell she was resting more deeply. The Doctor found himself being lulled into that delightful place between sleep and dreams as he listened to the haunting tune. He realized he was in need of sleep more than he thought. It had been nearly five days straight for him, which was pushing even his limits.

Listening to Jack and Cridhe was comforting and the Doctor allowed himself to slide into a deeper sleep. Soon, Cridhe was quiet again. Jack continued the repetitious melody until he was certain both Cridhe and the Doctor were sleeping soundly. He silently stood and left the med-bay, knowing that both aliens would sleep soundly.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Note: the misspelling of Cree is intentional when Cridhe/Abigail speaks because I wanted to show she has no understanding of the meaning of the name.
> 
> * * *

The Doctor sat up suddenly, unsure of what had wakened him. He heard a voice, "What have you done with him? Where is my husband?"

He did not quite recognize the voice since there was a mechanical tone to it. His head turned in the direction that the voice had come from. Tears were sliding down the sides of Cridhe's cheek, "My husband is powerful and brilliant and he will find you and rescue me! But, if you let me go, I can make it easier for you." She paused, "Now, Let. Me. Go!"

The Doctor forgot himself for a moment, "Cridhe, it's okay, I'm here, you're safe."

He leaned over her so she could see him. She gasped and spat, "Doctor! He's been looking for you... my husband! And my name is Abigail, not Cree*."  
  
She went quiet and her face was staunchly set. If her hands were free, the Doctor could see they would have been folded across her chest. In fact, he saw her try to move them as another tear slid down her cheek. The Doctor was not going to be dissuaded by her silence, "Are they too tight? The restraints, I mean."

She gave no reply. He could not imagine what was going through her mind right now. She had endured so much over the years. So many times being captured and narrowly escaping. Now, she lay there, in his presence, bound to a table and for the safety of those around him, he could not release her.  
  
The Doctor could tell Cridhe/Abigail was struggling. He could not tell if it was more of an internal battle between the two or if it was simply that Abigail was trying to deal with what was around her. A part of him wanted to leave her awake, but he was not sure what that would do to Cridhe. Her final defense of the White Wall had stood, but he was not positive it would hold against this kind of onslaught. He rested his fingers on her temples and tried to force her into a deep sleep.  
  
Abigail was fighting him. She had access to all of the telepathic knowledge that Cridhe possessed and that made her twice as strong telepathically as the Doctor. _If he could just find… Ah, there it is_! When he released her, a tear slipped down the side of his cheek. "I am so, so sorry," he whispered as he released the restraints. He placed a kiss on one of her temples as he repeated, "So sorry." Then, he left the room to wait for the others to wake up. Abigail was gaining strength and he was concerned if he did any more on his own, he might loose Cridhe forever.  
  
The Doctor was pacing the Hub. He was restlessly trying to decide on the best course of action. A part of him wanted to do it the “quick and dirty way:” go in, toss Abigail out and be done with it. The problem with that was he did not know how integrated the pair had become. If he tossed out Abigail, it could be tantamount to throwing the baby out with the bathwater. But he could not just leave her either. Cridhe trusted him, so he could work with her telepathically. Abigail was a sworn enemy and would fight him with all the powers that Cridhe herself possessed.  
  
Undoing brainwashing was a tricky endeavor. Unlike possession, there was not a separate entity to talk to. It was not as if he could put Cridhe to sleep and talk to Abigail as he had with Chloe Weber all those years ago. He did not want to talk to Abigail directly. He was afraid that would give her too much time to break through the wall. However, if he entered Cridhe’s mind again and talked to Abigail that way, perhaps he could sever them completely and then rid Cridhe of Abigail. That or he would have to somehow convince Abigail to become subject to Cridhe’s will. _No, that would leave too much to chance_. Abigail would have to go.  
  
He must have walked about a kilometer as he processed the possibilities. He glimpsed a clock out of the corner of his eye: 07.02. He still did not know the answers to all his questions. He knew his companions – friends – would have more questions. He made another lap around the Hub and nearly ran into Martha. She raised an eyebrow at him, “Thought you were supposed to be sleeping.”

A wry grin passed his lips, “Well, you know me.”

She smiled, “Come on, Doctor.  Jack’s already up and was putting breakfast together when I saw him.”

The Doctor nodded and followed Martha to the Conference Room.  
  
During the meal, Jack and Martha picked up on the Doctor’s subdued mood. Neither said anything, hoping the Doctor would address any issues on his own. He looked from one to the other, scrubbed his fingers through his hair and said, “Shower, that’s what I need! Will you two excuse me?”

They nodded, both with questions in their eyes. “And,” the Doctor continued, “Don’t go near Cridhe, something happened last night, I’ll explain when I get back.”

The Doctor turned to leave without waiting for a reply.  
  
Thirty-three minutes later, the Doctor returned to the conference room. He was clean, hair done, shaved and had donned a blue suit. He still had a slight aversion to his brown suit and always felt better when he had changed out of it. He was stunned to see Sarah Jane sitting at the table with Jack and Martha. The three looked at him with approving smiles. He stood there stunned and finally quipped, “Sarah, after all these years, I thought you’d learned to listen.”

She walked over to him and gave him a hug, “Oh, I did. And I heard how distraught you were. I figured the TARDIS could use an old familiar face. Besides, with all the times I’ve been possessed and captured, she and I have a great deal in common.”

* * *

The Doctor smiled and held Sarah Jane just a bit tighter before letting her go. They both sat down. “So,” the Doctor began, “What about Mickey and Luke?”

Sarah Jane smiled, “Martha had called me the other night. So, I stayed on and sent Mickey home to Luke. They’re taking care of each other. And Mr. Smith is watching out for both of them.”

The Doctor smiled, “And can I presume that Jack and Martha have filled you in up to this point?”

Three heads nodded in agreement. Then Jack and Martha looked to Sarah Jane. The Doctor knew this was somewhat planned just as he knew that he had to answer any questions she put to him. She was his Sarah and he was not sure he could ever deny her. Sarah Jane looked at him, “Where do we stand now?”

He sighed, “Abigail came out last night.”

Sarah Jane and Jack nodded their understanding while Martha looked confused. The Doctor explained, “Cridhe’s mind has been ransacked. It’s an effect of brainwashing. Martha, you remember when I became human?”

Martha nodded and the Doctor continued, “It’s a bit like that, only in Cridhe’s case, she didn’t want it to happen, so she set up all kinds of barriers to protect herself. I was letting her sleep naturally last night and when she came around, she was… Abigail. It was like that first morning in 1913, Martha, when you accidentally called me ‘Doctor.’”

Martha nodded, “So you know who she is and she knows who she thinks she is, but the two of you don’t know each other?”

The Doctor cocked his head slightly, “It’s a bit worse in her case, because Davros has Abigail convinced that I’m her worst enemy.”

Martha was blinking back tears, “Any way to help her?”

He went silent. After a few moments Martha spoke, “Doc-…”

Jack rested his hand upon hers to silent her and gave a slight shake of the head. This was not a time to pressure the Doctor into giving an answer. When the silence seemed almost too much Sarah Jane spoke, “Doctor, I think you need some rest.”

He replied sadly, “I slept last night, Sarah.”

She shook her head, “I didn’t say sleep. I said rest.”

She stood and offered her hand to him, “Come on, up you get.”

The Doctor reluctantly took her hand and followed her.

As they walked out of the room, she picked up a bag that had been sitting next to the door. The Doctor paused outside the med-bay, “There’s something I have to do.”

Sarah Jane nodded as she followed him in. He gently ran his hand over Cridhe’s head. Sarah Jane watched him and realized that the gesture was not that different from one she had seen him do hundreds of times to the console. Suddenly, she felt a wave of guilt remembering how she and Rose had laughed hysterically over the thought. She had never completely understood the sentient being that was the TARDIS - until now.

The Doctor sighed, “I’m going to adjust her sleeping pattern. I can’t leave her in this deep state for more than a few hours at a time or she might hide again.”

He raised his eyes, looking intently at Sarah Jane, “You were right, both of you have a bit in common now. Do me a favor?”

She took a step closer, “Anything.”

He smiled softly, “I don’t think I could rest properly unless I know someone is watching over her.”

Sarah Jane felt the tears welling up. She could not speak in that moment. She was touched that the Doctor trusted her with this creature that was so precious to him. She nodded her head.

The Doctor rested his fingers on Cridhe’s temples and adjusted her sleeping state. When he opened his eyes again, he gently kissed her forehead. He then looked up at Sarah Jane, “She won’t be able to wake on her own, but she can feel and hear us now. Might even be able to respond...”

Sarah Jane nodded, knowing that the Doctor was encouraging her to interact with Cridhe. She held out her hand and led him to the Police Box. It had become cumbersome to continually lock and unlock it, so the door was standing slightly ajar. She walked in, still leading him. She picked up a torch near the entrance and led him to his bedroom. Once they arrived, she helped him out of his jacket and turned down his bed. The Doctor raised an eyebrow as he opened a panel and started the power cells’ recharge cycle. The cells could recharge with or without Cridhe's presence and they would afford a bit of light to the room. Sarah Jane gestured that he should get in bed.

The Doctor did not move, “Sarah…”

He was almost whining like a child. She took his elbow and led him to the bed, “Go on. No arguments.”

The Doctor pouted and lay down; Sarah Jane had the “Mother’s Stare” down pat. Once the Doctor was settled, Sarah took a strange box out of the bag she had been carrying. She set it on the bedside table, “I know why you’re not resting. It took me months before I could sleep again, after I left. About six months after I returned, I was writing an article about an orchestra and became good mates with one of the cellists. She and I worked together to recreate the some of the sounds of the TARDIS. I call it my TARDIS Box.”

Sarah Jane pressed a button on the machine and the Doctor’s room came alive with sounds very similar to what his ship would make. He thought about telling her that it was not the same, when she spoke again, “I know it’s not like having her in your mind. But, sometimes just hearing the sound helps.”

The Doctor reached out and took her hand in his, “Thank you, Sarah.”

Sarah Jane nodded and with her free hand soothingly stroked his hair. After a few minutes, the Doctor spoke again, “Why did you come back?”

Sarah smiled down on him, “The last time our paths crossed, you seemed to think I had something more than impressive to do. I thought this might be one of those things.”

The Doctor smiled softly looking up at her, “You know, I never forgot you.”

She smiled in return, “I know. Of course, this time, I didn’t just come back for you.”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. Sarah smiled, “I came for the TARDIS too… Because you and she… Well, we can’t really have one without the other, can we?”

He closed his eyes against the emotions that were trying to consume him in that moment. He spoke softly, “Quite right,” and tried to relax into the sounds coming from the speakers.

He was surprised how the sounds were calming him. When she was sure he was asleep, Sarah Jane left the Police Box, hoping the Doctor would get the rest he needed.  


* * *

When Sarah Jane came out of the Police Box, Jack and Martha were waiting for her. She could see in their expressions that they expected her to have some answers. She spoke simply, “He’s resting now, hopefully deeper than he has since everything started.”

Martha and Jack nodded. “He changed the TARDIS’ sleeping state.”

She saw a bit of surprise in Jack and Martha’s expression and then understood why the Doctor had asked her to sit with Cridhe: she felt more comfortable seeing her as the TARDIS. “He said that I should stay with her,” Sarah Jane continued, “He didn’t leave instructions for the two of you, but based on what we know, I think it’s best if it’s just me for now.”

Martha was starting to protest, but Jack stopped her, “Come on, we’ve got plenty to do. We’ve gotta keep an eye on Davros and see if he’s started developing any Daleks.”

Martha nodded and followed Jack. Sarah Jane sighed with relief. She turned to face the med-bay door and steeled her nerves. She entered the room and took a seat next to the sleeping Cridhe.

Sarah Jane wondered if the TARDIS would remember meeting her son, Luke, along with Clyde and Rani not too long ago. She reached out and touched Cridhe’s arm, “I never understood it until now.” She paused pursing her lips together, “I mean, he told me you were alive, but I didn’t really understand it.” She sighed softly and took Cridhe’s hand in her own. “We had some adventures,” she continued, “Didn’t we? That Arc in Space, remember that? With the Wirrns – looking so much like giant insects? Oh, and Karn. I’m so sorry I blamed you when it was the Time Lords interfering. Then he said he left me in Croydon, but it was Aberdeen.” Sarah Jane laughed quietly almost to herself.

“That was me,” a raspy sleep-filled voice said. Sarah Jane looked at Cridhe’s face.

Her eyes were still closed but Sarah Jane replied anyway, “You?”

There was a slight nod of her head, “Didn’t want… you to go.”  Cridhe swallowed at her dry throat, but did not wake up, “I liked you.”  A dreamy smile crossed her features, “Still do.”

Sarah Jane did not know what to say to that. She squeezed Cridhe’s hand just a bit, “And I you.”

“I thought… you’d stay if… but Time Lords and... Gallifrey,” it was almost as if Cridhe were moving in and out of consciousness. Her voice suddenly changed, “Funny you did not mention Skaro. Did you not like your time there?” A somewhat mechanical giggle spilled forth from Cridhe’s dry throat.

“Y-You can’t know…” Sarah Jane stuttered, “You weren’t there.”

A sickening grin came across Cridhe’s features, “Did not have to be. Davros told me everything.”

Sarah Jane covered her mouth and gasped slightly at his name. Once she was over the shocking change she witnessed in the creature before her, she spoke, “I’ll bet he did. I bet he told you that I wanted all the Daleks to be destroyed. But, I bet there’s something he left out.”

The grin slid a bit from Cridhe’s lips, “What is that?”

Sarah Jane leaned in and whispered into her ear, “The Doctor didn’t listen to me. He didn’t destroy the Daleks when he had the chance. He didn’t finish them off even when his friends begged him to.”

Cridhe’s face became expressionless. “There’s more,” Sarah Jane continued, “He hates violence. He was so very sad when we all threatened destruction when we were on _The_ _Crucible_. You should have seen the look on his face when his human self destroyed the Daleks. And I know you heard the desperation in his voice when he tried to save Davros.”

Cridhe’s face contorted. Sarah Jane pressed, “Davros chose not to be saved.”

There was a flash of doubt that crossed Cridhe’s features. Sarah Jane spoke again, “Yes, I said chose. You have to choose to be saved. The Doctor wants to save you as well. I know he can do it, if you let him!”

The raspy tired voice came once again, “And he might succeed, since he didn’t promise.”

A wry grin spread across Cridhe’s lips. Sarah Jane nodded, knowing that the Doctor often promises things he cannot keep. Cridhe started to shake; Sarah Jane did not know what to do. She tried to hold Cridhe down and offered calming words, but still the shaking continued. Sarah Jane ran to the Police Box to get the Doctor.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning: > Character Death**

Sarah Jane ran into the Doctor’s bedroom without knocking, went over to him and shook him, “Doctor, wake up! Something’s happening.”

The Doctor did not stir. Sarah Jane started to panic slightly, “Come on Doctor, she needs you! Something’s happening to the TARDIS.”

She reached over to turn off the TARDIS Box, “Doctor!” She was shouting now, “Cridhe needs you!”

At that the Doctor sat straight up and looked at Sarah Jane, “What’s happened?”  
  
Sarah Jane, relieved that he was awake, said, “Come on, I’ll tell you on the way.”

The Doctor grabbed his jacket off the chair and put it on as he followed Sarah Jane back to the med-bay. Sarah Jane explained the conversation she had with Cridhe and Abigail. The Doctor paused for a moment as he saw Cridhe still shaking on the bed. He looked to Sarah Jane, “How long?”

She replied, “I don’t know. I thought it was a bad dream and I tried to calm her before I went to get you.”  
  
The Doctor nodded gravely as he put on his glasses. Sarah Jane held her breath, she knew there was nothing she could do, but she was afraid that she might have done more harm than good. The Doctor sensed this, “You did nothing wrong… In fact, I think you did exactly the right thing.”

He looked up and offered her a small smile. She nodded back but still had a look of fear in her eyes. The Doctor brought his attention back to Cridhe. He leaned over to examine her and after a few moments, he placed his fingers on her temples.  
  
The Doctor did not make any adjustments. He was just looking to see what was going on. Nothing seemed to have changed when he first entered. He slowly made his way through the hall. Everything was shaking and he was trying to keep his balance without falling on any of Cridhe's memories. He was nearly at the White Wall when he saw her. He could tell it was Abigail, because she was wearing the shimmering blue dress and trying to force her way through the wall. He crouched near a door and just watched for a bit.  
  
From his perspective, the Doctor could tell that the wall was holding, but he was concerned how long that would last. He was also concerned about how Cridhe's body was reacting physically to the onslaught. He knew he could not wait long. Repairing Cridhe's mind would do no good if her physical brain were damaged. Finally, he stood, approached Abigail and calmly asked, "What do you think you're doing?"

She was startled and turned to face him, "Could ask the same thing of you," she replied with her slightly mechanical voice.

He took a step closer. He could tell that the shaking of Cridhe's body was slowing, but just then, he could not tell if that was good or bad.  
  
"You could ask that, sure. But you know that I won't answer because you already know what I'm doing," he replied casually.

He leaned against a wall still a few meters away and crossed his arms. Abigail approached him slowly and seductively. Her blue dress shimmered slightly in the light. When she was only centimeters from him, she reached up and pulled his face towards her. She kissed him. It started long and slow at first, but then it became desperate and rough, her hands were wandering all over him. He did his best to not respond, but she was so focused on herself that he was not sure it mattered. She was pulling him away from the wall and across the hall.  
  
She stepped away with a sly grin on her lips. He took out his glasses and put them on, "You seem quite pleased with yourself."

She stepped in again, licked her lips and whispered, "Just doing what she always wanted and never had the courage."

The Doctor grabbed her wrist raising it above her head and away from her body, "Or, you were just taking something that doesn't belong to you."

He squeezed her wrist just a bit tighter and with a quick shake, the Sonic Screwdriver fell out of her hand. He caught it before it landed on the floor. Her eyes became wide, "But how did you...?"

The Doctor smiled knowingly, "Because I'm clever like that. Besides, she told me without telling you."  
  
Abigail replied, "What is in her mind is in mine!"

The Doctor smirked, "Perhaps. But yours has become so twisted that every action you do has an ulterior motive. Her motives would have been pure."

She grinned sickeningly at him, "No matter. Now that I have touched it..." and she reached inside the neckline of her dress and produced her own sonic screwdriver.

The Doctor's face fell slightly, "Oh, now, that's just cheating."

Abigail's grin broadened, "No, _this_ is."

The sonic elongated and became a sword. "You can't!" the Doctor said shocked.

She took a step closer to him, "But, my dear Doctor, it looks like I just _did_."  
  
"Ju - jus - just hold on a tick," the Doctor cried, "We can't do this here."

Abigail raised an eyebrow, "I do not see why not. This is as good of a place as any."

He took a step back, "Because if we do this here we might damage her. If we damage her, we might damage you. And somehow, I don't think Davros would be too happy about that."

Her grin broadened, "Are you afraid of that? Or afraid that you might be trapped here?"

She raised the sword and held it towards him, "Or are you afraid of dying here? No regeneration… if you die here."

He took another step back. He was nearly up against the White Wall. He had to make sure he did not touch it. Abigail had been looking for a way in and he had to be sure she did not get access.

* * *

The Doctor swallowed hard trying to think of a way out of this one. Suddenly, the wall morphed slightly and the Doctor felt the hilt of a sword being pressed against his hand. He took it, "Ah, that's better. The playing field is a bit more even now."

Abigail stopped in her tracks and even backed up a pace or two. The pair stared at each other. After a few moments, the Doctor spoke again, "I suppose it would be pointless to request parley in compliance with the Shadow Proclamation?"

Abigail's evil grin returned, though she did not lower her sword, "You may request whatever you wish, but the Shadow Proclamation has no jurisdiction here." 

The Doctor rose to her challenge, "As I see it, we have two options: we can fight or we can talk. But, I warn you, if you choose to fight, I cannot be held responsible for what happens to you."

Her sly grin never wavered, "Could you do it, Doctor? Could you destroy me without knowing how that might affect her?"

The hall rumbled. "If it ultimately saves her," he replied determinedly, "Yes!"

She nodded, "Very well, then. Terms. If you win, then I will leave her..."

The Doctor guffawed, "No, no, no. That is not how this is going to work. This will be winner takes all."

Abigail's smile broadened, "Agreed."

She grasped the blade of her sword with her bare hand, cutting into it enough to draw blood. The Doctor followed suit and they pressed their bleeding hands together, binding each other to their agreement.

As they separated, the room around them changed. They found themselves in a space as expansive as a gymnasium. They saluted each other with their swords and each took a few hesitant steps towards the other. Abigail made the first attack and the Doctor parried. The sound of the swords chinking against each other echoed through the room. He took a step back and shrugged off his jacket, tossing it aside. She attacked quickly before he had a chance to refocus, but he successfully parried again. "Now, now," he chastised, "That's not sportsman conduct."

She smiled broadly, running the tip of her tongue along her teeth, but she said nothing.

The Doctor refused to transition to the offensive. Abigail was right, he did not know what fighting her would do to Cridhe. He hoped if he allowed Abigail to remain on the offensive it would make the fight to come easier on his conscious. She lunged at him and he stepped to the side to avoid it, as he turned back around she swung her sword again. He parried and the fight began in earnest.

The battle carried on for he did not know how long. Time and timelines become blurred when he was in someone else's mind. Both of them had sweat streaming down their faces. Abigail's dress had become tattered in several places where one sword or another had caught and torn it.

She swung the sword low, trying to catch his feet, he jumped and landed on his arms, tucking his head to complete the roll and end up on his feet. She turned around too fast, nearly loosing her balance. As Abigail was focused on maintaining her balance, the Doctor expertly swung his sword against hers, causing hers to fly out of her hand and clank on the floor out of reach.

Both stood there stunned for a minute, neither quite believing that the fight had come to an end so abruptly. Abigail swallowed hard and sank to her knees. She spoke softly, "Winner takes all... Exact your revenge."

She held her body in a way that would allow the Doctor to take her life in any way he saw fit. He raised his sword and aimed it at her heart. Then his resolution failed, "Isn't there another way?"

Her voice lost some of its mechanical edge, "You already know the answer to that, or you would have never agreed to this in the first place."

She paused and her voice became small like it was coming from some far away place, "Please, free me... Save us."

The Doctor blinked back a few tears, strength returning at her pleas. He said, "I'm so sorry."

She met his eyes, "Be kind, aim for the heart."

He approached her and laced his fingers into her hair at the side of her head. His sword was loosely aimed in her direction. With tears still streaming down his cheeks, he quietly said, "Lie down." A look of confusion crossed her face which became clarity, _he wanted to be sure he did not miss and used enough force. He was being kind_. She did as he bade. He raised the sword and hesitated. She encouraged him, "As long as I live, she will die."

With that thought spurring him and a cry of anguish, the Doctor released the sword. As it passed through to her heart, a blinding light exploded outward. Everything around him started to shake and transform. Huon Particles were dancing around everything. The room the Doctor was in began to shift and shake. Suddenly, he found himself in the Torchwood med-bay, looking down at Cridhe.

The Doctor released Cridhe's head with tears still streaming down his face. Sarah Jane was beside him a moment later offering her support. She reached behind her and moved the stool so the Doctor could sit. Sarah Jane could tell something serious had happened, but knew better than to try to get him to talk about it just then. Suddenly, Cridhe gasped for breath and sat up.

* * *

Cridhe was wildly looking around, trying to ascertain her surroundings. Her eyes met the Doctor's and she said, "It's you," with a small, tired smile.

His smile, though equally tired, was twice as big, "Hello."

Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she went unconscious. Sarah Jane just sat there, taking in everything that was happening. The Doctor stood and began to untie the restraints and remove the I-V from Cridhe's arm. He then picked her up, "Sarah, would you mind helping us to the bedroom?"

Sarah Jane brushed away the tears welling in her eyes and nodded. She led him into the Police Box while he carried Cridhe.

Once they were in the bedroom, the Doctor tucked Cridhe into the bed and stood watching her, much as he had done with Donna. Sarah Jane started the TARDIS Box again and the Doctor looked at her, but thought better of telling her he would not need it now. Sarah Jane placed her hand on his shoulder encouraging him to lie down as well. She found a blanket and covered him. He was completely focused on Cridhe and she could not quite identify the emotion linked with the gaze. She kissed his cheek lightly and said, "You two should rest. I'm going to lock the front door and go see if Martha and Jack need any help."

The Doctor nodded and Sarah Jane turned to leave. When she got to the door, she heard the Doctor speaking softly, "You saved her, Sarah. Thank you."

She nodded and quietly said, "It was my pleasure."

The Doctor knew that Cridhe needed sleep. But he was also wanted to check on her healing. He sat up a bit and rested his fingers on her temples. He found himself in an anteroom with six doors. Two doors were in each of the three walls surrounding him, all of them were closed. He exited, it was not as much information as he would have liked, but the differences meant she was healing. He looked down on her and gently stroked her hair. She was a bit paler than he liked, but he also knew the amount of work she was doing. Until she asked for it, he would not be able to assist her. The sounds from Sarah's TARDIS Box were once again creeping into his consciousness. He leaned down and kissed Cridhe on her forehead and allowed himself the luxury to get lost in the sounds and feelings. After a few moments, he released her and made himself comfortable laying next to her.

It was two hours and eighteen minutes later when the nightmares began. For a confused moment, the Doctor thought it was his own nightmarish scream piercing the calm of the bedroom. Now, he was awake and the screaming continued and it was not him. The power cells were still in a recharge cycle, so there was a faint pulsing glow in the bedroom. He looked over and saw Cridhe screaming. It was a side-effect of all that had happened. He realized he thought it had been himself because of their link. The tight bond that had been necessary to defeat Abigail was stronger than the pair was used to with her being human-ish.

The Doctor's hearts constricted as Cridhe's cries continued. There would be no comforting her this time. He knew these nightmares were a part of the healing process. At this point though, he could not join with her suffering. Just as she had held off from him for so many of his early nightmares immediately after the Time War, he had to do the same for her. She was sweating now, an effect of the horrors she was facing in her mind. He got up and found a flannel in the bathroom, which he ran under cold water. He was grateful that certain things worked in the Box with little or no power. He squeezed the excess water out and returned to her side.

The Doctor used the flannel to gently mop up the sweat that was forming on her face and neck. Her eyes shot open and she sprang out of bed, heading to the loo. He followed her, flannel in hand, but he did not - _could not_ \- touch her, not yet. She spent the next five minutes vomiting bile. That was actually more painful for the Doctor to watch than seeing her other reactions to the nightmares. He knew how much more painful it was to have this kind of physical reaction, especially with nothing in the stomach to help with the cramps. She was resting her arm on the bowl and when she no longer had the strength to hold it, allowed her head to fall on her arm.

When he thought she was finished, he finally ventured to place a hand on her back. Cridhe did not look at him, but immediately tensed, "Go away. Please, don't hurt me anymore," but she did not have the energy to move away from him.

The Doctor had expected this. Cridhe had been tortured and this reaction was completely normal for what she had been through. He carefully removed his hand at her bidding, "You're safe now. No one is going to hurt you."

She started to dry-heave and the Doctor closed his eyes against the pain he was witnessing.

Her dry heaves continued for another eighty-nine point four seconds. She had already expelled even the bit of bile that had been in her stomach. She literally had nothing left. She allowed herself to collapse onto the floor in a wave of tears. The Doctor spoke at a whisper, "I'm going to put my hand on your shoulder."

He noticed she tensed slightly, but she did not refuse him. He left his hand there for a few moments, allowing her to get used to its presence. He then continued in his comforting voice, "I'm going to rub your back now, sometimes it helps with the cramps. If you get uncomfortable or don't like it, just say, 'Stop,' and I will."

There was an almost imperceptible nod of her head.

As the Doctor rubbed her back, he adjusted the flannel in his other hand. "This is going to feel cool on your face, but it's just a damp cloth."

He gently dabbed the flannel across the side of Cridhe's face that he could reach. Her tension was slowly releasing and the Doctor knew that as long as he told her what he was doing, she would not react too strongly.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two parallel universes are created in this chapter. For clarity's sake they are labeled "Doctor's Parallel" and "Cridhe's Parallel" The Parallels are occurring at the same time and each one is marked to avoid reader confusion - this is one area where film would be easier. The characters don't realize they're in a parallel world until later. 
> 
> **Chapter Warnings** : This chapter has some confusing themes, that's intentional - stay with it, it deals with the note above. Character Death (a further warning will be issued prior to that section).

After a few minutes, he could tell she was breathing normally. A few more minutes passed and Cridhe roused herself into a sitting position. As she did so, the Doctor allowed his hands to slide off of her. She looked exhausted and too pale for words, yet she started to get to her feet on her own. She was only standing for two seconds when she lost her balance. Without thinking, the Doctor grabbed her so she would not hurt herself as she fell. She panicked at his touch and tried to stumble away from him. He calmly spoke to her, "You can't stand on your own. Let me help you back to bed."

She nodded weakly, not that she had another option in her current condition.  
  
The Doctor had said he would help her, but she was so weak that he more or less carried Cridhe on his hip. He helped her to lie down and tucked the blankets back around her again. When he was certain she was asleep, he made his way to the Hub kitchen. He wanted to find some food for her so there would not be a repeat of what had just happened. But he also wanted to avoid everyone, so he was extra careful as he moved around the Hub.  
  
He was glad everyone was distracted by other goings on. He was able to slip in, get what he needed and slip out again. When he got back to his bedroom, he arranged the items on the nightstand. Cridhe was whimpering quietly in her sleep. He gently woke her up, fed a few crackers to her and helped her to drink a bit of water. She was not completely awake, he could tell, but at least this would be something in her stomach to aid with the nausea. He allowed her to lie down again, pulled a chair next to the bed and sat there watching her intently.  
  
Cridhe's whimpers became louder and then she began to cry. He forced himself to simply watch until she started the thrash about. As she began to move more violently, the scars that were all over her body started to bleed. The Doctor had never seen anything like it. Oh, he knew it was possible - "mind over matter" and all that, but he had never actually witnessed it before. She was physically reliving all that had been done to her. When she started to scream, "No, not again," and tried to throw herself off the bed, the Doctor knew he had to intervene. He rested his fingers on her temples and slipped into her mind.  
  
He gasped at the pain he experienced. He had to control himself and remember that her pain was not his own. He was again in the antechamber and the six doors were still closed to him. He heard her cry coming from behind one of the doors and he rushed to it. He rested his hand upon the door handle and decided that opening it by force would do more harm than good. He took Jack's approach and knocked. He heard a click and then turned the handle. He was ill prepared for the sight that met his eyes.  
  
There was a young girl, maybe only five or six, crouched in a corner. She was pale and shaking with fear. He looked at her and softly said, "Hello."

Her wide eyes met his, but she said nothing. He squatted in front of her, "I'm the Doctor and I’m here to help."

The frightened child needed no more encouragement. She launched herself into his arms. When they touched, she was no longer the small child, but had morphed into the adult Cridhe the Doctor was used to seeing. He almost lost his balance with the added weight coming at him. He maneuvered them so that his back was balanced against the wall and Cridhe was nestled safely in his arms.  
  
The Doctor opened his eyes and looked down at Cridhe. She reached up and wrapped her arms around his chest, pulling him as close to her as she dare. When she spoke, the Doctor could almost see the frightened child he had encountered moments before, "I'm scared, don't leave me."

The Doctor swallowed, "I'm not going to leave you."

He leaned over and placed a kiss on her forehead. She held to him all the tighter. In her weakened state, he was afraid he would crush her with his weight.  
  
With all the gentleness one would offer a small frightened child, the Doctor moved Cridhe so that she was sitting on his lap, with her head tucked between his shoulder and his neck. He could feel her hot tears dampening his exposed skin. He shifted slightly again so that he could rest against the headboard. He reached over and used the blanket Sarah Jane had supplied earlier to cover them. They sat like that for a long time.  
  
When Cridhe had been quiet and still for sometime, the Doctor looked down on her. He expected her to be asleep, but she was staring at nothing in particular. He quietly whispered, "You should be sleeping."

She shook her head slightly, "Can't."

"Why not?" he asked, using his softest voice.

She shrugged a little, "I can hear them…"

He felt her shudder and he knew a cold shiver had just run up her back. He wanted to do anything to take away the horror she was feeling in that moment.  
  
She shifted herself slightly so that she could look at him in the face. He noted it was almost like she was she was seeing him for the first time. She whispered, "Doctor?"

His hearts soared as he heard his name pass between her lips. It seemed like years since he had heard his name in her voice. A true smile crossed his features that seemed to spread, warming his entire being. He raised his hand and threaded his fingers into her hair next to her ear. She mimicked his gesture, using both hands. He could not contain himself. He moved first, leaning his head ever so slightly towards her. That started a cascade of movements and emotions that ended with the pair kissing.  It was't sensual, to the pair of them it was just a different way of establishing the telepathic connection.

* * *

 ~~~~Doctor's Parallel~~~~  
"Ladies and Gentlemen," the minister was saying, "It is my pleasure to present for the first time in public, Doctor and Cridhe Smith!"

They stopped kissing and beamed into each other's eyes as they made their way down the aisle. All those present were clapping.

The Doctor held Cridhe's hand as they walked arm in arm towards the exit. He smiled at her and she blushed ever so slightly under the weight of his gaze. "My dear Mrs. Smith," he said with a low voice, "In case I haven't said it already, you look magnificent."

She smiled, "Say it again."

He grinned, “You look…”

She shook her head, “No, the part where you said my name.”

His hearts leaped with joy but the words came out barely above a whisper, “My dear Mrs. Smith.”

They paused in front of the doors and kissed again.

"And now," the Doctor said, picking Cridhe up, which made her squeal in surprise, "Time to get you home."

He wagged his eyebrows at her. She laughed and said, "You're supposed to carry me across the threshold to our home, not out the church."

He looked into her eyes and used her feet to gesture, "The world is our home, my love."

She cupped his cheek with her hand and gently kissed him again, "Then, allons-y!"

~~~~Cridhe's Parallel~~~~  
Cridhe was the first to break the kiss, if only just to breathe. She looked deep into John’s eyes and saw the vastness of time and space. It was a bit overwhelming and making her a bit dizzy, _or was that the kiss_? She looked at him again, something was not quite right, but she could not put her finger on what was wrong. John stroked the side of her face with the back of his fingers, “Something wrong?”

She shook her head clear and smiled, “Just seeing fireworks.”

She grinned again and he pulled her in for another kiss.  Something about the two of them kissing was altogether wrong, but it felt so right. She pushed the thoughts aside, she was probably just nervous because her wildest dreams were coming true. His hands started to wander across her back and suddenly she felt his tongue trying to part her lips. She did not know how to respond to that, but it was like her lips had minds of their own and they parted at his request. She felt his tongue brush against hers and she tried to break away. It felt strange and confusing and that made her a little bit afraid.

John looked into her eyes; she saw the slightest flicker of anger and rejection. “What is it?” he asked more forcefully than she would have liked.

She shrugged, unsure how to answer. After a couple seconds she met his eyes, "I've not done this before. I... I don't know if I like it or not."

He looked at her and raised an eyebrow, "What? You've never been kissed?"

She hung her head, embarrassed and offered a slight shake.

He lifted her chin and she met his eyes. She was expecting the harshness of his voice to be reflected in his face, but it was kind and gentle. He gave her a chaste and gentle kiss on the lips, "Then, we'll take it slow and I'll have to teach you."

He backed away smiling. She looked up at him, "Like one of your experiments?"

Her eyes were shining. He flashed a manic grin, "Quite."

~~~~Doctor's Parallel~~~~  
The Doctor carried Cridhe all the way to the Blue Box that was waiting for them in a nearby alley. They stood in front of the magical Police Call Box. The Doctor, still holding her said, "Well, go on then..."

Her eyes became wide with excitement, "But do you think it'll work? This soon?"

He smiled, "Try it and see."

Cridhe released one arm from around his neck, held it straight out and snapped her fingers. The TARDIS doors opened. They looked at each other and cried, "Brilliant!" at the same time. They laughed, deliriously happy, as he carried her over the threshold.

As they passed the strut, Cridhe rested her palm upon it and greeted their Old Girl. The Doctor deposited her upon the jump seat and went to the hand-brake. He offered Cridhe a smile that nearly split his face and lowered the brake. She looked inquisitively at him and smiled. She knew that he had everything planned out, of course she knew. And for this one trip, he was not going to let her touch any of the controls. She asked, "So, when and where?"

He looked at her, "Felspoon."

Her eyes twinkled, "No, really?"

He nodded as he approached her. "Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you," she was slightly bouncing on the jump seat in her excitement.

He could not help but laugh. They hugged.

She looked down at herself, "I'd better go change then."

The Doctor smiled, "I could help with that..."

She laughed, "Now Doctor, I thought we agreed we wouldn't do that in front of the Old Girl."

"Well," he elongated the word as long as he dared, "I just wanted to see how serious you were about it."

"Me," she asked indignantly as she got up to leave, "It's _your_ rule."

She lightly poked his nose with her index finger. He laughed as he took her hand in his, "But you agreed," and he pressed his lips to her knuckles.

She laughed, "I'll be back in two shakes."

The Doctor got up and made two quick movements with his body, "Two shakes and you haven't even left yet."

They both broke into peels of laughter that seemed to resound though the ship.

 

~~~~Cridhe's Parallel~~~~  


It had been five years since Cridhe had that right snog from John Smith. She lay in bed, nestled in his arms. They had talked about marriage and all those earthly traditions which they were so fond of, but neither had ever made that final commitment. Not that it mattered. They cuddled and kissed but never really went beyond that. It was strange, but that seemed to suit the pair just fine. She supposed that, in the end, it was best for both of them. They were not even sure she could get pregnant and even if she could, they did not know if she would be able to carry a baby to term. She sighed of course it was better this way, rather than finding out the heartbreaking way. And he… he had lost children before; she could not bear to think about subjecting him to that again.

John kissed her shoulder, "Everything alright?"

She whispered, "I'm fine, sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

She felt his lips spread into a smile and knew she had not disturbed his sleep. She rolled over slightly, "How long have you been up?"

He caressed her cheek, "Oh, maybe twenty minutes."

She smiled back as she realized that their sleeping schedules were still completely in sync.

She knew he was disappointed to be stranded on earth, but there really was nothing they could do about it. The TARDIS had fallen off the freighter into the deepest part of the ocean and without her being connected to it, there was no way they could ever retrieve it. Still they had each other and had made quite a nice life for themselves. It was nothing formal. They had special living quarters at UNIT HQ London, she and the Doc-, er John, had both been working for them. It was not ideal to John's preferences, but after about eighteen months, he had finally settled into it.

Cridhe, on the other hand, had taken to UNIT research like a duck to water. She was head of her own department, which allowed her to make her own rules. Rule One: no weapons of any sort allowed at anytime in her presence or in her lab. John was grateful for her rule for it meant that her lab would be a "safe zone" for him. Officially, John was a still listed as a Scientific Advisor, but that meant that he had to answer to some authorities and had to occasionally be around weapons. UNIT officials had no idea really who Cridhe was or where she came from, save that she was the Doctor's Assistant. No different than Liz Shaw or Jo Grant had been. Still, as long as she and John were on "their side," things went smoothly.

The bit of solace that John had was that UNIT still had possession of his prized car, Bessie. Between the advancement of technology and Cridhe's access to - well, just about anything she wanted - he had been able to make updates and modifications that had not been possible in the 70's or the 80's. He and Cridhe would often take trips and have little mini-adventures. Nothing like traveling to other times or other worlds, but it was enough. They made it enough.

Just as Cridhe was about to doubt if making due was really enough, the alarm sounded. It was time to get ready for work. She sighed and started her morning routine.

 

~~~~Doctor's Parallel~~~~  
It had been five years since the Doctor and Cridhe had been married. Of course, it had been 3 years since they had done any sort of traveling. The TARDIS was a temperamental creature, but protected her occupants fiercely. When Cridhe had become pregnant with their first child, the TARDIS simply refused to travel. Now Cridhe and the Doctor were on earth, though living far from a normal Earth life. They lived on the TARDIS and due to their current predicament they broke their own rule of "No sex on the TARDIS."

He had created a room that was "TARDIS-free," which was the only way Cridhe or the TARDIS would agree to the change.

They all also had to agree that it was only temporary until the kids were old enough to travel. " _Kids_ ," he smiled to himself as his hand rested on Cridhe's swollen belly.

They had another child, when they had thought one to be impossible. He smirked, " _Naw, just a bit unlikely_ ," as he leaned down to kiss the mound his hand rested on.

Reluctantly, the Doctor had agreed to help UNIT and even Torchwood in their plight to defend the Earth. He would have been just as happy to stay on the TARDIS with his little family. But, therein lay the problem. He wanted to protect his little family. Staying on the TARDIS, of course brought a bit of piece of mind, but to be actively involved made it even better. Besides, those two organizations needed looking after as much as some of the aliens did. It felt better to be involved than not. Cries of "Da-da-da-da-da" broke him from his reverie.

Cridhe rolled onto her side getting ready to get up. He placed a hand on her shoulder, "No, no, no, no, you sleep. She's calling me."

Cridhe relaxed and offered a half moan of approval. He gently kissed her on the lips as he started to get up.

The Doctor crossed the room to the cot that was in the corner. Two plump little hands had grasped the side. The squeak of the bed springs joined the call as the child expressed her excitement by bouncing on the mattress. The Doctor reached over the side and lifted his daughter into his arms. Her babbling stopped immediately. He kissed her on her cheek and she cuddled into his chest, wrapping a little hand around two of his fingers. Then, she offered him the smile that always melted his hearts. He leaned his head towards hers to smell that wonderful toddler smell that was his daughter. He whispered softly, "Miss us, eh, Jenny?"

Jenny was their little miracle. She should not even exist, for so many reasons. Yet, she did. She slept just a bit more than he did. This was problematic for a pregnant Cridhe, who could never seem to get enough sleep, especially as she got closer to term. Father and daughter left the bedroom, the Doctor knowing that the TARDIS would alert him if Cridhe needed anything. They wandered down the hall to the library, when they got there, music was playing softly. He smiled as he recognized the American song "Bridge Over Troubled Water." The song had become a tradition for them. He would softly sing along as he danced with his little girl and she would soon be asleep. He hoped that would be the case tonight. 

 

~~~~Cridhe's Parallel~~~~  
Cridhe had a bit of anxiety. John had sounded pretty serious when he suggested their next get-away should be for at least five days. Oh, she enjoyed work, but she also enjoyed their little holidays and mini-adventures. This one was to be different, she could tell. He said they needed to talk about something and it would not do to have any prying ears around. She trusted John completely, but the tone of his voice and the concern in his eyes startled her.

Now, they were on their way to Filey, North Yorkshire. It was a smaller town, but since not many people stay there anymore, they were able to get a guest cottage to stay in. They took as many back-roads as possible, because it was easier on Bessie. It took four hours, but it was a pleasant enough trip. They sang along with the radio and Cridhe tried to push her doubts and questions aside. She trusted John and knew that whatever was so important would be explained in due time so it would not do her any good to dwell on it.

When they arrived at the cottage, they unpacked, settled in and started to prepare supper. As typical for their first evening of travel, it was simple: spaghetti with meat-sauce and a simple lettuce salad. Conversation was casual, if not a bit tense. John not wanting to talk about what he had discovered, Cridhe pretending she was patiently waiting for him. Of course, she was not patient at all. When UNIT would take John away, sometimes for days at a time, she could wait. She had her lab to keep herself busy and Bessie to talk to if she needed a friend. But here, it was just the two of them and she could tell he was anxious, which did not help matters.

John sighed deeply running his hands through his hair. He finally met her eyes, "Do you know what I've been doing with UNIT recently?"

She sighed, "No, because each time I ask, you deflect the question."

He nodded, "I didn't want to worry you. I still don't want to worry you, but now... Well, now you need to know what's happening."

Her eyes widened a bit and she felt her heartbeat quicken. He said nothing for a few minutes and she raised an eyebrow, but remained silent.

He swallowed hard and decided to go with the blunt method, "You don't belong here."

Her mouth dropped. She was so shocked, she could not help but utter the name she had promised not to, "Doctor?"

He hesitantly met her eyes, “In this universe, in this world… You don’t belong here.”

Her eyes started to prickle, “But, I’ve known nothing else.”

He sadly shook his head. He stood up from the table and extended his hand. She took it and gained a very little comfort from its grip. She followed him into the living room. They sat together on the sofa.

He looked at her and smiled. It was a smile she knew so well, but one he had never used on her. It was the smile that contained sorrow and sympathy while trying to convey encouragement and strength. Her stomach jumped into her throat and her heart sank. He cupped her cheek in his hand, “What’s the first thing you remember?”

She thought he was being a bit coy. She smiled softly, “Kissing you.”

He gently nodded, but the sorrow in his eyes only grew.

Cridhe was becoming scared now. He offered a gentle squeeze of her hand, “That’s what I thought.”

Confusion crossed her face, “What?”

He replied, “That’s the first thing I remember too.”

Cridhe sighed with relief, “Oh, I always knew you were a big softy!” She smacked him softly on the arm, “Don’t scare me like that!”

John took both her hands in his own, “You don’t get it. That’s _all_ I remember. That’s all _you_ remember.”

Fear surged again, “Don’t be daft. Before that, the TARDIS fell off the freighter, which is why we were so happy to be on dry land again. And that’s why the kiss happened.”

John silently and sadly shook his head, “Those are facts.”

She rolled her eyes, “Of course they are!”

He sighed, “But do you remember it happening? Do you have any actual memory of life before the kiss?”

She laughed at him at first, but he remained silent and the silence forced her to consider his question seriously. The realization of the truth slowly seeped in. When she realized what he was suggesting, she tore her way out of the cottage and ran as far and as fast as she could.

She did remember things from before the kiss. Only it was like it was someone else’s life. She remembered being a part of the Blue Police Box. She remembered traveling through the Time Vortex. She remembered bad things too: horrible things. She remembered a Great War in time and space. She remembered so many lives lost and worlds destroyed. She pulled out her cell phone and logged into UNIT HQ. But, found no mention of Daleks, no mention of the Earth being moved out of position or being towed back again. No mention of any of the things she remembers. She took off running again, towards the cliff that was high above the sea. She sat down at the edge and broke down into tears over all she realized she has lost.

 

~~~~Doctor's Parallel~~~  
The Doctor was sitting in the library of the TARDIS, reading up on his books about labour and delivery. Cridhe was getting close to her due date and he wanted to be prepared. Sure, the TARDIS could guide him through the process, but it was always better for him to have the knowledge himself. He found himself wanting a mug of cocoa just then. He saw a mug of hot cocoa and a small hand cross into his line of sight. As the hand released the mug, he caught it in his own, pulling his wife into his lap. They kissed lightly.

“Did she go down okay?” he asked, backing out of the kiss.

Cridhe met his eyes, “Um-hum,” she nodded.

The Doctor tried to brush one of the errant curls out of her eyes, but it bounced back almost as quickly as he moved it. That was when he caught it; there was sadness in her eyes. He rested his hand on the place where their second child was nestled, “Is everything alright?”

She said nothing, but took his hand in hers and led him to the couch. Now he knew something was wrong. She never said “Nothing” when something was in fact wrong. But usually, she would quip “I’m fine” just like him. It was only when it was something incredibly serious that she said nothing at all.

She put on her bravest smile as she met the Doctor’s eyes. Then she quietly said, “Tell me about the day we met.”

He smiled fondly, “23rd of November 2013. It was a Saturday evening. 5.15 in the evening to be exact. The sun had set about an hour before. We were in Cardiff. It had been raining off and on all day, but had cleared off just before sunset, making the 10 degree temperature feel nearly freezing.”

She just stared at him, waiting for him to realize something, but what he could not decipher.  After a pause, she spoke again, “What were we doing when we met, Doctor?”

He replied warmly, “Just walking down the street.”  He beamed a wide smile.

She seemed to grow sadder with each passing moment. She offered a list of questions, “Which street? What were you wearing? What was I wearing? What was our first date like?”

To quiet her, the Doctor captured her lips with his own. He asked somewhat incredulously, “What does it matter? Where is all this coming from?”

She shrugged sadly and whispered, “I don’t have any memories of us meeting.”

The Doctor chuckled lightly, “Ah, that’s just your pregnancy hormones playing tricks on you.”

She stared at him and sadly shook her head, “No, it’s not. It’s almost as if everything around us came into existence the moment we kissed at our wedding.”

He chuckled again, “And you call me the hopeless romantic.”

She took his chin in her hand forcing him to look in her eyes, “This isn’t funny. It’s really rather serious. Think about it. We have a Time Machine and we’ve only traveled in space, never in time.”

The Doctor became annoyed, “Is that what this is about? You want to go to a different time? Getting restless stuck on the Slow Path?”

She replied calmly, “No Doctor. It’s so much more than that.” She sighed trying to think of a way to convince him. Then an idea came to her.  Cridhe stood up and held out her hand, “Do you trust me?”

He nodded, “Always.”

She led him to the Earth History part of the library. She pulled out a book of historical timetables. She leafed through it quickly and realized this should do the trick. She handed the book to him. “Here,” she said, “You just said we met on 23 November 2013. Open the book to that date and tell me what happened in Earth history.”

The Doctor chuckled again, but did as he was told. Or at least he tried to. The book was mostly blank pages. In fact, he had to turn all the way until their wedding date before any of the pages were filled in. He looked at her and smiled, “Is this some kind of trick?”

She stood there with a serious look about her and shook her head. He pulled the next book out and realized it had the same problem, he pulled another. The Doctor was starting to get concerned and went to a section for another planet, but was met with blank pages until the same Earth date. He moved to yet another section and encountered the same problem. He put his hands on Cridhe’s upper arms to gently move her out of the way. Then, he made a mad-dash for the control room. Cridhe waddled behind, trying to keep up.

The Doctor was panicking and moving around the console with amazing speed. Cridhe could tell he was trying to set coordinates for a date prior to their wedding. An error message lit up the monitor. He did something he had not done in years: he whacked the monitor and told the TARDIS, “Behave.”

Cridhe gently put her hand on his arm and rebuked him, “Don’t hit the TARDIS.”

The Doctor tried to take a calming breath and then took off again recalibrating the controls. It was not that the TARDIS was refusing to travel; it was that there was no point in time to which she could go. After the third attempt, he gave up and slumped into the jump seat.

"But," he said sad and resigned, "I remember it! I remember fighting the Daleks and I remember other events prior to our wedding."

Cridhe took his hand in hers, "But I don't. I've been doing research while you've been out. It's like nothing existed before that kiss. Even for us: there was no dating, no planning and no ceremony. It all started with the kiss."

An idea came to the Doctor. "Trust me," he asked the woman he still considered his wife.

She smiled, "Always and forever." He rested his fingers on her temples and entered her mind.

The Doctor was horrified at what he found in Cridhe’s mind. Or rather what he did not find. Her mind was a blank slate before the kiss at their wedding. He could tell she was not blocking him. There simply was not anything there. Nothing. He came out of her mind and just stared at her for a few minutes. He then had flashes of communicating with her the way he does with the TARDIS. His eyes became wide, “I have to go.”

 

He was out the door before Cridhe could object.  The Doctor ran. For once he was not running from any creatures, nor was he running to anything (like safety). He was just running to try to clear his mind; to try to escape the meaning of everything he had just learned. He ran for kilometers. He ended up near the London Eye along the Thames. When he got there he slowed to a walk and just kept going, following the Thames.

Now that it had been pointed out to him, he could not ignore it. Every person he passed had no history, save for the last five years. All their timelines were in flux. Events that he had considered Fixed Points no longer existed or if they did, they were now in flux. The more he thought about it, the worse he felt. But, nothing prepared him for the horror as he realized that everything focused on him. It was as if he was the center of time itself. That was an unpleasant feeling. No single person was to be the center of time. Time was the great mistress and Time Lords only operated within her confines.

It was getting late. He had to get back to the TARDIS to try to figure out how to fix this. That was going to be problematic, since the TARDIS itself only had dates for the past five years. On the way back a new horror came to his mind: _why had he not noticed_? Was there something that prevented him from realizing it or had he finally just become that thick? At one point he had said he needed a bigger head, but now the memory of why he had said it was murky at best.

~~~~Cridhe's Parallel~~~~  
It had been nearly an hour since Cridhe had left John in the cottage. She was wishing he would come for her; it was starting to get dark. John slowly approached Cridhe as she sat on the cliff’s edge. He made enough noise so as not to startle her, but not so much that it would distract her. He gingerly sat down on the edge next to her. She leaned against his arm, “So, what do we do? How do we fix this?”

He moved his arm and draped it across her shoulders, bringing her into a hug, “I was hoping you could tell me.”

She pulled away from him, “Me? But how could I know anything? You’ve only just told me.”

John nodded, “I know and I’m sorry.” They sat in silence for a few minutes. He inhaled shakily, “There’s more, but it’s getting dark. I can tell you on the way back.”

She nodded and he helped her to stand. As they made their way back, John explained that all the timelines seemed to be converging on Cridhe. When they got back to the cottage, John pulled out some history books to show how it seemed the universe came into existence at the time they kissed.

“But I remember,” Cridhe argued, “The _Titanic_. Well, _both_.”

John shook his head, “None of that happened here. We have to figure out which timeline you belong in and get you back there.”

She looked at him sad and still a bit confused, “Why? I like it here. We’re getting on just fine! Nothing’s coming to an end.”

John sighed, “Not in this universe, no. But, what if _your_ universe, the one you’re from originally, is suffering terribly because you’re here?”

She had not thought of it like that.  She was leaning forward, massaging her temples. John took pity on her, “It’s late and you’ve taken in a lot. We don’t need to figure it out tonight.”

She looked at him confused and scared. He continued, “Besides, we’ll be able to think more clearly after getting a bit of rest.”

She reluctantly nodded her agreement and they got ready for bed. Sleep did not come easy, though. Even in the protective arms of John, Cridhe struggled to quiet her mind enough so she could sleep.

 

~~~~Doctor's Parallel~~~~  
The Doctor returned to the TARDIS, no closer to an answer and his head feeling like a swamp. He placed his coat on the strut and debated how to greet his Old Girl. _Was she his at all? Was any of this real_? He shook his head. He saw Cridhe sleeping on the jump seat. He gently picked her up and carried her to bed. He did not bother to change her clothes, though he did take her shoes off. He changed into some pajamas, checked on Jenny and then slid into bed while taking Cridhe into his arms.

His dreams were haunted by another time and another place. It was a place where the woman at his side seemed to change with the seasons and his beloved Cridhe was the TARDIS, the only constant he had left. He dreamt about the horrors of a life lived differently… in extreme loneliness. Then the more colorful memories began to surface, the Earth being captured by the Daleks, the destruction of Pompeii, a year that reset, a blonde woman falling into the Void, changing faces, the Earth being destroyed by an expanding Sun, Gallifrey as a ball of fire, him on trial for Time Lord crimes and meeting a future incarnation, the Mara on Deva Loka, traveling in E-Space, the Kaleds, being stuck on Earth, Cybermen trapped in snow and leaving Susan behind.

The Doctor sat up, drenched in sweat and whispered, “Susan!”

 

~~~~Cridhe's Parallel~~~~  
Cridhe woke the next morning to the smells of breakfast. She smiled knowing that John had gotten up early to give her this special treat. Typically, breakfast was a simple meal for them, but as she began to think about the various smells she encountered, she knew it would be a full-on breakfast. She got up, grabbed her housecoat and put it on as she made her way to the kitchen.

She leaned against the opening while watching John for several minutes. The conversation from the day before replayed in her mind. She did not understand how this could possibly be wrong. It felt so right! He caught her out of the corner of his eye and approached her like he so often would. They kissed. That’s when it hit her: this was wrong. She wanted it to be right! Oh, how desperately she wanted it to be right, but there was nothing right about it.

They separated. He looked into her eyes, “You felt it that time, didn’t you?”

She hung her head, trying to hide the tears that were threatening to surface. She spoke with defiance, “Yeah.”

John pulled her into a tight hug, “I’m so sorry.”

They stood there like that for a few minutes and when she pulled away she said, “I’m fine.”

He smiled sadly and nodded his head. He then turned to complete the breakfast.

They ate and cleaned up in silence. The sadness surrounding both of them was all-encompassing. When they were done, they sat on the couch trying to take comfort in each other’s presence. After a time, Cridhe swallowed hard and tried to meet John’s eyes. She failed utterly to do so. She swallowed again and hoarsely spoke, “One of us has to die.”

It was more of a question. John wrapped his arms around her and placed a gentle kiss on her temple. It was mere seconds when they were both in tears knowing a secret truth had been spoken in that moment.

 

~~~~Doctor's Parallel~~~~  
The Doctor had laid awake the rest of the night, trying to remember everything he could about parallel universes. One universe kept coming back to his mind, over and over again: the universe that had been created around Donna when the Time Beetle had attached itself to her. The reason why it popped into his head: Donna had to die to set the timelines right. He argued with himself: Donna was a human. He was a Time Lord. If he died, he would only regenerate and this universe would go on. He looked down at Cridhe and saw Jenny's cot just above Cridhe's stomach. Silent tears slid down his cheeks. He could not kill any of them and he did not want to die himself. There had to be another way.

He got up and made his way to a rarely used computer lab. When he got there he locked the door. He did not want to be interrupted. He was not sure how much help the TARDIS would be. She did not seem to have anymore history than anyone else. But, she might be able to guide him through the best course of action. He turned on all the computers and had them go through all his logs that should surely be present. He thought it was pointless, but he did a query for all logs since he had taken the TARDIS oh, so long ago.

Of course there was nothing prior to the day of their wedding. He was flipping though all the information and was horrified to find other things missing. No record of their Honeymoon to Felspoon. No entry for the birth of Jenny. There was nothing about having had sex with his wife. Yet, he had the memories... did he not? He remembered the way Cridhe looked the first time she saw the mountains swaying in the breeze. He remembered how frightened they both were when she went into labor. He remembered how excited they were when Jenny screamed her first breaths. Surely he remembered that.

He sighed, the equipment he would rather use was in the med-bay, but surely there would be a discarded something he could use around here? No? Well, the TARDIS can do it and display the results on one of the monitors. He calmed himself and then directed the TARDIS, "Memory diagnostics: Birth of Jenny. Output to display monitor."

He waited anxiously to see something - anything. But, the screen remained blank. He asked, "Why is it blank?"

He heard the TARDIS reply, "There is nothing to display."

"What?" he voice raised several pitches, "What do you mean?"

She repeated, "There is nothing to display."

He sighed, "Okay, we'll try something different. Display earliest memory."

The monitor flickered for a moment and he saw Cridhe and himself kissing on their wedding day. "No, that's not it. How about displaying something from my childhood on Gallifrey?"

The monitor flickered and went blank again. The TARDIS replied, "There is nothing to display."

"Alright, show me all of my companions?" he watched the monitor intently.

The monitor remained blank.

The Doctor worked himself into a panic but, no matter what he did to get the memories to display he was met with the same blank monitor. Well, that settled it. Everything was focused on him and it only went as far back as the kiss. However the missing pieces were more disturbing. If this was a natural Parallel Universe, surely the birth of his daughter would exist, but it did not.

He cleared his head a bit, "Show me all TARDIS activity for the last five hours."

The monitor flickered. He saw himself and Cridhe in the library and then in the console room. But, as soon as the door closed when he had left, the monitor went blank. He gasped, "What? I said, 'Show me all activity.'"

"I have complied," came her reply.

He was starting to get angry, "No, you didn't. Things don't just stop happening because I'm not around."

"Yes, they do," she said.

The Doctor's jaw dropped in shock.

* * *

****Warning Character Death!**

* * *

~~~~Doctor's Parallel~~~~  
 _Things stopped happening because he was not around_?

This was much more than just a Parallel Universe. The more the Doctor thought about it, the less he wished he knew. Everything converged on him so there was only one answer: He would have to die. He felt the TARDIS nestle in close to him. Somehow he felt that she understood. He had come to a decision, but he did not really want to go through with it. _If he was wrong_...

"You're not, though, you're never wrong," she tried to sooth his thoughts.

He gave a mirthless laugh that sounded more like a sigh. He always thought his death would be a blaze of glory, defending the universes. Now, he was contemplating suicide. Of course, in the end, that is what Donna had done and he wondered if it really was suicide if he knew that it would bring all universes back into alignment. Sure, this version of himself would die, but the true version of himself would be allowed to live.

He made his way back to the bedroom. He gently and quietly picked Jenny up from her cot and then crawled into bed. He settled Jenny in one arm and took Cridhe into his other. He knew that they were not real. He understood that now. He had no idea how long it had actually been for him, since it obviously had not been five years. He held his two girls closely to his chest and allowed the silent tears to flow freely.

Cridhe stirred as she felt his labored breath. She sat up slightly and looked into his eyes. Without words crossing between them, she knew what he was planning. She kissed him gently allowing her own tears to mingle with his. She got up. He took her hand to hold her back, but with a shake of her head he released it. She left the room and came back a few minutes later. She climbed back into bed and positioned herself next to him.

She looked intently into his eyes and leaned in. He met her half-way over her swollen belly and they kissed. Tears were again sliding down her cheeks as she deepened the kiss. He felt something small and solid being thrust into his mouth. She held the kiss until she was sure the tablet was dissolved enough and he would have to swallow it. When she broke the kiss she grabbed the glass of water from the bedside table and took a small sip, then offered it to him.

As the Doctor swallowed the water and the bits of tablet hit his stomach, he realized what she had done. His eyes went large and he said, "No!"

Tears were streaming down her cheeks, "Hush now, it's the only way and we both know that."

He was already starting to feel the effects of the aspirin beginning to immobilize him. He met her eyes, "But I don't want you to live with the guilt of having done this to me."

She gently stroked his hair, "If it sets everything right, it's worth it."

He started to stutter as he was loosing control of his muscles, "I l-love you."

She smiled softly, "And I you."

She paused, leaned in close to his ear and whispered, "Don't forget me..." her eyes drifted to Jenny, "don't forget us."

The Doctor nodded no longer able to control his speech. It would not be long now...

She leaned in and kissed him again, slowly and gently until darkness overcame him.

~~~~Cridhe's Parallel~~~~  
Cridhe met John's eyes, "But how do we know which one."

John looked at her, "The one that doesn't belong. All of time and space is converging on you..."

She tried to choke back a new wave of emotion. She understood that meant she would have to die, "How?"

John shrugged slightly, "I don't know, but we'll figure it out together."

They returned to silence again holding each other in a tight hug.

Cridhe felt John's hands move to stroke her head. He kissed her on her temple and whispered, "I'm so sorry."

She felt his other hand take hold of the other side of her head. She realized what he was about to do... there were so many things she wanted to say, but she could only squeak out the word, "No!" before she felt a sudden twist of her head.

Then, there was nothing...


	27. Chapter 27

Cridhe sat up holding her head against the wicked headache she was currently feeling. "What the -?" she said quietly aloud to no one in particular.

She glanced around, but could not see anything but the tall crimson grasses that surrounded her. She tried to stand, but barely got to her knees when she lost her balance and sank back to a sitting position. She heard a vaguely familiar voice off in the distance crying out, "Hello?"  
  
The Doctor inhaled with a great gasp. He then took another and another to calm his racing hearts. He tried to open his eyes only to close them again against the bright light. It felt like his head was splitting in two. Reality seemed conflicted, which was not helping his headache at all. He finally tried to open his eyes again. He looked up into the familiar view of a burnt-orange sky, his full-view obscured by the tall crimson grasses he was lying in.  
  
He whispered to no one in particular, "Home?"

He then sat up, the grasses he was sitting in now obscuring his view. He ran his hand through his hair. Twice, the second time tugging a bit, to make sure he was not dreaming. He slowly came to his feet and then could see over the grasses. He called out, "Hello?"

He listened for any sounds, but only heard the faint breeze rustling through the grass and the distant trees. He was at the bottom of a hill. He ran his hand through his hair again as he turned around to take in the sights. Slowly his foggy memory began to clear. This could not be Gallifrey; it was destroyed. There was only one place that looked like this: the garden on the TARDIS. But, that did not make sense. He had not been here since the War... He just could not bring himself to face it. It was enough to know that a small piece of Gallifrey was in existence, he did not need to visit it. In fact, he had the TARDIS hide it. He mentally reached out to try to reach his constant companion, but found nothing. He sighed; he should be able to feel her. He called out again, "Hello?"  
  
Cridhe again tried to come to her feet. She was a bit steadier this time. She looked around and realized she was… _She had to think for a moment_. This looked like Gallifrey, but there was no way it could be. Therefore, it was one of the gardens in the Police Box. Her eyes barely came above the tall grasses. She noticed she was standing at the top of a long hill. She heard a cry again, "Hello?"

She turned her head in the direction of the voice. She was sure she had not imagined it. Then, her eyes came to rest on a familiar head of messy hair. He was not looking in her direction, so she cried out, "Doctor?"

He spun around and their eyes met. Worry and confusion slowly gave way to recognition and joy. Each saw the wide smile that crossed the other's expressions, even from the distance they found themselves.  
  
They each heard the faint giggle of the other. Cridhe started first. She was walking down the hill towards him. When the Doctor noticed her moving in his direction, he also started to move towards her. Before either of them knew it, they were both running at full speed towards the other. To her, it felt like an hour before they finally reached each other. They had nearly reached each other now and each could see the tears of joy sliding down the other's cheeks. They slowed down enough not to topple each other and Cridhe launched herself into the Doctor's waiting arms. She rested her head on his chest, getting lost in the sounds of the double heartbeat. He swung her around three times before setting her down. Their embrace slackened and they reached for each other's hands. The bond was established and wide grins crossed both of their faces.  
  
She met the Doctor's eyes trying to see past the tears coating her own, "Oh, I've missed this."

He was too moved to speak, so only nodded his head. The reality of their current timeline came crashing through as Cridhe collapsed. The Doctor caught her and lowered her gently into the grass. He gently stroked her hair out of her face. The flickers of their bond told him that she had passed out due to total exhaustion. He slowly and carefully picked her up and carried her back to his bedroom. He got her tucked under the blankets and just watched her. Memories of all that had happened to him in his world washed over him. He knew she had not been with him and he wondered what had happened to her. He chocked back a sob as he considered what kind of death she had endured to make her return.  
  
His had been fairly pain free. Not that he enjoyed losing control of his muscles like that, but there really was not any pain. She had made sure of that. Well not _her_ , but Cridhe had… and maybe it was her, to an extent. At this rate, he would probably never know. He watched her sleep. How much of her condition was residual from what Davros had done to her versus what had happened in her parallel world, he could not tell. That thought made him jump up. He had no idea how long they had been gone. He leaned over and whispered in her ear, "I'll be right back."

* * *

The Doctor carefully made his way through his darkened ship towards the front door. Timelines felt right, but without the mechanics working, it would be impossible to tell without seeing someone else. He cracked the door, in case something had happened and they were not in the Hub. He sighed with relief when he saw the familiar area where the TARDIS had materialized herself what seemed like years ago. He supposed in one sense, it was years ago for them. Well, him, he did not know how long it had been for Cridhe.

The Hub seemed unusually quiet. Of course he had no idea of the time or what had happened when he had been away, or if he had even been away at all as far as the others were concerned. It was also dark in the Hub. It was darker than he ever remembered. “Oh, this could be bad,” he said under his breath.

He made his way to the conference room and was glad to see Sarah Jane sitting on the couch, nursing a mug of what was probably tea.

She looked up and met his eyes, “Doctor? You’re supposed to be resting. Is everything alright?”

The Doctor nodded, “It is now.”

A look of confusion crossed Sarah’s face, but the Doctor did not elaborate. He could see her timelines. It had been two days. That was strangely comforting to him – long enough for him to be a way, short enough that they would not question it. Sarah took in the sight of him, “You should be resting.”

He responded with a question, “Where is everyone?”

Sarah bit her lip and the Doctor knew something had happened. He walked over and sat down next to her, “What is it?”

She avoided his gaze. “Sarah,” he encouraged, turning her name into a question.

She sighed and met his eyes. “They noticed some strange energy signatures and went to check it out.”

The Doctor was confused as to why Sarah would seem so worried about that. If something came through the Rift, well, he understood that Jack saw this as his job.

He met her eyes, “What aren’t you telling me.”

She swallowed, “The signature was coming from Laked.”

His eyes went large, “Davros.”

It was as much of a question as it was a statement. Sarah nodded her head, “They just went to check it out, which is why we didn’t bother you. We figured you would come out when you were ready and it would be pointless to give you something to worry about if it wasn’t anything more than a spike in energy."

He nodded, “Except with Davros, it’s never nothing.” He paused collecting his thoughts, “How long have they been gone?"

Sarah replied without looking at him, “About an hour.”

The Doctor nodded.  “Do they have recordings of the spikes they saw,” the Doctor asked.

Sarah Jane nodded and led him to a computer. He went to put on his glasses and realized they were in his jacket which was still in his room. Not that he needed them anyway, he just like the way they made this body look when he was working. Sarah Jane brought the information up onto the screen. The Doctor stared at it for a few minutes. And then said, “I’ve seen this before…”

He ran his hand through his hair as Sarah Jane raised an eyebrow.

“Agh!” he exclaimed, “I can’t remember where!” “Think! Think, think, think, think, think!” He returned his gaze to the readings. “This isn’t all there is, be right back. I need the sonic.”

Sarah Jane looked a bit confused as the Doctor bolted away faster than she could reply. He was back just as quickly, with his jacket and specs on and the sonic in his hand. He rushed back to the monitor and aimed the sonic at it. “There, d’ya see? There’s a second pattern under the first. I’ve seen that one before too!”

He looked at the monitor intently trying to force himself to remember, “That’s still not all.”  He aimed the sonic at the monitor again and then noticed how the two readings fit together, “Oh, no!”

Sarah Jane rested her hand on his shoulder, “Doctor, what is it?”

He hung his head for a moment, “Davros did it.”

Sarah Jane waited for him to finish, when he did not she pressed, “Doctor?”

The Doctor sighed. He pointed to the secondary signature that had appeared, “This reading is Cridhe’s signature. It’s pretty specific to a TARDIS.”

Sarah nodded.

“This reading,” he pointed at the original reading, “Is similar to the readings a progenation machine gives off. But, something’s wrong. There should be a third set of readings… One different from Cridhe’s.” The Doctor aimed his Sonic Screwdriver at the screen again and more readings appeared. “Or… two more sets,” he said as more information appeared. He looked intently at the four graphs that were displayed. “No, no, no, no, no, no!”

Sarah Jane was getting scared now, “Doctor? What’s he done?”

The Doctor turned to face her, the horror in his eyes enough to tell her what had happened. He spoke softly pointing to one of the graphs, “That’s DNA signature 467 dash 989. Planet of origin for that is Skaro.” He pointed to the other new graph that had appeared, “He’s created a new race of Daleks.”

Sara Jane was still looking at the monitor, “That last signature… It looks like a hybrid of the other two” she stated hesitantly.

The Doctor nodded, “Davros did it. He created TARDIS-Daleks. Though, I didn’t know he had also invented a progenation machine. With that, he could have an army in a matter of hours.”  He paused running his hand over his face. “We’re gonna need help. You’d better warn the others. Tell them to stop wherever they are. Tell them to just stay there, we'll go get them.”

She nodded, “Where are you going?”

He put his sonic and glasses back into his pocket, “To get help.”

* * *

Sarah Jane nodded and turned to get in contact with everyone in the field. The Doctor headed back to the Police Box. There was only one who could help them now. He only hoped she was strong enough to manage it. He made his way back to his bedroom. Cridhe was still sleeping and she looked somewhat peaceful. He hated to wake her, but time was paramount. They had to stop Davros before he released the Daleks.

He gently stroked her hair with his hand, "Cridhe," he said softly. He really did not want to wake her. She stirred a bit, but her eyes remained closed. "Cridhe," he spoke again, louder this time. He could tell she was fighting herself to wake up. Then, she gasped and quickly sat up, nearly butting heads with him.

She looked around the room frantically, not really seeing it, "I hear them! Make them stop!"

The Doctor had backed away when she had moved so suddenly and now came closer again. "Who can you hear," he asked her gently.

She met his eyes and saw a truth laying there. She gasped, "You already know."

His eyes widened a bit, "You're connected to them?"

She nodded, her horror taking her voice.

"Alright," he said deciding it was time to take charge, "Let's get you dressed and we'll work something out."

When Cridhe was dressed, they exited the Police Box. "Sarah," the Doctor called as they made their way to her, "Do you have a fix on their location?"

Sarah Jane called back, "Yes, Doctor. What do you need me to do?"

By this time the Doctor and Cridhe had reached Sarah Jane. "Give me the coordinates," Cridhe replied.

Sarah Jane brought the information up on the screen. "How many?" Cridhe asked.

"Five," Sarah Jane replied. Cridhe looked from the monitor to Sarah Jane to the Doctor and back again. She sighed, "I don't think you can help me. They're far enough from the complex, but, you'll have to wait here."

The Doctor stared at her, "You can't. Not on your own."

She looked at him and then made her way back to the Police Box, "We've no choice, Doctor. I know I won't be able to transport six plus myself. But five might be doable."

The Doctor became frustrated, "I won't let you. I just got you back."

She stopped and turned to face him, "I'm bringing them back here, then you and I can go back together."

"But," he ran his hand through her hair, "I just got you back. I don't want to loose you again."

She forced his hand down, "You won't. I promise. Besides, if Jack has his wrist-strap on, the Vortex Manipulator could help me."

A look of fear crossed the Doctor's features, but he nodded his head, "We'll keep an eye on you from here. If you need help, you know what to do."

She nodded, "I won't be long."

He stepped back and she vanished. He returned to Sarah Jane to monitor things from the computer, hoping Cridhe was right.

Cridhe appeared in the mist of five people. She recognized three of them: Jack, Gwen and Martha, but the other two she did not. It did not matter, she decided, she had to get them out of here. She took charge, "I don't have time to explain, we have to get out of here... now!"

Jack, Martha and Gwen recovered from the shock of her sudden appearance rather quickly. The other two did not, but she knew they would follow Jack's lead.

Jack nodded, "You know what's going on?"

She met his eyes, "Better than you."

There was a dangerous edge to her sentence and it sent a shudder of fear down Jack's spine. Jack swallowed hard and nodded. "Right," she made eye contact with the small assembly, "Jack, I need to see your Vortex Manipulator."

He winked at her and held out his arm. She programmed the coordinates and winked back at him, "Alright, everyone take hold."

Jack began to protest, "The only time it's carried more than me is when the Doctor…"

She smiled, "Relax, you've got me. I'm just not at full power, this will help."

She looked at the small group huddled together, "Everyone ready?"

Before anyone could reply, she closed her eyes and activated the manipulator. They materialized in the Hub conference room where the Doctor and Sarah Jane were waiting anxiously for them. Cridhe was beaming with pride and the Doctor rushed over to hug her. It was none too soon as she collapsed into him, "I think... I might have... over done it."

She smiled again before slipping unconscious. The Doctor was not too surprised, he knew she had pushed herself, but now they would have to wait until she was awake before they did anything.

Sarah Jane was the first to notice something was wrong and she met the Doctor's eyes as he spoke, "Fill them in while I take her to lie down?"

He could see Sarah Jane swallow as she nodded her head. He carried Cridhe back to his bedroom where she could rest undisturbed. He knew he could not let her rest for long, but he also knew if he did not allow her some rest, she would be no help to them. They needed her help. She could sense the Daleks and could probably transport him right to them.


	28. Chapter 28

The Doctor was resisting the urge to again enter Cridhe's mind. He did not know how many Daleks had already been created, so he did not know how busy her mind was now. He recalled how he felt when the Master opened his fob watch - the way the terrible void in his head had been filled - even if it was by a lunatic. Then there had been the Archangel Network. He smiled faintly at the memory; it had been wonderful to feel the energy of all those humans. Sure they were only humans so it was not as strong, but with the boost of the Archangel Network it had felt, oh so good, even if it was a bit overwhelming at first.  
  
He could not imagine what she was facing. She, as the rest of her species, was a pure telepath and as long as she had him, she was never alone. But, she had gone from having the collective awareness of an entire planet, plus other TARDISs, to being just him. Now, she had him and who knows how many others: her children. A cold shiver went up his spine. He calmly stroked her hair as he thought about what it must have felt like for her to feel each TARDIS as it died during the war... and then all of them as he - they, she certainly helped him - ended the War. At the thought, tears were suddenly streaking down his face. She was going to have to go through it all again, only this time it was her own children.  
  
Several tears fell on her face and neck, but it was not until she started to move, disturbed by them, that he realized he was crying. She woke, reached up resting her palm on his cheek and lightly brushed away his tears with her thumbs. The connection was established and for the first time, he allowed her into a part of his past he had so carefully kept her out of: the Time War. Well, she knew about it, of coruse, so it was what had been going on inside him as he ended the War.  
  
Cridhe swallowed back her own emotions. She was not sure either of them were ready for this, but she allowed him to share what he felt comfortable sharing. She spoke first, "You had no choice. Everyone who knows about it knows that."

He sighed slightly, taking her hand in his, "Oh, I had a choice: It was the Time Lords and Gallifrey; the Daleks and Skaro or the whole of creation."

She stated plainly, "That's not much of a choice. Would be better to have none."

The Doctor only shrugged. She sat up, moving so that she was perched next to him on the edge of the bed. Then she rested a hand on his shoulder, "Tell me?"

The Doctor looked at her as if she was holding a fire-hot poker. He shook his head. She gently held his gaze and repeated softly, "Tell me."  
  
"Cridhe," he said, half whining and half warning, "I could just show you."

Cridhe smiled softly, "No, I understand now, the reason for sharing things. I don't want you to show me. I want you to tell me."

He realized at that moment that everything they had done together to this point in time had been a learning experience. Perhaps even preparation for what lay ahead for each of them.  
  
She was not a Time Lord, but with her ability to hold him in check and accountable, she may as well be. At the same time, there was never any fear or doubt on her part, just an unceasing acceptance. That acceptance warmed and lit even the coldest and darkest parts of himself. He slowly met her eyes and her gaze burned away all his resistance.  
  
The Doctor started barely above a whisper, "You're right... It wasn't a choice. The Universe took - takes - precedence over everything else."

He was about to explain that it was not a button. Humans had always, **always** presumed it was a button. She smiled, "Don't _think_ it... _Tell_ me."

He swallowed and spoke aloud, "A button was too cold and distant for the Time Lords, no, what they demanded was total sacrifice for that weapon. _The Moment_ was a weapon of last resort. In order to use it, took an act of the will. A conscious decision."  
  
He knew Cridhe understood, but until he spoke the words out loud, he did not understand that it had to be an act of her will as well. All these long years, he had taken the destruction upon himself, never remembering the part she played in it. "This isn't about me," her voice broke through as gently as a feather landing on the ground. He met her eyes and nodded.  
  
"I didn't expect to live..." the Doctor still was not speaking above a whisper, "I had planned on both of us dying - together - with the rest of them. That weapon was supposed to destroy everything."

Cridhe's hand moved across his back and rested on his other shoulder, pulling him in to a side-hug. He did not say any more... he could not. There was something about the casual gentleness of her hug that broke something within him.  
  
He cried.  
  
He cried for hours, it seemed. Cridhe, cried with him, but quietly enough that she was not distracting him from his own. They cried themselves to sleep, each taking comfort in the presence of the other.

* * *

When two hours had passed and no one had seen any sight of Cridhe or the Doctor, Jack went looking for them. His heart nearly broke at the sight of them. They were sleeping, wrapped up in each other's arms, but he could tell it was only for a sense of comfort. Jack hesitated, not wanting to wake them, since they looked so peaceful. He swallowed, waking the Doctor first. The Doctor moved suddenly and nearly cried out. Jack put his hand over the Doctor's mouth to quiet him.

The Doctor nodded and slowly disentangled himself from Cridhe so as not to wake her. Jack and the Doctor had to talk and it would be best if she were not awake to hear it. The Doctor led Jack to the kitchen and started one of the power cells so he could make tea. When it was ready, he joined Jack at the table, handing him one of the cups. They sat in silence for a time. When Jack could no longer stand the silence, he asked, "So, really what's going on? All Cridhe would say was that she understood better than me. I tried to get Sarah Jane to explain, but she seems to be in a bit of a shock."

The Doctor nodded, "At this point, I think Cridhe is really the only one who does understand what's going on. But, I'll fill you in with what I know."

The Doctor then explained the readings Jack had found and what they meant.  When the Doctor got to the part explaining that Cridhe was telepathically linked to all those Daleks, he noticed tears falling down Jack's cheeks. Jack was fighting a losing battle for control of his voice, "So, when we... well, we can't let them remain, not on earth, so when we... she'll feel it, won't she?"

The Doctor nodded and Jack lost any control he was fighting to maintain. Jack looked at the Doctor through his tear-filled eyes, "How can you just sit there like that? Why aren't you upset?"

The Doctor was stunned by the questions, but swallowed down any anger and replied calmly, "You think that because I'm not crying, I'm not upset by it?"

Jack nodded slightly.

The Doctor sighed, "I've cried enough over the Time War. I have no more tears left to spend on it."

Now it was Jack's turn to be shocked, "But, she's... she's your TARDIS! She's all you've got left! Why aren't you more upset!?"

Jack's voice had risen steadily and now he was nearly shouting.

The Doctor responded, deathly calm, "Because I lost all that... A long time ago. Spending time with her, like this... I can see them. The hole they left, all the pain that filled it."

"Doctor?" Jack's voice contained a question neither was prepared for.

The Doctor met his eyes, "I think about Rose and how she wanted something I couldn't give. Jack, I'll never be able to give that anyone ever again."

Jack raised an eyebrow, but remained silent. The Doctor continued, "When they died, that part of me died with them. I've no way to retrieve it. And... it's the same for her. She has nothing left but me. And... now... I don't know if we're enough for each other. We might be causing each other more pain by remaining together."

The silent tears that had welled in the Doctor's eyes as he spoke now flowed freely down his cheeks and prevented him from speaking anymore. Jack surprised the Doctor by taking him in his arms, gently rocking him and rubbing gentle circles on his back. Jack had never understood before the way in which the Doctor always held himself apart from others. Oh, he knew the Doctor seemed emotionally distant at times, but never understood that it was a decision the Doctor made. It made him regret just a bit his decision to not travel with him when the Doctor had made the offer after the Year-That-Never-Was.

When the Doctor's tears had slowed to mere hiccups, Jack ventured, "Does she know? Does she understand what's about to happen?"

The Doctor only nodded, afraid that if he spoke he would start to cry again. Jack nodded back, "Well, it makes sense now, what she said."

The Doctor moved and raised an eyebrow, still afraid to talk. Jack continued, "I asked her if she knew what was going on and she said better than I did." He paused, "Well, we should have a briefing and do some planning, why don't you go get her?"

The Doctor nodded again and got up to leave. Jack said as the Doctor reached the door, "You know you're not in this alone... neither of you. You have us."

The Doctor had stopped at the door and turned back to Jack, "Thank you."

Jack nodded and the Doctor went to wake Cridhe.

When the Doctor got to his bedroom, she was not there. He searched all the places they had been on the ship recently and did not find her. He returned to the kitchen, but Jack had left as well. He cried her name as he went racing through the ship. Finally he exited the ship and went to the Hub. He cried out, "Jack! Jack!"

Jack came running to him, "What is it? What's wrong?"

The Doctor's eyes were wide with concern and fear, "Is she here, Jack? Have you seen her?"

Jack could tell from the look on the Doctor's face he was asking after Cridhe.

Jack sprung into action, "We can use the bioscan."

The Doctor's look of fear morphed into horror, "If you can... then Davros can!"

They both ran to the nearest computer monitor with their panic growing.

* * *

The scans turned up nothing. Jack was rubbing his face with his hands and the Doctor was running his hand through his hair, making it stand up wilder than usual. "Vortex Manipulator," the Doctor said excitedly. 

Jack raised an eyebrow, "What about it?" 

The Doctor said, "Give it to me... Please?" 

Jack challenged him, "You're going alone?" 

The Doctor sighed, "The fewer the better.  Please, Jack?" 

There was something about the Doctor's expression that Jack tried to ignore, but he could not.  This was one case where he knew the Doctor really did know best.  As Jack was removing the wrist-strap he grabbed two ear pieces and handed them to the Doctor.

Jack spoke sternly, "If you're going in there, I want to know what's going on." 

The Doctor sighed, "You can't help.  Not time." 

Jack stared him down, "You don't know that.  Either you wear this and give the other to Cridhe when you find her, or you don't get the strap." 

The Doctor's eyes grew cold, "I don't have time for blackmail." 

"Then you'll do as I ask," Jack replied. 

The Doctor sighed gruffly and put the ear piece on and Jack tested it to make sure it was working.  The Doctor slipped the other into his jacket pocket and held out his hand for the wrist-strap.  Jack took the Doctor's arm and put the strap on for him, then hugged him.  Both men felt like they were saying a final good-bye.

"Be careful, Doc," Jack whispered as he released him. 

The Doctor nodded, "You too." 

With that, the Doctor took out his sonic, programmed the manipulator and activated it.  He vanished in a bright burst of light.  Jack set his team to monitor all activity and requested that they try to find a way to break through Davros' security measures.

~~~~<O>~~~~

Cridhe woke a few minutes after Jack and the Doctor had left her.  She quietly found her way to the kitchen and over heard the Doctor saying he had spent enough tears on the Time War.  She then heard him reiterate about what he had lost to it.  Without knowing it, the Doctor had helped Cridhe to decide what her next course of action needed to be.  She continued her way to the control room and down the ramp.  She took a last look behind her, knowing this to be the last time she would ever see these things again.

The moment she got outside the doors, she transported herself to the location where she had rescued Jack and his team.  Once she had a sense of where she was compared to the base, she began her approach.  She knew she had to be careful, since both groups had the ability to track her.  She had to move quickly.  Once the base was in sight, she knew she would be able to transport herself anywhere within it.  She was near the parameter fence when she saw the first one.

She had faced Daleks so many times as a machine, but nothing really prepared her for facing them in the flesh.  Feelings of horror that the Doctor experienced every time he faced them floated through her.  But then, something stronger pierced through the fear: the knowledge that these were her children.  She knew Jack and her Doctor would arrive to bring an end to the Time War, but they were her children, she had to protect them.  The only way to do that would be to face them.  Make them see and understand that she is their mother.

It was at that point that a strong gust of wind blew across carrying the smell of something metallic.  She stuck out her tongue and tasted the air and it confirmed for her that a Vortex Manipulator had been used somewhere nearby.  Now, her loyalties were being divided.  She had a duty to the Doctor.  She knew he would not stop until he found her.  She also felt the mental pull of her children.  Their numbers were ever increasing.  She felt a power surge through her.  The horrible silence that had penetrated her mind for so long had been vanquished.

She tested the chain fence for electricity; there was none, so she turned to lean against it.  It was a bit overwhelming to be this close to so many voices.  She knew the Doctor was nearby as well and this close, the blackout around the facilities would not block her traces from Jack's Vortex Manipulator, which she was sure the Doctor had acquired.  That is when she heard it:  the sound of small wheels on the gravel.  She swallowed hard as she turned around.  Before her was a Dalek, as it approached it seemed to loom over her.  For the first time, the horror of what had been created... using her genes... was apparent.  Then, it spoke, "HU-MAN!  YOU WILL BE EX-TERM-IN-ATED!" 

She laughed in spite of her fear, "I'm no human.  Run a scan.  Go on!" 

She could almost see the Dalek thinking as it completed the scan.  It back up a few paces, "IM-POSS-I-BLE!  YOU ARE A TAR-DIS!  THERE IS ONLY ONE TAR-DIS LEFT.  IT BE-LONGS TO THE EN-E-MY OF THE DALEKS:  THE DOC-TOR!  WHERE IS HE?"

Cridhe held her ground, "I am here on my own." 

The Dalek again approached her, "THE TAR-DIS WILL TAKE US TO THE DOC-TOR!" 

She scoffed, "The TARDIS will not!" 

"THEN," the mechanical voice continued, "YOU WILL BE EX-TERM-IN-ATED!" 

She allowed her voice to go soft almost seductive, "I don't think Davros would approve, do you?  Do you know what Davros would do if you exterminated me without his permission?" 

The Dalek backed up about three feet and Cridhe could tell she had the upper hand, "Take me to your leader!" She spoke cheekily as an ode to her beloved Doctor. 

The Dalek paused before it spoke, "THE TADIS WILL FO-LLOW."  Cridhe started to follow, but once she was inside the gate, the Dalek forced her to walk in front of it.


	29. Chapter 29

The Doctor had been hiding behind a shrub and witnessed the entire exchange. It was not until that moment that he realized just how much of his own personality had been integrated into Cridhe.  He was hoping she had a plan and that it would not get everyone and everything killed.  He kept a distance but followed them through the complex.  He was surprised there were not more Daleks patrolling, but he figured with the amount of other security, they did not need to.  Unless, it was a trap… but, he shook the thought out of his head.  Following them through the building would be a bit more of a trick, but he had managed in tighter places than this.  
  
Cridhe suddenly stopped and the Doctor slid into a doorway to try to conceal his presence.  The Dalek spoke, "THE TAR-DIS WILL CON-TIN-UE." 

Cridhe turned around and stared right into the eye.  She raised her hand and stretched it out to touch the Dalek.  The Dalek moved back a couple of feet.  Cridhe laughed, "You've faced the Doctor how many times and you're afraid of little old me?  I'm not even hooked up to the mechanics.  I'm as vulnerable as a human." 

The Dalek responded, "DALEKS FEAR NO-THING!" 

Cridhe smiled, "Then why are you backing away from me?" 

With that, the Dalek stopped moving, at which point, Cridhe rested her hand on its side.  
  
The Doctor had to literally bite his tongue to keep from saying or doing anything.  Nothing good had come from a human touching a Dalek in his last two incarnations.  He watched intently to see if anything seemed to change between Cridhe and the Dalek.  After a few moments the Dalek spoke hesitantly, "MO-THER." 

The Doctor’s jaw dropped at the word.  Cridhe held the attention of the Dalek and nodded, "Now, you will take me to Davros… we have unfinished business." 

At that, the Doctor could remain silent no longer, "Cridhe no!" 

The Dalek swiveled his head to face the Doctor, "YOU ARE THE DOC-TOR!  YOU ARE THE EN-E-MY OF THE DALEKS!  YOU WILL BE EX-TERM-IN-ATED!" 

Cridhe cried out, "No!  I order you to stop!"   
  
The Dalek froze, but spoke, "THE URGE TO EX-TERM-IN-ATE IS TOO STRONG!  EX-TERM-IN-ATE! EX-TERM-IN-ATE! EX-TERM-IN-ATE!" 

Cridhe stepped between the Dalek and the Doctor, "I said, 'No!'" 

There was a long pause as the eye-stalk moved between looking at Cridhe, looking at the Doctor and looking back at her.  She spoke again, "You will take us to Davros!  As the Mother of Daleks, I order you to take me to your Creator!" 

The Dalek replied, "I O-BEY!" 

The Doctor sighed with relief and winked at her.  Cridhe scowled in reply, in her mind the Doctor had ruined everything.  She had come here to save them and she knew the Doctor would only want their destruction.  Or worse would want to take their destruction on as his responsibility.  
  
Out of habit, the Doctor reached out his hand to his companion.  Cridhe looked at his hand and slowly met his eyes.  She shook her head, refusing to take it.  The Doctor's face fell until she tapped her temple, then he nodded his understanding.  She was protecting him, but he was not sure if she was protecting him from the Daleks or from what the Daleks were doing to her.  Those thoughts made his hearts ache.  He began to wonder if this was how his companions felt whenever he tried to shield them from - well, from himself.  She was a stronger telepath than he, even in her human form.  He was distressed to think that he could not offer her the kind of protection she was currently giving him.  
  
As they followed the Dalek, moving closer and closer to where they each knew Davros waited for them, the Doctor noticed Cridhe get more and more tense.  He wanted to offer some form of comfort, even if he knew she would refuse mental contact.  The Doctor rested a hand on Cridhe's shoulder.  She looked up at him and he offered his most compassionate look to her.  As they took the next few steps, she walked closer to him.  He moved his hand to her far shoulder and she rested her head on his chest as they continued on.  
  
Cridhe's heart was racing.  Everything had seemed so clear when she started out, but now that the Doctor was there, she was not sure what to do anymore.  Her heart was breaking as she thought about what she knew would happen... What she knew she had to do.  The Doctor, of course would attempt to do it, but it had to be her for he did not have the connection she did.  What stirred her pain was that she knew the only way to destroy them would be if she herself died.  That was the real reason why she did not want to have contact with the Doctor.  She did not want him to know... if he knew, he would try to stop her and this had to be done.  
  
Really and truly, only this time, it would be her sacrifice to bring it to conclusion.  She risked a glance up to look at him.  In that moment, though no skin was touching she felt his mind lightly, lovingly, soothingly, brush against hers.  She gasped and stepped away from him in shock.  The Doctor's eyes went large and she heard him ask, " _You felt it, didn't you_?" 

But his lips did not move.  She nodded her head.  The Dalek noticed they had stopped and ordered, "YOU WILL CON-TIN-UE." 

She ventured to see if the connection was two-way, " _What's happening_?" 

The Doctor did not look at her but responded, _"I think the Daleks are slightly telepathic and your connection to them is boosting your ability_." 

She looked at him, " _Can you_..." 

She did not have to finish, he knew what she was about to ask.  He shook his head.

* * *

Cridhe sighed with relief now knowing the Doctor could not feel the Daleks the way she could.  It meant that some of her telepathic defenses were working.  The Dalek led them into a room.  It was more like a cell.  The Doctor took out his sonic and ran a scan.  The door was deadlock sealed, but he was able to jam any observational devices.  He sat down on the bench next to Cridhe and offered his hand to her.  She stared at it for a few moments but did not take it.

She did not know how to bring the next subject up... but knew that she had to, in case it was her last chance.  She inhaled deeply to steel her nerves.  "You hurt me," she spoke barely above a whisper. 

The Doctor turned his head to look at her, but she would not meet his eyes.  "When you regenerated… when _you_ changed," she finished. 

He sighed heavily and raised his hand to brush away a loose strand of her hair.  She flinched and shifted away from him a bit.  Cridhe swallowed thickly, "You said, 'I don't wanna go.'" 

Tears had formed in the corners of her eyes and when she blinked they slid silently down her cheeks.  "You were fighting the regeneration," she continued, "And I thought this time... this time you..." 

It was the Doctor's turn to try to hold back his tears, "That I wouldn't regenerate.  That I would accept death." He nodded his head, "I was considering it." 

She scoffed at that, "More than considering.  You were fighting me every step of the way." 

He closed his eyes and a tear slid down his left cheek.  She turned to face him her expression set, "Doctor, you were making a decision for _us_ that day.  And you were sentencing _both_ of us… to death." 

His Adam’s Apple bobbed, but he made no sound. 

She continued, “I couldn’t let you go.  Not like that…  And when the regeneration happened… with you fighting me…” 

She could not continue.  He took her hand in his, “Just because I look like my previous self, doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten everything we experienced since then.” 

She nodded her head, still unable to speak.  He used a hand to gently lift her chin and made her look at him, “I am so very sorry I did that to you.  I didn’t think… I was too caught up in myself.” 

She tried to offer a sad smile through her tears, “At the time… I didn’t blame you.  At least if we were going… we were going together.” 

He had no words in reply to that.  Instead, he pulled her into a tight hug and both wept. 

When they had recollected themselves, Cridhe looked into the Doctor's eyes.  Swallowing hard she said, "Today, I'm making a decision.  You should not have followed me..." 

The Doctor broke in, again taking her hands in his, "I won’t let you die, if I have anything to say about it.  No different than you did for me." 

She smiled at him, her eyes getting watery again with unshed tears, “You owe me nothing, dear Doctor.  I would gladly die a thousand deaths if it meant a moment of protection for you.” 

The Doctor thought his hearts would break.  She really was everything to him and now, he knew, he was everything to her.  The Whole of Creation had been spared because of everything they endured together… and yet, in the Whole of Creation they had nothing now, but each other.  It was an internal paradox, not dangerous in and of itself, but... in some ways so much more important than any other.  She wanted nothing more than to protect him, to spare him from...  _From what exactly?  Committing genocide again?  No, that would be too simple.  From killing a part of her - her children more likely._  

He sighed heavily, "And I for you," was all he said, trying to mask his deeper emotions. 

Cridhe knew from the look in his eyes that he had figured it out... at least partly.  She only hoped that he would let her do what needed to be done.  She did not want him to take on anything else that would add to his grief or guilt.  She met his eyes and with her gaze, held his attention.  “I only ask one thing,” she spoke very softly, “You must trust me.” 

He looked surprised, “I do…” 

She shook her head, “Whatever happens, whatever I say… whatever I do, remember that I am your TARDIS and I belong to you.” 

He swallowed thickly and nodded.  He was not sure what she was planning, but he was pretty sure he would not like it.  But, in the end, he did trust her.  He trusted her with his life; in a way that he could not trust anyone else. 

It was about that time that the door opened and a Dalek entered.  “YOU WILL STAND!” it commanded. 

The two did as instructed and they noticed a second Dalek in the doorway who instructed, “YOU WILL FO-LLOW!” 

They exchanged brief glances and did as they were told.  They were again lead through a maze of passages, each was trying to keep the map in their heads so they would know how to escape, when the time came.  There were led into a large room.  At one end the Doctor noticed what he thought was the progenation machine.  He was shocked.  It was a bit crude, but considering what Davros had to work with, it was impressive none the less.  Cridhe had put just a hair of distance between them.  It was then that he heard it… the distinct sound of a mechanical chair.

* * *

Davros spoke, “Activate holding cells.  I believe you, Doctor, are still dangerous.” 

A holding cell surrounded each the Doctor and Cridhe.  The Doctor shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked on his heals, “Only compared to some, Davros.  What do you want this time?” 

Before he could answer, he was interrupted by Cridhe using a sultry voice, “Davros, my love, why are you doing this to me?  I brought him back… isn’t that what you wanted me to do, if something like this happened?” 

Davros seemed to consider her for a moment. 

He pressed a button and the holding cell around Cridhe deactivated.  He smiled at her, “Of course, my dear Abigail, you understand that we can’t be too cautious.  Now, how do you greet your husband?” 

Cridhe nodded her head, but it was actually a way for her to hide how thickly she was swallowing just then.  She knew she had to do what she was about to, for everyone’s sake and she was pretty sure how the Doctor would react, but she had no choice.  She walked over to Davros, leaned over and kissed him intimately. 

The Doctor cried out, “Leave her alone!” 

At that, Davros ended the kiss and cackled manically, “I have done nothing, Doctor, as you can see, she was kissing me.” 

Cridhe sighed with a little relief, she was pretty sure Davros was convinced of her brainwashing.  She leaned against his chair and turned her attention to the Doctor.  She could see the panic in his eyes, though his voice would never show it.  The Doctor replied, “Just let her be!” 

Davros chuckled, “If I didn’t know better, Doctor, I would think you had feelings for her…  You must, by now realize she is mine now, to do with as I please.  But I wonder how connected the two of you are.” 

With that, Davros reached out with his gloved hand and grabbed Cridhe’s arm sending a bolt of electricity through her.  She stifled her scream by biting her lip.  The Doctor would have been doubled over, if the holding cell had not prevented it.  Her pain coursed through him in a way that it had not since she had taken this form.  He wondered if her connection to the Daleks was helping that.  He cried out, “Stop it!  I’m asking properly, just STOP!” 

Davros released her with a cackle, “Oh, this is perfect.  You are connected and intimately so!  How does it feel?  You are the destroyer of worlds and you allowed for the decimation of your TARDIS.”

The Doctor stood there, silent.  Cridhe stared at him.  Her heart was aching with the pain of what Davros was forcing her to do – forcing the Doctor to experience.  But that steeled her will.  She now knew what she had to do and there was one way to accomplish it.  Much as the Doctor had done with the Archangel Network, Cridhe had been telepathically infusing herself into the minds of the Daleks.  If she died, it would kill all of them as well.  They were not yet established enough to survive without her.

She had to plan it carefully though.  Every word, every gesture, had to be done with measured precision.  First thing was to get the Doctor out of the holding cell.  She would not be able to save him as long as that was surrounding him.  She turned to Davros, “My love, he has his tool, let me retrieve it for you.  He is here alone and they cannot track us this deep into the complex.  Once I’ve retrieved it, there will be no need for the cell and we can… Probe him properly.” 

Davros looked at her, trying to ascertain if there was any hint of deception from her. 

There was a glint in his eyes.  He nodded and released the cell.  Cridhe moved slowly, but seductively.  She approached him and rested her hand upon his cheek.  She could tell the connection had been established strongly.  She sent two words: “Trust Me!” 

She noted a small flash in his eyes and a nearly imperceptible nod of his head.  She then slid her hand seductively down his cheek to his shoulder.  From there, she reached into his jacket pocket and withdrew his Sonic Screwdriver.  She did all this while maintaining eye contact.  She gave him a subtle wink, while thinking to him one more time, “Trust me!”

As Cridhe made her way back to Davros, she had time to flip the sonic in the air and catch it, twice.  Anyone witnessing that would have thought that she performed this action several times a day.  Of course, it was her first time.  She pocketed the Sonic; partly to keep it with her and partly to test Davros’ trust in her.  Davros smiled at her and instead of asking for the sonic, asked, “My love that was delightful to watch.  Has he anything else?” 

She looked him up and down.  She knew he had the Vortex Manipulator, but that would not work with the defenses around the complex.  So she did not lie, but was not specific, “Nothing that would be of much use to him.  Bits and bobs, not much else.” 

Davros nodded his approval, “Excellent.” 

Davros went to reactivate the holding cell, and Cridhe rested her hand upon his.  The Doctor noticed she leaned over and whispered something in Davros’ ear and saw a manic grin spread across his face.  The Doctor had no idea what she had just said, but a shiver when up his spine when he saw how pleased Davros was.  Davros looked at Cridhe and said, “You have a point, my love.  Very well, for now, we’ll leave the cell down.”


	30. Chapter 30

Standing behind Davros, Cridhe winked at the Doctor to let him know everything was okay.  He, of course was not so sure.  He shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked slightly on his heals, “So, what now, Davros?” 

Davros just cackled.  The Doctor replied, “I tried to save you… both times.  I offered.” 

Davros just stared at him, “That is why you fail.  You think I wish to be saved by your hand.  You, the Doctor, the one who makes people better, but I know the truth of you.  You destroy everything you touch.  The Daleks… Skaro… Gallifrey… your Children of Time… and now, even your TARDIS.” Davros cackled again. 

“Oh no.  No no no no no no no,” the Doctor said, rocking a bit more on his heals.  “We’ve done this already,” he continued, “There’s no need to rehash history.”  He paused before continuing, “So, you’ve done it, recreated your Daleks.  And here we are again, same as ever.” 

Davros just cackled, “But this time, Doctor, I have the upper hand.  There is no possibility of rescue, your TARDIS is mine and our Children… they will rule the Earth and then the whole of creation!  As it was intended!  But you should be pleased; your TARDIS will be worshiped and honored for as long as her children live.”  
  
The Doctor met Cridhe’s eyes and visibly swallowed.  She told him to trust her, but that was difficult in the circumstances.  Davros noticed him waver, “You doubt her.  Excellent!  Of course, there is one thing that would make my Daleks better than they are now.  Abigail, my pet, you know what to do.” 

Cridhe nodded, kissed Davros on the head and directed her attention to the Doctor.  She sauntered her way over to the Doctor and took him by the hand.  Again, she sent the message, “Trust me,” to him.  He followed her, more because he did not have any choice.  Five Daleks had entered the room with their weapons pointed at him.  Cridhe lead the Doctor to the progenation machine as Davros looked on, his sickening grin burned into the Doctor’s mind.  She looked him over and spoke for Davros’ benefit, “You wanted us to die together and now we shall!  But, only to be reborn!”  She opened the machine and she and the Doctor entered.  As soon as the door was closed, she spoke, “Don’t let go.  Until we’re safe do not let go of my hand.” 

The Doctor barely had time to respond when a series of flashes began to happen in quick succession.  When they at last seemed stable, they were in a field not far from the complex.  The Doctor looked around, “You could have done that at any time?  Why did you wait?” 

She looked at him and said, “I’m sorry, I’m so very sorry.” 

She then rested her hand on the side of his head, brushing her fingertips against his temple.  By the time the Doctor realized what she was doing, he could hardly utter the word, “No!” 

Cridhe had knocked him out.  She could not have him stopping her.  She lowered him to the ground and returned the Sonic to his pocket.   
  
With the Doctor reasonably safe, she made her way back to the room with Davros.  When she reappeared, the five Daleks turned to face her.  It took a moment or two for Davros to turn around, “What is the meaning of this?  Where is the Doctor?” 

Cridhe walked up to him and stood over him, “You have failed, Davros, for the last time, because this time _I_ am ending this madness.” 

With that she walked back to the progenation machine.  Davros tried to stop her, but she was too quick and determined.  She knew if this worked then all would be ended.

* * *

Back in the field, the Doctor was coming too.  He opened his eyes to find Jack standing over him.  “Jack, what are you doing here,” he asked somewhat groggily. 

Jack helped him to sit up, “Could ask you the same thing.  What happened?” 

The Doctor ran his hands over his face, trying to reorient himself and then ran them through his hair.  Finally he spoke, “Cridhe.  She transported me here then knocked me out.”  He looked around, “Where is she?” 

Jack replied, “We had her signature for a few moments and it disappeared again.  We think she might have gone back inside.” 

The Doctor tried to move, but his head was still swimming, “We have to get to her.  She’s taking on Davros alone, I’m sure of it.” 

Jack helped him to stand, just then, there was a massive explosion that rocked the entire complex.  They both tumbled to the ground.  
  
“No!” the Doctor and Jack both cried at the same time. 

They looked at each other and neither moved.  After a few beats, Jack spoke, “She wasn’t in there, right?  She couldn’t have been.  She wouldn’t leave you.” His voice trailed off. 

The Doctor just stared at him, “I don’t know.  I can’t sense her.  The last,” the Doctor gasped as the emotion hit him, “Her last words to me were, ‘I’m so sorry.’  I thought she was talking about doing this to me… but maybe.” 

Tears started to glisten in the Doctor’s eyes.  He could not believe it would end this way.  It could not.  All they had been through together all the times she had saved him and here she was doing it again.  
  
“Jack,” the Doctor spoke barely above a whisper, “What am I gonna do?” 

Jack had no words in reply, he just took the Time Lord into his arms and held him.  Neither man sobbed, though they both had tears streaming down their cheeks.  It was several minutes later that the Doctor heard it.  It was very faint, but it was the definite sound of a creature struggling to breathe.  The breathy sounds brought the Doctor to his senses.  He moved out of Jack’s embrace.  “What is...” Jack began, but he was interrupted by the Doctor saying, “Shh, shh, shh, shh!” 

The Doctor looked around but did not see anything.  He listened again, he was sure he was not imagining the sounds.  Both the Doctor and Jack were quiet for a few moments, both with all their senses on high alert.  Then they heard the soft moan cutting across the quiet.  It was coming from near the trees.  The Doctor half crawled and half ran towards the sound.  It sounded vaguely familiar.  When he reached the creature, it was obvious it had been in the explosion.  Most of the tissue was burnt black.  From what he could tell, it was humanoid, but there wasn’t much to go on.  When Jack caught up and saw the creature, he quickly shook off his jacket and went to cover the creature.  “Easy, Jack, be gentle,” the Doctor said. 

Jack nodded solemnly and gently covered the creature.

“Should we try to move it?” Jack wondered more to himself, though he spoke out loud. 

 

Across the field they began to hear the shouts and cries of various people.  The Doctor gave a quick glance around.  There were really very few possibilities for who this could be:  Cridhe, Davros or one of the Daleks.  The blast was too far away for it to be someone thrown.  He wanted it to be Cridhe, but knew if she had caused the explosion, she probably did not make it.  Davros would have had the technology, but would not have the telepathic link to him.  Which left him with thinking it was one of the other Daleks.  In any event, there was not time to assess it here.  “No time, vortex manipulator,” he replied, pushing his sleeve up. 

 

Jack said, “I’ve got the SUV parked over there, I’ll meet you at the Hub?” 

 

The Doctor nodded.  He watched as Jack ran to the SUV.  With the Vortex Manipulator, he had time to make sure Jack was safe.  Once the SUV had pulled away, the Doctor set the coordinates in the wrist strap.  He tried to gently hold the creature and was met with a terrible moan.  He did not have time to make it more comfortable.  He activated the manipulator.  The field around him warped and the next image he saw was the TARDIS medical bay.  He sighed with relief.  The coordinates had worked.  He left the creature and hurried over to a wall to start the power cells.  Nothing in Torchwood could match what the TARDIS offered and the creature would need all the help it could get.

He only hoped there was enough energy to last long enough.  He removed Jack’s jacket from the creature but left the being on the floor for now.  Burnt did not really describe what it looked like, charred would be more accurate.  He could see where what could be clothing was actually melted into the skin.  As he was looking the creature over, it took a terrible and rattled breath.  He knew he had to act quickly if it was to be saved.  Without Cridhe hooked up to the mechanics, everything would have to be programmed by hand.

The Doctor picked the creature up as gently as he could manage.  The sound that was pulled from it was enough to make his breath hitch in horror.  He placed it onto a metal bed on its stomach and then rolled the bed into the isolation chamber.  He went to the control panels and activated the pressure hoses with air and purified water.  The creature was blasted and screamed out in agony.  The Doctor’s hearts constricted at the sound, but it was the only way to clean the wounds.  The Doctor opened the drains in the floor and watched as blood and debris washed into them.  When the back half was complete, the Doctor entered the chamber and turned the creature over so that the front could be done.

He had been so panicked earlier that he had not noticed the faint telepathic link. This time, though the pain that coursed through the link was enough to almost incapacitate him.  He still had no way to know for certain of this creature was a Dalek or Cridhe.  Once he had it situated, he exited the chamber and started the process again.  He closed his eyes against the agony the creature expressed.  Now, matters would be more difficult, it was a ‘clean room’ now and anything could cause an infection.  He dressed into a full body-suit and passed first through the airlock, where any contaminates would be hosed off, before entering the chamber proper.  He slowly approached the creature and took a good look at it.

The Doctor looked into the creature’s eyes and then he knew.  Tears started to stream down his cheeks as he whispered, “Cridhe… Oh, Cridhe.” 

 

She shuddered, whether it was because of pain or because he said her name, he could not be sure.  He had to step away from her to force himself to become clinical again.  He went to the monitors and looked over her vitals.  It was not looking good, besides the obvious burns, the heat had scared her respiratory system.  He made some adjustments to the oxygen levels in the room to make it easier for her.  At this point there was nothing he could do for her pain.

There was not any more he could do for her just then… All he could was sit and wait.  Figuring it wouldn’t be long before the others started to show up, he found a light sheet that was specifically designed for burn victims.  He gently draped it over her, resisting the urge to touch her in anyway, knowing that anything could cause her pain.  All he could do right now was make eye contact.  He was not sure he had the strength to speak.  Then she spoke.  He could barely hear her, but there was no mistaking the word, “Please.”

The Doctor’s breath caught in his throat.  He knew that plead.  It was not phrased as “please stay with me.”  It was a death plead, “Please let me go.”  He had to leave the room.  He exited through the air lock and as soon as the other door opened, he bolted through it.  He practically ripped off the helmet and quickly stripped out of the suit.  Then he ran to the sink and got sick.  He was rinsing the vomit out of his mouth and washing it down the sink, when he felt a hand on his shoulder.  


* * *

Jack’s soothing voice washed over the Doctor, “Its Cridhe, isn’t it?” 

 

The Doctor turned to face Jack and nodded.  Jack wrapped his arms around the Doctor and just held him as the Doctor wept.  When the Doctor could no longer stand, Jack helped him sink to the floor while never letting him go.  Jack did not speak.  He knew from experience that there was nothing he could offer that would bring any sense of comfort to the Time Lord.  After a several minutes had past and the Doctor had some sense of control over his emotions, he pulled away from Jack.  Jack released his hug, but kept a hand on the Doctor’s back, letting him know that he was not alone.

After a bit more time had lapsed, the Doctor’s gaze shifted to the isolation chamber.  Without acknowledging Jack, he stood, went to the window, rested his arm on the glass, leaned his head against his arm and just stood there while staring at Cridhe.  Jack quietly came behind him and rested a supportive hand on the Doctor’s shoulder.  When the Doctor finally spoke, his voice was thick with emotion.  “I don’t think,” he began, but the words came out in a halting manner, “I can save her.  I’m not sure she wants to be saved.” 

 

Jack just stood there silently.  After a few moments he spoke, “She’s still the TARDIS, though, right?  I mean, there’s a way to get her back into the mechanics, isn’t there?”

The Doctor did not look at Jack and just softly replied, “I don’t know.  She may not have the energy to complete the transformation.” 

 

The sound of defeat was heavy in the Doctor’s voice.  The Doctor’s breath hitched and the next words came out in anger, “She didn’t have to do that!  I could have helped.  It should have been me!  After all this time.  This one time I would have wanted to do something to save just one person!” 

 

Jack had never heard the Doctor speak quite like that before.  He questioned him gently, “Doctor, what do you mean?” 

 

The Doctor sighed heavily, “The last time I regenerated.  It was to save one man.  Just one: Wilf Mott.” 

 

Jack tried to meet the Doctor’s eye by using the window as a reflection, “Donna’s grandfather?” 

 

The Doctor’s nod in reply was barely perceivable.

The mood of the Doctor shifted suddenly, “Jack, you need to go.” 

 

Jack raised an eyebrow.  The Doctor turned around and looked Jack in the eyes, “Please, Jack I know how to save her, but you need to go.” 

 

“Doctor,” Jack’s tone had worry to it. 

 

“Jack, it’s the only way… But you can’t be here,” the Doctor pushed past Jack and started to make his way out of the med-bay to the control room.  Jack was following close behind, “But Doctor, I can’t die, remember.” 

 

The Doctor was reactivating the power cells in the control room, “Jack, this time, you might.  But it’s the only way….” 

 

Jack stopped the Doctor by grabbing both of his shoulders.  He forced the Doctor to turn around and look at him, “Doctor what are you going to do?” 

 

The Doctor met Jack’s eyes, “The only thing I can to re-establish the time lines.  Flood the TARDIS with radiation.  It will give Cridhe enough energy to reassert herself into the mechanics.”

Jack stared at him, “And you…”

 

The Doctor shrugged out of Jack’s grasp, “I’ll be fine.  It should put me back into my eleventh self.  Then everything will be back to normal.” 

 

Jack tries to confront him again, “You’ll regenerate?” 

 

The Doctor nodded, “More than likely.  But if Cridhe can control it, I should be back to my eleventh self, no problem.” 

 

Jack swallowed thickly, “And if she can’t?” 

 

The Doctor looks down for a moment, not really wanting to acknowledge the truth, “Then I’ll regenerate anyway.”  He looked up meeting Jack’s eyes, even though there was a smile on his face, Jack could see the underlying sorrow. 

 

Jack nodded and said, “You should go out and let me do this.” 

 

The Doctor shoke his head, “No, the timelines must be put back, this is the only way to make sure everything is as it should be.” 

 

The Doctor met Jack’s eyes again and crossed over to him.  As he took Jack into an aggressive hug he whispered, “Thank you, Jack.  For everything.  You’ll never know how much it means to me.”

As the two men parted, Jack rested his palm gently on the Doctor’s cheek, “You sure this is the only way?” 

 

The Doctor met Jack’s eyes and nodded.  Jack pulled the Doctor’s face towards him and kissed him in a gentle good-bye.  For once the Doctor did not fight him and accepted it for what it was.  Jack released him briefly before pulling him into a final hug.  He released the Doctor and started his way down the ramp.  The Doctor turned to watch him go.  As Jack opened the door, he turned around and saluted the Doctor, “Sir, it’s been an honor.” 

 

The Doctor smiled slightly before returning his casual salute, “The honor is all mine, Captain.” 

 

With that, Jack left and closed the TARDIS doors.  


* * *

The Doctor made his way back to the med-bay.  He did not bother with the suit and made his way into the isolation chamber.  Cridhe’s eyes were closed, but he could see from the monitors that she was still alive.  He very gently cupped her head with his hand, using his thumb to lightly brush the edge of her forehead.  Through their bond, he could sense her pain.  This time, though he was more prepared for it.  He spoke softly and gently, “We need to move you to the control room.  We’re going to save you.” 

 

She felt through the bond what he was planning and cried out with a force he did not know she had, “No!” 

 

The Doctor smiled down at her, “Please, you’ve given so much for me, let me do this for you.” 

 

Her expression gave the impression that she would fight him, if she had any strength, but he heard her through the bond, “I don’t deserve it after what I’ve done.” 

 

He said nothing in reply, but gently cradled her and brought her to the control room.   As the Doctor carried Cridhe, he whispered to her, “Please, let me do this with honor this time.  Because it is an honor.  Whether it’s a planet or one person, it is an honor.  And for you who’ve given and sacrificed so much.  The least I can do is to offer you healing.” 

 

He can tell that a part of her wanted to ignore his words, but the other part was accepting of what was about to happen.  When they reached the control room, he laid her on the grating, “I’m sorry it’ll be painful, but I promise it will all be over soon.” 

 

She offered a nod of the head, really in too much pain to fight.

The Doctor moved around the controls and rechecked all the settings.  He smirked to himself as he thought about all the work to rebuild her he would have to do after this.  But, it would be worth it, if it saved her life.  He routed the controls to one button he would be able to reach without moving too much.  He came back around and lifted her into his arms.  She moaned in pain but made no effort to fight him off.  He cradled her and rested one hand on the side of her face.  He expected her to wince, but she did not.

When she finally spoke, her voice was raw, “You would sacrifice for me?” 

 

He met her eyes with nothing but compassion and replied, “The same as you’ve done for me so many times.” 

 

She swallowed, “We end, then the way we began?” 

 

He had to chock back the tears threatening to overwhelm him.  He nodded, “Together.” 

 

He reached up and pressed the button.  One million rads of radiation flooded the control room.  At the same time, the mechanics of the TARDIS came to life and he could feel the ship was moving into orbit above the Earth.  He was hoping the time shift was happening as well.  They both cried in pain and when it was done, he expected Cridhe to have died.  She clung to life, though.  He knew he didn’t have long.  And with the strength he had left, he whispered, “Worth every second.”

 

He smiled as the regeneration began.

This should have been the attitude he displayed for Wilf, though he supposed it was easier knowing what would happen this time.  He used the energy he had left to open the chamber he was resting near, trusting that Cridhe would know what to do.  When the regeneration took him over, it surged through her as well.  The interior of the TARDIS shook and exploded.  When he came to his senses, he looked around, grateful to be alive.  Cridhe was nowhere to be seen, not that he was really looking for her.  He noticed the open hatch and closed it.  Then began to take stock of himself.  He was babbling to himself about his looks when he heard the voice of his TARDIS trying to get his attention and he replied, “Something else – there was something else! Something – important I’m.. I’m – I’m –Ha-ha! Crashing!  Ha-ha! Wa-hoo! Woo hoo hoo! Ha! Geronimo!”

The TARDIS was hurtling towards Earth.  She had exploded in every sense of the word, but somehow, this time, both she and the Doctor knew everything would be just fine.  And there was an edge of excitement and enthusiasm the two shared.

~~~~THE END~~~~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Ends this epic Journey. Thank you to all who were here for the ride! Considering what happened at the end of Series 7, I'm considering rewriting this ending. But at the time I originally wrote this, Series 5 hadn't aired yet.


End file.
